Been a month...realise I still like her alot

[f-o-f!]

You are not getting the point. If a person doesn't like you, it doesn't matter what you have or will become. Won't change her mind.

i have to disagree just based on personal experience. did not consider any of my ex-es as more than friends till we knew each other for some time. it can and does happen that feelings develop over time.
however, for me, this happened after we spent time together quite regularly, have some shared experiences, etc. which are opportunites i feel ts doesn't have at the moment..

 

[f-o-f!]

You just accept the girls as your gf even though you don't like them? i have a friend like that also, he's not keen to marry even though the girl keep hinting. If I don't really like the girl, I don't really want to spend time with her, feel like wasting my time. Now I find one I really like but...

not just wasting your time, but hers as well. girls have a shorter runway..i knew someone like that, too. he didn't seem happy, in fact, he was downright miserable whenever sharing about his relationship. i kept telling him it's unfair to both if he continues without being honest with her. lost touch with him, but i heard they got married eventually. i really pity the girl..

 

[doratch]

i have to disagree just based on personal experience. did not consider any of my ex-es as more than friends till we knew each other for some time. it can and does happen that feelings develop over time.
however, for me, this happened after we spent time together quite regularly, have some shared experiences, etc. which are opportunites i feel ts doesn't have at the moment..

This can only happen if the girl already likes you but you blur blur dunnoe niah...

Or the other scenario is, since nobody chases after her, then she just give you a chance loh...

 

[kage]

if you don't really like, why get attached..? doing both of you a disservice..

Ok 1 relationship which i have to confess is very bad of me, i have to break up wif current GF due to some reason, then i always heard to heal from a broken heart and come out of it easier is go into a new relationship ...

So just nice at that point of time, got another also gal like me, but i did not have much special feelings for her, don't get me wrong she is good looking and decent gal, just tat i love my current GF more.

So i use the new gal as my float to ease my break up pain with my GF ...

So this is one example of wat i meant when i say i get together wif a gal that i did not like 100%, but of cos after sometime, true feelings are developed wif tthe new gal.
But this relationship of cos also does not last long as the gal also can sense it ....

 

[f-o-f!]

Then how should I play my cards? do the opposite? Ignore her? I pretended I never see her twice, to see if she will call out to me, but she never. not surprising given her quiet personality. But when I call out hi and her name, she will smile back or say hello. I just need to have the courage to stop her and make small talk. She will respond.

we tend to want what we don't have, so if you ignore her, she may want your attention more than if you're super friendly with her. e.g. if i'm attracted to 2 people and one openly shows interest while the other is more reserved/things are more ambiguous, my attention will probably go to the latter simply because things are not clear? that person will intrigue me more. i feel this works only if she has some attraction to you, though.

 

[Zappalapa]

one sided?
infatuation?

 

[Spike]

i have to disagree just based on personal experience. did not consider any of my ex-es as more than friends till we knew each other for some time. it can and does happen that feelings develop over time.
however, for me, this happened after we spent time together quite regularly, have some shared experiences, etc. which are opportunites i feel ts doesn't have at the moment..

I do not disagree with you.

However, we need to be clear of the fact that this is not a platonic-turned-romantic relationship type of situation.

The girl had made it clear that she wasn't keen in a relationship. Not that she needed more time to consider the possibility.

Like what some of them correctly pointed out, her response was out of politeness for a colleague. If he had been someone she could totally ignored without consequences, she might have done it already. A chiobu would have faced countless similar scenarios.

Thus, I am of the mind that he were to continue his current course of actions, the girl might eventually resign.

 

[MoeLanYong]

we tend to want what we don't have, so if you ignore her, she may want your attention more than if you're super friendly with her. e.g. if i'm attracted to 2 people and one openly shows interest while the other is more reserved/things are more ambiguous, my attention will probably go to the latter simply because things are not clear? that person will intrigue me more. i feel this works only if she has some attraction to you, though.

Well said.

TS, this sums up what I have been trying to tell you just now.

 

[f-o-f!]

This can only happen if the girl already likes you but you blur blur dunnoe niah...

Or the other scenario is, since nobody chases after her, then she just give you a chance loh...

hmm..i'm female, though. your comment gave me some pause. purely based on my own experience, i think guys are more clear in how they categorize/view their female friends/acquaintances from the start, whereas for females, there is some possibility of moving out of the friendzone?

 

[f-o-f!]

Ok 1 relationship which i have to confess is very bad of me, i have to break up wif current GF due to some reason, then i always heard to heal from a broken heart and come out of it easier is go into a new relationship ...

