Do you cane your kids?

[singaporesinger]

Dont be amdk and simi time out.

I whip out the belt and any household items can also be a weapon (my favourite is the coathanger btw). And beat their mothers instead in front of them. She later then whack them. It's what I call the corporate way of discipline.

I whip out my rod, whack the mother. Must have **** **** sound.

That's my way of discipline.

Sent from Ya Mei Ke Xing using GAGT

 

[Mizo217]

Cane or not don't really matter.
Just don't anything also use cane to settle.

They will get used to it then when your canes bundled in 10 to whack also no use.

 

[Jyuenn]

For me, I feel that there is no foolproof method to instil discipline in a child. Canning may be the only way that works for some, but it may also result in an emotional scar for another. Best is to try and understand the root of the problem and try to talk it out. This encourages a two-way communication, builds trust and bond between the parent and the child. If canning is a must, let the child know that this is the consequence of a bad behaviour. Never vent out your frustration or anger on your child by using irrational violence.

 

[pdsubbu]

For me, I feel that there is no foolproof method to instil discipline in a child. Canning may be the only way that works for some, but it may also result in an emotional scar for another. Best is to try and understand the root of the problem and try to talk it out. This encourages a two-way communication, builds trust and bond between the parent and the child. If canning is a must, let the child know that this is the consequence of a bad behaviour. Never vent out your frustration or anger on your child by using irrational violence.

Well said!

 

[pdsubbu]

Caning isn't a solution!

Caning isn't a solution!

It's time you spend with your kid and how & what you communicate!

 

[lioney]

Caning your child as a punishment for disobedience, mostly happen in some Asian countries such as Singapore, China, Malaysia, and others.
I believe that abusers now were victims in their childhood.
Stop caning, break the cycle of abuse.

 

[Gjjbdsoj]

No it's not a good way to discipline in my humble opinion. I would use reward method usually.

 

[Igene]

Sometimes. Ask lots of questions before cane, like why do this, you know what happen when you do this... bla bla bla. Usually cane at palm. Cane already still ask, next time can do or not... Quite naggy

 

[Alienbubu]

I am expecting a child of my own right now and i will always remember what you've said.

As a child, I grew up in an environment where beatings were a daily routine. My mom was suffering from depression and would lose her cool very easily or vent her frustrations on me.
This is an emotional scar I will never want my child to ever have.

The feeling of helplessness, unable to express how I felt and constantly living in fear sums up my childhood. Whenever I see parents who lost control in public, I felt the frustrations and struggle for both the child and parent.

Nobody is perfect, but as parents... we are the first few people our children trust and love unconditionally.

I personally don't believe in inflicting any violence on young children (whether by using cane or hands) because 1) it sends the message to the children that violence is fine and adults can wield power over them just because we are adults 2) adults are setting a poor role model 3) the children may turn out to be resentful.

A lot also depends on the age of the children. For younger children below three, as their reasoning skills are still not advanced and their verbal skills may also not be well developed yet, we have to find out the reasons behind the actions. Recently, a friend's 2 year old was biting another child in childcare. It turned out she was frustrated when her toy was taken away. 6 months later, my friend said that the biting episodes have stopped as her daughter is a lot more articulate now. In this case, if the biting happens, the adult should tell the biter firmly that biting hurts and then help the biter to make some "restitutions" to the victim e.g. icing the swelling on the skin. You would also teach the "victim" that she needs to ask for permission for a turn at playing with the toy or perhaps use distractions. The adult would also need to assess the physical environment and see if it is because of crammed space or insufficient playthings that lead to the frequent biting.

For older children, set clear boundaries and then carry out the consequences (the child must know what these consequences are) immediately if these boundaries are broken would be advisable. But I think this is the hardest part. Most adults would ignore the children's "misdeeds" initially and when the child repeats the actions again, the adult would then lose control and start hitting the child! Either that or the adult would nag and nag at the child until it becomes ineffective as the child tunes out (I told you not to....how many times have I told you not to....)

An incident I saw:
Child of about 6 years old jumped queue when waiting for the school bus. Teacher said, "The rule for jumping queue is that you have to go back in line" (The children in the class all know this rule and the consequence). Child refused to budge. Teacher said, "You either go back to the end of the queue or I will help you go back to the end of the queue." Child refused to budge. Teacher said, "You have chosen for me to help you go back to the queue". Teacher subsequently held the child's hand and took him back to the queue.

The child kicked and screamed and yelled at the top of his lungs. He was out of control. That was when the teacher put him in time out as he had lost control of his emotions. Time out should be used for this purpose: when the child's has lost his cool totally (or the adult! In which case the adult needs a time out).

Children, like adults, want some control over their lives. So before adults set unnecessary rules, it is always good to discuss and negotiate with the children to the extent possible but of course, some situations are not possible, for example, the child wants his bed time to be set at 1am on a school day! As the adults, of course, we have to put our foot down to this request as it is no good for the child's health.

Once, my friend's 5 year old started biting his grandma, who had come over to stay for a few months. My friend was exasperated and some well meaning friends asked he to rub chilli padi on the girl's lips! I asked her to find out why her girl might be biting her grandma. Later, I found out that her grandma had upset her daily routine after she came over to look after the girl for a few months. The grandma insisted that the girl bathed immediately after she returned from kindy every day and the girl protested, by biting grandma! This was not the girl's usual routine. Of course, the girl was wrong to bite Grandma and this message must be communicated clearly to the girl but knowing the reason why the girl bit helped my friend to seek a solution.

 

[Jasmine11]

I think caning is too much le, use hanger will be better.

 

[Hui3005]

My kids seldom used cane on them unless if they done very bad then will use cane

 

[Bubbles0808]

I still remember how my parents used to cane me last time. I think it will sort of leave an emotional scar on them.

 

[aarontansp]

I personally don't believe in inflicting any violence on young children (whether by using cane or hands) because 1) it sends the message to the children that violence is fine and adults can wield power over them just because we are adults 2) adults are setting a poor role model 3) the children may turn out to be resentful.

My children still stick to me like sugar despite caning.
Most importantly explain to them why they got cane (out of love) and make sure they understand.
Its about bringing the correct message across.

 

[JoseBaller]

grew up having never been caned. mum gave a lot of freedom, but that also came with risks. Met some bad company growing up, but in the end was 'enlightened' along the way, and got all my nonsense together. to a certain extend i feel there must be control. Its completely up to you how you want to do it as a parent... no right or wrong.

 

[LittleFinger123]

Dont need cane la! only cane i'll give is candy cane

 

[Ilovecrab]

Nvr bought a cane but use hand to smack when toddler times.
Abit regret cos due to venting of frustration.
Trust me...they will rem it.
Now is reasoning with raised voice at times especially during homework coaching.
Trying to control my temper & use soft approach.
It works....

 

[Pinky Sky]

I never buy a cane and I told my husband i do not encourage caning.
What I do is to smack the hand if LO do something wrong. And also explain to her why I smack her. For my husband, he just need to use his voice to "say' her if she did wrong..she will stop it already ...

 

[kryxwee]

Regardless of the kind of punishment, key is explaining why they were punished and never never ever punish out of anger.

 

[Hoseybo]

No smacking. Pure thinking corner. So far so good.

 

[augustin0001]

Spare the rod, spoil the child.

If this is done correctly and appropriately, you wont have to do it after he or she turns 12

Seriously, I worry for those who say no smacking.

You risk raising a bunch of self entitled kids. Just look at how ‘time out’ punishments turn into