I dislike this young man that my daughter seems to fancy (at last night's Xmas party)

[Lemonpeach]

If he "did a few business" what happened? Dio pok until no money buy car har? Not even a friggin' COE car left 5yrs?

Erm... 18pts for O Levels considered good nowadays ah? It's like saying score 190 for PSLE T-Score is "very good".

Blardy bs lah. Single digit below 10pts for O Levels then considered good. More than 220 for PSLE T-Score is considered "ok". Anything below 220 is actually subpar.

Nowadays people standard SO LOW LIAO HAR?! I see my kid score AL9 (using PSLE Score mapping) for P3 I tore my hair out liao.

This one hard to say nowadays. I started my kid on 5rm level liao. Next level is what? Condo? Landed?
I dun intend to get a stupid 1000sqft Condo or buy a landed toilet. Got better ways to spend. Even if I buy a holiday home in ozzie and do visa runs also cheaper when I retire.

This one cannot take our yardstick and current yardstick to measure.


We are all men. U know the tricks.

"Let me put it in a way that you might understand. Where you come from, zebras marry zebras and leopards marry leopards. Stripes for stripes, spots for spots. Hmm? Where Ursula is a stripe and you are a spot, one which I intend to have it removed. Have a good evening Mr Jungle." - George of the Jungle.

Yah, the above line might apply to u.

But how old ur dotter nia? 24 only Oxford Alumnus? She how old go Oxford one?

Agreed with you on the 18 points. Don't understand how.

I'm still from the old fashioned school.

Daughter went to UK boarding school. She and mum of the same uni.

 

[Stormthundarr]

If ts really dont like this guy, organize another party at your place, invite all their friends, in the middle part of the party find some petty reason to shame the guy

 

[Monstruo^]

Before we go off to JP for Xmas and Oshogatsu, my daughter held a mini party at home last evening.

There was this young guy that my daughter seemed happy to chat, joke. I had observed she was always smiling at his humour.

I found out a few things:

1) He rented a car and volunteered to "ferry" a couple of friends to our place. Granted we are in a not so accessible area, he could have shared a Grab ride. I think he is showing off.

2) He darted around our place as if familiar with the setting. It is his first visit. He settled himself, without consideration of himself being merely a visitor, a guest. Acted as if he is the host. No big no small. I have no clue for how long he has met my daughter.

3) At 4 years older than my daughter (21), he completed his NS, Poly, and did a few businesses, as he claimed (or odd jobs as I sensed). I was not a good student, but his 18 points for O level amazed me. He told me he is a startup entrepreneur/marketing consultant. He talks a lot of topics, but shallow in discourse.

4) The family and social gaps are too wide. I grew up in a rental flat. My parents worked hard, upgraded themselves, progressed through the years. My parents were frugal, no gambling, drinking, smoking. This young man has stayed in the same housing estate, same flat since young. I wondered why the lack of upward social and financial mobility. Was there any attempts at hard work, goal-getting, or enjoyed life in the moment? Does he not have a mentor? Role model?

5) He is a damn good, sweet talker. The type that will give way to my daughter momentarily, make her happy, cheerful. Couldn't he employ his EQ for making $$$$, instead of in social conversation?

My hunch tells me this guy is not gonna to achieve much, and there will be no good outcome for my daughter. There is no compatibility. A 3rd rated poly and odd jober versus an Oxford alumnus.

I'm writing this to let out air and to see if any experienced fathers have good advice.

My wife and I will chat with her in JP. I will not leave her alone, with this chap.

I have read too many Edmwer posts and also heard from classmates about non-working husbands, lying flat at home, leeching on the wife. Such a menace, pest.

1) I feel that he wants to show the parents (you and your wife) and your daughter something. No one will do this kind of extra errand just to visit a normal friend for Xmas party. Maybe he was thinking upon reaching your house, maybe you and your wife may ask everyone so how did y’all come? Then those friends can say oh XXX drove us here. This makes him look good in front of your daughter and both of you and wife. If this ish true, this shows that he ish good at PR which isn’t really a bad thing. But yah I feel that he is up to something. Or maybe they are going to another place after the party or they may even share the car rental, it is hard to tell.

2) He probably has been to your house before. So he acted comfortably.

3) Nothing much to suspect here because I’m not the type that only look at academics. It doesn’t mean everything. Need more time to observe and understand what he is doing. No harm asking questions.

4) I think it is unfair to impose your family’s progression (housing) onto him. He is only 25 and current economics and market and everything is different from the past. His parents is his parents. Him and is him.

5) Nothing wrong with this. This is me. Would you rather he or your son in law belongs to the quiet and diam diam with no topics with your daughter and everyone else? Behaving awkward and anti social and 不会做人不自动? Not everything is about making money FFS. Guess you are the boomer type who doesn’t communicate to daughter at home one but impose a lot of restrictions and rules. ownself don’t do and don’t like then also don’t allow daughter to do.

Love and relationship have no logic one most of the times. It is an emotional decision. You can just advise her with your opinions and perspectives but end of the day it is up to your daughter to make the decision. And end of the day it is your daughter who bears the consequences for her decision if the guy didn’t turn out to be who she thought he is.

