Is it true by 30yo, your life is more or less set already?

[Jeremy1]

Answer is NO as a lot of people only get successful after their 30s.

 

[dereth]

30 was where I started from zero with a new job. My net worth was less than 5k excluding CPF. Before that, my savings was always near to zero from a job that paid me $1.4k. My new job finally enables me to saves some money and this was what I was able to grow over the years.

30 - 5k
36 - 50k
38 - 100k
40 - 300k
43 - 1m

I was let go at 40 when I was with the company for almost 10 years. That was 6 years ago.

Wanted to take a long break before exploring other opportunities in a different industry.

Then my wife had cancer and that gave me a new perspective on life. Upon my wife's encouragement, I decided there and then to leanFIRE and that status was retroactively established in 2018. During my wife's treatment, COVID happened and it cemented my decision even further.

What actually happened to my finances? My ex-company may not have believed in me but I still believe in the company. I've been steadily investing in said company's shares since they were listed but gradually stopped buying when I left. I have since benefitted greatly from the tech and AI boom.

I'm 46 now and 6 years retired. My net worth is currently close to 4 million.

I remember feeling so lost and depressed at multiple stages in life. When I was kicked out of JC... When my parents were divorced... When I left Poly... When I finished my NS... When I left for a new but turns out to be my last job.

Everything felt so hopeless and unachievable back then. I thought to myself if I will really be OK.

I have been lucky. Maybe even luckier than most. I am a natural pessimist so I have been truly blessed with an extremely optimistic partner to complement my life's journey.

I don't know what will happen in the future but at this point, I am happy and thankful.

Life is unpredictable.

Never give up hope.

Edit: One month later, my net worth is now about 6 million.

 

[Nekorare]

nope.

but with your mindset, i think unless your mindset change your life is very set

Problem is instead of focusing on growth and opportunity, TS is hyperfixated on the end goal which is wealth. The comparisons with her peers are endless and out of her hands.

People born in better circumstances, better education, career progression faster is all out of her hands, so why make the comparison? It'll be endless, the jealousy is bottomless, and it's not a zero sum game anyway.

 

[NewJeansNewJeans]

wa that means we same age
good luck sis, life is unpredictable

 

[MistaP]

I realised a pattern. Many people I deemed "successful", by 30yo they already kinda set for life already.

They either belong to 1 or more of these categories:

1. Born rich, have a parents who are doing well and can guide them. Or just be ASK/ASB shake leg.

2. Normal family, but results quite good, so go through the typical gov job route or careers that requires good academic qualifications.

3. Normal family, results so so, but good at work, managed to take up more portfolio and by mid 30s already director level.

4. Normal family, results so so, work also so so, marry a rich man.

5. Normal family, but since campus or army days already a lot friends, end up at least 1 of their contact bring them up together and huat together.

It's almost impossible if you are an average joe and without any of those, you will get any much significantly better. Basically if you are not lucky enough to breakthrough by 30yo, you can kiss goodbye to a "successful" life and just admit you are nothing but a behkan waiting for end time already.

And I belong to #6 the behkan nothing but wasting Earth's resources. In 1 month time is 2025 and I'll be 30yo. I achieve nothing and will continue achieve nothing but just continue slog very hard just for the pathetic survival and remain in the lowest tier of Maslow's hierarchy - Physiological needs

I once was young and naive and believe that if I just work a bit harder, and each time, I'm dealt with the worst cards, I encourage myself that just try a bit harder, I'll get out of the tunnel eventually.

But as time passes, I came to my conclusion, everything is kinda set. And unless a special miracle happens, my life is just gonna be like this. I will never be able to breakthrough significantly more than what was already destined for my behkan suay life.

In before yet another depressing thread.

Just wanna see how everyone feel about their life so far?

Older = wiser (usually!). Don't give up. Go to college at night and/or look for business opportunities. You're as limited as you make up your mind to be.

 

[thorsten139]

Problem is instead of focusing on growth and opportunity, TS is hyperfixated on the end goal which is wealth. The comparisons with her peers are endless and out of her hands.

People born in better circumstances, better education, career progression faster is all out of her hands, so why make the comparison? It'll be endless, the jealousy is bottomless, and it's not a zero sum game anyway.

Yep.

We always say. Control the controllable.

People get rich with various routes, instead of the fixation on what she can't control, she would be better off identifying what she needs to attain her goal.

Risk vs Rewards vs Hard work.

