Joe Mahmood
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THE INTERRUPTERS - SHE'S KEROSENE
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Music Selections
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Joe Mahmood
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STEVE EARLE - COPPERHEAD ROAD
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Joe Mahmood
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MARTENS ARMY - NIEMALS
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THE IDAN RAICHEL PROJECT - HALOMOT (OTHER PEOPLE'S DREAMS)
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MR. MISTER - BROKEN WINGS
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PLAYER - BABY COME BACK
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Goodnight...
EAGLES - HOTEL CALIFORNIA
EAGLES - HOTEL CALIFORNIA
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Joe Mahmood
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CHICKEN
The young chicken asks the older Chicken:
"How come we don't have individual names like the human beings like John, Charlie, Peter...We are all Chickens".
The older Chicken:
"When they are alive, they have names. When they are dead, they are all Corpses". "We are the opposite, when we are dead, we have our names...........Fried Chicken, Roasted Chicken, BBQ Chicken, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Chicken McNuggets, Chicken Chop and many more".
CHEETAH GIRLS - SHAKE YOUR TAILFEATHERS
The young chicken asks the older Chicken:
"How come we don't have individual names like the human beings like John, Charlie, Peter...We are all Chickens".
The older Chicken:
"When they are alive, they have names. When they are dead, they are all Corpses". "We are the opposite, when we are dead, we have our names...........Fried Chicken, Roasted Chicken, BBQ Chicken, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Chicken McNuggets, Chicken Chop and many more".
CHEETAH GIRLS - SHAKE YOUR TAILFEATHERS
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Joe Mahmood
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THREE DOLLS IN A MAN'S LIFE
1. His Daughter, ‘Baby Doll’
2. His Girlfriend, ‘Barbie Doll’
3. And his Wife, ‘Panadol’
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Joe Mahmood
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When I was young I decided to go to medical school. At the entrance examination, we were asked to rearrange the alphabets
P N E I S
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when straight.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are my friends...
BOB MARLEY - A LALALA LONG
P N E I S
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when straight.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are my friends...
BOB MARLEY - A LALALA LONG
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Joe Mahmood
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TAXI
Three drunk guys entered a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off again.
He told them, “We have reached.”
The first guy gave him money and the second guy said, “Thank you.”
The third guy gave the driver a slap.
The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk guy knew what he did.
The driver asked, “Whats that for?”
The third drunk guy replied, “Next time drive slowly.”
GIRLS' GENERATION - MR. TAXI
Three drunk guys entered a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off again.
He told them, “We have reached.”
The first guy gave him money and the second guy said, “Thank you.”
The third guy gave the driver a slap.
The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk guy knew what he did.
The driver asked, “Whats that for?”
The third drunk guy replied, “Next time drive slowly.”
GIRLS' GENERATION - MR. TAXI
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Joe Mahmood
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A group of friends were sitting on a bench in the park. There were three guys and a girl. They were having casual talks and joking.
Then a stranger came to them and said, "Hey, I see you all having fun and good time. I like to be your friend and join you."
"Sure! Why not", replied one of the guy and introduced himself. "Wan" and shook hand with the stranger. The stranger shook hand and said, "Hello" as he got to know them.
Second guy, "Man", shook hand.
Third guy, "Pok" and shook hand.
The girl, "Mie" and offer her hand to shake hand with the stranger. Instead of shaking hand, the stranger came close and poke her tummy. She was so surprised and jumped up.
She said, "Hey, why you do that? That is very rude and I can make a police report against you for molesting me!"
The stranger replied, "Oh! I'm sorry. I thought you said "Want Man Poke Me." I'm a man so I poke you. By the way my name is LAH", and sat next to her.
Then another man came and wanted to know the group. His name is OKI.
FAIHA - POKEMON
Then a stranger came to them and said, "Hey, I see you all having fun and good time. I like to be your friend and join you."
"Sure! Why not", replied one of the guy and introduced himself. "Wan" and shook hand with the stranger. The stranger shook hand and said, "Hello" as he got to know them.
Second guy, "Man", shook hand.
Third guy, "Pok" and shook hand.
The girl, "Mie" and offer her hand to shake hand with the stranger. Instead of shaking hand, the stranger came close and poke her tummy. She was so surprised and jumped up.
She said, "Hey, why you do that? That is very rude and I can make a police report against you for molesting me!"
The stranger replied, "Oh! I'm sorry. I thought you said "Want Man Poke Me." I'm a man so I poke you. By the way my name is LAH", and sat next to her.
Then another man came and wanted to know the group. His name is OKI.
FAIHA - POKEMON
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Joe Mahmood
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PASSWORD
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.
The husband puts, “Mypenis”, and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says,
“Error. Not long enough.”
PHILIP OAKEY & GIORGIO MORODER - TOGETHER IN ELECTRIC DREAMS
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.
The husband puts, “Mypenis”, and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says,
“Error. Not long enough.”
PHILIP OAKEY & GIORGIO MORODER - TOGETHER IN ELECTRIC DREAMS
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Joe Mahmood
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AT THE WEDDING CEREMONY
At a wedding ceremony the priest asked if there was anyone who had any reason why the marriage shouldn't go on, it was time to stand up and speak, or forever hold his or her peace
The moment of utter silence was interrupted by a young beautiful woman carrying a baby.
She started slowly walking toward the pastor.
Everything quickly turned to chaos.
The bride slapped the groom and stormed out of the church.
The groom's mother fainted.
The groom's men and bride's maids ran away in all directions.
The priest asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"
The woman replied, "I can't hear anything from the back...so I am moving to the front seats."
MAROON 5 - SUGAR
At a wedding ceremony the priest asked if there was anyone who had any reason why the marriage shouldn't go on, it was time to stand up and speak, or forever hold his or her peace
The moment of utter silence was interrupted by a young beautiful woman carrying a baby.
She started slowly walking toward the pastor.
Everything quickly turned to chaos.
The bride slapped the groom and stormed out of the church.
The groom's mother fainted.
The groom's men and bride's maids ran away in all directions.
The priest asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"
The woman replied, "I can't hear anything from the back...so I am moving to the front seats."
MAROON 5 - SUGAR
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Joe Mahmood
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TWO GOLDEN RULES TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE
1. The wife is always right.
2. When you feel she is wrong, slap yourself and read rule number one again.
DANIEL BEDINGFIELD - IF YOU'RE NOT THE ONE
1. The wife is always right.
2. When you feel she is wrong, slap yourself and read rule number one again.
DANIEL BEDINGFIELD - IF YOU'RE NOT THE ONE
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Joe Mahmood
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OLD TIMER SEX
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.
I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks.
Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The Policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them," Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together.
Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
BRIAN MCKNIGHT - BACK AT ONE
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.
I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks.
Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The Policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them," Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together.
Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
BRIAN MCKNIGHT - BACK AT ONE
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Joe Mahmood
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Interviewer to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire to?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
DIGITAL FARM ANIMALS & CASH CASH - MILLIONAIR
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
DIGITAL FARM ANIMALS & CASH CASH - MILLIONAIR
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BERLIN - TAKE MY BREATH AWAY
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SUZANNE VEGA - LUKA
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CHRISTOPHER CROSS - SAILING
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