Are we just delusional and kidding ourselves?

[KakiMeow]

Life is a delusion.

When we die.

Everything is gone.

30 years later, no one will remember us daily one.

Who remember Michael Jackson everyday now? Or Pele? Once awhile people will mention very famous people like them, but for normal people, there's nothing in the world that reminds.
Except your grand-grand children who may say oh last time my great grand daddy this that.

So just be happy and helpful.

At least you help people, maybe at that moment, they wanted to die but they live, but we just don't know.

 

[IAmChiobu12M]

There is always going to be people or friends leading better life than you.
If you want to compare them with you, you will remain as a loser forever.
Just decide what you want to live your life and do it.
The most important thing is you are healthy and happy.
Then, you have the chance to enjoy whatever money that you earn.
Or else you are just paying medical fees for your stressed up body.

Stop comparing yourself with other.
Cos it is just a waste of time.

Comparison is thief of joy, I know this logic.

But is hard to get rid of the feeling that you suck and I'm not asking a lot. I just wanna feel once I'm satki that all. Like at least there is 1 area in my life I'm "more superior" or above average compared to my peers, within people I know.

Be it, I'm financially richer, earn more, prettier, higher qualifications, success at work or in love etc. At least just 1 thing I can be proud of once.

But people around me win me every area hands down. And no is not caz I didn't work hard. The people I know have everything. Parents doting to them or at least rich enough to support them, rich and understand husband, cute kids, successful at work, good looking partner, ballot bto 1x tio and get awesome queue number, many more.

 

[buyacat]

It's very simple, really.

Bto in early 20s, can get govt grants(while income low) and max loan duration for hdb loan or bank loan.

By early 30s can sell bto and upgrade to condo, still can max loan duration.

Before 50s can try bto again. This time sell the private property and fully pay off the bto.

1 kid max so its easier to move house.

 

[HumJiBeng]

Comparison is thief of joy, I know this logic.

But is hard to get rid of the feeling that you suck and I'm not asking a lot. I just wanna feel once I'm satki that all. Like at least there is 1 area in my life I'm "more superior" or above average compared to my peers, within people I know.

Be it, I'm financially richer, earn more, prettier, higher qualifications, success at work or in love etc. At least just 1 thing I can be proud of once.

But people around me win me every area hands down. And no is not caz I didn't work hard. The people I know have everything. Parents doting to them or at least rich enough to support them, rich and understand husband, cute kids, successful at work, good looking partner, ballot bto 1x tio and get awesome queue number, many more.

I don't know the feeling of comparing with my peers. I always wish my friends to do well and do better than me.

If anything , feel awkward if I am in my 50s still have to go interview to 'beg' the hiring manager who may be in his 20s for a job.

Which is why I always tell people (including my kid) to invest and start own business, and also start early. Don't be aiming for a 9 to 6 job. Go work learn a skills and start your own business.

Learn how to invest (not trading) also. Invest is not risky if u know what u are doing otherwise ur cpf is gone also. What do u think cpf people do with ur $?

 

[mgx-alander]

It's very simple, really.

Bto in early 20s, can get govt grants(while income low) and max loan duration for hdb loan or bank loan.

By early 30s can sell bto and upgrade to condo, still can max loan duration.

Before 50s can try bto again. This time sell the private property and fully pay off the bto.

1 kid max so its easier to move house.

provided u find a girl willing to sign rom cert with u

as a bbfa, mid 30s then can bto / buy resale, max loan duration once

 

[zeebrugge]

Doesn't really bother me. For me, being a BBFA is a coincidental choice I made while managing my hereditary sicknesses. I didn't want to pass down the faulty genes I was born with to the next generation, so I didn't get married. I still look after my elders in my family, and I support other cousins and sibling in their dating and marriages, I wish them well too. The good news is that because of my BBFAness, I get a lot of spare bandwidth to practise Buddhism as a secular Buddhist, I spend a lot of time studying the teachings and trying to transcend myself, it's something which money cannot buy.

I'm quite grateful as I age, things might not be a bed of roses, but there's plenty of blessings which I can still give thanks for. I'm happy.

Thanks.

 

[IAmChiobu12M]

Some are denial, but most are acceptance.

Denial because they cannot find, so they bash women all the way and behave like it is their own choice.

But most here, I feel, are acceptance. They accept that they won't be able to find the one, or they get rejected so many times until they gave up liao. Sometimes I read the stories here I can tell most got rejected very badly until it caused emotional trauma.

I may be delusional too but I feel I fall into this 2nd category, 2nd scenario (rejected terribly or got toyed until gave up). It has come to the point I have a deep distrust in women because my first thought would be, "what games are you trying to play?"

I believe many of us here - men and women who are still single - have become comfortable being single liao. Sometimes the thought that you will share your bed with someone else seems weird. This is true for me especially when I never had a girlfriend before... I doubt I can even allocate time and emotions for her.

Again, I'm not bashing women here... If I'm a woman, I will definitely want to find the top 10% men too; and if I have a daughter, I want her to find the best man; and if I do have a girlfriend, I want her to be happy without suffering... Who wants them to suffer?

Then when we see cost of living keep going up, women's wants and needs also went up, competition among peers and people of your age also go up, you just feel it is not worth it and decide to not bother with all the stresses.

