Coffee meet bagel app - Part 21

feng1314

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huh... my sis never mentioned to me but my mom cautioned me saying time is not on my side. which is v true. i believe people get old. habits get set. harder to live with. compared to a couple that went through mid 20s to 30s, 40s together, easier to accommodate habits and living style.

dating is fun lah but also miss the opportunity where you build memories with 1 person.
Given my age.. I have reasons to believe that my parents are likely older la. :s13:

I have explained to Yukirin chan before..

For example, U are in ur early thirties and u have a female friend in her late fourties. Both of u married 11 years earlier and have a 10 year old kid.

When both of u discuss about ur family and children, the stage of life is the same despite the age difference.

Ultimately.. it depends on your actual life spans. For example, u have not even spent 5 years with a ex bf before.. How to talk about spending the next 50 years together?

Getting married is at best an educated guess. Things might change along the way as u advance in life or career.
 

feng1314

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i used to pay for some of my last dates' subsequent dates and he was mega impressed.

some of them treat as like an insult, i havent even open my bag already whip out card to pay...

one ex-date now fwen waited till i went toilet then paid secretly. then after i came back i wanted to pay in his absence then waitress arm chio told me fwen already paid...
Please pay for me! I confirm not shy de. :o
 

Chanterelle

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Given my age.. I have reasons to believe that my parents are likely older la. :s13:

I have explained to Yukirin chan before..

For example, U are in ur early thirties and u have a female friend in her late fourties. Both of u married 11 years earlier and have a 10 year old kid.

When both of u discuss about ur family and children, the stage of life is the same despite the age difference.

Ultimately.. it depends on your actual life spans. For example, u have not even spent 5 years with a ex bf before.. How to talk about spending the next 50 years together?

Getting married is at best an educated guess. Things might change along the way as u advance in life or career.
ummm but my example is about couples living together not friends discussing life stages.

i guess i understand what you are saying cos a 31 yr old like moi prolly has less serious dating experience than a mid twenties girl who starting dating seriously since late teens...
 

feng1314

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ummm but my example is about couples living together not friends discussing life stages.

i guess i understand what you are saying cos a 31 yr old like moi prolly has less serious dating experience than a mid twenties girl who starting dating seriously since late teens...
Its the same la. When u have been together with someone for some years.. not possible to find new activities to do every week de la.

Consequently, the minute u have a child, going forward all ur memories will be about the kid for the rest of ur life la. Cos no matter what u do, as the child grows up, need to think how to settle the kid first until he is independent enough for u not to bother.

Just have to look closely at what ur parents are doing now. Day in day out, doing same stuff, right?
 

Kuudere

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Will still need to deploy the smartscope to determine when the ger has buanged to avoid overcommitting :o
One thing I realised is that, sometimes girls might be going through a tough phase in life and communicate less. But usually, you have to judge based on whether they are willing to communicate more after that phase. In that situation, if they are apologetic, that is alright. But if they really go silent and want you to guess/predict, then it's not good. I can infer, but sometimes inference isn't 100% correct, it's better to get a confirmation.

If that person can't give a confirmation, what happens in the future when there are conflicts? The person would probably be the avoidant type and be passive-aggressive, etc.
 

feng1314

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haha....i will put a cooler bag in my car. beer needs to be cold to be nice!

snacks...reminds me last time i sa sa de bake muffins for my crush cum date. lol.
U must have liked the guy a lot, man!

I used to get some free cookies and stuff from girls after home econs class in secondary school. No one else to help them taste. :s34:
 

yukirin92

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haha....i will put a cooler bag in my car. beer needs to be cold to be nice!

snacks...reminds me last time i sa sa de bake muffins for my crush cum date. lol.

Wow if moi was the crush will merry chiu at the speed of light :o
 

yukirin92

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One thing I realised is that, sometimes girls might be going through a tough phase in life and communicate less. But usually, you have to judge based on whether they are willing to communicate more after that phase. In that situation, if they are apologetic, that is alright. But if they really go silent and want you to guess/predict, then it's not good. I can infer, but sometimes inference isn't 100% correct, it's better to get a confirmation.

