(100% serious moral question, no jokes and sarcasm pls) - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

[Overture1928]

Be upfront with your condition.

And if you want to make a joke about it, you can use your bank statement as your dating profile picture

 

[Otokiru]

No joke,I even tell my parents if I relapse I will deny treatment/ sign and jump off the roof and unalive myself

just die peacefully at home... at least got chance for insurance payout and u're in 1 piece...
if u jump... yr body parts all over the place

 

[thetortiserunner]

Be upfront with your condition.

And if you want to make a joke about it, you can use your bank statement as your dating profile picture

I am low ses blue collar worker. Don't even have 6 figure savings

 

[MarkerForProjector]

Also true

focus on improving yourself and staying healthy.
your happiness is ahead.

best wishes to you

 

[thetortiserunner]

just die peacefully at home... at least got chance for insurance payout and u're in 1 piece...
if u jump... yr body parts all over the place

Yet to experience snow and white winter in life, maybe travel to some place with those and then unalive there? At least can tick off bucketlist item

 

[buttbERry]

definitely not wrong

ts just try your best with diff approaches

 

[nEoN]

"have had cancer" meaning cured?
If cured then no issue. But open about it when ready to commit.

If recurring, then best not to have any committed relationship.
There are people who dont look for long term committed relationship. They live for the moment. Those are suitable.

 

[nyvrem]

If u put urself in the other person's shoes, maybe they could be thinking - im looking for an rs that can be serious over time.

If I hook up w someone who's a cancer survivor, what if he kenna relapse then I kenna drag down? Or if he breaks up then all my time and effort in the rs wasted?

im sure not everyone like that lah. But I've met a lot of single girls in sg that are single not because nobody wants them but their demands macham need perfect 10/10

 

[Otokiru]

maybe can try relationship with another cancer survivor person

 

[antonpoh]

Hi everyone,this is a question that has been bugging and unsettling me for quite some time now.

I am 27, male, straight and a former recent cancer survivor. is it morally wrong/ " chek arkh" / "hei1 xin1 as a cancer survivor to entertain the thought of dating let alone dating itself?

My perception is that dating is and should be a blissful union of 2 members , to enjoy each others company, or in other words , cliche and Tumblr-like as it may sound , to live, laugh and love together (as one)

However from my POV ; (in the context of online dating) it has been pretty bad. I am average looking at best on a good day.

I do get occasional matches from time to time and have had rare success (read not being ignored ) of sliding into DMs of girls who put their Instagram tag on their tinder.

My principal is that with something like my cancer, I can hide it initially for a while since it's not immediately physically evident ; but sooner or later down the road , especially if things progress to a more serious stage in a relationship, it will reveal itself - hence Ive decided to reveal or talk about it as soon as possible, rather sooner now than later, otherwise I wouldn't be able to live with myself and losing sleep hiding a secret like that.

Owing to that , I've tried different approaches, mentioning it on my bio, telling them when we match and after messaging for a while.

However none of them have had any positive outcomes so far. Each and everyone of them has unmatched or rejected me in some form or another when learning about my condition.

Even the few and far between angmoh girls (almost even went out with 1,but got cancelled on last minute when I mentioned my cancer) whom I thought ,coming from a more open and liberal culture , would be accepting, have done so too.

So back to the main question - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

++PS those of you who are in a relationship , especially in a long term on or even better yet, married, I would be highly thankful and appreciate it if you can show your girlfriends or wifes this post and ask what she thinks

There is a cure for cancer.

 

[Encouragesome1]

Hi everyone,this is a question that has been bugging and unsettling me for quite some time now.

I am 27, male, straight and a former recent cancer survivor. is it morally wrong/ " chek arkh" / "hei1 xin1 as a cancer survivor to entertain the thought of dating let alone dating itself?

My perception is that dating is and should be a blissful union of 2 members , to enjoy each others company, or in other words , cliche and Tumblr-like as it may sound , to live, laugh and love together (as one)

However from my POV ; (in the context of online dating) it has been pretty bad. I am average looking at best on a good day.

I do get occasional matches from time to time and have had rare success (read not being ignored ) of sliding into DMs of girls who put their Instagram tag on their tinder.

My principal is that with something like my cancer, I can hide it initially for a while since it's not immediately physically evident ; but sooner or later down the road , especially if things progress to a more serious stage in a relationship, it will reveal itself - hence Ive decided to reveal or talk about it as soon as possible, rather sooner now than later, otherwise I wouldn't be able to live with myself and losing sleep hiding a secret like that.

Owing to that , I've tried different approaches, mentioning it on my bio, telling them when we match and after messaging for a while.

However none of them have had any positive outcomes so far. Each and everyone of them has unmatched or rejected me in some form or another when learning about my condition.

Even the few and far between angmoh girls (almost even went out with 1,but got cancelled on last minute when I mentioned my cancer) whom I thought ,coming from a more open and liberal culture , would be accepting, have done so too.

So back to the main question - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

++PS those of you who are in a relationship , especially in a long term on or even better yet, married, I would be highly thankful and appreciate it if you can show your girlfriends or wifes this post and ask what she thinks

Ok ah mah writing here from old human experiences and laokokkok thoughts ok.
——
If I’m twenty ish year old this will be big shock to me if I read on a profile page .. I will probably skip you to avoid any prospective ‘ “what if”s I say something wrong to hurt u’
Or
what if I can’t take it that you have p years left and I have p+30 years ?
or
what if I like u then u maybe don’t live long enuf for me to know you / build a life with you etc etc etc …
——
if I m at late twenties / thirties, telling me your health or any impt circumstances just about before we know each other well enough for you to say “can I be ur bf?”. I feel this is fair and appropriate.

