Q for guys who are married

Kuudere

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This is exactly what i have problem with.

It is enduring for me to know if marriage to a man is all about spending his money, effort and energy to take care of a woman simply so she can give birth to his offspring.

And if money, effort and energy is not enough, he has to randomly tank her emotional outburst, unreasonable wants and requests some of which is impossible to reach. And when this happen, she sneer at you for being useless.

It's like a man "love" a woman... coax and dotes her... but in the end she asks for the moon... and then says you're wrong and lousy for not being able to bring the moon to her.

So what's the value she brings for the man?
It's very difficult to pursue relationship if the goal is transactional outcomes. Looking at a different scenario, I used to have experiences where I thought a girl had interests in me, but it was ultimately a leeching interest. The girl asked me for help for studies, assignments, homework and just leave after getting the help she needs.

That is one common problem. The next problem is as you said, the differences in life values. For some, they are raised in families where spending is kept to minimal, so saving is a big part of their life. They meet ppl who do not save much, that is red flag already, wouldn't even get to the bgr stage. Also, some ppl are more ambitious and adventurous, do not mind going abroad for career opportunities, while some prefer to be rooted. When there is a huge mismatch in the life values, that is where mental health will take a toll, especially the one that have to give in to the other party. It reminds me of uni, having to do courses that you do not like and just have to get through it. Same thing occurs, mental health deteriorates.

Emotional outburst, different ppl have different tolerance levels to different issues. If you give constructive feedback and the other party chooses to ignore and return to their old ways, there's not much you can do but either play the villian of nagging constantly or move on from the person.

The guy could be a genuinely good man and because he did a lot, the girl takes advantage of this. The guy could be oblivious or act blur, live longer (happy wife, happy life). Vice versa, can also happen for girls.
 

curiosity_20

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At the end of the day, communication goes both ways. If you get annoyed while communicating with your better half, either improve your communications skills or get out of the relationship (especially if its the other party?)

Personally I find some girls are just annoying to talk to..or maybe it's just me. But when choosing the right girl to settle down with , she's got to have a pretty face, soothing voice, good figure and narrow feet and of course a good heart. You will know in your heart that she in the one because you have a sense of peace when spending time with her.

And definitely don't be deceived by the devil into marrying the wrong girl which will lead to even more pain and heartaches.
 
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glarerder

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It's very difficult to pursue relationship if the goal is transactional outcomes. Looking at a different scenario, I used to have experiences where I thought a girl had interests in me, but it was ultimately a leeching interest. The girl asked me for help for studies, assignments, homework and just leave after getting the help she needs.

That is one common problem. The next problem is as you said, the differences in life values. For some, they are raised in families where spending is kept to minimal, so saving is a big part of their life. They meet ppl who do not save much, that is red flag already, wouldn't even get to the bgr stage. Also, some ppl are more ambitious and adventurous, do not mind going abroad for career opportunities, while some prefer to be rooted. When there is a huge mismatch in the life values, that is where mental health will take a toll, especially the one that have to give in to the other party. It reminds me of uni, having to do courses that you do not like and just have to get through it. Same thing occurs, mental health deteriorates.

Emotional outburst, different ppl have different tolerance levels to different issues. If you give constructive feedback and the other party chooses to ignore and return to their old ways, there's not much you can do but either play the villian of nagging constantly or move on from the person.

The guy could be a genuinely good man and because he did a lot, the girl takes advantage of this. The guy could be oblivious or act blur, live longer (happy wife, happy life). Vice versa, can also happen for girls.
if you could replay, would you still help the girl with all she wanted without asking for anything in return? if its me, i would immediately ask her whats in it for me (if I'm not interested to take those as learning sessions cos you learn as you teach as well). Thats because i know some girls are leechers by nature so usually after asking that, those girls with nothing of value to offer would immediately stop contacting me. all's well.
 

Kuudere

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if you could replay, would you still help the girl with all she wanted without asking for anything in return? if its me, i would immediately ask her whats in it for me (if I'm not interested to take those as learning sessions cos you learn as you teach as well). Thats because i know some girls are leechers by nature so usually after asking that, those girls with nothing of value to offer would immediately stop contacting me. all's well.
This type of scenario, almost everyone will experience at some point of their life. My friend experienced his first time in uni, for me it was late part of secondary school. This experience repeated again in jc for me.

I probably help, but not to the extent that I will go out of my way to help them all the way. The thing is this, I realised that girls that truly care for you, will want to reciprocate or they will show random acts of kindness without you asking it. If they aren't willing to do this, then it's better to move on. How to tell whether they do this? It depends on ur circumstances, you have to discern urself
 

spiritual84

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My wife draws a salary similar to mine, makes most of the decisions together as we discuss and play out situations, and is the person designated to fight fires if and when they break out at home as she's a firefighter.

I'm more questionable about my value in my own life.

Sent from EDMWER app!
 

RMUH2019

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All of us have only 24 hours a day, nothing more nothing less. Every minute you spend on her is a minute less that you have for someone else who's more worthy. Just saying.
Agree. If really cannot, good to move on separately amicably.
 
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