What is she willing to take?

 

[IAmChiobu12M]

Actually I think your problem can be solved if you won toto

Most common people problem can be solved if win toto lol. If not why every draw also got people buy

Money can solve 99% of problems. But most of us don't have the money lol.

 

[RedRedWine]

Really boils down to attitude
But seems like its self fulfilling prophecy

 

[IAmChiobu12M]

nope.

but with your mindset, i think unless your mindset change your life is very set

Problem is instead of focusing on growth and opportunity, TS is hyperfixated on the end goal which is wealth. The comparisons with her peers are endless and out of her hands.

People born in better circumstances, better education, career progression faster is all out of her hands, so why make the comparison? It'll be endless, the jealousy is bottomless, and it's not a zero sum game anyway.

I think to be clear, most people including myself don't start with a mindset that oh shxt my life is fkxed. Oh die die sure die. Oh it's over. Etc. most people don't start with being bitter, or negative.

People who commented that I need to change my mindset has no idea what I went through and still going through daily. Yet they can stand on the moral high ground and make it sound so easy just focus on growth and opportunities. I think resilience and staying positive is important. Is not like as though I just sit there and cry and expect the whole world revolve around me? Even if I do, I know it won't happen.

Or that I expect everyone to give me everything I think I deserve? Is easy to say just don't focus on the problem and focus on the solving it. Have i not been trying? How do you know how much have I try or don't try? Have you been so down and so stuck in a perpetual hopeless situation so long that you are like wtf? Am I even getting out? Have you been so close to thinking that ok maybe there is hope, and things went double down?

Is very easy to say oh let's be positive, oh is not that tough after all, oh let's just bite the bullet try harder. Is easy to say. I too say that to myself every fkxing single day. And what happened? I'm still stuck. And nope, if I can solve the problem I will do everything to solve it. But there are something beyond my current abilities to do it. And I hate it.

People like to judge the person who is suffering instead of identifying what and why and how can there be better. Really a sick world. So easy and quick to judge. Most people don't like the how can I help (assume if you want to) but all will jump in and judge why are you like that.

 

[Bzzbzz]

I think to be clear, most people including myself don't start with a mindset that oh shxt my life is fkxed. Oh die die sure die. Oh it's over. Etc. most people don't start with being bitter, or negative.

People who commented that I need to change my mindset has no idea what I went through and still going through daily. Yet they can stand on the moral high ground and make it sound so easy just focus on growth and opportunities. I think resilience and staying positive is important. Is not like as though I just sit there and cry and expect the whole world revolve around me? Even if I do, I know it won't happen.

Or that I expect everyone to give me everything I think I deserve? Is easy to say just don't focus on the problem and focus on the solving it. Have i not been trying? How do you know how much have I try or don't try? Have you been so down and so stuck in a perpetual hopeless situation so long that you are like wtf? Am I even getting out? Have you been so close to thinking that ok maybe there is hope, and things went double down?

Is very easy to say oh let's be positive, oh is not that tough after all, oh let's just bite the bullet try harder. Is easy to say. I too say that to myself every fkxing single day. And what happened? I'm still stuck. And nope, if I can solve the problem I will do everything to solve it. But there are something beyond my current abilities to do it. And I hate it.

People like to judge the person who is suffering instead of identifying what and why and how can there be better. Really a sick world. So easy and quick to judge. Most people don't like the how can I help (assume if you want to) but all will jump in and judge why are you like that.

Ok, you have 2 problems right? Based on what you said.

First is $$$. You are drawing a salary. Not as much as you'd like, maybe you had to take a pay cut. But you are not penniless or bankrupt. So maybe you think you are "suffering" but I'm not sure if many people (e.g. genuinely penniless ones) will agree with you.

Then you say your family sucks. Ok that one harder. But what's to stop you from moving out and renting a small room if it's that bad? It's a choice you make, peace of mind vs $$$. Not say cut your mom off completely, you can visit her on weekends or whatever. But have your even considered it?

Anyway how are we to identify what is wrong with your life? We don't even know you. All we know is that you want $$$ and you think your family and career life sucks.

Maybe you can say, hey I have this problem and I need a solution and can someone help? I earn $x and I want $y how can I get there? But all you do is complain how much your life sucks and why weren't you born rich or whatever.

 

[IAmChiobu12M]

Ok, you have 2 problems right? Based on what you said.

