HELP Deeply depressed serving NS

[JohnCena88]

Juz **** it.. Is only 21mths..dat like how u wrk next time.. Ns life still the best..

Now strawberry generation mah.. what to do..

 

[japhwf]

Long story short: Prior history of clinical depression, currently severely depressed, on medication, seeing SCC, appointment with *** in Feb next year, seeing a psychiatrist at CGH. Kind of suicidal, and can't imagine serving these next 2 years in any capacity whatsoever for reasons that are hard to explain (mainly cause they are irrational). Need advice/guidance/help

I'm currently 3 months into my 2 year obligation and I'm deeply depressed. I had an episode of depression prior to enlisting as well, so I have a history of this illness.

I was actually looking forward to NS before enlisting and went in with an open mind. I wouldn't say I had aspirations to go to OCS, but I was open to it. However, something snapped about 4 days into my confinement, and since then every day it got worse. I finally reported to the MO and got a 2 week MC 84 LD (little did I know I was already OOT). Saw my psychiatrist at CGH (who I previously saw for my first episode), went back on medication. Long story short, I was posted out to ASA work.

So I was on meds, excuse stay-in, non-combat vocation, so I should be doing well. And I was for 2-3 weeks. But then slowly I was burning out again and getting worse until once again I was back as low as I was in BMT. These two moments, as well as one previously during my first episode, are the lowest moments of my life. I'm currently on 5 days MC, still feel like pure ****. I can't stand the thought of doing 21 more months of this, and truth be told would likely kill myself if I have no other option. I'm really hanging on by a thread, but I just can't keep going on, not for 21 more months. I really just want PES F... or to give up my PR... or just anything else...

And I know that some see this as weakness; not being able to do what countless others do. And I too know that, but I have a very sick, irrational mind I guess...

I was hoping someone could help me, or give me advice. Not in the sense of emotional and motivational support. I do appreciate it, but I have friends and family who also do that, to no avail really so I was thinking more practical things I could do, people I could report to etc.

Thanks in advance

Former PES E here, PES F'ed a few months before my ORD.

To answer some of your issues:

1. Dysphoric disorders such as depression are USUALLY not grounds for PES F as they are amongst the most manageable and treatable psychiatric disorders given the right meds and/or counselling/psychotherapy.
2. Should your psychiatrist be of the opinion that your condition continues to remain poor despite medication, he or she would have looked into adjusting your medicine dosage or rotated you to another antidepressant.
3. If your condition is indeed a red, your appointment with *** would not be so far off. Severe cases can be reviewed within the week and likely to be sent to IMH A&E immediately by the camp MO for intervention due to high risk.
4. Again, if your condition was indeed a red, your MC would probably be measured in terms of weeks rather than days.
5. Aside from cases that have been ascertained by specialists way ahead of enlistment to be unsuitable for service and strongly recommended for PES F (or unforeseen cases due to e.g. serious accidents), being cleared to be enlisted means your condition is within manageable levels in the doctors' opinions.
6. One does not look for PES F - PES F comes looking for you in the event that SAF's doctors find that your condition is no longer suitable or safe for you to remain in service. You need not go around asking for advice on how to get PES F if your condition warrants it.
7. Contrary to what you may believe, not all PES F cases have extreme life changing conditions. Some are perfectly able to function in day to day work and life and even under stress, but simply have conditions that are specifically unsuitable for and can be aggravated in a military environment, so citing how lousy you feel is not going to get you a discharge unless it is a relevant condition.
8. Psychiatrists from CGH work closer with MMI/***/MCC than you think. If your condition warrants a discharge from service, your doctor there would already have sent in an updated report to alert them. Suggest to refrain from overly exaggerating your problem lest you invite unwanted attention.

 

[reddevil0728]

Former PES E here, PES F'ed a few months before my ORD.

