Stop Parental Alienation!

[MVCPattern]

Author: Anonymous, stock image to protect identity
Date: 5/12/2016

I’m a 36-year-old- who is happily married and a father to a beautiful boy and a girl. I was raised by a single mom and when I was 22, I decided to find my father. After hating him my whole life, I showed up at his doorstep one day. I said my peace, which was years of pent up anger and heartache of a little broken hearted boy and he didn’t even interrupt. He then thanked me for coming and for being so candid, and he calmly asked if I wanted to hear his ‘truth’. He chose to show me paperwork and pictures. He sent me home with bundles telling me to take my time and that his door was always open to talk.

In the bundles, I learned of the fight, the pain, and the pure hell my DAD went through trying to be a part of my life. Equally maddening, I learned of the evil that my mother was. I read poems and his journal which helped form an instant bond between us because HE was the one there for me all along, the one who really cared about me. He lost his whole life. My mother did everything she could to destroy his reputation, his life, and to keep him from me; solely because “she didn’t like him anymore” and surely a lot of jealousy.

Keeping me from a good dad. All the sleepless nights I had wondering what I did wrong or wondering what kind of dangerous freak helped to conceive me. And, I wondered if I held the same horrible fate. She told me so many lies over the years making me hate him more and more and making me pity her and feel like I had to comfort her for being a poor single parent. And I show up at this stranger’s doorstep one day cussing him out, like he hadn’t been beat and battered enough. And NOT once did he say an ill word about my mom. I can’t imagine if I hadn’t worked up the guts to go to his door that day. I never would have known the great man I am privileged to call dad. My dad passed away last year. I only had 13 years with him but HE has made me the man and father I am today. My only regret now, is not knocking on his door sooner and ending his pain sooner. To all of the “kids” wondering, don’t wait. Go find your answers now. To mothers and fathers fighting to be a part of your kid’s life, you are all heroes in my book.

https://www.timetoputkidsfirst.org/do-not-wait-to-find-answers

 

[Cloud_Evolution]

this article really touched my heart

many people dont understand that there are many troubled father facing this same issue. especially those married men who is going through divorced filed by their ex-spouse to be. On one hand they can be a very good wife and mother, once the marriage started to go haywire, the woman usually will filed divorce based on the protection given by woman's chapter in singapore. Man will always be in disadvantage in a unhappy marriage. The wife (or ex-wife) will do anything including lies and cooking up stories in order to win the maintenance order and custodian of their children, one of the worst thing they can do is to brainwash their children so that they will have a bad impression of their father and testify against them during counselling. In this current society, woman's chapter has become a weapon rather than offering protection to woman who is usually the weaker gender in the olden days.

 

[Xcert]

WC was once useful,but no longer relevant in today's context.

 

[MVCPattern]

what can we do better in SG?

 

[Skurai]

My is the opposite. Moi father is moar like father to others more than me lol

Sent from Samsung SM-G935F using GAGT

 

[Desert cat]

how much inheritance he got?

 

[MVCPattern]

what has inheritances got to do with child custody issues?

 

[fat_boyz]

Women are evil

 

[invigo79]

Author: Anonymous, stock image to protect identity
Date: 5/12/2016

I’m a 36-year-old- who is happily married and a father to a beautiful boy and a girl. I was raised by a single mom and when I was 22, I decided to find my father. After hating him my whole life, I showed up at his doorstep one day. I said my peace, which was years of pent up anger and heartache of a little broken hearted boy and he didn’t even interrupt. He then thanked me for coming and for being so candid, and he calmly asked if I wanted to hear his ‘truth’. He chose to show me paperwork and pictures. He sent me home with bundles telling me to take my time and that his door was always open to talk.

In the bundles, I learned of the fight, the pain, and the pure hell my DAD went through trying to be a part of my life. Equally maddening, I learned of the evil that my mother was. I read poems and his journal which helped form an instant bond between us because HE was the one there for me all along, the one who really cared about me. He lost his whole life. My mother did everything she could to destroy his reputation, his life, and to keep him from me; solely because “she didn’t like him anymore” and surely a lot of jealousy.

