At his mother's behest, he married a 26-year-old Chinese national within weeks of being introduced. He was 53 and never intended to get married

[jack-320]

There was one thread earlier

But anyways

I am very interested to read the father's bazi

How come he end up like this?

 

[gravity_infinity]

The mother may be bad to ditch her son and family but the reason for her leaving is the son's condition.
He can only blame his luck that his son is sick.

dont think the mum is ditching the son.

i think it is purely one sided story.

it just says he has custody of the child.

who knows? he may be the one preventing visitation

 

[runny yolk]

If he is Peter Lim, then no problem, can have trust fund, have nanny, have all sorts of medical help needed to take care of kid even if he himself KO in a few years time
ownself already struggling at 53yo, still want to bring an innocent life to suffer.

Even that, the kid have to deal mentally with losing their fatherly figure when they are young and still figuring out adulthood, plus at 50+ can't even run and play with the child. Guys who have kids at that age are just plain selfish, either they want someone to carry their family name or want someone to take care of them, never think of the child at all.

 

[gravity_infinity]

There was one thread earlier

But anyways

I am very interested to read the father's bazi

How come he end up like this?

he end up like this entirely because of his poor decision making

 

[messidona]

At 53yo, it is a super big mistake to have kid unless you are millionaire.

Why ppl dun dun do future planning de?

53yo have kid high chance of kena down syndrome kid

 

[gravity_infinity]

Even that, the kid have to deal mentally with losing their fatherly figure when they are young and still figuring out adulthood, plus at 50+ can't even run and play with the child. Guys who have kids at that age are just plain selfish, either they want someone to carry their family name or want someone to take care of them, never think of the child at all.

i think if he is rich, can ensure the kid is set for life.. by all means. he isnt. and created the entire mess himself

 

[rainygrainy]

Fated de...maybe it's his debt from previous life tat he needs to repay...

 

[Teyemittisi]

But he confirm didn’t piak piak because his mother psycho him to. He own self cannot tahan and this is the result

I think so too… ownself horny but blame on parents…. Typical sinkie attitude

 

[GarnetDragon]

For PRC this is not unthinkable

I heard in PRC, the ppl are not very special needs friendly, nor know the full extent of it

 

[Kiwi8]

Wife from China left him over special-needs son, divorced retiree now gets by on CPF and subisidies​

Stephanie Yeo
The Straits Times
June 14, 2025

When Mr Ben Phua, 69, takes a bus with Zai Quan, 14, strangers sometimes compliment the boy's striking eyes and thick lashes.

"They say Zai Quan is so handsome and they ask, 'Is this your grandson?' I say, 'No, this is my son,'" he says.


The divorced retiree is the sole caregiver of his only child, who was born with an extra chromosome, resulting in multiple disabilities. While Zai Quan can walk, he is non-verbal and relies on his father for everyday activities.

Mr Phua never intended to get married, much less become a father. Looking for love was a luxury for the bachelor, who worked long hours as a building technician, among other roles. In his spare time, he upgraded himself through night classes at the former Vocational and Industrial Training Board.

At his mother's behest, he married a 26-year-old Chinese national in 2009 within weeks of being introduced to her. He was then 53.


The couple were blindsided when their baby was born with special needs in November 2010, he says. The doctor had not alerted them to any abnormalities.

The stress of raising Zai Quan created a rift in their marriage and his former wife left their marital home several times over the years. Their divorce was finalised in May 2020 and Mr Phua had sole custody of their then 10-year-old son.

He quit his job as a mechanical and engineering site supervisor in the construction industry to take care of his son in late 2019. Six months later, he had to undergo surgery for Stage 2 prostate cancer.

Unhappy with his domestic helper's quarrelsome ways, he let her go in 2021 and took over caring for Zai Quan full-time in their three-room flat in Ang Mo Kio.

Their daily routine is simple but stressful, Mr Phua says.

Zai Quan tends to wake up late if he has trouble sleeping, which is more often than not these days. So, Mr Phua feeds the boy a cup of Milo in between getting him ready to board the school bus to Minds Fernvale Gardens School in the late morning.

If his son manages to wake up early, he reheats for him the food he cooked the previous night.

While Zai Quan is in school, Mr Phua does household chores, including washing clothes his son may have soiled, and makes dinner.

The self-taught cook says his early meals "cannot make it", but now, he knows his way around seasonings and considers his fried chicken and pork "quite tasty, very nice". He mashes his son's food by hand as he has no blender.

Once Zai Quan returns home in the late afternoon, it is time for him to eat and shower before being tucked into bed between 10pm and midnight.

Mr Phua says his movements have been slower since his hernia operation in 2023, making daily tasks a challenge.

During a particularly trying period two years ago, he had to postpone his operation as his son fell sick with flu and had to be hospitalised for two weeks.

Later, he scrambled to find a place for Zai Quan to stay while he himself was admitted for his surgery, and was relieved when Assisi Hospice accepted the boy for about 90 days, especially since he had post-operation complications.

