Serious Relationship issue

[BlackWing1977]

No point forcing the wife to reconcile if she liddat.
TS, please plan long term for taking care of your kids; kids are innocent.

 

[trd_charlie]

I have been married to my wife for six years, and we have kids. Recently, we had a quarrel, and she suggested a separation. Her stance on this seems very firm. According to her, the argument stemmed from what she sees as me being overly controlling—for example, not allowing her to go out with friends to pubs late at night. She finds my behaviour unreasonable and controlling.

This isn’t the first time we’ve had a quarrel, and usually, we manage to resolve our differences by the next day. However, this time, she has been ignoring me for about two weeks and has been sleeping in another room. She also goes out until late at night, saying she has work. All of this started after she joined a new company.

I do not wish to divorce her, as I still love her. However, I don’t know how to resolve the issue now. Should I try to convince her to come back to me, or should I give her the space to live the lifestyle she wants?

When women wants to call it quits it's usually a buildup of frustrations over a period of time. And likely you being "unreasonable and controlling" is only part of the equation. There should be other contributing factors as well. As these statements are only from your account, it's hard to get the full picture w/o hearing both sides of the story.

Since the dumping (sorry for the lack of a better word) is fresh, you are thinking emotionally right now. You should take some time alone and think really hard if this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, before you think of asking her back. If the source of what's causing the two of you issues is not resolved, it will always come back to the same catalyst in the future.

Whatever your decision, don't beg, don't try to convince. Women aren't logical creatures. They are ruled by emotions. Speak openly of your intentions, give her some time to process, and respect her decision. You may have lost her affection, but don't lose her respect as well.

 

[RichardXyn]

Heard of the 7-year itch theory? For the sake of your kids, do not agree to a divorce. She is probably infatuated with someone else. Let go of the leash and give her that freedom she wants. If there is still love, she will return. When she returns, she will treasure the relationship more than before. However, this means that you will suffer while waiting for her to return. Some will say that life is short, and you should avoid suffering. Your kids will think that you are selfish, if you take that stance. Hence, I will advise you to persevere for the sake of your kids.

 

[midnightinparis]

I just want to give a word of advice

find wife not the same as find gf, please find one with good character, not one who will want to go clubbing or separate from kids after married

married is big thing pls use big head and not your small head to think. Chio gf doesn’t make good wife

 

[glarerder]

I have been married to my wife for six years, and we have kids. Recently, we had a quarrel, and she suggested a separation. Her stance on this seems very firm. According to her, the argument stemmed from what she sees as me being overly controlling—for example, not allowing her to go out with friends to pubs late at night. She finds my behaviour unreasonable and controlling.

This isn’t the first time we’ve had a quarrel, and usually, we manage to resolve our differences by the next day. However, this time, she has been ignoring me for about two weeks and has been sleeping in another room. She also goes out until late at night, saying she has work. All of this started after she joined a new company.

I do not wish to divorce her, as I still love her. However, I don’t know how to resolve the issue now. Should I try to convince her to come back to me, or should I give her the space to live the lifestyle she wants?

It's never sudden. It's been accumulating within her. What have you done to improve the rs for the 2 weeks she ignored you?

 

[OddEye]

Green hat very likely

 

[TiedInsurer]

Heard of the 7-year itch theory? For the sake of your kids, do not agree to a divorce. She is probably infatuated with someone else. Let go of the leash and give her that freedom she wants. If there is still love, she will return. When she returns, she will treasure the relationship more than before. However, this means that you will suffer while waiting for her to return. Some will say that life is short, and you should avoid suffering. Your kids will think that you are selfish, if you take that stance. Hence, I will advise you to persevere for the sake of your kids.

Give her the freedom to go out and get her 7-year itch scratched by the whole pub?

 

[Kaylin]

there shd be red flags b4 marriage but u chose to ignore

 

[EdenHazard]

She got pub u also go la. Make it fair. Stay tgt for the kids until turn 18 then ask her fk off

 

[siaoliaolor]

I will also suspect third party
But know a friend who was jus tired with the husband . I even joke say mai lai la .
Sure got suitor right

But she say

Never look after kids
Never do marketing
Never do household chores
Take pictures , dun wan
Go out as family to certain place, keep say no point , hot , expensive .


Maybe TS is like that

 

[EdenHazard]

Give her the freedom to go out and get her 7-year itch scratched by the whole pub?

What is stopping the guy from going find younger syt. She do chu yi, the guy can do 15. No money go jb or kl where it is more affordable

 

[SpicyBird]

go marriage counseling first

haha if it's 3rd party, how much counseling also no use...

 

[Monstruo^]

I have been married to my wife for six years, and we have kids. Recently, we had a quarrel, and she suggested a separation. Her stance on this seems very firm. According to her, the argument stemmed from what she sees as me being overly controlling—for example, not allowing her to go out with friends to pubs late at night. She finds my behaviour unreasonable and controlling.

This isn’t the first time we’ve had a quarrel, and usually, we manage to resolve our differences by the next day. However, this time, she has been ignoring me for about two weeks and has been sleeping in another room. She also goes out until late at night, saying she has work. All of this started after she joined a new company.