Keeping me from a good dad. All the sleepless nights I had wondering what I did wrong or wondering what kind of dangerous freak helped to conceive me. And, I wondered if I held the same horrible fate. She told me so many lies over the years making me hate him more and more and making me pity her and feel like I had to comfort her for being a poor single parent. And I show up at this stranger’s doorstep one day cussing him out, like he hadn’t been beat and battered enough. And NOT once did he say an ill word about my mom. I can’t imagine if I hadn’t worked up the guts to go to his door that day. I never would have known the great man I am privileged to call dad. My dad passed away last year. I only had 13 years with him but HE has made me the man and father I am today. My only regret now, is not knocking on his door sooner and ending his pain sooner. To all of the “kids” wondering, don’t wait. Go find your answers now. To mothers and fathers fighting to be a part of your kid’s life, you are all heroes in my book.

https://www.timetoputkidsfirst.org/do-not-wait-to-find-answers

My colleague in same situation. After divorce, the ex wife and son went awol. He has visitation rights and he is allowed to spend 1 day per week with the son.

Now he never see his son for a few years liao. Dunno where they moved to. Yet he still have to pay alimony every month.

Sent from From Home using GAGT

 

[Ethan_]

this article really touched my heart

many people dont understand that there are many troubled father facing this same issue. especially those married men who is going through divorced filed by their ex-spouse to be. On one hand they can be a very good wife and mother, once the marriage started to go haywire, the woman usually will filed divorce based on the protection given by woman's chapter in singapore. Man will always be in disadvantage in a unhappy marriage. The wife (or ex-wife) will do anything including lies and cooking up stories in order to win the maintenance order and custodian of their children, one of the worst thing they can do is to brainwash their children so that they will have a bad impression of their father and testify against them during counselling. In this current society, woman's chapter has become a weapon rather than offering protection to woman who is usually the weaker gender in the olden days.

Things are always not as what it is in a break up, especially cannot just hear the stories from the one side. Not bias or prejudice. But its easy to see the complete story when one is a bystander.

Not sure about others, not stranger to such stories also. Often its how vindictive the woman side can be by doing all she can to abuse and destroy the ex, painting a bad picture of the ex, and make the children hate the dad by making him out to be a bad person. Totally cutting off and denying the children of a normal relationship with the rest of the family.

Unless the man started out bad and abusive, which is clear cut. If not, often in a seemingly normal relationship, when the woman choose to ditch the man for another person or money, this kind of stories don't know why tends to come out.

Don't know the women in such got use brain or not. This kind of story also want to cook up. Only own self kidding own self and the children. While the rest of the world (the relatives, friends, others and such) can see for themselves who is really bad. As if the kids won't find out as they grow up. Which put the kids in a tight spot when they grow up, don't know whether to hate or love the mother. Even if the kids choose not to hate, don't think relationship would be normal by then.

Not that others can do anything though. Cause often its the man that choose to keep silent in the abuse. If the man choose not to correct it, others have no right to say anything much also. So, they tend to suffer in silent. Maybe its a pride thing, or maybe because of their love for their children, don't want drag the children into it, since the woman would not hesitate to drag the children into the hate and abuse act.

 

[MVCPattern]

Things are always not as what it is in a break up, especially cannot just hear the stories from the one side. Not bias or prejudice. But its easy to see the complete story when one is a bystander.

Not sure about others, not stranger to such stories also. Often its how vindictive the woman side can be by doing all she can to abuse and destroy the ex, painting a bad picture of the ex, and make the children hate the dad by making him out to be a bad person. Totally cutting off and denying the children of a normal relationship with the rest of the family.

Unless the man started out bad and abusive, which is clear cut. If not, often in a seemingly normal relationship, when the woman choose to ditch the man for another person or money, this kind of stories don't know why tends to come out.

Don't know the women in such got use brain or not. This kind of story also want to cook up. Only own self kidding own self and the children. While the rest of the world (the relatives, friends, others and such) can see for themselves who is really bad. As if the kids won't find out as they grow up. Which put the kids in a tight spot when they grow up, don't know whether to hate or love the mother. Even if the kids choose not to hate, don't think relationship would be normal by then.

Not that others can do anything though. Cause often its the man that choose to keep silent in the abuse. If the man choose not to correct it, others have no right to say anything much also. So, they tend to suffer in silent. Maybe its a pride thing, or maybe because of their love for their children, don't want drag the children into it, since the woman would not hesitate to drag the children into the hate and abuse act.

so true... what can do in SG law to stop this kind of abuse?

 

[MVCPattern]

My colleague in same situation. After divorce, the ex wife and son went awol. He has visitation rights and he is allowed to spend 1 day per week with the son.

Now he never see his son for a few years liao. Dunno where they moved to. Yet he still have to pay alimony every month.

Sent from From Home using GAGT

May he can consider seeking lawyer's advise?

Example : if he stop paying alimony, the other party might file enforcement and her address will be exposed in the application.