On some days, he admits, he just runs out of steam. "I fall asleep when I'm eating," he says. When he wakes up with a start, he rushes to bathe his son before his bedtime.

He relies on his Central Provident Fund retirement account savings to get by, as well as help from government initiatives such as ComCare, a social safety net for lower-income families, and social service agency Singapore Cancer Society, plus subsidies from various organisations.

The team from cancer non-profit 365 Cancer Prevention Society, which used to dispense financial assistance to Mr Phua, currently supports him and his son with home visits, as well as texts and phone calls.

Father and son enjoy the occasional day out, thanks to activities organised by the cancer society and Club Rainbow, a charity that supports children with chronic illnesses. Mr Phua also looks forward to receiving vegetables and dry groceries every month from the residents' committee.

He says "it is not easy" to take care of a child with special needs, listing the never-ending inconveniences he has to bear, from cleaning faeces off clothing to keeping his temper in check when his son refuses to obey.

But when he is reading from a poster of fruits to Zai Quan for the photo shoot, he reveals a different side.

A big smile replaces his frown as he hugs his son. His voice softens. Zai Quan sits in rapt attention when his father talks to him, smiling and grunting. This means that he is happy, Mr Phua says.

If only he had the time to read to his son every day, he laments. There is just too much to do at home.

With the boy turning 15 in November and Mr Phua almost in his seventh decade, the issue of who will take care of his son weighs heavily on his mind. The second of four siblings, Mr Phua worries that Zai Quan will end up in a nursing home, where he will have no intellectual stimulation.

Turning to his son, he says: "Papa's last wish is to find a good home for you."

https://www.stomp.sg/singapore-seen...eds-son-divorced-cancer-survivor-gets-cpf-and

Sad... Life is so harsh to this family.

 

[Multiversal]

Jialat, SG is just a stepping stone in the eye of many foreigners. Many came for the sake of making money and getting PR. If things goes south, simply pack up and leave.

It certainly went south in this case with the birth of a son with special needs.

Talk about mother's love and how far a mother would go for her child. In this case, it's not very far.

 

[Multiversal]

I heard in PRC, the ppl are not very special needs friendly, nor know the full extent of it

Special needs is not a uniquely Singaporean thing which foreigners are not familiar with.

In a country like China with 4500 years of history, children with special needs is certainly not something which the Chinese do not know, if not the full extent, then at least enough to have Chinese words for it. The average Chinese's knowledge of it does not lose to the average Singaporean's knowledge of it.

Marriages between older men and younger women would always have this risk. And of course, older men and OLDER women have this risk.

 

[virtualape]

Don't have kids when past 50...genes might have mutated already

 

[Laguna123]

He loves his wife very much. They still have a family picture on top of the sound system.

Could be photo of his parents and himself.

 

[Linguist]

walau.. his mom pwn him...

Selfish boomer who wants her "wishes" to be fulfilled instead if letting the children do what they want to do, despite already 53 years old...

Anything new?

Don't have kids when past 50...genes might have mutated already

Is this proven scientifically?

The saddest and most ironic part is that the kid with special needs will never feel sad when his only kin that can take care of him pass away.

That's not true bah...

 

[GarnetDragon]

Special needs is not a uniquely Singaporean thing which foreigners are not familiar with.

In a country like China with 4500 years of history, children with special needs is certainly not something which the Chinese do not know, if not the full extent, then at least enough to have Chinese words for it. The average Chinese's knowledge of it does not lose to the average Singaporean's knowledge of it.

Marriages between older men and younger women would always have this risk. And of course, older men and OLDER women have this risk.

I heard of special needs children born to older women, younger men couples, as well as young parents in their 20s and 30s too.
Also older couples who have perfectly neurotypical children. It's a toss up of the coin bah.

The number of specials needs ppl in China wd def be larger than SG, population proportion wise.

 

[Capitalist]

Next will be crowdfunding liaoz …

 

[Capitalist]

Is this proven scientifically?

According to Google:-


Yes, advanced parental age, both maternal and paternal, is associated with an increased risk of autism in offspring. Specifically, mothers over 40 and fathers over 40 have a higher likelihood of having a child with autism compared to younger parents.

 

[GarnetDragon]

53yo have kid high chance of kena down syndrome kid

There's a 73 yo lady who gave birth, she holds the record for giving birth at the oldest age, her twins seem healthy so far.
Still, pregnancies get riskier, and risks of the baby having conditions with increasing parental age nonetheless. Another worry is how the parents will care for the baby as they get older and weaker.

https://www.dnaindia.com/india/report-oldest-mum-alive-delivers-twins-at-the-age-of-73-2787738

 

[Capitalist]

There's a 73 yo lady who gave birth, she holds the record for giving birth at the oldest age, her twins seem healthy so far.
Still, pregnancies get riskier, and risks of the baby having conditions with increasing parental age nonetheless. Another worry is how the parents will care for the baby as they get older and weaker.

https://www.dnaindia.com/india/report-oldest-mum-alive-delivers-twins-at-the-age-of-73-2787738

Dude

PROBABILITY.