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I think it is too early for my 3 yr old to start nursery

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Old 02-01-2018, 09:59 AM   #1
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I think it is too early for my 3 yr old to start nursery

My 3 year old is supposed to start at pcf n2 this week. I have my doubts about how he will cope.

The problem is his communication skills are not good. Because of this my wife and I cannot explain to him we will leave him with a teacher for 3 hours. Unfortunately we have never left him alone. Always my wife or I have been with him. Unfortunately we do not have much nearby family so there has been no one to leave him with to test.

Also he is very emotional, very sensitive, easily distraught, extremely hard to calm down. He also has a very temperamental personality, and will also daydream and ignore what you say.

Both my wife and I feel he does not need the learning as in this respect he is good. He can recognize and make out words in books, and even read small books by himself. He can read 3 digit numbers. He can do coloring, pasting things and small activities. Physically he is quite strong and active also and can go on scooter and kick the ball hard.

My wife feels though our lack of nearby family is restricting his social skills. So she wants him to meet and play with other kids. She feels that pcf will give him that. His communication is improving but slowly.

So I have three problems:

1. I do not know how badly he will react to first 3 hrs in his life without us. Sometimes when he is very distraught he does not respond to anything or anyone except me. Sometimes even my wife, who cares for him all day, cannot get through to him. I do not know if a teacher can manage. I do not wish him to become permanently scarred in some way because of this.

I am fine with a child crying in discomfort, but I think he should understand that we will come back soon, so that in his mind he has something to come to terms with. Right now he cannot understand and that's why I am worried.

So I would like to know from parents: How well have you seen pcf deal with separation? Is it the blunt force method of leaving them to cry it out? Do they scold? Do they negotiate? Bribe?

All we have been told is that we have to leave the child and go. No waiting around. This gives me discomfort. What should I do?

2. Will the school give him these social skills or is learning the focus? Will they force him to sit and learn? My kid is guided by my wife but if he is not interested in something no amount of coaxing will work. At his maturity level it is not possible to negotiate with him. We cannot make him sit down and stay in one place if we want to, unless we physically keep him in place. For this same reason strollers have been a disaster, a few minutes seated and he will start screaming. His scream is very powerful and loud so we are normally forced to take him out to be socially considerate.

3. Is it better for me to pay for something else where parents are allowed in and social play is emphasized? If not pcf then where should I look?
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Old 02-01-2018, 10:43 AM   #2
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Hi, it is normal for any children to have anxiety separation . Just let him cry out and he will soon understand that you be picking him up after school. Mine took about 6 months to settle down.
Do not be too worry. Kids adapt very fast.
You canít be with him all the time, sooner or later he will have to be independent. The fast you exposed him to this kind of situation, the quicker he will learn.
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Old 02-01-2018, 10:59 AM   #3
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Yeah..sooner or later..u hv to face it..I intend to let my daughter go into nursery even before she reach the age of 2
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Old 02-01-2018, 12:48 PM   #4
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Seems like u have more separation anxiety than ur child really has. U need to have confidence in ur child and the childcare that things will be alright.
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Old 02-01-2018, 04:48 PM   #5
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Any parent will be anxious. But my issue is because my kid does not communicate well and does not even understand my wife and I sometimes.

This combined by his tendency to get very stressed when distraught is what worries me.
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Old 03-01-2018, 01:49 PM   #6
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It's time to send!

It's time to send!

Kids learn to communicate in Nursery.
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Old 03-01-2018, 03:17 PM   #7
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Any parent will be anxious. But my issue is because my kid does not communicate well and does not even understand my wife and I sometimes.

This combined by his tendency to get very stressed when distraught is what worries me.
When do you intend to let go or when you think he is ready?
2 years later starting K1, you think you will have the same worries? Since he is not being exposed to the situation earlier? You maybe just delaying the chance for him to learn to be independent.

You may think he does not communicate well, but it may be different in preschool and together with a group of kids as well.