And sorry if I sound repetitive and a misogynist, but most women have unrealistic expectations. Like I shared before, even bui bui women and fugly women have high expectations and play that mass dating game. That's like you apply for a job that only wants to pay you 1.8K but demands you have degree, 5 years of experience, must know how to do coding, be proficient in Microsoft Office apps, must be able to be a leader in team, must be willign to work OT, .etc. Chiobus don't say, they play this game at a new whole level and with rich men only.

If you're not a man, you won't understand... We subconsciously know we have to be the provider and we don't want any of our love ones to suffer. However, we also have this attitude that when things get too overbearing or too much, we will just leave and not bother liao (a.k.a rage quit).

I actually fully agree with you and understand where you coming from.

But truth is there are really a lot girls including myself who are truly not asking a lot but got no luck in finding someone even just decent.

Idk but I feel that girls around me who are like what you mentioned spoilt or princess end up finding men who treat them well. And girls who are understanding and willing to lower their standards and endure suffer with the guy end up getting into toxic and bad rs where the guy think he is the king of the earth and she's still not good enough.

I haven't met a guy who treated me like gem but all think I owe them and they are doing charity to be with me. When I already suffer a lot for them and delude myself is ok give them time and things will work. But it just don't.

 

[chiefoggy]

I see edmw always jjww that single is the way, alone got more money and freedom etc.

But I see reality (maybe on surface) is that those who are successful at work are also the ones got lucky to bto within 1 or 2 tries, marry early, have kids and have a typical happy family life. Every year holiday with life progressing well.

Early 20s somehow did ok at work, mid 20s marry, late 20s have kids. By early 30 have house, have car, have wife, have kids and helpers le.

Is us behkan bbfa keep jjww say FIRE is best but truth is we just unwanted and behkan. (Besides some troll here but reality are hidden dragons)

Go dating kena hiam, bbfa like us can't score dates or just kena ghosted. Forever stuck in low ses loop worry about next day.

While the reality outside people all celebrating next milestones and trying to achieve next goal. Only we here being echo chamers trying to affirm each others misery nia. Correct ma?

how chiu know they berry heypi oso

 

[buyacat]

provided u find a girl willing to sign rom cert with u

Its a numbers game. Ask 1 girl out each week, eventually you will find someone.

 

[chiefoggy]

I actually fully agree with you and understand where you coming from.

But truth is there are really a lot girls including myself who are truly not asking a lot but got no luck in finding someone even just decent.

Idk but I feel that girls around me who are like what you mentioned spoilt or princess end up finding men who treat them well. And girls who are understanding and willing to lower their standards and endure suffer with the guy end up getting into toxic and bad rs where the guy think he is the king of the earth and she's still not good enough.

I haven't met a guy who treated me like gem but all think I owe them and they are doing charity to be with me. When I already suffer a lot for them and delude myself is ok give them time and things will work. But it just don't.

think more and more guys giving up on dating liao...so less chance to get "average" guy oso

 

[Thoreldan]

married/attached doesn't mean it's happily ever after
bbfa/alone doesn't mean the world is ending

be a good person and doing the things you like to do is more important.

 

[mgx-alander]

Its a numbers game. Ask 1 girl out each week, eventually you will find someone.

doesnt work for bbfas, the chance of girl saying ok is rare

 

[HumJiBeng]

doesnt work for bbfas, the chance of girl saying ok is rare

At least slim down first?

 

[mgx-alander]

bbfa is mybfd la

eat and be heypi!

 

[IAmChiobu12M]

provided u find a girl willing to sign rom cert with u

as a bbfa, mid 30s then can bto / buy resale, max loan duration once

And provided even if you find a girl willing bto with you while you in 20s, you must get q number and trust her housing judgement and not pull the team down drag until 30s then buy 1st house. When she already analyse for you the situation and have foresight yet the stupid ego and mummy's boy mentality wreak havoc whole thing.

 

[buyacat]

doesnt work for bbfas, the chance of girl saying ok is rare

Then double the effort, ask 2 each week. If both says ok, its a happy problem. Do 1 on friday night and another 1 on saturday night or sunday brunch.

 

[New_Account]

moi ish kenna hiam cannot get much date

 

[Justanewbie]

I see edmw always jjww that single is the way, alone got more money and freedom etc.

But I see reality (maybe on surface) is that those who are successful at work are also the ones got lucky to bto within 1 or 2 tries, marry early, have kids and have a typical happy family life. Every year holiday with life progressing well.

Early 20s somehow did ok at work, mid 20s marry, late 20s have kids. By early 30 have house, have car, have wife, have kids and helpers le.

Is us behkan bbfa keep jjww say FIRE is best but truth is we just unwanted and behkan. (Besides some troll here but reality are hidden dragons)

Go dating kena hiam, bbfa like us can't score dates or just kena ghosted. Forever stuck in low ses loop worry about next day.

While the reality outside people all celebrating next milestones and trying to achieve next goal. Only we here being echo chamers trying to affirm each others misery nia. Correct ma?

mostly correct. I have good job, income, house, etc, just no girl like

 

[IAmChiobu12M]

mostly correct. I have good job, income, house, etc, just no girl like

Ok la at least you just left 1 missing piece. I don't even have the base. No good job, low income, no guys like, I think offer free, they also rather pay for FL.

 

[IAmChiobu12M]

how chiu know they berry heypi oso

Not sure about this, no proof and no way to prove. But I know at least materially I can see the tangible stuff. At least is definitely more than me.