How would you “handle” this?

[Can Or Not]

Maybe she is tired Liao… need some down period….

 

[Lchlch]

I have a family helper for 4 years . Initial role was to look after my nephew and housework. My nephew is 4 years old now and the helper is still here but :

(1) 4 years of tenure ship, we find that she got so comfortable that work standards drop

(2) don’t follow chores list created for her , and while we were flexible still, she sometimes completely missed out certain chores

(3) weekends when there’s outing , she refuses to go . So ended up she stays at home while the rest of the family is out . Don’t think she do anything while staying at home

We trust her . so morning , after sending nephew to school around 9am, she go for her marketing , and she will linger for breakfast and back only around 1030am

Afternoon she gets to nap for 1 hour and then continue the day

My brother is considering of changing her away . But as part of the family member at home , I felt quite conflicted as she indeed is a trustworthy and honest as a person . Just that her work quality is not as good as before

Should change?

You want her to work 24 by 7 non stop?

 

[idolcritic]

Last time got horror show featuring a maid right? One road good walk...

 

[Monstruo^]

Went through 3 rounds of performance review in Jan 2023, June 2024 and Dec 2025. These are the times where my SIL accumulated issues with her are addressed.

The nap was given to her because last time she has to wake up every 2 hours to feed my newphew milk so has been inplaced since 4 years ago

Then Jan 2023 review is for - she didn’t do inventory count . Everytime until no more then say. My SIL prefers to start restocking up on the laundry detergent , cooking sauces etc when it’s about 30% left . So created checklist for her to count . Until now still same , sometimes want to use , then realise no more and no spare

Then June 2024 review is for the cleaning of the house. Everyday she is at home but the house can be quite dusty, toilet not clean . Clothes one week iron once . That kind of things. So review

Then Dec 2025 was when she said my SIL work from home , she doesn’t want to be home. She wants to take off . Because SIL kept nagging at her not doing this / that . Review again

Looks like a lot ish the SIL issue leh. Do you think your SIL ish reasonable?

So the helper ish used to take care of your parents now and also do overall housework? You live with them or what? Sounds complicated. But also sounds like your parents live with your brother and his family and the helper, and you live separately. Then you two split 50-50 for the cost.

That’s what happens when the helper ish shared to do this and that.

Personally imo, if the helper ish gum with the parents, I will not want to change. I will ask brother and his wife to ownself hire another helper. She can kpkb all she wants at their own helper.

 

[cherynsq]

Typically the helper wakes up at 730am . Help to make breakfast for newphew only as the adults are either going to work or eat outside with elderly friends . So she only make breakfast for newphew , bath him the send to school then come back after her marketing and breakfast around 11am.

Do housework until 2pm. She go sleep until 3 or sometimes 330pm.

Then do housework and prepare for dinner . No need to fetch newphew as SIL will pick .

Then she washes the dishes everything by 9pm. After that can rest already .

My parents like to go out to walk walk and exercises . I’m usually out at work or yoga class. My brother and his wife also working .

SIL can be quite picky which I agree. But I also noted that those wares already dry , helper also don’t keep and leave it there for 3-4 days

Stains on glass kitchen doors say cannot wipe away. My SIL use soap with water clean off .

My SIL unhappy with the helper , she don’t nag anymore nowadays . She just takeover and do . But then inside she unhappy .

 

[eatmybooger]

Do you think talking to her will help? Change also maybe 50/50. Can get better or worse

 

[kyang69]

Better change, if she is already starting to show attitude.

 

[Elfblade]

I have a family helper for 4 years . Initial role was to look after my nephew and housework. My nephew is 4 years old now and the helper is still here but :

(1) 4 years of tenure ship, we find that she got so comfortable that work standards drop

(2) don’t follow chores list created for her , and while we were flexible still, she sometimes completely missed out certain chores

(3) weekends when there’s outing , she refuses to go . So ended up she stays at home while the rest of the family is out . Don’t think she do anything while staying at home

We trust her . so morning , after sending nephew to school around 9am, she go for her marketing , and she will linger for breakfast and back only around 1030am

Afternoon she gets to nap for 1 hour and then continue the day

My brother is considering of changing her away . But as part of the family member at home , I felt quite conflicted as she indeed is a trustworthy and honest as a person . Just that her work quality is not as good as before

Should change?

How your boss treats you, you can replicate onto your helper. If you find that she's worth keeping, have a good talk with her.

I am sure things can be worked out.