You cannot control her everything because she is a grown up adult; because it is her heart and feelings, you are just her father, you can only influence and advise. Whether you are right or wrong or she is right or wrong it is not so clear cut, there are many grey areas when it comes to relationship matters.

If you ownself kay kiang do 1-1 talk with the guy or force him to leave your daughter, be careful. Your daughter may hate you for it and this will impact the relationship with her moving forward.

 

[Lemonpeach]

Can someone explain how to 21 finish Oxford???
JC finish is 19. U mean u study 2 yr degree in Oxford? Got so fast meh???

If JC Singapore, cannot. If UK boarding school, can.

 

[Whirling_Dervish]

2yrs nia, go Oxford take what course? Certificate in Composition writing ah?

Med school Oxbridge oredi 6 to 8yrs minimum liao.

The shortest undergraduate degree at Oxbridge would take at least 3 years to complete. The academic year at Oxford finishes in June. This means she probably matriculated into Oxford in August 2021 at the age of 18, which also means she probably sat the As or the IBs at age 17.

 

[Lè Crayons]

If JC Singapore, cannot. If UK boarding school, can.

TS, I am curious how your daughter got to know him.

 

[Whirling_Dervish]

If JC Singapore, cannot. If UK boarding school, can.

How did she meet this boy?

 

[Lemonpeach]

How did she meet this boy?

I have no idea.

 

[Lemonpeach]

TS, I am curious how your daughter got to know him.

I have no idea. This boy is in SG. She just wrapped up UK. She's been back each year in SG if mum is here 4 times. So, beats me.

 

[chaiscool]

The shortest undergraduate degree at Oxbridge would take at least 3 years to complete. The academic year at Oxford finishes in June. This means she probably matriculated into Oxford in August 2021 at the age of 18, which also means she probably sat the As or the IBs at age 17.

Iirc oxford can just take their entrance exam. Also, 18 is not that early imo as moi know quite a few already in uni by 17.

Nothing to brag imo for TS.

 

[Lemonpeach]

The shortest undergraduate degree at Oxbridge would take at least 3 years to complete. The academic year at Oxford finishes in June. This means she probably matriculated into Oxford in August 2021 at the age of 18, which also means she probably sat the As or the IBs at age 17.

Must matriculate through UK boarding school.
If study in SG system, no possibility.
She studied in UK from secondary one or form 6, at the age of 11. Unlike SG system, UK boarding school admission is based on entrance test and principal decision. No PSLE, O levels. Straight through.

 

[chaiscool]

I have no idea.

Now can slide into DM and dating apps liao. Plenty of ppl date globally.

Moi know ppl every friday fly to KL, bangkok, HK to meet with their partner.

 

[Spike]

I let the mum talked to her first. I'm fuming mad. That guy has the smirky **** face. During my time when young, already got such people around.

Chill first before you talk to her.

Let us be objective. Let's say you successfully stop this relationship, how about the hundred other guys with similar traits out there, or other similar encounters in life?

Educating her is the only solution.. my 2cts worth.

 

[Witwit84]

Must matriculate through UK boarding school.
If study in SG system, no possibility.
She studied in UK from secondary one or form 6, at the age of 11. Unlike SG system, UK boarding school admission is based on entrance test and principal decision. No PSLE, O levels. Straight through.

Seems odd she will like a guy like that given that she has spent majority of her life in UK. I would have expected that she met more guys in the UK.

 

[Lemonpeach]

Iirc oxford can just take their entrance exam. Also, 18 is not that early imo as moi know quite a few already in uni by 17.

Nothing to brag imo for TS.

Exactly. She old liao. Some of her classmates graduate at 19, 20.
The point is not to brag. The point is the gap between her and that boy. His 18 points for O levels, is as good as not trying hard. I have no respect for lazy people.

 

[Lemonpeach]

Seems odd she will like a guy like that given that she has spent majority of her life in UK. I would have expected that she met more guys in the UK.

Ang mo. She must have many others. But she told the mum, not me.

 

[Witwit84]

Ang mo. She must have many others. But she told the mum, not me.

That's what I am thinking, she must have met fair share of guys already so shouldn't be easily impressed or swayed.

 

[Lemonpeach]

Now can slide into DM and dating apps liao. Plenty of ppl date globally.

Moi know ppl every friday fly to KL, bangkok, HK to meet with their partner.

Sigh. I let the mum talk to her first.
I think there will be no good outcome from an odd jobber.

 

[chaiscool]

Must matriculate through UK boarding school.
If study in SG system, no possibility.
She studied in UK from secondary one or form 6, at the age of 11. Unlike SG system, UK boarding school admission is based on entrance test and principal decision. No PSLE, O levels. Straight through.

Nah sg system still can. Just take their entrance test can liao or be legacy applicants.

Being in sg system no different than being foreigner like china , malaysia student applicants anyway. Anyone can just take the entrance exam.

 

[SkyNinja]

That's how the bad boys get the girls... they are good sweet talkers.

Few years later, both push baby prams with alcohol breath and tattoos on their body.