Do you cane your kids?

Adi Dassler

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Lim kopi thread.

Report those who believe in caning to ISD liao .

Can sleep well tonight
 

hardwriter

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you choose to have a kid so you can cane him/her?

shiok ah..child abuse jin song
 

TehOPengSiuDai

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My cousin used to tell my uncle this when my uncle wanted to cane him for being naughty... 以后你老了,变小了,你就不可以打我了 (next time when u are old, become small, u cannot beat me already)... my uncle was speechless 😶, I was also speechless... :s13:

But now that he is an adult, he turned out alright and is very filial to his mum (my uncle passed away when he was a teen)
 

tomentus

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Ish true moi will make moi kids sit one row then will pull their Mother over moi lap and pull her panties down and spank her butt until red red :(

Dont be amdk and simi time out.

I whip out the belt and any household items can also be a weapon (my favourite is the coathanger btw). And beat their mothers instead in front of them. She later then whack them. It's what I call the corporate way of discipline.
 

zzzjil

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Sapu lidi from the kitchen also can. More painful actually.
 

mypillowtalks

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m/mink

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Not yet, now she's still very small and cute. hahaha.
 

Taloona

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I personally don't believe in inflicting any violence on young children (whether by using cane or hands) because 1) it sends the message to the children that violence is fine and adults can wield power over them just because we are adults 2) adults are setting a poor role model 3) the children may turn out to be resentful.

A lot also depends on the age of the children. For younger children below three, as their reasoning skills are still not advanced and their verbal skills may also not be well developed yet, we have to find out the reasons behind the actions. Recently, a friend's 2 year old was biting another child in childcare. It turned out she was frustrated when her toy was taken away. 6 months later, my friend said that the biting episodes have stopped as her daughter is a lot more articulate now. In this case, if the biting happens, the adult should tell the biter firmly that biting hurts and then help the biter to make some "restitutions" to the victim e.g. icing the swelling on the skin. You would also teach the "victim" that she needs to ask for permission for a turn at playing with the toy or perhaps use distractions. The adult would also need to assess the physical environment and see if it is because of crammed space or insufficient playthings that lead to the frequent biting.

For older children, set clear boundaries and then carry out the consequences (the child must know what these consequences are) immediately if these boundaries are broken would be advisable. But I think this is the hardest part. Most adults would ignore the children's "misdeeds" initially and when the child repeats the actions again, the adult would then lose control and start hitting the child! Either that or the adult would nag and nag at the child until it becomes ineffective as the child tunes out (I told you not to....how many times have I told you not to....)

An incident I saw:
Child of about 6 years old jumped queue when waiting for the school bus. Teacher said, "The rule for jumping queue is that you have to go back in line" (The children in the class all know this rule and the consequence). Child refused to budge. Teacher said, "You either go back to the end of the queue or I will help you go back to the end of the queue." Child refused to budge. Teacher said, "You have chosen for me to help you go back to the queue". Teacher subsequently held the child's hand and took him back to the queue.

The child kicked and screamed and yelled at the top of his lungs. He was out of control. That was when the teacher put him in time out as he had lost control of his emotions. Time out should be used for this purpose: when the child's has lost his cool totally (or the adult! In which case the adult needs a time out).

Children, like adults, want some control over their lives. So before adults set unnecessary rules, it is always good to discuss and negotiate with the children to the extent possible but of course, some situations are not possible, for example, the child wants his bed time to be set at 1am on a school day! As the adults, of course, we have to put our foot down to this request as it is no good for the child's health.

Once, my friend's 5 year old started biting his grandma, who had come over to stay for a few months. My friend was exasperated and some well meaning friends asked he to rub chilli padi on the girl's lips! I asked her to find out why her girl might be biting her grandma. Later, I found out that her grandma had upset her daily routine after she came over to look after the girl for a few months. The grandma insisted that the girl bathed immediately after she returned from kindy every day and the girl protested, by biting grandma! This was not the girl's usual routine. Of course, the girl was wrong to bite Grandma and this message must be communicated clearly to the girl but knowing the reason why the girl bit helped my friend to seek a solution.
 

Takechan

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Some good parenting tips here.

My wife was a preschool teacher in the past and she would apply these techniques to her student kids as well. I love listening to her stories especially about a few "misbehaving" ones, eventually many of them grew fond of her.

We have a year old kid now, hopefully we can manage him as well as how she did with her students as he grows up.

I personally don't believe in inflicting any violence on young children (whether by using cane or hands) because 1) it sends the message to the children that violence is fine and adults can wield power over them just because we are adults 2) adults are setting a poor role model 3) the children may turn out to be resentful.