So just nice at that point of time, got another also gal like me, but i did not have much special feelings for her, don't get me wrong she is good looking and decent gal, just tat i love my current GF more.

So i use the new gal as my float to ease my break up pain with my GF ...

So this is one example of wat i meant when i say i get together wif a gal that i did not like 100%, but of cos after sometime, true feelings are developed wif tthe new gal.
But this relationship of cos also does not last long as the gal also can sense it ....

yes, the rebound.. have yet to hear of one that ends well.

you needed time to heal and get over your gf. maybe you could have let your next gf know and she could have given you space and time, yet also be a good friend to you and distract you from your pain so those feelings that developed later could maybe develop before you entered a relationship with her? of course, it's too late now, but i guess everything happens for a reason. that's how we all learn, just stumbling along, hurting others and getting hurt..

 

[Spike]

hmm..i'm female, though. your comment gave me some pause. purely based on my own experience, i think guys are more clear in how they categorize/view their female friends/acquaintances from the start, whereas for females, there is some possibility of moving out of the friendzone?

Are u a gen z?

 

[kodomo80]

TS, what is your r/s or girls dating experience leh?

 

[f-o-f!]

I do not disagree with you.

However, we need to be clear of the fact that this is not a platonic-turned-romantic relationship type of situation.

The girl had made it clear that she wasn't keen in a relationship. Not that she needed more time to consider the possibility.

Like what some of them correctly pointed out, her response was out of politeness for a colleague. If he had been someone she could totally ignored without consequences, she might have done it already. A chiobu would have faced countless similar scenarios.

Thus, I am of the mind that he were to continue his current course of actions, the girl might eventually resign.

well, i agree with you because, from what i've read so far, i feel she is getting uncomfortable. however, what i meant is that, it's not an impossibility If they have the opportunity to first develop a friendship of sorts, which doesn't seem to be the case for ts.

i think all the comments asking him to make a move, etc. might have made it awkward for them since they only had a group lunch once. it's a big jump to go for a meal with just the 2 of them, especially if she had no inkling of his attraction prior to that. maybe i see it a bit differently because i remember being creeped out by my first bf at the start, but eventually still developed feelings for him. then again, like you say, this is different since they are colleagues. i do believe backing off is the right move for now.

 

[f-o-f!]

Are u a gen z?

nope. what i said makes it sound like i'm a gen z? i know nothing about them, to be honest.

 

[MrAwesomeX]

one sided?
infatuation?

In edmw we call them Stalker type .

 

[immortalgamerz]

please don’t ask her out again. Trust me, she definitely not interested in you and don’t make the situation awkward again.


she’s only being polite and has no choice but to “entertain” your small talk (dun want to appear as rude)



It’s definitely not karma.

TS, you should know that she is not interested in you at all. My advice to you is to back off NOW before the situation becomes awkward again. Don’t make her feel repulsive towards you. You are already making her life in office difficult having to be polite to your “advances” etc.

I’m female so I can understand how females behave

Stop pining, as a female I can sense that she is pressured by you.
Back off!

TS, I think their opinions are valid. I asked my wife (we met when working at the same company) and she echo-ed similar response with the above ladies.

Just to add on what others have said:

Ask her out again and gauge her response from there. If she reject you again I think the answer is clear: either she is not interested in you or she's not keen in any romantic relationship. Usually, a simple meal together happens between colleagues, if she rejects means she's obviously not giving any chances or even feeling repulsive.

When a girl has some degree of interest in you, they will find ways to accommodate your timing, try to meet up or strike small talk with you. However, in your replies, she appeared to be hard to catch or busy.. it could be that she is actively avoiding you but appearing to be polite. When my wife and I were not dating and were still normal colleagues, I noticed her pushing back her lunch schedule to meet mine. I was in the sales department and she was in accounting and my lunch was very late around 2.00pm. I wasn't aware at that time but her colleagues hinted to me haha.

My wife also shared an interesting point. She said that if a lady has even a slight interest with her male colleague, the lady will try to give an impression of an ideal partner rather than an impression of a workaholic. A good hint is she will actively whatsapp you to chat even if you do not initiate it.

Hope it helps. Good luck and have fun!

 

[jack-320]

If she likes you she will make it easy for you

The worse thing that can happen is that she sets up a trap for you to enter relationship with her

Ask those divorcees if their ex-partner trapped them into relationship/marriage

Hope all gets attached and married

 

[Spike]

Chop off no more prob

Not sleeping well recently?

 

[Spike]

nope. what i said makes it sound like i'm a gen z? i know nothing about them, to be honest.

My bad. Well, I see this as a gone case in that he didn't even know what she was looking out for.