How to persuade son's fiance family to stop discouraging her from attending health-predictive genetic test before ROM?

[ferraghini]

Just wanted to reinforce your stand. I don’t have any suggestions for persuasion. Irresponsible people should not have grandchildren. They should be grateful they were even consulted.

 

[tanbrave]

The idea is to attend various tests, records, and make an informed decision. Decision-making in a flow diagramatic style. Not hit by surprises.

Got a friend who was thalisima positive.Ended they can't have kids,unless adopt.

 

[NTB2DO]

Ya why nv test before your son propose to her. Now u want test if found out anything the fiancee no need to marry all her friends will know she got genetic problem.
If u like to do planning so much y nv think for others beforehand?

Agree. In fact when they started dating with the intention of getting married eventually, son should have informed date upfront that his parent would require such test before marriage.

 

[begintoend]

is there a test for luck to live on?
what if bad luck, meet accident, need life dependency....

like dat how?
can consider this also bo since so insecure?

 

[Spike]

There is a difference between a must-have, and good-to-have.

Suppose this is a good-to-have, there's no need to persuade them through "education", and antagonize the relationship further. Just making things difficult for the son and future daughter in law.

On the other hand, these are two young adults capable of making their own decisions. Since they already understood the rationale behind these medical tests, it's up to them whether they wish to go ahead with the tests, persuade the in laws or simply do nothing.

 

[bruiser69]

I, (name), take you, (name), to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, BUT NOT in sickness and ONLY in GOOD health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.

 

[dgeralds]

Your son and his gf are adults. You did your part by advising them. Now it is up to them. It is their life and not yours..

 

[Spike]

I, (name), take you, (name), to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, BUT NOT in sickness and ONLY in GOOD health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.

Bro, you are getting married! this is news to me! Have you seeked @charliebrown 's blessing?

 

[ferraghini]

Like I said might as well do it before dating.
Waste so much time to ROM stage then ltr find out genes not good.

True, but better late than never.

Such a high SES problem. Totally cannot relate

It’s the least you can do as a parent. It’s not high SES, it’s not even middle. If you’re poor, you better not have a sickly child. In Singapore, your death is your business.

Roughly have you seen any defect like downsyderum or albinoisn.Their family history can indicate.But then love is blind .

Falling in love is blind, getting married doesn’t have to be.

 

[coldish]

No test is 100%
Later tell u bo taiji end up got taiji what u going to do?

 

[bruiser69]

Bro, you are getting married! this is news to me! Have you seeked @charliebrown 's blessing?

No lah bro! Just illustrating what the OP is alluding to

 

[Spike]

No lah bro! Am just illustrating what the OP is alluding to

Just joking!

How's life? Long time no see @WW1 Flying Ace ..

 

[Mephist0pheLes]

I'm a strong supporter of both couples taking genetic test for health prediction. This can avoid passing traits to children. We did the tests - my waifu and I. Not retail type tests like 23Me or Ancestry, but validated ones from hospitals. With annual health screening, the family can monitor and manage health issues. We are willing to bear the fees, several thousands for comprehensive suite for 2.

My son and his fiancé are in agreement. We shown them many medical journals, articles, website references. Hit and run is risky. Handling DS, or ADHD kids or children with congenital issues is expensive and time consuming.

But her family is objecting like there is no tomorrow. Reasons such as prying into privacy, discouraging marriage, look down on them, cursing them, take it or leave it, etc etc all came out. Her parents are both in early 50s. I would have thought they are fairly informed and educated.

Can anyone suggest how we should approach her family? She is adult and can make her own decision. However as the only child, the family thing becomes sticky.

We sat down a few times, emailed articles, and even tried to arrange meetings between them and physicians and geneticists, but they avoided.

Bringing up kids is expensive. A medically defective child is a nightmare. Unlike my generation where we hit and run, they both have a good opportunity to find out first.

Sigh.

Y need their permission to begin with? The hospital need parents' signature? How old is she? Under 18?

 

[bruiser69]

Just joking!

How's life? Long time no see @WW1 Flying Ace ..

Life is good! Yah I also wonder what happened to WW1 Flying Ace

Wishing you and everybody Huat Huat!

 

[bruiser69]

With this type of intention upon getting married, might as well have a legally crafted and vetted document. All bets are off once a sickness is discovered!

 

[eflash]

Yalor its very insensitive to do it just before ROM.

Haha ts wants the couple to have more things to quarrel about...

The thing is if really pregnant with kid, the doctor will also scan for defect... And things like diabetes, high blood pressure etc... It's common...

Do or don't do genetic testing should be up to the couple to decide for themselves... Not for the parents or in laws to ji ji wai wai...

 

[Lemonpeach]

Sir, you done your best to share info to them.

Now, they are the adults to choose their path.

Yup. If they don't take counsel and ended up with less than normal kids, we will not help in baby-sitting. Best all of us should have informed decision-making

 

[PikaPika33]

you marry for what?
love?
concern?
feelings?

or purely a money and body dealing?
go buy a waifu sua
what era liao

 

[Lemonpeach]

cos u havent answered the most important questions:

What IF the result turns out bad for the female party ?

Are you going to ask your son to break up with her?

Are you going to discourage them for having a baby, or stop them from having a baby COMPLETELY?

They have to decide. Discovery, plan, prepare, manage. Not to be taken in by surprises.

How it will turn out, which direction it takes, are their accountability.

We advise, counsel. We don't want to encounter one day issues that could have been prevented or prepared for.

For instance, as entrepreneurs, we must plan and prepare for success and failures. In trading, there are ups and downs. In housing, there are boom and bust. If we have a plan, there is no need for fear.

Many of us assume healthy babies are given.

Their final choice.

It also means for lack of discovery and planning, we will not baby-sit or care for any grand-children with medical challenges. Now, they could have mitigated.

 

[Lemonpeach]

how much does this test usually cost?

Basic test at Gleneagles close to $ 1 K. A few add-ons, other deficiencies, can blow up to $ 3-4k. But it is a once off at the start. Thereafter can zoom into the few focus areas.