My elder girl went to childcare at 18 months old, it is a drag every morning for at least the first 6 months, seeing her crying badly every day. I remembered I teared also.

She still get used to it after that and younger one maybe due to elder girl is around so get used quite easily.

Having said that, given how you describe your son's behaviours, it maybe also a good chance for the preschool teachers(most would have attend some courses to take note of kids' behaviours) to find out if your son required special attention or not.
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Old 07-01-2018, 05:19 AM   #8
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My son has also started nursery 1 this year (Aug 2015 baby). He has not been away from me before as i'm a SAHM. He also lacks communication skills and he can only speak a handful of words and that's the main reason we're sending him to school. We also want him to learn some social skills as he has not gone on any playdates.

The last few days he would scream and cry when i put on his uniform. I had to pin him down with my legs so that he would not be able to run away. Even in school, he will not participate in any group activities like painting, story-telling session, singing session or play-doh sessions. He would also not play in the playground and would not eat his food. His teachers has been really patient in giving him the space to choose what he wants to do.

It is definitely heart wrenching to hear him cry but we have to trust the teachers that they are experienced enough to deal with children like that. I don't think any nursery will allow a child to cry it out or scold the child for crying. Maybe you can try another school that has a lower student teacher ratio and a school that is less-structured and encourages children to explore on their own. Some schools will also allow parents to join their children in the classroom after the first 3 days but this is normally not encouraged because the child will take longer to settle in. My son's nursery has 2 teachers to 5 students so he gets lots of attention from both the teachers and can always be seen sitting on their laps or holding their hands when we peep at him in the classroom or at the playground.

All the best and i hope everything works out for you and your child!
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Old 07-01-2018, 10:54 AM   #9
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The purpose of kindergarten is not for the learning but the socializing with other kids and for the kid to be comfortable with school life and prepare him/her for primary school.

If you dont start now, your kid will suffer in primary school.

Sent from Home using GAGT
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Old 08-01-2018, 12:22 AM   #10
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I think 3 years old is the best time to get him started on childcare.

I sent my son to preschool when he was 18 months old.

My experience wasn't that smooth either. He cried until he vommitted at the entrance, saying I want mummy, I want mummy. He cried so many times, and sometimes when I send him to school, the teacher will swiftly carry him into his classroom after removing his shoes, sanitizing hands, and taking temperature. So even when he cries, he is still being carried away by the teacher.
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Old 08-01-2018, 12:28 AM   #11
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I think 3 years old is the best time to get him started on childcare.

I sent my son to preschool when he was 18 months old.

My experience wasn't that smooth either. He cried until he vommitted at the entrance, saying I want mummy, I want mummy. He cried so many times, and sometimes when I send him to school, the teacher will swiftly carry him into his classroom after removing his shoes, sanitizing hands, and taking temperature. So even when he cries, he is still being carried away by the teacher.
Having said that, you must be firm and walk away after sending him, don't need to stand at the window look at him otherwise it will make him cry more. He will automatically stop crying once he is tired. And the school has alot of toys to distract him with. I trust that the teachers will know how to soothe him. If there is any violence from the teachers *touch wood*, normally you can tell from their actions. Like they want to avoid this particular teacher or what. 3 years old already can communicate with you. So you can always ask him about his feelings and ask him about this teacher good to you or not.

Now he is happy in his N2 class. No crying whatsoever. Learning wise, he is more polite. I think the school taught him manners so he knows how to say please and thank you. Hahaha.

It's a private childcare btw.
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Old 08-01-2018, 01:28 PM   #12
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The purpose of kindergarten is not for the learning but the socializing with other kids and for the kid to be comfortable with school life and prepare him/her for primary school.

If you dont start now, your kid will suffer in primary school.

Sent from Home using GAGT
Yup!

Kids get adjusted to the school environment in kindergarten!

Should they stay in home, I don't see any improvements with respect to schooling!
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