I dislike this young man that my daughter seems to fancy (at last night's Xmas party)

[aceminer]

If JC Singapore, cannot. If UK boarding school, can.

Ah ok that changes things

 

[Hakuna Matata]

Before we go off to JP for Xmas and Oshogatsu, my daughter held a mini party at home last evening.

There was this young guy that my daughter seemed happy to chat, joke. I had observed she was always smiling at his humour.

I found out a few things:

1) He rented a car and volunteered to "ferry" a couple of friends to our place. Granted we are in a not so accessible area, he could have shared a Grab ride. I think he is showing off.

2) He darted around our place as if familiar with the setting. It is his first visit. He settled himself, without consideration of himself being merely a visitor, a guest. Acted as if he is the host. No big no small. I have no clue for how long he has met my daughter.

3) At 4 years older than my daughter (21), he completed his NS, Poly, and did a few businesses, as he claimed (or odd jobs as I sensed). I was not a good student, but his 18 points for O level amazed me. He told me he is a startup entrepreneur/marketing consultant. He talks a lot of topics, but shallow in discourse.

4) The family and social gaps are too wide. I grew up in a rental flat. My parents worked hard, upgraded themselves, progressed through the years. My parents were frugal, no gambling, drinking, smoking. This young man has stayed in the same housing estate, same flat since young. I wondered why the lack of upward social and financial mobility. Was there any attempts at hard work, goal-getting, or enjoyed life in the moment? Does he not have a mentor? Role model?

5) He is a damn good, sweet talker. The type that will give way to my daughter momentarily, make her happy, cheerful. Couldn't he employ his EQ for making $$$$, instead of in social conversation?

My hunch tells me this guy is not gonna to achieve much, and there will be no good outcome for my daughter. There is no compatibility. A 3rd rated poly and odd jober versus an Oxford alumnus.

I'm writing this to let out air and to see if any experienced fathers have good advice.

My wife and I will chat with her in JP. I will not leave her alone, with this chap.

I have read too many Edmwer posts and also heard from classmates about non-working husbands, lying flat at home, leeching on the wife. Such a menace, pest.

Are you, dad or mum?
丈母娘看女婿，越看越有趣； 岳父看女婿，越看越有氣,。

 

[Lemonpeach]

Nah sg system still can. Just take their entrance test can liao or be legacy applicants.

Being in sg system no different than being foreigner like china , malaysia student applicants anyway. Anyone can just take the entrance exam.

Many Malaysians in UK. I agree with you Singaporeans can. Many parents want their kids to complete a milestone first before going, and that held them back. Malaysians don't care. We also got sold by how good our education system is.

 

[Whirling_Dervish]

Iirc oxford can just take their entrance exam. Also, 18 is not that early imo as moi know quite a few already in uni by 17.

Nothing to brag imo for TS.

I think you still need to have high school leaving qualifications (ie A Levels or IB) to qualify for Oxbridge, unless you are those super genius who came up with their own mathematical theorems at age 12.

Ang mo. She must have many others. But she told the mum, not me.

How do you feel about your daughter being in interracial relationships?

 

[Lemonpeach]

If ts really dont like this guy, organize another party at your place, invite all their friends, in the middle part of the party find some petty reason to shame the guy

I can't do that. Best to let mum talk to her and the issue disappear. A couple of wise advice from edmwers in this post. Will follow.

The episode took me by surprise.

 

[Lemonpeach]

I think you still need to have high school leaving qualifications (ie A Levels or IB) to qualify for Oxbridge, unless you are those super genius who came up with their own mathematical theorems at age 12.



How do you feel about your daughter being in interracial relationships?

I'm fine with inter-racial. My wife is Japanese, so that is inter-racial. She has specific exclusion list.

 

[crunsik]

All the aunt agonies advise. Ts should advise ur girl instead. Plenty of bad boys trying to get into girls pants

 

[mummynew]

Must matriculate through UK boarding school.
If study in SG system, no possibility.
She studied in UK from secondary one or form 6, at the age of 11. Unlike SG system, UK boarding school admission is based on entrance test and principal decision. No PSLE, O levels. Straight through.

I think this is where the problems lie.

Parents are not with the child during their important development years and got cooped in a boarding school to be book smart with minimal chance to learn street smart = too protective environment.

She will learn something out from this relationship eventually (and you may hv to be ''thankful" of the boy for being yr girl's 'teacher').

If you have to see she falls one day, be ready to be her safety net (never gloat her "see, I've told you" - this is the cutting knife to most r'ships).

*a general sense is your bond with your girl is weak = she is unlikely to heed whatever you say.

 

[chaiscool]

If ts really dont like this guy, organize another party at your place, invite all their friends, in the middle part of the party find some petty reason to shame the guy

Like cdrama sia. What's with asian obsession with public shaming poor / low ses ppl haha.

 

[Lemonpeach]

I think this is where the problems lie.

Parents are not with the child during their important development years and got cooped in a boarding school to be book smart with minimal chance to learn street smart = too protective environment.

She will learn something out from this relationship eventually (and you may hv to be ''thankful" of the boy for being yr girl's 'teacher'.

If you have to see she falls one day, be ready to be her safety net (never gloat her "see, I've told you - this is the cutting knife to most r'ships).