I do not wish to divorce her, as I still love her. However, I don’t know how to resolve the issue now. Should I try to convince her to come back to me, or should I give her the space to live the lifestyle she wants?

Be honest, how controlling are you all these years? Are you a control freak? Can you list some other examples when you disallow her to do this and that?

Dont think it is just one time event when you forbid her to go out at night then she suggests separation.

And also, during all these years, how often you 2 quarrel? Need more info on how you 2 interact and live together. Many couples before marriage break up because one party (man and woman also have) ish overly controlling. I also kena before overly controlling ex gf.

 

[TiedInsurer]

I have been married to my wife for six years, and we have kids. Recently, we had a quarrel, and she suggested a separation. Her stance on this seems very firm. According to her, the argument stemmed from what she sees as me being overly controlling—for example, not allowing her to go out with friends to pubs late at night. She finds my behaviour unreasonable and controlling.

This isn’t the first time we’ve had a quarrel, and usually, we manage to resolve our differences by the next day. However, this time, she has been ignoring me for about two weeks and has been sleeping in another room. She also goes out until late at night, saying she has work. All of this started after she joined a new company.

I do not wish to divorce her, as I still love her. However, I don’t know how to resolve the issue now. Should I try to convince her to come back to me, or should I give her the space to live the lifestyle she wants?

She's probably cheating. Wife and mother of young kids liao, still go out pub til late at night? Any guy who dares to go out drinking til late night, and saddle his wife with the sole responsibility of taking care of young kids, will rightfully be crucified by the entire female community, so she's still a terrible mother and wife, even if she wasn't cheating.

Anyway, don't beg for her to stay. Remain dignified. Begging will just make her look down on you even more, and drive her further away. If you die die must keep this woman, then just tell her how disappointed you are with her, but that you will let her do whatever she wants, because you want to preserve the marriage for the kids. But let her know her actions is doing irreparable damage to the marriage (not that she cares, since she wants out, probably because new guy promised to show her a good time).

 

[SpicyBird]

there shd be red flags b4 marriage but u chose to ignore

not sure if there is a red spot that take 6 years to spot. it takes the right time and moment for the red flag come out

 

[TiedInsurer]

Never look after kids
Never do marketing
Never do household chores
Take pictures , dun wan
Go out as family to certain place, keep say no point , hot , expensive .

TS isn't the one staying out til late night. I'd say the one who "Never look after kids" is the wife, or she would be around the kids at night.

 

[AlchemistJ19]

All words when screaming or scolding cannot take it at face value de.

Sit down with her and talk it out, I don't think letting her go out is the only problem. Maybe the feeling of being tied at home, lack of freedom.

See whether you want to adjust your lifestyle. Such as engaging helper/send kids to childcare, let your parents/in law take care more during weekday will ease her worries.

Book couple trips out to beach etc. At least something to look forward to. But be prepared to spend more money ba.

 

[Icychemist]

Yup like what many people have concluded in here..she has someone outside..

It's a complicated matter and it's hard for us 3rd parties to advise the appropriate action/s. You'll need to have a good talk with your wife.

Hope you can salvage your marriage. If not, it's not the end of the world anyway.


CheerS!!!

if she has someone outside, what's there to salvage? lol.

i mean i don't know....some people can accept a vase even if there's a broken piece. they are still able to see beauty in that broken piece of shyt.

but i wouldn't even keep a vase that has a slight crack.

 

[cheryl81]

I have been married to my wife for six years, and we have kids. Recently, we had a quarrel, and she suggested a separation. Her stance on this seems very firm. According to her, the argument stemmed from what she sees as me being overly controlling—for example, not allowing her to go out with friends to pubs late at night. She finds my behaviour unreasonable and controlling.

This isn’t the first time we’ve had a quarrel, and usually, we manage to resolve our differences by the next day. However, this time, she has been ignoring me for about two weeks and has been sleeping in another room. She also goes out until late at night, saying she has work. All of this started after she joined a new company.

I do not wish to divorce her, as I still love her. However, I don’t know how to resolve the issue now. Should I try to convince her to come back to me, or should I give her the space to live the lifestyle she wants?

too controlling is not good. try let her go out with her friends and give her the freedom she want.
pull kite string too hard will break one lo

 

[cheryl81]

She's probably cheating. Wife and mother of young kids liao, still go out pub til late at night? Any guy who dares to go out drinking til late night, and saddle his wife with the sole responsibility of taking care of young kids, will rightfully be crucified by the entire female community, so she's still a terrible mother and wife, even if she wasn't cheating.

Anyway, don't beg for her to stay. Remain dignified. Begging will just make her look down on you even more, and drive her further away. If you die die must keep this woman, then just tell her how disappointed you are with her, but that you will let her do whatever she wants, because you want to preserve the marriage for the kids. But let her know her actions is doing irreparable damage to the marriage (not that she cares, since she wants out, probably because new guy promised to show her a good time).

who say mother and wife cannot go pub. chill and enjoy with gfs cannot meh?