(I apologize if this is the wrong thread to post, friends suggested that I try sharing it on a forum)
I’ve been married to a foreigner for about four years now. As of 2025, I'm in my mid 30's and she's 30.
We met back in 2018 on a dating app. She was working as a mall receptionist at the time and had just moved here. As time passed, she explored new industries and eventually climbed the ladder to become a Business Development Manager. She’s earning far more than I do through commissions and her relentless work ethic.
We had a unique relationship from the start, with no plans for children and dreams of traveling and growing old together. Despite cultural differences, we always managed to talk things out. But over time, I watched her change from a kind, loving woman into someone more cold and distant, someone driven solely by goals and pressure. Her financial responsibilities grew, especially supporting her family back in her country and managing her property investments.
Since around 2021, she’s been glued to her phone, always working, texting, or catching up with people back home. There was a moment I unintentionally interrupted her during one of these times and was harshly yelled at. From then on, I stayed silent whenever she was on her phone. A piece of me gave up that day. It's not like those pre-married days where she locked the phone, smiled and hear me out.
By 2024, things got worse. I kept asking myself if it's something wrong that I've done. I was dealing with her frequent mood swings, shouting over minor misunderstandings, and even broken furnitures from arguments over cultural differences. I was constantly apologizing to keep the peace, even when I wasn’t in the wrong. I didn’t want more conflict. I just wanted to move on from the topic, let things calm down and just not argue anymore.
Now in 2025, as she is dealing with more burdens than ever, including job transitions, financial pressure, and family issues back home. I'm starting to see a different side of her. There was even an incident she said "if you're looking for that girl you dated, sorry I'm not the same person anymore!"
She recently flew back to her country for a month, and I was away too. When I returned, I brought her gifts, hoping to she'll open them up in excitement upon my return. But sadly, she placed them aside with gratitude and said she's too busy to open them. After a couple of reminders throughout the month, she texted me, saying "Please stop asking me to open the gifts, otherwise I’ll just throw them all away." That broke me. I mentally checked out that day and stopped expecting anything more from this marriage.
What’s stopping me from filing for divorce? It’s complicated. We’re financially entangled with shared housing, money I’ve lent her, and she’s still trying to settle her own situation back home while adjusting to a new job. Leaving now feels like I’d be abandoning her at her lowest, even though I’m the one barely holding on.
Friends who heard my story even joked that I should just find a mistress to become my sanctuary, since my wife has become a responsibility.
Just wanted to share and know that I’m not alone. If you’ve been through something like this or are going through it now, I’d appreciate hearing how you cope. How do you stay strong in a marriage that feels one-sided?
Thanks in advance!
I’ve been married to a foreigner for about four years now. As of 2025, I'm in my mid 30's and she's 30.
We met back in 2018 on a dating app. She was working as a mall receptionist at the time and had just moved here. As time passed, she explored new industries and eventually climbed the ladder to become a Business Development Manager. She’s earning far more than I do through commissions and her relentless work ethic.
We had a unique relationship from the start, with no plans for children and dreams of traveling and growing old together. Despite cultural differences, we always managed to talk things out. But over time, I watched her change from a kind, loving woman into someone more cold and distant, someone driven solely by goals and pressure. Her financial responsibilities grew, especially supporting her family back in her country and managing her property investments.
Since around 2021, she’s been glued to her phone, always working, texting, or catching up with people back home. There was a moment I unintentionally interrupted her during one of these times and was harshly yelled at. From then on, I stayed silent whenever she was on her phone. A piece of me gave up that day. It's not like those pre-married days where she locked the phone, smiled and hear me out.
By 2024, things got worse. I kept asking myself if it's something wrong that I've done. I was dealing with her frequent mood swings, shouting over minor misunderstandings, and even broken furnitures from arguments over cultural differences. I was constantly apologizing to keep the peace, even when I wasn’t in the wrong. I didn’t want more conflict. I just wanted to move on from the topic, let things calm down and just not argue anymore.
Now in 2025, as she is dealing with more burdens than ever, including job transitions, financial pressure, and family issues back home. I'm starting to see a different side of her. There was even an incident she said "if you're looking for that girl you dated, sorry I'm not the same person anymore!"
She recently flew back to her country for a month, and I was away too. When I returned, I brought her gifts, hoping to she'll open them up in excitement upon my return. But sadly, she placed them aside with gratitude and said she's too busy to open them. After a couple of reminders throughout the month, she texted me, saying "Please stop asking me to open the gifts, otherwise I’ll just throw them all away." That broke me. I mentally checked out that day and stopped expecting anything more from this marriage.
What’s stopping me from filing for divorce? It’s complicated. We’re financially entangled with shared housing, money I’ve lent her, and she’s still trying to settle her own situation back home while adjusting to a new job. Leaving now feels like I’d be abandoning her at her lowest, even though I’m the one barely holding on.
Friends who heard my story even joked that I should just find a mistress to become my sanctuary, since my wife has become a responsibility.
Just wanted to share and know that I’m not alone. If you’ve been through something like this or are going through it now, I’d appreciate hearing how you cope. How do you stay strong in a marriage that feels one-sided?
Thanks in advance!
