(100% serious moral question, no jokes and sarcasm pls) - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

Is dating having had cancer a sin/morally deplorable?

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E

eternalxiii

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thetortiserunner said:
How about let's put it this way there are many things I can overlook but the one and only one thing I absolutely CANNOT, is a girl that is not able to take care of herself because at the end of the day your body is yours and only can hold yourself accountable to take the best care of the one and only thing that will be with you for life.

No need to be ms Olympian or some professional/ national athlete ( tho of course that would be great) but at the very least have a decently fair level of participation, interest to learn and partake in aka try (in) ideally the same sports or some others
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Er... not doing sports doesn't mean not taking care of herself lol. I bet you probably don't count pilates, yoga, spinning, or casual gym as sports right. That's what 90% of girls do as exercise. And personally I think it's good enough.

If you are so concerned about health (rightly so) then you would do better checking their diet. And there you will run into another barrier. Eating out = mostly unhealthy or expensive. So foodies and cafe-hoppers are out. Alcohol and smokers are also out. So you want someone who can cook.... or who can tolerate your cooking.

But I digress... that is not the focus of this thread. Don't use the health thing as an excuse la. You are already disadvantaged, yet you still seem to have high expectations.

Edit: I forgot to mention that the more health-conscious the girl is, the more likely she will reject you. Not to mention her parents.
 
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Vanyel

Vanyel

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a very good fren of mine, survived cancer 12+yrs ago
these 12yrs a few r/s in between, but not sure whether all knew he once had cancer

he passed earlier this yr
current gf of 6yrs had to handle all his 身后事, she broke down a few times infront of me
his final night she told me my fren kept saying sorry to her and apologising for all these yrs...

after witnessing all these, if i am my fren
i would not get into any close r/s...
 
D

Definitely

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thetortiserunner said:
Hi everyone,this is a question that has been bugging and unsettling me for quite some time now.

I am 27, male, straight and a former recent cancer survivor. is it morally wrong/ " chek arkh" / "hei1 xin1 as a cancer survivor to entertain the thought of dating let alone dating itself?

My perception is that dating is and should be a blissful union of 2 members , to enjoy each others company, or in other words , cliche and Tumblr-like as it may sound , to live, laugh and love together (as one)

However from my POV ; (in the context of online dating) it has been pretty bad. I am average looking at best on a good day.

I do get occasional matches from time to time and have had rare success (read not being ignored 😅) of sliding into DMs of girls who put their Instagram tag on their tinder.

My principal is that with something like my cancer, I can hide it initially for a while since it's not immediately physically evident ; but sooner or later down the road , especially if things progress to a more serious stage in a relationship, it will reveal itself - hence Ive decided to reveal or talk about it as soon as possible, rather sooner now than later, otherwise I wouldn't be able to live with myself and losing sleep hiding a secret like that.

Owing to that , I've tried different approaches, mentioning it on my bio, telling them when we match and after messaging for a while.

However none of them have had any positive outcomes so far. Each and everyone of them has unmatched or rejected me in some form or another when learning about my condition.

Even the few and far between angmoh girls (almost even went out with 1,but got cancelled on last minute when I mentioned my cancer) whom I thought ,coming from a more open and liberal culture , would be accepting, have done so too.

So back to the main question - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

++PS those of you who are in a relationship , especially in a long term on or even better yet, married, I would be highly thankful and appreciate it if you can show your girlfriends or wifes this post and ask what she thinks
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Nothing wrong with dating, but declare upfront bah. Even if it means more rejection, at least when you do get a match, it is more likely to be the right person.
 
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mickey88

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thetortiserunner said:
Definitely do not want children. It costs not only money but also time which I can spend in myself. Think about it this way : 300 dollars spent on kid's present could have been on a new pair of tyres or servicing my suspension, or 3h that could have been spent running a half marathon training to get fitter
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That is ur own thinking but does not reflect on the girl that you interested
 
T

thetortiserunner

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KakiMeow said:
had ...

... mean rast time

now hokays riao ...

den huai worlies :s11:

chiu just be frank and tells her ...

... i wan to let chiu knoe i had cancer and recovered riao ...

it betta rike tis

if any 冬瓜豆腐, chiu dun wan her sad oso rite :s11:
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Sorry, can't read Chinese. Mind translating and explain pls? Thank you
 
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thetortiserunner

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zhoholang said:
As a cancer survivor you should not let stress affect you. Your diet should be kept very strictly. You only have one life so don't risk it just trying to better yourself like others in the working world
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I abstain from all fast food now,except Mac chicken and fillet o fish once in a while
 
T

thetortiserunner

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eternalxiii said:
Er... not doing sports doesn't mean not taking care of herself lol. I bet you probably don't count pilates, yoga, spinning, or casual gym as sports right. That's what 90% of girls do as exercise. And personally I think it's good enough.

If you are so concerned about health (rightly so) then you would do better checking their diet. And there you will run into another barrier. Eating out = mostly unhealthy or expensive. So foodies and cafe-hoppers are out. Alcohol and smokers are also out. So you want someone who can cook.... or who can tolerate your cooking.

But I digress... that is not the focus of this thread. Don't use the health thing as an excuse la. You are already disadvantaged, yet you still seem to have high expectations.

Edit: I forgot to mention that the more health-conscious the girl is, the more likely she will reject you. Not to mention her parents.
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For your first paragraph,those are ok. What I meant are those like you mentioned later, smokers drinkers, absolutely NO, AKA those party havoc club here and there girls

or those who just like to nuah at home aka the female version of BB/TT FA or in western terms the female version of basement discord mod - I think you get roughly what I meant, those that completely let themselves go type

Foodies and cafe hoppers are ok, just not those in access of gluttony like Zermatt or those mukbang types. In fact even I do it myself on my off days or down season. I don't cook btw and never will, its not about money because they are still cheap food options out there if you are willing to look. It's about the time lost doing it. Say I took 1 hour a day to buy cook and clean for a meal or 2/3, that's 1 hour lost a day which I could have spent on a 10km run training or even working ,which even with my ware house assistant job is enough per hour for 2 meals.

To sum it up the girl doesn't need to be some fit Olympian (tho it's of course a great bonus ) but she has to at least show some effort in taking care of herself by keep fit and healthy. It is ideal and best if we share the same common sporting activity at about the same level and can train and push each, show willingness to at least try or come along sometimes, but if not, if she has here own thing (sports she does) that's totally ok too

And PS- More likely doesn't mean never ever right? Like people always say, the chances are Low but never 0. Also perhaps can look for girls whom both parents up lorries as morbid as that may sound 🤔🤷‍♀️
 
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