Parents and parenting

[Ardelus]

Hi all

I just need a place to rant.

My kid was hospitalized for a week due to dengue. All is ok at first but then trouble came in thr form of my mother and my in laws.

Just abit of background, i work long hours and my wife works shifts, we are both in the medical line. Due to our house being ready soon my father in law invited me to stay together with them while awaiting our condo to top.

Once my kid was born, it became clear immediately that my in laws wanted nothing to do with him, just occasionally playing or bringing him out when there's a big occasion to 'show face'. My mother is a single parent who is still working in Malaysia so she can't help out.

We hired a helper(luckily a very good one) to help out with my kid. Its been 15 months now and since my kid spends almost all day(and night) with the helper he naturally prefers to stick to my helper.

My mother decided to come over for a week and together with the in laws, it seems like every bloody thing we do or did is wrong.

"How you all take care till mosquitoes can bite your baby"
"How you all take care till baby sticks to maid"
"Why you all like not tired at all in my days bla bla bla…"

I sibeh dulan already after this one week. Is it because last time when we were young they took care of us till very very difficult so now when its our turn we must feel their same pain?

Or is it just whatever we do it is never correct since it's not "their way".

Which parent in their right mind will not want to stay home and bring up their kid? The reality in singapore is unless you are super rich or your parents leave you a fortune you need dual income just to cover the costs of taking care of a kid. Even if one of us opt to become a stay home parent for a few years, it will be extremely difficult to re enter the workforce as by then our skills will be considered redundant.

Ok end of rant.

 

[Taloona]

I know it is not easy, just ignore them. Our parent's generation show their concern by nagging and like to make comparisons to their generation, not realising this is a great put off.

Once you have your own house, conflicts will be minimised, hopefully. Don't sweat the small stuff, yeah?

Peace.

 

[XGZ1503]

I feel you.. staying with parents when you are married with kids just suck.

Their experience will override everything and they rob your rights of being a parent. Just move out and everything will be ok.

 

[mickey88]

Normal la..actually i am quiet surprised by TS reaction..Normally is daughter in law having issue w laws..seldom hv son in law hving issue with in laws much less own parents..more to come later deal w kids..wait wife might complain u not play enough with kids etc..most char bor are unreasonable..tat my rant

 

[di_andrei]

Speak to your wife. As long as the two of you communicate and are on the same page in terms of values, priorities, parenting styles, etc, this is all that matters. Everything else is just noise.

 

[jamietehc]

Totally agree on point of aligning with partner. It should be a team - just try to be on same page as much as possible

 

[vi3ir4]

Hi all

I just need a place to rant.

My kid was hospitalized for a week due to dengue. All is ok at first but then trouble came in thr form of my mother and my in laws.

Just abit of background, i work long hours and my wife works shifts, we are both in the medical line. Due to our house being ready soon my father in law invited me to stay together with them while awaiting our condo to top.

Once my kid was born, it became clear immediately that my in laws wanted nothing to do with him, just occasionally playing or bringing him out when there's a big occasion to 'show face'. My mother is a single parent who is still working in Malaysia so she can't help out.

We hired a helper(luckily a very good one) to help out with my kid. Its been 15 months now and since my kid spends almost all day(and night) with the helper he naturally prefers to stick to my helper.

My mother decided to come over for a week and together with the in laws, it seems like every bloody thing we do or did is wrong.

"How you all take care till mosquitoes can bite your baby"
"How you all take care till baby sticks to maid"
"Why you all like not tired at all in my days bla bla bla…"

I sibeh dulan already after this one week. Is it because last time when we were young they took care of us till very very difficult so now when its our turn we must feel their same pain?

Or is it just whatever we do it is never correct since it's not "their way".

Which parent in their right mind will not want to stay home and bring up their kid? The reality in singapore is unless you are super rich or your parents leave you a fortune you need dual income just to cover the costs of taking care of a kid. Even if one of us opt to become a stay home parent for a few years, it will be extremely difficult to re enter the workforce as by then our skills will be considered redundant.

Ok end of rant.

The circle of trust bro. Tell them they are outside your circle of trust. If required, illustrate and implement.

 

[alamin2]

Speak to your wife. As long as the two of you communicate and are on the same page in terms of values, priorities, parenting styles, etc, this is all that matters. Everything else is just noise.

i totally agree with this.

as long as you and your wife are on the same page and you both support one another, anything else is noise.

ive reached the stage where i shoot back, the past adn your style is yours alone. its my time now to bring up kids my way. the good ways you brought me up, i'll take it and use, the rest i'll ignore. he's my son now. im the parent. if whatever i do you dont like and do it your way, if he starts to disrespect its YOUR FAULT because you're teaching him to disrespect the parents which is me and my wife's decision.

 

[Amy Gan]

i think setting boundaries is extremely important. i remember when my husband and i were planning for our wedding last December, his parents were very demanding and they insisted on inviting a lot of their friends just to show face. i guess it was really hard for me because i always saw my husband as the one at fault when his parents were demanding and i honestly couldn't help but rant a lot about them to him.
one thing our marriage mentor taught my husband and i was - to always set healthy boundaries and not let any of the in-laws have any form of leverage because when we get married an become one and that's something we need to protect - the both of us becomes a team. also because if we don't set healthy boundaries, they will climb on top our our heads and this may affect how they view us when we manage our kids in the future (which i'm slightly worried after i deliver my baby )

not sure who else would read this thread but here's an article i came across while doing my wedding prep last Dec and i thought that it was quite informative. one thing i took away was this part - Try saying politely, “I know you love us and are trying to help, but this is our decision as parents and we really hope you can support us.”

 

[sacrificium]

Hi all

I just need a place to rant.

My kid was hospitalized for a week due to dengue. All is ok at first but then trouble came in thr form of my mother and my in laws.

Just abit of background, i work long hours and my wife works shifts, we are both in the medical line. Due to our house being ready soon my father in law invited me to stay together with them while awaiting our condo to top.

Once my kid was born, it became clear immediately that my in laws wanted nothing to do with him, just occasionally playing or bringing him out when there's a big occasion to 'show face'. My mother is a single parent who is still working in Malaysia so she can't help out.

We hired a helper(luckily a very good one) to help out with my kid. Its been 15 months now and since my kid spends almost all day(and night) with the helper he naturally prefers to stick to my helper.

My mother decided to come over for a week and together with the in laws, it seems like every bloody thing we do or did is wrong.

"How you all take care till mosquitoes can bite your baby"
"How you all take care till baby sticks to maid"
"Why you all like not tired at all in my days bla bla bla…"

I sibeh dulan already after this one week. Is it because last time when we were young they took care of us till very very difficult so now when its our turn we must feel their same pain?

Or is it just whatever we do it is never correct since it's not "their way".

Which parent in their right mind will not want to stay home and bring up their kid? The reality in singapore is unless you are super rich or your parents leave you a fortune you need dual income just to cover the costs of taking care of a kid. Even if one of us opt to become a stay home parent for a few years, it will be extremely difficult to re enter the workforce as by then our skills will be considered redundant.

Ok end of rant.

If you mother complains so much, ask her to resign and take care of your kids for you. Done. Of course need your place to be ready.