Anyway a bit side track from this thread, there is something called attachment theory which classifies each of us into a few attachment styles, namely Secure, Anxious, Avoidant and Anxious-Avoidant. For single guys reading here, please if possible, avoid getting together with girls with Avoidant or Anxious-Avoidant because your love life will likely get fked. Basically, the Secure one is the one whom once attached, won't think about going for other choices unless you screw up, the Anxious one can be thought as the needy personality, constantly overthinking about the partner, the Avoidant is the one who always complain cannot find the right partner despite having so many choices, and last the Anxious-Avoidant is like rubber band, wanting the partner when thought the partner far from reach but later on distance away from the partner when he/she comes too close.
my point is obviously everyone wants to marry their ideal partner Prince/princess Charming(with all the attractive attributes) , but in reality how many of these prince/princess charming are there?
also everyone has different priorities, what makes your priorities “correct” and other people priorities “wrong”?
I say chicken rice is the best food and you are telling me that I’m wrong and laksa is the best and everyone should just eat laksa?
Does your wife actually bring any value to your life except sex and having children?
one problem for me always falling out of relationship is I find the girl I'm dating doesn't put value into my life except sex. Some even need me to service like dead fish. Makes me wonder sometime if this is normal for men in a married life?
Do you have to make all the decision... Be the main breadwinner and yet have to take care of wife who expects you to tell her everything is all right when she gets emotional?
For mine, we have open discussions for sexuality/intimacy every now & then. We watch adult videos together (she will tell me what kind she like then I go DL) then we try to renact them (quite fun). We also do roleplay, cosplay, rope in toys, change locations. She will initiate at times, tell me what she likes. I will tell her my fetish or fantasy and she will cooperate.
When the kid slps or when the parents visit or if we put the kid with the ifc etc. It takes a village to raise a child. But never make the kid the centre of the family. U r responsible for the kid tgt and when things go wrong or nt the way u envision it it doesnt give u free reign for u to abuse ur spouse.
and if things get too heated or too tiring long term, it is okay to pass the kid to someone u trust to handle while u take a rest, cool down and talk it over with ur other half.
nowadays pple seem to think like when u have a family u take care of the kid urself even tho a baby doesnt have regulated sleep timings, completely forgetting that humans in ancient times were tribal in nature for a reason. As a couple we took care of the kid almost 100% excluding ifc hours for 8 to 9 mths before we realised we got very irritated with each other from the lack of sleep (and interrupted sleep) + work stress. So we got others to assist us and we finally got a bit more time to enjoy ourselves and the kid as a whole. My in law and parents are 100% retired so they are really delighted to have smth to do.
now the kid is 1 yr +++ and acts, smiles, eats, sleeps and plays largely like a normal human. we thank god the tough part is over and we can teach and play with him normally. If want to have another kid I dread the starting part. While fulfilling, it is like a marathon nightmare that didnt end as u have to tahan pain, lack of sleep, milking, work stress plus baby etc. It is no wonder women actually take a year off after having a kid to properly raise him or have a helper otherwise really i think we will kisiao without any outside help.
and if ur relationship nt stable having a kid will worsen it. So to all aspiring wives who think having a kid will tie a cheating/unloving man down, pls think again. U will only be accentuating the cracks in ur relationship cos of the stress the kid will bring. In gist dont have kids if u are nt ready for one. Even if u think u are, u will b surprised at just how tiring it was when u try to do it urself. For older couples its even more draining.
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