First is $$$. You are drawing a salary. Not as much as you'd like, maybe you had to take a pay cut. But you are not penniless or bankrupt. So maybe you think you are "suffering" but I'm not sure if many people (e.g. genuinely penniless ones) will agree with you.

Then you say your family sucks. Ok that one harder. But what's to stop you from moving out and renting a small room if it's that bad? It's a choice you make, peace of mind vs $$$. Not say cut your mom off completely, you can visit her on weekends or whatever. But have your even considered it?

Anyway how are we to identify what is wrong with your life? We don't even know you. All we know is that you want $$$ and you think your family and career life sucks.

Maybe you can say, hey I have this problem and I need a solution and can someone help? I earn $x and I want $y how can I get there? But all you do is complain how much your life sucks and why weren't you born rich or whatever.

Exactly don't even know me, why judge? If you think my thread as no meaning and is all chanting doom and gloom then don't waste your positive energy here then?

Also you make it sound like is very easy to rent just a small room? The so call simple small room is at least 1.5k and that is common room.

Also, I'm not drawing a salary for last 6 months. So why do you think I have ability to rent? Yes I can use saving but why should I waste this money when is already limited.

If you didn't follow my thread don't say I didn't share. This thread is not about solving problem for me but just sharing what I realised and I can be wrong is open for discussion.

I been complaining to hdb even up to PM email inbox for last 5 years. But my neighbor from hell continue allowed to do shxt stuff like keeping 10 unlicensed cats. Everyday it stinks like mad. So I'm supposed to move out to waste 1.5k rental when actually my flat is decent to stay. But they are the problem and in the wrong?

Everyday my breathing issues get bad to worse. I wanna wfh also no peace. But that is another thread I complained about hdb are all paper tigers in communal living. You will say I can close window and door even if I do is still bad at times. And I don't want to be locked up. I also want fresh air to be able to open at times. And this is edmw. Is useless for me to share openly when I don't know how many people are reading with evil motive. But in any case no matter what I say, you are not living my life. I won't know your struggles you won't know mine. So keep the judgement to yourself.

Is unkind and unnecessary to just drop a frivolous comment that just move on change your mindset. When you are not in the person position nor knowing the person. You have no idea how much I already put up (not saying there are no rooms for me to improve and be better). Such comments always make the person feel worse. So if nothing helpful to say don't say.

 

[IAmChiobu12M]

In my life, I have ever only 'abandoned' one friend whom I know since Sec 1.

In sec school, my group oredi knew about her cruel childhood of getting raped by her intellectually challenged dad then her uncle with her timid mum keeping quiet. She was attractive/sexy with promiscuous behaviours and countless boyfriends / one-night-stands etc through her teenage years to early 20s.

Then she met someone and they ROM. Just when she thot she finally 'made it', the man cheated on her and they annulled the marriage.

She then went to Japan with all her savings to learn Japn language for 2 years while working as 'black labour' in restaurants and then later in KTV for easier money. She managed to hook a rich guy and married. But the rich husband died within 3 years and literally left her nothing (coz assets still in the parents' name and he actually had nothing much). She was not even 30 yo then.

She returned to Spore and got a japn speaking job with OK salary. She continued her promiscuous life and in her mid 40s, met a money-sucking man whom somehow she fell so in love with. She borrowed money from everyone in the circle to feed that man. Eventually, all of us 'abandoned' her. None of us knows how she is now coz the moment anyone is in contact with her, she would want to borrow money. We will not be surprised if one day we receive the news that she gives up her life for that man.

We understand her difficult childhood ultra trauma but can't help her in anyway other than the tens of thousands that we had lent her to feed that 'eat soft rice' man. We are all prepared to receive her back into our close circle PROVIDED she is not with that man else we may all sink together with her.


*the take of my above sharing is for you to consider whether you have enough to 'escape' to Japan/Korea for 2 years to learn the language. My friend went there with nothing much (since only around mid 20s then) but with a 'mindless gut'. She stayed in a small shared room in a bad location and rental was cheap. She did come back with a good JLPT cert with good spoken Japn and then got a job with a reasonable pay. She has been simply unlucky that her life didn't turn around for the better after she returned but continues to spiral down.

Maybe is all about luck. Some will say is the choices we made. But I feel is also luck. Luck good all the open options you have also quite good no matter what you choose. Luck no good, the options you have also suck so no matter what choices you make end up also suffer. Maybe some more some less but still cannot escape bad fate.