A lot also depends on the age of the children. For younger children below three, as their reasoning skills are still not advanced and their verbal skills may also not be well developed yet, we have to find out the reasons behind the actions. Recently, a friend's 2 year old was biting another child in childcare. It turned out she was frustrated when her toy was taken away. 6 months later, my friend said that the biting episodes have stopped as her daughter is a lot more articulate now. In this case, if the biting happens, the adult should tell the biter firmly that biting hurts and then help the biter to make some "restitutions" to the victim e.g. icing the swelling on the skin. You would also teach the "victim" that she needs to ask for permission for a turn at playing with the toy or perhaps use distractions. The adult would also need to assess the physical environment and see if it is because of crammed space or insufficient playthings that lead to the frequent biting.

For older children, set clear boundaries and then carry out the consequences (the child must know what these consequences are) immediately if these boundaries are broken would be advisable. But I think this is the hardest part. Most adults would ignore the children's "misdeeds" initially and when the child repeats the actions again, the adult would then lose control and start hitting the child! Either that or the adult would nag and nag at the child until it becomes ineffective as the child tunes out (I told you not to....how many times have I told you not to....)

An incident I saw:
Child of about 6 years old jumped queue when waiting for the school bus. Teacher said, "The rule for jumping queue is that you have to go back in line" (The children in the class all know this rule and the consequence). Child refused to budge. Teacher said, "You either go back to the end of the queue or I will help you go back to the end of the queue." Child refused to budge. Teacher said, "You have chosen for me to help you go back to the queue". Teacher subsequently held the child's hand and took him back to the queue.

The child kicked and screamed and yelled at the top of his lungs. He was out of control. That was when the teacher put him in time out as he had lost control of his emotions. Time out should be used for this purpose: when the child's has lost his cool totally (or the adult! In which case the adult needs a time out).

Children, like adults, want some control over their lives. So before adults set unnecessary rules, it is always good to discuss and negotiate with the children to the extent possible but of course, some situations are not possible, for example, the child wants his bed time to be set at 1am on a school day! As the adults, of course, we have to put our foot down to this request as it is no good for the child's health.

Once, my friend's 5 year old started biting his grandma, who had come over to stay for a few months. My friend was exasperated and some well meaning friends asked he to rub chilli padi on the girl's lips! I asked her to find out why her girl might be biting her grandma. Later, I found out that her grandma had upset her daily routine after she came over to look after the girl for a few months. The grandma insisted that the girl bathed immediately after she returned from kindy every day and the girl protested, by biting grandma! This was not the girl's usual routine. Of course, the girl was wrong to bite Grandma and this message must be communicated clearly to the girl but knowing the reason why the girl bit helped my friend to seek a solution.
 

Tparku

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have lah, just go to any neighbourhood gor kim tiam, or those value shops sure have.

but come back to it, pls refrain from physical punishments.... it leaves a bad repecussions in the kids... i learnt it the hard way... :(
 

Autism STEP

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As an early childhood educator, we do encourage parents and caregivers not to cane their children based on the following reasons

1. Your child may learn that violence is the way to "solve" a problem. I have seen children that start hitting on other kids because they are talking in class as they were being caned when they talked when they are told to be quiet.

2. Your child tolerance for pain may increase and you need to keep hitting harder to achieve the same level of compliance.

3. I usually encourage parents not to inflict fear unless is for situations that we cannot afford any mistake at all (Eg. looking before crossing the road). If you really have to, I strongly encourage parents to also give positive rewards when the child is doing the "right" thing. We tend to just penalize the child for screaming and shouting but we tend to forget to praise and reward the child when he or she is not. In this way, the child is behaving not just out of fear, but because there is a desire to want to please.

4. They will eventually get bigger and stronger than you.

However i helped children with special needs, and it may defers from mainstream children. Nevertheless, hope i am able to provide some new perspectives to you guys.:)
 

VacheronLim

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I think most agree that effective parenting is harder to achieve if you omit the cane from your inventory of options.

Kids nowadays tend to be more self entitled, self indulgent not just because of the absence of caning during parenting, but the entire parenting process adopted by parents is lacking in some ways. Not only that, teachers are more hesitant to be harsh disciplinarian for fear of getting complains from over protective parents.

The belief that caning your child teaches him/her violence will solve problems, is very much an unfounded myth. Looking back at our parents generation where caning is very much an essential component in parenting, are there more problems with violence in children/teenagers in those days, as compared to now? If that belief is true, we should have less problems with parenting problems these days instead of more, since across the board caning is not as widespread nowadays.

The importance of caning in contributing to effective caning should not be underestimated, why? It's a well established fact that young children especially, function at a different level in terms of cognitive abilities (as compared to adults), hence there are instances where you can find yourself repeating the same thing gazillion times but it never seem to register in your child. It's not his/her intention not to understand what the parent is trying to teach, his/her brain is just not able to comprehend the rationale behind it (for now).

These are times when a more direct way of parenting would be to let the child know just enough not to do something (that is wrong), without needing to understand the rationale behind it (yet). That's when caning can be applicable.
 
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