Been a month...realise I still like her alot

[plpl20]

true..but work is just work. if there's a possibility of finding a life partner, why not..? seems like it's not easy in the dating world after people start working. it's a bonus IF there's mutual attraction. i mean, where else can you spend lots of time together, gauge a person's character, develop feelings naturally etc. other than at the workplace?

Exactly what I feel and mention before.

 

[plpl20]

Definitely, there exists a possibility that a partner can be found in the workplace.

But truth be told, humans are visual creatures. If this young lady wasn't a chiobu in the first place, would he have taken notice of her presence or her personality?

How much time did he spend talking and knowing this lady to have felt that he couldn't spend his life without her? They barely know each other..

A career focused individual will not risk his/her future in the company without considering repurcussion..

I don't deny her looks attracted me first. But it's her personality that attract me after i work with her. No chance of this happening outside work.

 

[plpl20]

I know. The WHAT IF. COULD BE. COULD HAVE.
Still doesn’t hide the fact that he lied about his marital status mah.

He lied to you, he lied to his wife / cheated on his wife about his affair. With such character it is good you left him. No need to feel 可惜 one no matter how good you think he was, how promising he was as a partner, etc.

Totally agree. this is a scum. Many better guys out there.

 

[Kilrach]

Quite a few say such good girls like players. Maybe true for some. But base on my observation of how she think and talk and her age when I worked with her, I think those v smart nerdy type, carry himself v well type should attract her, not things like car, condo etc since she herself is financially stable. She know I own a car anyway. Then next, maybe chemistry like some of you say and she don't feel we have.

I think you are overthinking and over-analyzing.

Flirting is just a skill. Being good at it doesn't make you a player. You can certainly use it for "bad" and be a player. Or you can use it for "good" to just be socially magnetic. Rather than creating a checklist to figure out what she does or doesn't like (which really doesn't work at all), the best way is to create chemistry with her.

And the only way to do that is to "flirt" with her. Now, flirting is a dial - it isn't on or off, but there are levels that you can turn up or down depending on the situation or rapport you have with someone. Perhaps a better term without negative connotations is playful, Being playful. It may come natural to some more than others, but it's a skill that can be developed.

Food for thought.

 

[Spike]

I don't deny her looks attracted me first. But it's her personality that attract me after i work with her. No chance of this happening outside work.

For avoidance of doubt, I do not mean to offend. Simply voicing my unwanted opinions.

Perhaps I can add that most females judge males based on first impressions. There are outliers but it is hard to change that.

Ultimately, the decision is up to you.

 

[kodomo80]

TS i give u this

 

[Red Ronin]

You are right. i mention before I don't wanna scare her off. She's quite friendly, not so awkward now. Though I sense some reservation when I talk about a cafe. I didn't ask her out, just said casually she can try out when she's less busy. When I sense it's a good timing, will ask her out again. Maybe after a date, she will know me better and develop feelings.

I would suggest not to rush into things. Keep talking to her. Show her your confident self.

Only ask when you think she is ready mentally

 

[plmokn]

Go for it......

 

[Red Ronin]

No worries. Will just continue to be friendly and pass snacks to her or leave on her table sometimes. I realise when I gave little snacks that are not common, I can share where I buy them, the different flavours and which ones must try. She will be curious. V short chats but we have things to talk about and seem quite natural. And don't make sense to pay me back coz they don't cost much. She will offer me back snacks. Saw her big box of snacks in a corner and of coz her flowers. Over time, I find out more what snacks/food she like, some which I also like. Also, what flowers she like etc

I suggest not to be so nice.

Being nice and not building attraction has no use.

I suggest you stop doing it out of the blue and stop communicating with her at all.

If she reach out to u. U have a chance.

Do a test on her.

 

[congster2]

You sound rather beta which is a turn off for girls. Snap out of it and at least be a sigma if not alpha.

Like a girl, just go for it. Ask her out on a date. Fail? Give up or try again. So wishy washy for what? These leave a snack on a table action is a waste of time.

Smile? Lol. For what? Just talk, ask her out. Guys ought to be bold right?

This is coming from someone married for 20 years with 2 kids. Not someone talking fluff.

Ps, as a guy I have my fair share of friends who are like you. We are in our mid to late 40s. Guess what? All of them (who behave like you) are still single.

