If confide in someone but he dunno how to listen and advice, means he got lousy EQ?

[BunnyPancake]

Learning from the elites on top mah, you think those elites really bother with problems faced by peasants ah?

Exactly... We become a robotic society le. If you notice, those elite schools have always groomed their students with the best, and they're attitude/mindset also got this particular "elitism" thinking one. Then they become totally disconnected from the masses.

Just like why we see some politicans or scholars they talk like very arrogant, heartless, and no empathy or feelings one. I know some friends who are elites and always have a smooth-sailing life and they talk sibei arrogant one.

And if you also notice those big corporations or big tech companies, all the CEOs and higher-ups don't have emotions... They became totally goal-oriented and the end justifies the means.

In our society, the psychopaths and selfish people always get ahead... In my circle, those really l* lang ones get ahead in life. Those 'nice people' tio jiak like whales eating sardines.

Yes correct

They'll just give you gaslighting/trivialising/downplaying replies and from their replies, you know that they don't really understand

IMO, empathy only comes when that very person underwent those crappy scenarios before. Like major heartbreak, business failure, backstabbed by friends/family, betrayal, .etc.

Also, it depends on the person's ego. If that person went through all that but he/she is egoistic, they won't develop empathy. Instead, they will use it to brag about it. Like, "Wah you know last time I was like you sia... Everything didn't go well on my end, but you know what? I persevere and never kpkb. So you have to be like me!"

Hear also dulan. Instead of listening, they start bragging.

 

[EJB]

Why do people expect people to empathize, understand and appreciate your OWN problems?

LOL... nobody cares if you have a problem.

When you're happy, people are happy with you. When you're sad, you are sad alone.

Live with it.

 

[starry_starry_night]

Exactly... We become a robotic society le. If you notice, those elite schools have always groomed their students with the best, and they're attitude/mindset also got this particular "elitism" thinking one. Then they become totally disconnected from the masses.

Just like why we see some politicans or scholars they talk like very arrogant, heartless, and no empathy or feelings one. I know some friends who are elites and always have a smooth-sailing life and they talk sibei arrogant one.

And if you also notice those big corporations or big tech companies, all the CEOs and higher-ups don't have emotions... They became totally goal-oriented and the end justifies the means.

In our society, the psychopaths and selfish people always get ahead... In my circle, those really l* lang ones get ahead in life. Those 'nice people' tio jiak like whales eating sardines.



IMO, empathy only comes when that very person underwent those crappy scenarios before. Like major heartbreak, business failure, backstabbed by friends/family, betrayal, .etc.

Also, it depends on the person's ego. If that person went through all that but he/she is egoistic, they won't develop empathy. Instead, they will use it to brag about it. Like, "Wah you know last time I was like you sia... Everything didn't go well on my end, but you know what? I persevere and never kpkb. So you have to be like me!"

Hear also dulan. Instead of listening, they start bragging.

They will goes...aiya 就是你这种人，everyday complain every jijiwaiwai.

Look at me? Last time I'm like you, now I changed! See how successful limpeh is right now? 学着点!

Aiya 算了啦，教你你也学不来!

成功有时就是要靠实力和运气!

 

[orpisia]

Exactly... We become a robotic society le. If you notice, those elite schools have always groomed their students with the best, and they're attitude/mindset also got this particular "elitism" thinking one. Then they become totally disconnected from the masses.

Just like why we see some politicans or scholars they talk like very arrogant, heartless, and no empathy or feelings one. I know some friends who are elites and always have a smooth-sailing life and they talk sibei arrogant one.

And if you also notice those big corporations or big tech companies, all the CEOs and higher-ups don't have emotions... They became totally goal-oriented and the end justifies the means.

In our society, the psychopaths and selfish people always get ahead... In my circle, those really l* lang ones get ahead in life. Those 'nice people' tio jiak like whales eating sardines.



IMO, empathy only comes when that very person underwent those crappy scenarios before. Like major heartbreak, business failure, backstabbed by friends/family, betrayal, .etc.

Also, it depends on the person's ego. If that person went through all that but he/she is egoistic, they won't develop empathy. Instead, they will use it to brag about it. Like, "Wah you know last time I was like you sia... Everything didn't go well on my end, but you know what? I persevere and never kpkb. So you have to be like me!"

Hear also dulan. Instead of listening, they start bragging.

Yes correct, true

The part about people are like robots, no feeling, goal oriented etc

 

[Kaylin]

I guess what I am asking about is empathy

Whether the person who you confide in, is able to empathise with your plight, for example

So is empathy part of EQ

And another thing is, how edmwers always gauge a person's EQ, is by how much he or she gets angry

If get angry, edmwers will say low EQ

So I always wonder, is that all about eq, or there are more aspects of it

empathy got diff types also, cognitive empathy which can be mimicked & learned but they dont actually feel it, like for the narcissists & sociopaths they can def mimic & mirror that.

honestly though i dont think anyone can truly understand yr plight, unless they've been thru it themselves. therefore not everyone can be confided in unless they hv the emotional capacity for it.