*a general sense is your bond with your girl is weak = she is unlikely to heed whatever you say.

I let the mum talk to her first. I can't chat with women on non-work stuff comfortably.

 

[qhong61]

Before we go off to JP for Xmas and Oshogatsu, my daughter held a mini party at home last evening.

There was this young guy that my daughter seemed happy to chat, joke. I had observed she was always smiling at his humour.

I found out a few things:

1) He rented a car and volunteered to "ferry" a couple of friends to our place. Granted we are in a not so accessible area, he could have shared a Grab ride. I think he is showing off.

2) He darted around our place as if familiar with the setting. It is his first visit. He settled himself, without consideration of himself being merely a visitor, a guest. Acted as if he is the host. No big no small. I have no clue for how long he has met my daughter.

3) At 4 years older than my daughter (21), he completed his NS, Poly, and did a few businesses, as he claimed (or odd jobs as I sensed). I was not a good student, but his 18 points for O level amazed me. He told me he is a startup entrepreneur/marketing consultant. He talks a lot of topics, but shallow in discourse.

4) The family and social gaps are too wide. I grew up in a rental flat. My parents worked hard, upgraded themselves, progressed through the years. My parents were frugal, no gambling, drinking, smoking. This young man has stayed in the same housing estate, same flat since young. I wondered why the lack of upward social and financial mobility. Was there any attempts at hard work, goal-getting, or enjoyed life in the moment? Does he not have a mentor? Role model?

5) He is a damn good, sweet talker. The type that will give way to my daughter momentarily, make her happy, cheerful. Couldn't he employ his EQ for making $$$$, instead of in social conversation?

My hunch tells me this guy is not gonna to achieve much, and there will be no good outcome for my daughter. There is no compatibility. A 3rd rated poly and odd jober versus an Oxford alumnus.

I'm writing this to let out air and to see if any experienced fathers have good advice.

My wife and I will chat with her in JP. I will not leave her alone, with this chap.

I have read too many Edmwer posts and also heard from classmates about non-working husbands, lying flat at home, leeching on the wife. Such a menace, pest.

Are u moelangyong clone?

 

[Lemonpeach]

Are u molangyong clone?

Who?

 

[mummynew]

I let the mum talk to her first. I can't chat with women on non-work stuff comfortably.

Good that your acknowledge your 'weakness'. If you are not good in this, then don't speak to her coz can be 越说越错。

If you missed participating in her key development years, really you sort of have given up your 'rights' to participate in her later years development (coz the bond is missing).

 

[alex22]

I just want to ask TS who you are to think someone else does not deserve to be with your dotter.

Self made big businessman or what?

Honest question.

What if dotter bring home a SME BOSS F2D that is 48 year old but shallow as heck, alot of sweet talking, seem like the siamdiu type, drive conti and brought no friends, brought abalone gifts how?

 

[1982-1994]

I think too late already. Should be already tasted.

Your moniker reminds me of @meatbao

 

[qhong61]

I'm fine with inter-racial. My wife is Japanese, so that is inter-racial. She has specific exclusion list.

Are u Tharman?

 

[mocax]

tell your daughter that you dun like him... tell him to convince you that he ish suitable....

 

[chaiscool]

I think this is where the problems lie.

Parents are not with the child during their important development years and got cooped in a boarding school to be book smart with minimal chance to learn street smart = too protective environment.

She will learn something out from this relationship eventually (and you may hv to be ''thankful" of the boy for being yr girl's 'teacher').

If you have to see she falls one day, be ready to be her safety net (never gloat her "see, I've told you" - this is the cutting knife to most r'ships).

*a general sense is your bond with your girl is weak = she is unlikely to heed whatever you say.

I let the mum talk to her first. I can't chat with women on non-work stuff comfortably.

Aiya parents cannot engineer kids one, she 21 liao so best is to just accept it, both the good and bad.

Parent's influence on their kids is mostly on the resource and environment that they can provide. Even parents say don't date the guy but her heart taken liao then how haha

 

[V_for_Vanilla]

Imagine going to friend's place for a simple gathering and have that friend's parent judge you personally for everything you say and do. People may not even be interested in your daughter lol what a sanctimonious dick.

You cannot blame the parent when the person is being conspicuous and a bit of a try hard.

 

[focus1974]

Heng my PIL do not think like you as I don't achieve much , I am not a father myself though I understood how you feel
just saying

but maybe you are primp and proper..

TS is saying that guy gives off a vibe of a sweet talker , not grounded and no big no small (no manners) and also not high IQ. (coz 18 points for O levels) for his Oxford alumnus dotter. (high IQ).
and of course... whole family no fighting ambition. (that one maybe a little off.. coz actually should just see the kid only. Some kids become very hungry because of the parents situation).


So, he is just saying should be wood door match wood door. silver spoon match silver spoon.
Every parents also want . But ya, not every family will focus like that. I would focus on the guy only. To see whether character good enough for my dotter. Even if very successful but character like ****, i would rather she not get married to him


But maybe one thing I cannot accept is ... if family members got gamblers or drug addicts or gangsters. That one can forget it. These type will usually drag into your own family since related now. Better have those 安分守己 family as inlaws.