Coffee meet bagel app - Part 46

Kuudere

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Usually gers will not showhand so easily lah, need to read between the lines with chiur smart scope :o
I wouldn't go for those kind. Communication mismatch, I will put in the effort to communicate, but if they don't, then not much I can do.
yeah, same. i hate politics... im not a fan of people who like say good things to you but dont tell you what needs to be said. my social circle mostly click with mature people aunties and uncles liao.

but i realised my style doesnt make me a lot of friends leh. younger people mostly cant handle the hard truths kind.
young like ideals, so prefer to hear sweet talk. Have to adjust communication patterns accordingly. But if it's too far out of ur comfort zone for communicating with them, then it's better to go for someone else.

Hard truths help ppl to grow over time, might not be the nicest thing to hear. But good for learning
 

Chanterelle

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Quite hard to find someone ur age like that wor.

At one point of my life.. most people I mix with are at least 20 years older than me. 😬
my aunties friends all urging me to marry... said scared i old will be lonely.

my uncle colleagues more philosophical, said there are good and bad sides of marriage lah. will come one will come.

the younger ones all tried to console me saying i have time (females), males idk since not big enough sample size(lol).


20 yrs older? That's a big gap leh. but i guess you learnt a lot from them too. i like talking to older people because their thinking is sometimes so different from mine, it gives me perspective.
 

Chanterelle

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i used to pay for some of my last dates' subsequent dates and he was mega impressed.

some of them treat as like an insult, i havent even open my bag already whip out card to pay...

one ex-date now fwen waited till i went toilet then paid secretly. then after i came back i wanted to pay in his absence then waitress arm chio told me fwen already paid...
 

Chanterelle

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I got two younger sisters who are both older than u but still single.. my parents and I didn't even mention about getting married once.. None of my relatives had ever broached the topic too. :)

It is ur life, u can live with the consequences of ur own decision. good or bad. Dating is to pass time and hopefully u can meet the right person. That said, can't read much from one meeting.

Well.. it is not that the older folks' thinking is different.. their stage of life and life experiences have shaped them. The type of opportunities they had or were given to them were very different too.
huh... my sis never mentioned to me but my mom cautioned me saying time is not on my side. which is v true. i believe people get old. habits get set. harder to live with. compared to a couple that went through mid 20s to 30s, 40s together, easier to accommodate habits and living style.

dating is fun lah but also miss the opportunity where you build memories with 1 person.
 

yukirin92

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i used to pay for some of my last dates' subsequent dates and he was mega impressed.

some of them treat as like an insult, i havent even open my bag already whip out card to pay...

one ex-date now fwen waited till i went toilet then paid secretly. then after i came back i wanted to pay in his absence then waitress arm chio told me fwen already paid...

Chiu can go out wif moi and treat moi to a few pints of beer, moi will not fight with chiu to pay the bill :o
 

yukirin92

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Moi feel Pakho is handsome guy leh, not suprise if a gerl is willing to pay for him for all dates.
Comparing moi look from him, if he got 8/10, moi got 6 nia...

Wow moi is like 2/10 no wonder no gers pay for moi on dates :(



Most of the time only buang afterwards and become 到此为止 :(
 

yukirin92

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I wouldn't go for those kind. Communication mismatch, I will put in the effort to communicate, but if they don't, then not much I can do.

young like ideals, so prefer to hear sweet talk. Have to adjust communication patterns accordingly. But if it's too far out of ur comfort zone for communicating with them, then it's better to go for someone else.

Hard truths help ppl to grow over time, might not be the nicest thing to hear. But good for learning


Will still need to deploy the smartscope to determine when the ger has buanged to avoid overcommitting :o
 

Chanterelle

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Given my age.. I have reasons to believe that my parents are likely older la. :s13:

I have explained to Yukirin chan before..

For example, U are in ur early thirties and u have a female friend in her late fourties. Both of u married 11 years earlier and have a 10 year old kid.

When both of u discuss about ur family and children, the stage of life is the same despite the age difference.

Ultimately.. it depends on your actual life spans. For example, u have not even spent 5 years with a ex bf before.. How to talk about spending the next 50 years together?

Getting married is at best an educated guess. Things might change along the way as u advance in life or career.
ummm but my example is about couples living together not friends discussing life stages.

i guess i understand what you are saying cos a 31 yr old like moi prolly has less serious dating experience than a mid twenties girl who starting dating seriously since late teens...
 

Kuudere

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Will still need to deploy the smartscope to determine when the ger has buanged to avoid overcommitting :o
One thing I realised is that, sometimes girls might be going through a tough phase in life and communicate less. But usually, you have to judge based on whether they are willing to communicate more after that phase. In that situation, if they are apologetic, that is alright. But if they really go silent and want you to guess/predict, then it's not good. I can infer, but sometimes inference isn't 100% correct, it's better to get a confirmation.

If that person can't give a confirmation, what happens in the future when there are conflicts? The person would probably be the avoidant type and be passive-aggressive, etc.
 

yukirin92

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One thing I realised is that, sometimes girls might be going through a tough phase in life and communicate less. But usually, you have to judge based on whether they are willing to communicate more after that phase. In that situation, if they are apologetic, that is alright. But if they really go silent and want you to guess/predict, then it's not good. I can infer, but sometimes inference isn't 100% correct, it's better to get a confirmation.

If that person can't give a confirmation, what happens in the future when there are conflicts? The person would probably be the avoidant type and be passive-aggressive, etc.

This can also be a convenient excuse cooked up by gers to tell bbfas they are not interested, also termed by JJ korkor as 善意谎言. Bbfas need to be very wary of this to avoid getting heartbroken too often :(

It will be hard to get confirmation in the early stages as neither side owes the other anything yet this at this point :(
 

Chanterelle

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Its the same la. When u have been together with someone for some years.. not possible to find new activities to do every week de la.

Consequently, the minute u have a child, going forward all ur memories will be about the kid for the rest of ur life la. Cos no matter what u do, as the child grows up, need to think how to settle the kid first until he is independent enough for u not to bother.

Just have to look closely at what ur parents are doing now. Day in day out, doing same stuff, right?
hmmm i guess once you become a parent, your priorities shift.

i dont know. i have a nephew. i like that i just play with him for a few hours a week. could i take care of him for a day, week, month? I will hesitate. sometimes i wonder if i have what it takes to be a mother. i own a puppy and honestly sometimes there are days where i feel sian of caring for her. idk if its the same thing.
 

Chanterelle

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U must have liked the guy a lot, man!

I used to get some free cookies and stuff from girls after home econs class in secondary school. No one else to help them taste. :s34:
i was the cook and baker in home econs. my partner helped me wash and bring home the leftovers...

yeah i did... too bad he didnt feel the same i guess.
 
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