(100% serious moral question, no jokes and sarcasm pls) - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

[thetortiserunner]

Hi everyone,this is a question that has been bugging and unsettling me for quite some time now.

I am 27, male, straight and a former recent cancer survivor. is it morally wrong/ " chek arkh" / "hei1 xin1 as a cancer survivor to entertain the thought of dating let alone dating itself?

My perception is that dating is and should be a blissful union of 2 members , to enjoy each others company, or in other words , cliche and Tumblr-like as it may sound , to live, laugh and love together (as one)

However from my POV ; (in the context of online dating) it has been pretty bad. I am average looking at best on a good day.

I do get occasional matches from time to time and have had rare success (read not being ignored ) of sliding into DMs of girls who put their Instagram tag on their tinder.

My principal is that with something like my cancer, I can hide it initially for a while since it's not immediately physically evident ; but sooner or later down the road , especially if things progress to a more serious stage in a relationship, it will reveal itself - hence Ive decided to reveal or talk about it as soon as possible, rather sooner now than later, otherwise I wouldn't be able to live with myself and losing sleep hiding a secret like that.

Owing to that , I've tried different approaches, mentioning it on my bio, telling them when we match and after messaging for a while.

However none of them have had any positive outcomes so far. Each and everyone of them has unmatched or rejected me in some form or another when learning about my condition.

Even the few and far between angmoh girls (almost even went out with 1,but got cancelled on last minute when I mentioned my cancer) whom I thought ,coming from a more open and liberal culture , would be accepting, have done so too.

So back to the main question - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

++PS those of you who are in a relationship , especially in a long term on or even better yet, married, I would be highly thankful and appreciate it if you can show your girlfriends or wifes this post and ask what she thinks

 

[Ahemahem]

Nope not wrong but be upfront about it

 

[ThisIsHome]

I concur with above. Nothing wrong. Everyone wants love, and fears loneliness.

But be upfront. Must be fair to those that don't want to sign up for this RS.

 

[Eost002]

Nothing wrong. Just upfront in the first meeting.

 

[PikaPika33]

????
you also not tio aids
???

 

[white_prince]

Hi everyone,this is a question that has been bugging and unsettling me for quite some time now.

I am 27, male, straight and a former recent cancer survivor. is it morally wrong/ " chek arkh" / "hei1 xin1 as a cancer survivor to entertain the thought of dating let alone dating itself?

My perception is that dating is and should be a blissful union of 2 members , to enjoy each others company, or in other words , cliche and Tumblr-like as it may sound , to live, laugh and love together (as one)

However from my POV ; (in the context of online dating) it has been pretty bad. I am average looking at best on a good day.

I do get occasional matches from time to time and have had rare success (read not being ignored ) of sliding into DMs of girls who put their Instagram tag on their tinder.

My principal is that with something like my cancer, I can hide it initially for a while since it's not immediately physically evident ; but sooner or later down the road , especially if things progress to a more serious stage in a relationship, it will reveal itself - hence Ive decided to reveal or talk about it as soon as possible, rather sooner now than later, otherwise I wouldn't be able to live with myself and losing sleep hiding a secret like that.

Owing to that , I've tried different approaches, mentioning it on my bio, telling them when we match and after messaging for a while.

However none of them have had any positive outcomes so far. Each and everyone of them has unmatched or rejected me in some form or another when learning about my condition.

Even the few and far between angmoh girls (almost even went out with 1,but got cancelled on last minute when I mentioned my cancer) whom I thought ,coming from a more open and liberal culture , would be accepting, have done so too.

So back to the main question - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

++PS those of you who are in a relationship , especially in a long term on or even better yet, married, I would be highly thankful and appreciate it if you can show your girlfriends or wifes this post and ask what she thinks

SG will be safe If only pap mps think like you.


I think its okay or better to let the person you are dating to know up front.
Because its not what you wanted, you didnt accept cancer but it came by itself.
Dont worry, you will recover well. Believe in yourself.

 

[hardindex]

 

[thetortiserunner]

????
you also not tio aids
???

What?no

 

[Travis_Touchdown]

Hi everyone,this is a question that has been bugging and unsettling me for quite some time now.

I am 27, male, straight and a former recent cancer survivor. is it morally wrong/ " chek arkh" / "hei1 xin1 as a cancer survivor to entertain the thought of dating let alone dating itself?

My perception is that dating is and should be a blissful union of 2 members , to enjoy each others company, or in other words , cliche and Tumblr-like as it may sound , to live, laugh and love together (as one)

However from my POV ; (in the context of online dating) it has been pretty bad. I am average looking at best on a good day.