To answer some of your issues:

1. Dysphoric disorders such as depression are USUALLY not grounds for PES F as they are amongst the most manageable and treatable psychiatric disorders given the right meds and/or counselling/psychotherapy.
2. Should your psychiatrist be of the opinion that your condition continues to remain poor despite medication, he or she would have looked into adjusting your medicine dosage or rotated you to another antidepressant.
3. If your condition is indeed a red, your appointment with *** would not be so far off. Severe cases can be reviewed within the week and likely to be sent to IMH A&E immediately by the camp MO for intervention due to high risk.
4. Again, if your condition was indeed a red, your MC would probably be measured in terms of weeks rather than days.
5. Aside from cases that have been ascertained by specialists way ahead of enlistment to be unsuitable for service and strongly recommended for PES F (or unforeseen cases due to e.g. serious accidents), being cleared to be enlisted means your condition is within manageable levels in the doctors' opinions.
6. One does not look for PES F - PES F comes looking for you in the event that SAF's doctors find that your condition is no longer suitable or safe for you to remain in service. You need not go around asking for advice on how to get PES F if your condition warrants it.
7. Contrary to what you may believe, not all PES F cases have extreme life changing conditions. Some are perfectly able to function in day to day work and life and even under stress, but simply have conditions that are specifically unsuitable for and can be aggravated in a military environment, so citing how lousy you feel is not going to get you a discharge unless it is a relevant condition.
8. Psychiatrists from CGH work closer with MMI/***/MCC than you think. If your condition warrants a discharge from service, your doctor there would already have sent in an updated report to alert them. Suggest to refrain from overly exaggerating your problem lest you invite unwanted attention.

Wah like that you burst his bubble siol

 

[japhwf]

Wah like that you burst his bubble siol

Better burst early before he wins a free holiday at Delta Bravo Resort mah.

 

[FadedBoy]

Better burst early before he wins a free holiday at Delta Bravo Resort mah.

Haha, what you said it's true . CGH psy works very closely with MMI and if the case is really that serious, the waiting time would be drastically reduced. Been there, done that . PES f will come looking for you, not the other way round. Hope you are doing fine!

 

[japhwf]

Haha, what you said it's true . CGH psy works very closely with MMI and if the case is really that serious, the waiting time would be drastically reduced. Been there, done that . PES f will come looking for you, not the other way round. Hope you are doing fine!

Been more than 20 years since (back then the psy arm of the Medical Corps was still called PMIC). Getting along pretty ok now and is off meds since like 10 years ago. Had a stint of about 7 years working clinically in the MH field (I'm definitely not a doc though) some years after leaving service and got to better understand the workings of the MH care system in Singapore and also gained insight into managing my own conditions. I might possibly know OP's psychiatrist if he/she is one of those who had been around longer

 

[japhwf]

One more slightly long one for the OP:

While I do not discount the possibility that you do indeed have depression and need professional help, from what you have mentioned I do not think your doctor(s) find it debilitating enough for you to need to be recommended for discharge from service.

I wonder if you're aware that you have in fact already attained the Holy Grail of all status combos that many servicemen would readily trade an organ for - jang jang jang~~~ Clerk + Excuse Stay-In and one needs to reconsider and weigh the consequences before pushing too hard on the limits of the higher ups' (and fellow forumers') patience.

For the record, my problem was also depression, coupled with OCD, anxiety disorder and agoraphobia, and I was often requested by my doctors to sit in for interviews during visits of medical delegations as a case study subject (willingly, of course) because of my combination of conditions and my unusually high dose of multiple medications to reach a stable mood. Guess you can infer from that about the degree of severity of my condition.

BUT... by tapping on whatever support was available (which is actually quite a bit if you bother to ask and search around), I still managed to serve 26 months out of 30 (old man from the 2.5 years era) relatively unscathed before a family issue pushed me beyond breaking point and I barely survived a massive overdose.

If you are genuinely feeling suicidal, go and talk to your MO about it. Nowadays you also have a lot more channels to seek help from compared to my time. Asking for help because you are having suicidal thoughts is NOT a chargeable offence - I don't know how you got the idea. Actually acting out the attempt, or threatening to kill/hurt yourself whether directly in front of your mates/superiors or indirectly online (which is how I am interpreting your post), CAN BE. You are already donating 2 years of your time to be what is effectively a sweat shop worker, no need to give SAF a reason to take more.