 

[Woof24]

Exactly, ppl work in office not operate f&b stall. Please stop leaving snacks

 

[Red Ronin]

Nice guys finishes last

 

[kodomo80]

You sound rather beta which is a turn off for girls. Snap out of it and at least be a sigma if not alpha.

Like a girl, just go for it. Ask her out on a date. Fail? Give up or try again. So wishy washy for what? These leave a snack on a table action is a waste of time.

Smile? Lol. For what? Just talk, ask her out. Guys ought to be bold right?

This is coming from someone married for 20 years with 2 kids. Not someone talking fluff.

Ps, as a guy I have my fair share of friends who are like you. We are in our mid to late 40s. Guess what? All of them (who behave like you) are still single.

1. either u do or dun do.
2. move on

 

[congster2]

1. either u do or dun do.
2. move on

Need to tell some hard truths which is to snap out of gu niang mode which is a huge turn off for girls.

Im sure if I were like that my now wife then gf would be like smlj? Haha

 

[haveyourcake]

Thanks all for your replies. There are so many posts, I read all but can't reply every post. Some encourage me to keep trying/confess. I said before, I don't wanna confess coz I know she will reject and that's it, no chance anymore. Some tell me to give up/don't pressure her. But hard to give up coz I never came across a girl I really like. Every time I see her, just feel she's v sweet and charming.

yk her impression of you wont change unless you do something very drastic right? you'll forever be this slightly weird and awkward but friendly co-worker to her.

just go crash and burn. after she reject you then move on. for both your sanity and hers.

 

[kodomo80]

Need to tell some hard truths which is to snap out of gu niang mode which is a huge turn off for girls.

Im sure if I were like that my now wife then gf would be like smlj? Haha

TS likes can liao

 

[f-o-f!]

she doesn’t like you, if she does she would slow down for you. do you know how easy it is when a girl likes you?

that's true; she doesn't seem to have feelings. but he's creating opportunities for her to develop them by being present, in the background, being a friend. not saying it'll work, but at least he's trying.

 

[f-o-f!]

You are right. i mention before I don't wanna scare her off. She's quite friendly, not so awkward now. Though I sense some reservation when I talk about a cafe. I didn't ask her out, just said casually she can try out when she's less busy. When I sense it's a good timing, will ask her out again. Maybe after a date, she will know me better and develop feelings.

i suggest not to ask her out yet. i feel maybe group outings where there are more people, less pressure, might be something more palatable to her.

from what you've shared, i think you may need more time to get her to feel more comfortable around you than if you hadn't suggested eating out together previously. feel like that may have been a step backwards based on her reaction and your subsequent interactions. doing so again would show her you can't 'read the room' and might make it even less likely for any progress. she already seems apprehensive when you mentioned cafe?

 

[Spike]

i suggest not to ask her out yet. i feel maybe group outings where there are more people, less pressure, might be something more palatable to her.

from what you've shared, i think you may need more time to get her to feel more comfortable around you than if you hadn't suggested eating out together previously. feel like that may have been a step backwards based on her reaction and your subsequent interactions. doing so again would show her you can't 'read the room' and might make it even less likely for any progress. she already seems apprehensive when you mentioned cafe?

Based on his sharing till now.. I see a group outing as an unlikely scenario where he would stand out positively enough in a group setting to impress upon the lady. Higher chance that he ended up as a stepping stone for his competitors..

Moreover, I don't see any good reason for him to use to organise a group outing with the young lady and his colleagues supporting his pursuit..

Each man for himself is more likely..

 

[f-o-f!]

Based on his sharing till now.. I see a group outing as an unlikely scenario where he would stand out positively enough in a group setting to impress upon the lady. Higher chance that he ended up as a stepping stone for his competitors..

Moreover, I don't see any good reason for him to use to organise a group outing with the young lady and his colleagues supporting his pursuit..

Each man for himself is more likely..

haha. ok, maybe i phrased wrongly. should be lunch with colleagues rather than group outing.

don't think he needs to impress her or outshine other colleagues. basically these are just opportunities to spend time together, whether or not he sits next to her, or gets to talk to her much, it's a low-pressure setting that she's more likely to agree to? allows them to be closer as colleagues, if nothing else. especially since he's not in a rush and doesn't have many opportunities to work with her. aiya, you know la. it worked for me, so hoping it'll work for ts.