I do get occasional matches from time to time and have had rare success (read not being ignored ) of sliding into DMs of girls who put their Instagram tag on their tinder.

My principal is that with something like my cancer, I can hide it initially for a while since it's not immediately physically evident ; but sooner or later down the road , especially if things progress to a more serious stage in a relationship, it will reveal itself - hence Ive decided to reveal or talk about it as soon as possible, rather sooner now than later, otherwise I wouldn't be able to live with myself and losing sleep hiding a secret like that.

Owing to that , I've tried different approaches, mentioning it on my bio, telling them when we match and after messaging for a while.

However none of them have had any positive outcomes so far. Each and everyone of them has unmatched or rejected me in some form or another when learning about my condition.

Even the few and far between angmoh girls (almost even went out with 1,but got cancelled on last minute when I mentioned my cancer) whom I thought ,coming from a more open and liberal culture , would be accepting, have done so too.

So back to the main question - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

++PS those of you who are in a relationship , especially in a long term on or even better yet, married, I would be highly thankful and appreciate it if you can show your girlfriends or wifes this post and ask what she thinks

notch wrong... cancer survivor also deserves to hab a r/s... juz that need to be upfront wib the person chiu ish dating wib to manage expectations... also cannotch brame those who cannotch accept... admit it ish will be difficult to find someone who ish can accept becoz they ish expecting long term...

 

[Ahemahem]

However from my POV ; (in the context of online dating) it has been pretty bad. I am average looking at best on a good day.

I do get occasional matches from time to time and have had rare success (read not being ignored ) of sliding into DMs of girls who put their Instagram tag on their tinder.

My principal is that with something like my cancer, I can hide it initially for a while since it's not immediately physically evident ; but sooner or later down the road , especially if things progress to a more serious stage in a relationship, it will reveal itself - hence Ive decided to reveal or talk about it as soon as possible, rather sooner now than later, otherwise I wouldn't be able to live with myself and losing sleep hiding a secret like that.

Owing to that , I've tried different approaches, mentioning it on my bio, telling them when we match and after messaging for a while.

However none of them have had any positive outcomes so far. Each and everyone of them has unmatched or rejected me in some form or another when learning about my condition

Dont be discouraged

just keep trying,there're all kinds of girls out there

you should be glad those ppl who unmatched/rejected you did so because they probably wont stay when things go bad too

 

[A Better Tomorrow]

Be upfront , yes but still must be wary of attracting the wrong kind of person.

Some plan off at the start to eventually alone or become a parent without much financial support from the other.

True love is a myth but common interests between parties last longer than love itself.

 

[Livewings]

Can explain to me further, cause I don’t understand.

If you are a cancer survivor, means you don’t have cancer now. Why you need to hide your past leh?

 

[PikaPika33]

What?no

ya so why worry so much?

 

[jinsadndepress]

Not wrong to want ...

Whether deserve is another matter ... Ish up to the ladies , chiu no say

 

[thetortiserunner]

Can explain to me further, cause I don’t understand.

If you are a cancer survivor, means you don’t have cancer now. Why you need to hide your past leh?

One is never really "cured" of cancer. I have a non visible physical disability

 

[yokine3a]

I would think dating might not be a good approach as you will probably get rejected more often, join some hobby groups or interest activities, make friends n slowly try your luck.

Without deeper relationship, most girls maybe including myself would probably upfront reject a man who is cancer survivor, cos we dun want to be a widow too early.

But life is full of unknown, nobody know who will die first, so good luck to you. But dating app is not a good choice, I heard many bad stories about it on edmw.

 

[thetortiserunner]

Be upfront , yes but still must be wary of attracting the wrong kind of person.

Some plan off at the start to eventually alone or become a parent without much financial support from the other.

True love is a myth but common interests between parties last longer than love itself.

What do you mean attracting the wrong kind of person. I am a already considered bottom of the barrel scum in the dating pool,how more wrong can I be?

 

[Acetone]

Maybe you can try telling them after you get more into the “serious” phase? At the start, it may just scare them off…

 

[5adisticD3vil]

you dun need to explicitly say so on the first date
you can casually mention it after a few dates
for the ladies to accept or not is up to them, not something you can control anyway
unless you hide the fact which is not really a good thing to do when both of you are in a serious relationship.
just keep dating
.................... until you see open and join us bbfa ...........

 

[thetortiserunner]

Any female responses or opinions from girlfriends or wifes so far?