 

[cherynsq]

Do you think talking to her will help? Change also maybe 50/50. Can get better or worse

So far 3 reviews . Sit down and discuss kind . Not scold etc . Wanted to find out what happen and seek solution . With all the flexibility , if she can reciprocate with better work - today also won’t come to this stage

 

[CrucifyMyLove]

Give final warning

 

[cherynsq]

She is well aware of her friends who got sent back because of poor work performance . She did share with my parents and me that a few of her friends staying near the market area got sent back already

And she is also aware her country going through civil war

But the thing I don’t get it is, then why not double down the effort and ensure you don’t end up the same?

Moreover many times we told her this not done and that not done , she hasn’t sort of wake up and improve ….

 

[Monstruo^]

Typically the helper wakes up at 730am . Help to make breakfast for newphew only as the adults are either going to work or eat outside with elderly friends . So she only make breakfast for newphew , bath him the send to school then come back after her marketing and breakfast around 11am.

Do housework until 2pm. She go sleep until 3 or sometimes 330pm.

Then do housework and prepare for dinner . No need to fetch newphew as SIL will pick .

Then she washes the dishes everything by 9pm. After that can rest already .

My parents like to go out to walk walk and exercises . I’m usually out at work or yoga class. My brother and his wife also working .

SIL can be quite picky which I agree. But I also noted that those wares already dry , helper also don’t keep and leave it there for 3-4 days

Stains on glass kitchen doors say cannot wipe away. My SIL use soap with water clean off .

My SIL unhappy with the helper , she don’t nag anymore nowadays . She just takeover and do . But then inside she unhappy .

Looks like she got minimal things to do.

Parents also healthy and can function well and able to go out themselves. Little reliance on helper.

But you did agree with the drop in performance. So your SIL not the unreasonable type, just maybe a bit more strict.

Maybe you have a last word with her. Tell her last time she wasn’t like this. How come now things can drag on and don’t keep for a few days? See what she has to say. Maybe let her know if she continues like this, maybe you all cannot keep her any longer. Ish that what she wants? See what she says. Maybe she wanna go back? Lol.

For shared helper, I really don’t care so much what the SIL says. More importantly ish how the helper takes care of parents. But since your parents no need much help, then no emotional attachment at all. Easy! Aiya it is more like the normal housework performance issue. This one ish either warn her first, if not just change.

 

[cherynsq]

So overall should change ?

 

[fandango]

I have a family helper for 4 years . Initial role was to look after my nephew and housework. My nephew is 4 years old now and the helper is still here but :

(1) 4 years of tenure ship, we find that she got so comfortable that work standards drop

(2) don’t follow chores list created for her , and while we were flexible still, she sometimes completely missed out certain chores

(3) weekends when there’s outing , she refuses to go . So ended up she stays at home while the rest of the family is out . Don’t think she do anything while staying at home

We trust her . so morning , after sending nephew to school around 9am, she go for her marketing , and she will linger for breakfast and back only around 1030am

Afternoon she gets to nap for 1 hour and then continue the day

My brother is considering of changing her away . But as part of the family member at home , I felt quite conflicted as she indeed is a trustworthy and honest as a person . Just that her work quality is not as good as before

Should change?

You not paying her salary, your decision is moot

 

[wwenze]

Not simpur thread.

 

[cherynsq]

It’s just a simple thread people . Asking for opinions

 

[Shingoz]

Helper imo is a human. They are not slave.
I am someone who believe in treating people with respect if you wish to be respected.

It takes 2 hands to clap. If she is not motivated, why? No/low pay raise? Constant nagging? No clear instructions?

Having said that, 3 hours for 1 toilet? Did you guys talk to her about it??

That's ridiculous.

 

[Shingoz]

Went through 3 rounds of performance review in Jan 2023, June 2024 and Dec 2025. These are the times where my SIL accumulated issues with her are addressed.

The nap was given to her because last time she has to wake up every 2 hours to feed my newphew milk so has been inplaced since 4 years ago

Then Jan 2023 review is for - she didn’t do inventory count . Everytime until no more then say. My SIL prefers to start restocking up on the laundry detergent , cooking sauces etc when it’s about 30% left . So created checklist for her to count . Until now still same , sometimes want to use , then realise no more and no spare

Then June 2024 review is for the cleaning of the house. Everyday she is at home but the house can be quite dusty, toilet not clean . Clothes one week iron once . That kind of things. So review

Then Dec 2025 was when she said my SIL work from home , she doesn’t want to be home. She wants to take off . Because SIL kept nagging at her not doing this / that . Review again

Just read this. LoL, it's clear ur SIL and maid doesnt get along.

Just change ba. It could be a good thing for the helper. Dont need to feel sad for her.

 

[fade_white]

Is this a not simple thread?

 

[gnoes85]

Treat slave too good, they will think they are the master