Agency and Structure Within Us and Around Us
We can't improve structure without improving the agency.
Key points
- In human endeavor, there is a continual tension between structure (laws, rules, norms) and individual agency.
- The structure-agency tension plays out on all levels of human interactions, including love relationships.
- Love partners focus too much on agency and not enough on structure.
Derived from sociology, the concept of
structure refers to influences and constraints on individual behavior. Elements of social structure include laws, policies, organizations, social categories (economics, race,
gender, religion), prevalence of
crime, sickness, health care, and quality
education, as well as cultural norms of expected social behavior.
Agency refers to individual rights, responsibilities, and autonomy (control over one’s thoughts, feelings, and actions).
The structure-agency tension plays out on all levels of human interactions, including love relationships. It’s a useful lens for analyzing relationships, society, and
politics.
Structure in Love Relationships
We’re not consciously aware of the structure that guides and constrains our behavior within love relationships. Nevertheless, love relationships feature tacit rules and norms to which partners expect adherence. Research suggests several norms that are optimal for committed relationships:
- Egalitarian
- Cooperative
- Supportive and protective
- Flexible
- Tolerance of differences.
Egalitarian: the rights, privileges, and preferences of partners are equal, with neither holding power nor authority over the other.
Cooperative: partners contribute to the well-being of the family according to talents, skills, and personal resources. Historically, division of labor, control of family resources, and assumption of responsibilities were determined by gender roles. In our times, partners must negotiate about them fairly for relationships to thrive.
Supportive and protective: partners help each other and protect each other’s well-being.
Flexible: partners are open to changes in behavior.
Tolerance of differences: partners accept that they have different family histories, life experiences, coping habits, and, most likely, different temperaments, emotional vulnerabilities, and cultural norms.
Rate the structure of your relationship by answering true or false to the following. My relationship is:
Egalitarian ___
Cooperative ___
Flexible ___
Supportive and protective ___
Tolerant of differences ___
*All answers should be
true.
Agency in Love Relationships
This is what we know about the healthiest expression of agency within relationship structure:
- Partners accept personal responsibility for their behavior and contribute to the well-being of the family.
- Partners self-regulate: calm themselves when upset and strive to improve problematic situations rather than blame, punish, or try to avoid problems or each other.
Rate agency within your relationship by answering true or false to the following:
I accept personal responsibility ___
My partner accepts personal responsibility __
My partner thinks I accept personal responsibility __
I self-regulate__
My partner self-regulates__
My partner thinks I
self-regulate.
*All answers should be
true.