 

[Bzzbzz]

Exactly don't even know me, why judge? If you think my thread as no meaning and is all chanting doom and gloom then don't waste your positive energy here then?

Also you make it sound like is very easy to rent just a small room? The so call simple small room is at least 1.5k and that is common room.

Also, I'm not drawing a salary for last 6 months. So why do you think I have ability to rent? Yes I can use saving but why should I waste this money when is already limited.

If you didn't follow my thread don't say I didn't share. This thread is not about solving problem for me but just sharing what I realised and I can be wrong is open for discussion.

I been complaining to hdb even up to PM email inbox for last 5 years. But my neighbor from hell continue allowed to do shxt stuff like keeping 10 unlicensed cats. Everyday it stinks like mad. So I'm supposed to move out to waste 1.5k rental when actually my flat is decent to stay. But they are the problem and in the wrong?

Everyday my breathing issues get bad to worse. I wanna wfh also no peace. But that is another thread I complained about hdb are all paper tigers in communal living. You will say I can close window and door even if I do is still bad at times. And I don't want to be locked up. I also want fresh air to be able to open at times. And this is edmw. Is useless for me to share openly when I don't know how many people are reading with evil motive. But in any case no matter what I say, you are not living my life. I won't know your struggles you won't know mine. So keep the judgement to yourself.

Hang on, who's judging you? Where in my message did I say anything negative about you?

I did say that either you can whine or you can do something to make your life better every day. And you are whining. Maybe its justified or maybe it's not but you are certainly whining. And maybe it makes you feel better but wondering why you were not born richer or something sure isn't going to help your situation now.

Maybe your extremely negative and defensive attitude where you keep thinking that people are "judging" you when they are simply making an observation is contributing to your problems. And yes that is a judgement.

 

[metalrover]

Imo 30yo still yang, if no commitment.

40s casted in stone

 

[IAmChiobu12M]

Imo 30yo still yang, if no commitment.

40s casted in stone

So once casted how?

 

[IAmChiobu12M]

Hang on, who's judging you? Where in my message did I say anything negative about you?

I did say that either you can whine or you can do something to make your life better every day. And you are whining. Maybe its justified or maybe it's not but you are certainly whining. And maybe it makes you feel better but wondering why you were not born richer or something sure isn't going to help your situation now.

Maybe your extremely negative and defensive attitude where you keep thinking that people are "judging" you when they are simply making an observation is contributing to your problems. And yes that is a judgement.

Ok since you say is just sharing observation. Give me your suggestions then.

 

[metalrover]

So once casted how?

忍命loh

By the time break free already lkk

 

[IAmChiobu12M]

忍命loh

By the time break free already lkk

So sad... 命。haiz...

 

[metalrover]

So sad... 命。haiz...

Yang time go do whatever u wanna do, don't wait. Then can no regrets

 

[Bzzbzz]

Ok since you say is just sharing observation. Give me your suggestions then.

Ok, three simple suggestions for you.
This applies to everybody, btw.

Exercise. Start by walking. Get out of your house, get fresh air and sunlight. It will help your breathing and your mood and you get away from the cats. Eventually you progress to jogging and running. Your health will improve. You'll be slimmer, more toned, more attractive. Move on to more advanced stuff like yoga or weights over time.

Read a book on social skills and EQ. You want to get ahead, the most important thing you need to understand is people. If somehow everyone around you sucks - the problem is you. Whether it's work or relationships, social skills are everything. Apply what you learnt and pick up another book.

Do you have a job? If you don't, keep applying till you get one. Get off edmw, just keep at it and don't stop. If you do have a job, do your very best, do more, learn as much as you can. Don't worry so much about whether you are treated fairly, make sure you are the best at what you do, the best you can be. Apply the social skills you learnt to build relationships in the company. Become the go-to person in the company. You will be noticed. The rest will fall into place.

In the meantime your life sucks. Well, life sucks. You power through. The fitness you get from exercise will help. The friends you make with your social skills will help. The extra $$$ you get by being good at your job will help.

These are basic changes to who you are as a person, how you see and respond to the world. These are not magic changes, these are not quick fixes. There are no quick fixes. You improve your life, one tiny step at a time. These add up. They are not going to change your life tomorrow. But they will change your life in 10 years. In fact, in 6 months you will start to see changes already, changes for the better.

You can start now, right now, or you can keep coming into edmw to wonder why you were not born richer.

So now, my turn to ask you a question. Which option will you choose?