Sad dating story

[Matjes]

Posted my dating exp in one of the threads to share my exp, but here it goes..

past 3 weeks, we chatted and chatted on WhatsApp. Also followed each other ig.

we went out for one date, and after that she never replied me already.

less than a week later, she removed me from her ig followers but still followed me.

she also seem to remove some of her ig posts.

1) am I the issue?
2) did she find herself not ready for this?

feel free to ask me more follow up qns

Quote

She found someone better.

 

[kuronie]

Anyway why you say this?

I feel commitment to the right person is way better than being single. Somehow I do not see any meaning in my existence these few days. While, I may have a relatively good job but not doctor kind, what’s the point of all these when these experiences are only meant for myself.

I am also not a big person to go into charities and what not.

just that, I do not feel any form of comfort right now. I have been sleeping for about 15 hours a day. Currently on leave.

Are you doing anything, like hobbies etc? If you see no meaning in your existence, and you expect to find a significant other to give you purpose in life, then I am sorry to say this, but you would be a emotional leech most of the time. If your sole purpose rely on the other, it won't end really well.

 

[Kaylin]

Anyway why you say this?

I feel commitment to the right person is way better than being single. Somehow I do not see any meaning in my existence these few days. While, I may have a relatively good job but not doctor kind, what’s the point of all these when these experiences are only meant for myself.

I am also not a big person to go into charities and what not.

just that, I do not feel any form of comfort right now. I have been sleeping for about 15 hours a day. Currently on leave.

why i say this is because people who're emotionally "unavailable" dont do communication because they're insecure and hv low self esteem so they wont tell u in yr face that "sorry, i dont think we shd see each other anymore". instead they will do like what the girl did to u.

self love is the prerequisite in all other loves. if u dont love yrself then you'll attract ppl who dont love u either. and it will reinforce that nobody will love u. its a self fulfilling prophecy and a vicious cycle.

 

[omgwtflol]

Are you doing anything, like hobbies etc? If you see no meaning in your existence, and you expect to find a significant other to give you purpose in life, then I am sorry to say this, but you would be a emotional leech most of the time. If your sole purpose rely on the other, it won't end really well.

Can give me some examples of hobbies please? Really need to value add to my life

 

[omgwtflol]

why i say this is because people who're emotionally "unavailable" dont do communication because they're insecure and hv low self esteem so they wont tell u in yr face that "sorry, i dont think we shd see each other anymore". instead they will do like what the girl did to u.

self love is the prerequisite in all other loves. if u dont love yrself then you'll attract ppl who dont love u either. and it will reinforce that nobody will love u. its a self fulfilling prophecy and a vicious cycle.

I don’t think she is Low self esteem. She got once tell me that if cannot find someone suitable then better to be alone.

 

[Kaylin]

Are you doing anything, like hobbies etc? If you see no meaning in your existence, and you expect to find a significant other to give you purpose in life, then I am sorry to say this, but you would be a emotional leech most of the time. If your sole purpose rely on the other, it won't end really well.

hobbies and goals are good but it wont help you if you're emotionally empty. i think self care is better, which includes journaling, meditation, reading, exercise, eating right, hv plenty of sunlight, stay away from screens like phone/tv/computer screens. what worked for me in boosting my self esteem is also getting out of my comfort zone to do something scary but its ultimately right, such as saying no and rejecting ppl.

 

[Ethan_]

I don’t know leh. Actually before her, another girl did the same thing. Only removed me from following her, but she still followed me.

is this the trend now?

Not expert don't know. But think don't quite feel safe with this kind bah. Since can unfollow people, why not stop following same likewise. Think its looking more like is on fishing trip. Keep tab on past dumped one. One day when find the value go up to be attractive, maybe get back in contact again to try to hook them.

 

[Kaylin]

I don’t think she is Low self esteem. She got once tell me that if cannot find someone suitable then better to be alone.

if she doesnt hv low self esteem then why she cannot tell u right in yr face she doesnt think you're suitable for each other? obviously she thinks by being "discreet" shes giving you a soft landing to a rejection? this means shes likely a people pleaser and people pleasers hv low self esteem.