If that person can't give a confirmation, what happens in the future when there are conflicts? The person would probably be the avoidant type and be passive-aggressive, etc.

This can also be a convenient excuse cooked up by gers to tell bbfas they are not interested, also termed by JJ korkor as 善意谎言. Bbfas need to be very wary of this to avoid getting heartbroken too often :(

It will be hard to get confirmation in the early stages as neither side owes the other anything yet this at this point :(
 

Chanterelle

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Its the same la. When u have been together with someone for some years.. not possible to find new activities to do every week de la.

Consequently, the minute u have a child, going forward all ur memories will be about the kid for the rest of ur life la. Cos no matter what u do, as the child grows up, need to think how to settle the kid first until he is independent enough for u not to bother.

Just have to look closely at what ur parents are doing now. Day in day out, doing same stuff, right?
hmmm i guess once you become a parent, your priorities shift.

i dont know. i have a nephew. i like that i just play with him for a few hours a week. could i take care of him for a day, week, month? I will hesitate. sometimes i wonder if i have what it takes to be a mother. i own a puppy and honestly sometimes there are days where i feel sian of caring for her. idk if its the same thing.
 

Chanterelle

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U must have liked the guy a lot, man!

I used to get some free cookies and stuff from girls after home econs class in secondary school. No one else to help them taste. :s34:
i was the cook and baker in home econs. my partner helped me wash and bring home the leftovers...

yeah i did... too bad he didnt feel the same i guess.
 

Non-BBFA

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my aunties friends all urging me to marry... said scared i old will be lonely.

my uncle colleagues more philosophical, said there are good and bad sides of marriage lah. will come one will come.

the younger ones all tried to console me saying i have time (females), males idk since not big enough sample size(lol).


20 yrs older? That's a big gap leh. but i guess you learnt a lot from them too. i like talking to older people because their thinking is sometimes so different from mine, it gives me perspective.
Told you we can fill in the male sample size for your research :)
 

Chanterelle

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This can also be a convenient excuse cooked up by gers to tell bbfas they are not interested, also termed by JJ korkor as 善意谎言. Bbfas need to be very wary of this to avoid getting heartbroken too often :(

It will be hard to get confirmation in the early stages as neither side owes the other anything yet this at this point :(
i also experienced this with guys. just normal convo. then one day blue tick never reply back.

might have dodged a bullet as kuudere said. avoidant personalities better not engage with them for your own good!
 

Kuudere

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This can also be a convenient excuse cooked up by gers to tell bbfas they are not interested, also termed by JJ korkor as 善意谎言. Bbfas need to be very wary of this to avoid getting heartbroken too often :(

It will be hard to get confirmation in the early stages as neither side owes the other anything yet this at this point :(
Excuse to distance themselves from you, but then there is not much point except to move forward

Heartbroken is normal, sometimes I think it's better not to get into romance with someone that don't like you as much as you like them. Only time can tell
 

feng1314

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hmmm i guess once you become a parent, your priorities shift.

i dont know. i have a nephew. i like that i just play with him for a few hours a week. could i take care of him for a day, week, month? I will hesitate. sometimes i wonder if i have what it takes to be a mother. i own a puppy and honestly sometimes there are days where i feel sian of caring for her. idk if its the same thing.
A puppy doesn't require as much attention as a child.. and yes, u might feel sian taking care of children after a while. For example, how do u reason with a wailing baby to shut up when it doesn't even understand? U don't need to teach a dog moral values, EQ, social skills, how to handle relationships etc.

No one is born to become a parent .. Similarly no one is born to be a CEO or even your current job. U learn on the job, gain respect and slowly work ur way there.
 

feng1314

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i was the cook and baker in home econs. my partner helped me wash and bring home the leftovers...

yeah i did... too bad he didnt feel the same i guess.
At least he didn't lead u on la. Love is supposed to a two way traffic after all. I respect him for that. :)
 
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