A mah feels everyone should be loved and treated with care n respect even if one is cancer patient or cancer survivor or battling mental issue. At the same time rule of thumb is , if this human is going to be a family member in future then they deserve to know as much as they ought to to make a worthy consideration whether they can and will accept me wholly into their life(time, resources, energy, lifestyle wise) for richer poor; health sickness till death parts us.

I have a cancer survivor patient family member so I know a tinge of what cancer feels like to a family member of a very cute human become a sad tired alws in pain cancer patient. Every human is different, every cancer survivorship journey is different.. some fought and lived on another 10-xx good years before they leave ,
Some battled and passed on before they completed the full journey to recovery.
the thing about life is we don’t know. We can only cherish who they are as a human with those fond memories and moments of life before cancer bog them down to them being life endurer n keeping still always as doing nothing n anything hurts all the time … not knowing when this pain will stop and when one will get up and talk or walk their normal little quirks again.
——
When the time I get to fortiish fifties I have had my fair share of loved ones battling cancer / battled n left / leaving me behind / learnt more stories about sudden passing on and the brevity of life. I might have even one or started some health episode difficulties of my own once in a while or for a while.

When someone tells me they have cancer at a young age I get shocked and sad but not as big a jolt as when as i was at younger and much impressionable stage of life. My heart is stronger n tougher… I can … to a bigger larger extent… accept someone having cancer as a fact n can consider more objectively whether or not I can qualify myself fit / able / willing to be in a relationship where my significant other might be sick half way or one thirds along our life journey. I’d have seen much more of life to know whether I’d value someone’s presence more than a more convenient more carefree life. Thus i can say ppl who have seen more of life would have bigger greater capacity to want and to nurture a relationship with someone who’s fought a health episode. I pray you find your special someone soon !

 

[Sumimasen]

Better not to look for a rs. Stay bbfa betterer.

 

[Encouragesome1]

I've tried different approaches, mentioning it on my bio, telling them when we match and after messaging for a while.

However none of them have had any positive outcomes so far. Each and everyone of them has unmatched or rejected me in some form or another when learning about my condition.

Even the few and far between angmoh girls (almost even went out with 1,but got cancelled on last minute when I mentioned my cancer) whom I thought ,coming from a more open and liberal culture , would be accepting, have done so too.

Ah mah feels should mention this when human regard u as firstly a friend n both of u r ready to move into relationship potential then let them know this n other key factors that could affect both ur future life. If just acquainted may not need mention first

 

[Encouragesome1]

Not wrong to want ...

Whether deserve

Ah mah disagreeing here.

every human is made in image of God so each human deserves to be loved for who they are.. just by being a human being. Just by existing. How we lead our lives ppl can decide to respect us above all or disrespect us cos of what we do eg dishonest acts or dishonorable intent etc

is another matter ... Ish up to the ladies , chiu no say

Whether we attract the other gender , yea it is for them to say … but first we got to self appreciate n self respect as image bearer of God. Secondly we got to be the best version of ourselves na, if we overweight lazy undisciplined and can’t hold ourselves accountable for simple things like keeping clean, appearing on time , doing decent job whatever we are doing then we ought to best remain bbfa don’t let other ppl nag us.

 

[Philipkee]

It is not wrong to date even with cancer or even if terminally ill. What is wrong is hiding the condition from the partner. Be upfront.

There are two scenarios in your question. Having cancer now or having had cancer

Having had cancer - u need to be honest cos maybe cancer is in remission but u can’t have children or maybe on and off u still need follow ups. But imho, it’s not so urgent to say this cos u r well. Maybe before u all actually get attached

Having cancer NOW - think u should say this on the second date or so the moment there is interest cos there is a chance even the friendship cannot proceed if u r gonna die in a few months or so.

So in both scenarios, u must be honest before starting a relationship but imho, in the second scenario, it’s more urgent

 

[Encouragesome1]

I had a heart attack few years back and now on life long medication. But I felt happier than before - when u start to find new meaning and priorities for your life. Nobody can confidently say he will wake up tomorrow

ah mah got a story to share w u didi
https://thirst.sg/god-has-a-different-checklist-dr-tam-wai-jia-on-waiting-for-mr-right/

 

[evilduxy]

just be upfront abt it to let other know lor

not ur fault u tio cancer

btw congrats on ur recovery!!! jyjy 27 still young

 

[Icychemist]

rather find out early who can accept u for who ur (which is not many unfortunately) than later on then u find out they're just in for the gd times. u need to do the filtering early on, and bypass the fear of being alone. choosing yrself is always always a gd idea

alternatively, find someone also is also in the same situation. so they can understand and accomodate.

No joke,I even tell my parents if I relapse I will deny treatment/ sign and jump off the roof and unalive myself

reminds me of reading something online before. this person was basically depress. and wanted to end his life. but before that, he told himself that he'll go and have all the fun one last time. So he went prostitution, went to take drugs, get high, drink etc. basically all the shiok thing.

in the end, he realised life was so much fun and decided to not die anymore.

 

[Kaylin]

alternatively, find someone also is also in the same situation. so they can understand and accomodate.



reminds me of reading something online before. this person was basically depress. and wanted to end his life. but before that, he told himself that he'll go and have all the fun one last time. So he went prostitution, went to take drugs, get high, drink etc. basically all the shiok thing.

in the end, he realised life was so much fun and decided to not die anymore.

true, it will def make things easier. not 100% foolproof but better than otherwise

 

[dicxz80]

why not ? cancer is not contagious, but to have offspring I am not sure as cancer can be genetically passed ?