 

[Kaylin]

I don’t know leh. Actually before her, another girl did the same thing. Only removed me from following her, but she still followed me.

is this the trend now?

i will tell u what shes doing, shes keeping u as a spare tyre. in case her endeavours in looking for a mate doesnt turn out well she will contact you again. do u want to be a spare tyre? you're too worthy to be in someone's back pocket.

 

[needsomeadvice]

Can give me some examples of hobbies please? Really need to value add to my life

so during cobid i tried a lot of new hobbies... gym, yoga, cycling, fishing, chess, cooking... just try whatever and you might find something you like

 

[kuronie]

Can give me some examples of hobbies please? Really need to value add to my life

Like Kaylin has stated, you can look into having self-care for yourself. Like self pampering etc. It will help you overall in the long run, with your self-esteem as well as emotions. After all, you attracts what you are.

 

[needsomeadvice]

i will tell u what shes doing, shes keeping u as a spare tyre. in case her endeavours in looking for a mate doesnt turn out well she will contact you again. do u want to be a spare tyre? you're too worthy to be in someone's back pocket.

kaylin so expert in this

 

[omgwtflol]

hobbies and goals are good but it wont help you if you're emotionally empty. i think self care is better, which includes journaling, meditation, reading, exercise, eating right, hv plenty of sunlight, stay away from screens like phone/tv/computer screens. what worked for me in boosting my self esteem is also getting out of my comfort zone to do something scary but its ultimately right, such as saying no and rejecting ppl.

I got do reading (edmw, news and books), exercise, eating right, sunlight.

but maintain so well but still nobody wants..

also got reject people and block them before (those psycho cases).

 

[omgwtflol]

Not expert don't know. But think don't quite feel safe with this kind bah. Since can unfollow people, why not stop following same likewise. Think its looking more like is on fishing trip. Keep tab on past dumped one. One day when find the value go up to be attractive, maybe get back in contact again to try to hook them.

Sounds like a good thing for you if that happens. When that day comes, you will have the chance to decide.

 

[kuronie]

I got do reading (edmw, news and books), exercise, eating right, sunlight.

but maintain so well but still nobody wants..

also got reject people and block them before (those psycho cases).

Keep it up! Remember, you are doing it for yourself. It's your health, so everything that you have done benefits you. Do not do it just because you are trying to get girls that way.

 

[needsomeadvice]

I got do reading (edmw, news and books), exercise, eating right, sunlight.

but maintain so well but still nobody wants..

also got reject people and block them before (those psycho cases).

i think you're doing well lah honestly haha

 

[omgwtflol]

if she doesnt hv low self esteem then why she cannot tell u right in yr face she doesnt think you're suitable for each other? obviously she thinks by being "discreet" shes giving you a soft landing to a rejection? this means shes likely a people pleaser and people pleasers hv low self esteem.

I really hope you are right in your analysis about people pleaser and Low self esteem.

but I know that I am not a creep or some bum. So I am trying to think of the bright side that I didn’t do something so wrong for her to outright end all form of contact with me.

 

[omgwtflol]

Keep it up! Remember, you are doing it for yourself. It's your health, so everything that you have done benefits you. Do not do it just because you are trying to get girls that way.

I am doing it for health reasons. And also have rationalised that even if have 10m but buibui, the girls also won’t like.

just think of role reversal where then sugarmom is old and saggy. Guys also won’t like.

 

[Kaylin]

I got do reading (edmw, news and books), exercise, eating right, sunlight.

but maintain so well but still nobody wants..

also got reject people and block them before (those psycho cases).

it depends on what u read, edmw & news or comics is not "reading". the first step i would suggest is getting to know yrself well and i mean on a really deep level. what do you stand for, what are your likes & dislikes? what are your values? what are your boundaries, standards & limits? if im disrespectful to u now, are you able to call me out confidently and tell me that what im doing is uncomfortable to u and u ask that i stop or you'll leave? or will you just quietly endure? because if you dont even know yrself on a deep level and be yr own supporter & best friend you'll always look towards external things to validate you and tie yrself to unimportant things like money, car, education, looks etc.

 

[trupurple]

Prob you're not what's expected