 

[Brehon]

Sometimes i also think my mother is the evil one instead of my father.

 

[Dvoiddeckbench]

I walked out of my mum and dad because I was abused when I was much younger and when I am older, they abused me with words.

Now I am a happy person.. They gave birth to 4 and the 4 one by one slowly leaves and never come back. I always pray that they die early. This is how much I hate them.

 

[Brehon]

I walked out of my mum and dad because I was abused when I was much younger and when I am older, they abused me with words.

Now I am a happy person.. They gave birth to 4 and the 4 one by one slowly leaves and never come back. I always pray that they die early. This is how much I hate them.

Parents also gave birth to 4. All my sis-in-laws cannot live together with her, almost cost my brother his marriage too.
Now left me with her under one roof, some things a parent should not say to their child she had say to us. Now i just do my basic filial part, hope I don't go insane before i get my own flat.

 

[Xcert]

May he can consider seeking lawyer's advise?

Example : if he stop paying alimony, the other party might file enforcement and her address will be exposed in the application.

Pretty recently there was a dad who did that...Judge said it's not the way to do it.....

The point is to sue for enforcement of visitation...Not withhold alimony...It will backfire...although the thought is really tempting...

 

[Xcert]

so true... what can do in SG law to stop this kind of abuse?

Getting rid of WC would be in the right direction.

 

[Xcert]

Source:http://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/courts-crime/refusing-to-pay-ex-wife-not-the-way-to-see-son-judge

A father was willing to be taken to court to settle a $4,134 tuition bill, claiming it was the only way to get his former wife to engage him over access to their son.

The man claimed the "last meaningful contact" with his son was eight years ago. The former wife had filed an application to get the court to enforce a 2010 court order which requires her former husband to foot half of the child's tuition and enrichment expenses.

"It appeared for the (former husband), this enforcement application was not about money per se, but his (alleged) utter lack of access to their son who is now 17 years old," said District Judge Kathryn Thong in judgment grounds released on Wednesday.

She said the case stood out because the man could afford the bill since he earned at least $10,000 a month. The case was also notable because even after their divorce six years ago, they continued to be bound in acrimony by the litigation involving numerous applications over the years.

The former husband said he refused to settle his share because he was not consulted first. His lawyer A. Rajandran said the man cannot be made to "helplessly" and "blindingly" pay for expenses he had never been consulted on.

The former wife, who appeared in person, countered that she was not required to consult him but had to only produce the receipts.

District Judge Thong said the judge who made the 2010 order clearly intended for payment to be due upon production of the receipts. She explained that if the former wife had failed to consult the former husband, "his recourse would be to invoke the penal notice, not to withhold payment".

The judge ordered him to pay for 21 of the receipts produced, pointing out that the hearing was an enforcement application, but also noted on balance that the former wife had failed to consult him.

Mr Rajandran had argued that consultation is the "last semblance of contact" and the former wife would only acknowledge her obligation to consult if her claims were disallowed. He added that this would enhance future cooperative conduct and can only be "conducive to the welfare of the child".

District Judge Thong, who noted that the former wife had had more than 10 lawyers before, "found her evidence to be unreliable on the issue of consultation as she was particularly evasive about it".

But she added that whether the former wife has made it impossible for the man to see his son is not relevant to the application for payment of half the tuition fees.

"But I would add that there are legal avenues to vary the 2010 order or to deal with the (former wife's) supposed breaches. Withholding payment is not the solution and is effectively a back-door enforcement against the (former wife) for failing to consult, and would be improper."

 

[Dvoiddeckbench]

Parents also gave birth to 4. All my sis-in-laws cannot live together with her, almost cost my brother his marriage too.
Now left me with her under one roof, some things a parent should not say to their child she had say to us. Now i just do my basic filial part, hope I don't go insane before i get my own flat.

That is so true. My mum can blatently call my sister a **** when she is angry. I move out because if I continued living under one roof, I might commit murder.

 

[Ethan_]

so true... what can do in SG law to stop this kind of abuse?

Think if the men themselves choose to keep silent don't think many can help. The system can start something to reach out to these people automatically though. Maybe in those marriages that end, or end very badly, there should be some mandatory counselling, especially with the kids. So that either parent should not distort the facts, twisting the kids thinking and deny the kids of a proper childhood and relationship. Cannot understand why some parent can bear to subject their kids to such. Its not mature as adult. Their own adult problem they should settle themselves, don't push it onto the kids. The kids should not grow up in lies and hate, especially those that the parent purposely pushed onto them.