 

[c4765177]

means u r a guy
confirm and chop
cos usually ladies they dun need someone to give advice one
just want u to listen only....
u give advice they will say u damn kaypoh

 

[Kaylin]

means u r a guy
confirm and chop
cos usually ladies they dun need someone to give advice one
just want u to listen only....
u give advice they will say u damn kaypoh

im a girl and i dont even need that also, a listening ear coz ive developed such strong mental & emotional capacity that i know at the end of the day im the only one that has my own back.

 

[c4765177]

im a girl and i dont even need that also, a listening ear coz ive developed such strong mental & emotional capacity that i know at the end of the day im the only one that has my own back.

you RCP?
the photo is you?

 

[Kaylin]

you RCP?
the photo is you?

RCP, yes

 

[orpisia]

RCP, yes

I see your post history

You stopped posting in June 2023

Why only yesterday you come back edmw

 

[Medicated Oil]

Just your luck.
Not every one got listening ear and willing heart.
There is no need to judge the other person cos some people are too caught up with their life to care about the people around them.

 

[Kaylin]

I see your post history

You stopped posting in June 2023

Why only yesterday you come back edmw

took a 1.5 yr break, i was getting so many ntuc pts last yr, idk why. dont wanna be perm banned leh

 

[c4765177]

I see your post history

You stopped posting in June 2023

Why only yesterday you come back edmw

wah u have to CSI every RCP?

 

[Calis_Yoda]

or good EQ means simply not getting angry?

Not really about EQ to be accurate. It's about self-awareness.
"I'm angry!" Or "If he/she do this to me, I'll get/be angry."

Anger is a result, a symptom not the cause. It's something deeper and something more fundamental that trigger(s) the anger.

It can be:
- You feel not being respected
- You feel neglected or ignored after telling the person not to do this action a few times but he/she keeps repeating and shows a "can't be bothered" attitude
- A PMD zooms past from behind you, nearly colliding into you with only a few centimeters away, without any warning.

To understand more about why you and/or the other person who confides in you on the anger, ask these questions, for example:
- "Why am I/are you angry?"
- "What makes me/you angry?"
- "What happened before I/you got angry and other situations, actions etc, which escalate(s) my/your anger level?"

I guess what I am asking about is empathy

Whether the person who you confide in, is able to empathise with your plight, for example

So is empathy part of EQ

And another thing is, how edmwers always gauge a person's EQ, is by how much he or she gets angry

If get angry, edmwers will say low EQ

So I always wonder, is that all about eq, or there are more aspects of it

If truly high EQ person, then will know how to talk and advise on a deeper level, otherwise he can't demonstrate he has it, maybe because he doesn't have it in the first place

Yes correct

They'll just give you gaslighting/trivialising/downplaying replies and from their replies, you know that they don't really understand

Not only empathy, the person who is being confided in also needs to be an active listener, just as @BunnyPancake has mentioned.

Active Listening is a soft skill which needs to be learnt and practiced a lot to reach a competent level. It isn't easy to apply because there are many components in it. In addition, the listener has to be neutral, patient, pay full (100%) attention, don't interrupt, knows when, how and what questions to ask and importantly, don't jump in to give "advice".

Reference articles on Active Listening:
1. Active Listening
https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/active-listening.html#:~:text='Active listening' means, as,involves listening with all senses.

2. Active Listening: 12 Skills to Enhance Your Listening
https://widelensleadership.com/active-listening-12-levels-to-enhance-your-listening-skills/

Image of the 12 components of Active Listening from the article

Not really on Active Listening, but on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which is 1 of the therapy/counselling techniques counsellors, therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists apply.

3. How it works - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/ta...gnitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/how-it-works/

 

[y2c_whtdouwant]

Sad to say this... But sinkies are poor listeners.

I'm sure you notice this too... When you want to tell them your problems either they still use phone or just "Oh nvm one la."

That's why it is so BAD that we had this PSA on TV recently:



The problem with this PSA is... You tell people to be better listener also no use, because most sinkies are selfish or it is just not their trait. We only want to humble brag, talk about ourselves, "I told you so" lecture, or just not interested because of the 'negative vibes'. Especially with our competitive environment, they will just gloat at your misery or just tell other people about what you shared and di siao about it. Why do you think we keep seeing sinkies go ki siao, become admitted to IMH, or so many suicide cases?

I used to be an active listener and help people in their time of need. But when it is my turn, all AFK or not around or they give some ridiculous lecture that's not even emotional support at all.

I don't even bother telling people about my problems liao.

Same can apply to SG govt.

 

[Kaylin]

wah u have to CSI every RCP?

we talked b4, he doesnt hv to CSI one

 

[dambio]

or good EQ means simply not getting angry?

Or maybe tat person just can't be bothered? But becos you're friend so just listen to u.

 

[yves]

Not necessary, it's just that this person can't be bothered with you and expects you to stop yet you still CCWW there.

 

[PaprikaSG]

TS husband?

 

[ballastic90]

Means find another one liao