Serious Relationship issue

[ZETMAN]

Your post reminds me of sermon series I watched many years ago

https://www.christianpost.com/news/andy-stanley-dispels-the-right-person-myth.html

until i met my wife, I use to think that the problem is me as non of my past r/s make past 2 years mark. While i dont actively search for the next better player or the so call right person, I came across my wife and we develop from there. Honestly speaking, she has some attributes i am looking for and also some which i am disagreeable with. But in the holistic sense, I also bring along my sets of positive and negative attribute to the table and she didnt nitpick on me. So we both accept each other for whom we are and walk down the aisle. While it is not smooth sailing, there are things we are also working towards for and we need to acknowledge that even as partners, these are still 2 individuals and cannot be all agreeable for everything in life. Accept the difference and celebrate the similarities that we have

 

[Sainterly]

TS, sometime it best not to dig deeper as the truth might hurt more.
If she choose to leave. be it.
She want a life, be it.
If you love her, let it go.
Don't need to argue or anything, it doesn't matter who's right or wrong.
Just ask her when and where to sign the paper. and how to settle the kid, house etc.
Trust me, time will heal and life will go on.
It the same as everything, and that is life.

 

[fandango]

TS, can you share how you and your wife met? You two paktor how long before married?

 

[Spike]

human are 喜新厌旧

Typically true. Subject to availability of options

For example, you are not going to quit a high paying job in your fifties if you still need the job because you aren't going to get back your pay.

Or quit a blue collar entry level job that you have been working in for 20 years because you have gotten comfortable with the environment and not going to get the same pay outside.

 

[MajiMax]

until i met my wife, I use to think that the problem is me as non of my past r/s make past 2 years mark. While i dont actively search for the next better player or the so call right person, I came across my wife and we develop from there. Honestly speaking, she has some attributes i am looking for and also some which i am disagreeable with. But in the holistic sense, I also bring along my sets of positive and negative attribute to the table and she didnt nitpick on me. So we both accept each other for whom we are and walk down the aisle. While it is not smooth sailing, there are things we are also working towards for and we need to acknowledge that even as partners, these are still 2 individuals and cannot be all agreeable for everything in life. Accept the difference and celebrate the similarities that we have

 

[fandango]

And also how is the relationship between you two and both sets of parent in laws?

 

[Spike]

but got kids liao... should overwrite everything else ya?

Most importantly, is to manage the transition for the children so they understand that family dynamics will change with the divorce, and that the parents will continue to take care of them.

 

[harky]

TS, sometime it best not to dig deeper as the truth might hurt more.
If she choose to leave. be it.
She want a life, be it.
If you love her, let it go.
Don't need to argue or anything, it doesn't matter who's right or wrong.
Just ask her when and where to sign the paper. and how to settle the kid, house etc.
Trust me, time will heal and life will go on.
It the same as everything, and that is life.

if ts do this.. she will shock.. wow

 

[SpicyBird]

until i met my wife, I use to think that the problem is me as non of my past r/s make past 2 years mark. While i dont actively search for the next better player or the so call right person, I came across my wife and we develop from there. Honestly speaking, she has some attributes i am looking for and also some which i am disagreeable with. But in the holistic sense, I also bring along my sets of positive and negative attribute to the table and she didnt nitpick on me. So we both accept each other for whom we are and walk down the aisle. While it is not smooth sailing, there are things we are also working towards for and we need to acknowledge that even as partners, these are still 2 individuals and cannot be all agreeable for everything in life. Accept the difference and celebrate the similarities that we have

Totally agreed with this but woman nowadays just call it quit and walk out of a marriage when they see differences. What's wrong with woman nowadays ah?

 

[Airplane88]

who say mother and wife cannot go pub. chill and enjoy with gfs cannot meh?

Can of course but she must allow the hubby to do the same as she does. Will she accept this?

 

[grevq80o]

Totally agreed with this but woman nowadays just call it quit and walk out of a marriage when they see differences. What's wrong with woman nowadays ah?

nothing wrong w the woman. She is simply a product of today 's immoral hedonistic world and society

 

[harky]

Totally agreed with this but woman nowadays just call it quit and walk out of a marriage when they see differences. What's wrong with woman nowadays ah?

mean she dont love u as much as u love her

 

[Jude Raphael]

Well, T.S, as a guy, I understand the desire to want to try since it has been a number of years and kids are in the equation. On the other hand, you may not know if it is still worth to try. Unless your wife feels the same way, it may feel like you are doing this all by yourself. You will know your situation best as I am sure there are details that are too long to be written here. I guess you probably have a sense that things are no longer like how they were in the past. You will know your wife's character better than us too.

At the end of the day, I feel that if one is insistent on a split, I guess the decision is most likely fixed. I know that it is difficult not to try and speculate the reason/s for her change in behaviour. If one person decides to be dishonest, it would be futile to keep asking too. If the split is inevitable, I hope that both you and your wife would be able to come to a compromise regarding the kids, at least.

Staying together but each going about their own lives may be an option too.

 

[Jude Raphael]

nothing wrong w the woman. She is simply a product of today 's immoral hedonistic world and society

Well, to be fair, it takes 2 hands to clap. A woman cannot do much on her own WITHOUT a man.... when it comes to having an illicit relationship. What will we say about those men then? Some adjectives for these men would be welcomed too.

 

[TiedInsurer]

A woman cannot do much on her own WITHOUT a man.

I'd argue the reason women are so quick to walk out nowadays is because she can do most things herself now without a man. This didn't use to be the case, when women had limited career options and earning power.

Women are entering a new era, where getting married actually means making sacrifices, with very little financial gain to be expected. Used to be, getting married for women, means giving up time, health and youth, to gain companionship and material wealth. Nowadays, getting married for women, means giving up time, health and youth, as well as money, to gain companionship. A lot of them discovered that they don't really value companionship that highly, and they do not want to make the sacrifices to get married or stay married just for companionship.

The equation also changed for men, but lesser. Used to be men only have to sacrifice money, to gain companionship and sex. Nowadays men have to sacrifice money and time, as they are also expected to shoulder chores. They still gain companionship, although the sex is now very debatable. But it looks like men still value the companionship more then anything else.

 

[TiedInsurer]

Read some of your posts. Agree. Also to TS, if cannot means cannot. Like a lot of bro said, women are emotional.

Im pending for divorce soon.

Married close to 3 yrs back, 1 yr in, she said she wants out 1 month after my dad was diagnosed with 6 months to live (from liver cancer)

1 month later my dad passed on.

In between i tried to be like 舔狗, cried, begged. Asked her to go counselling together. All the answer was no, too late.

She also went to a new company shortly we got married. But she used to drink, so initially im okay with it. But end up i help her to take care of her dog more. Do most of the hsework.

Main reason from her, the marriage is not what she envisioned. She thinks marriage should be happily ever after. She comes home i must be super excited, give her a hug/kiss. I tried to do them, she said im very fake. And from day 1 im not that kind of guy.

On the day my dad was diagnosed with 6 months to live, she still wants to bring her friends to the house. (We had arguements abt hosting too much, she extrovert i introvert) but i texted her saying, i know we had arguments on this, but today really cannot, i need space. U know what she replied? She replied Lol, you can just hide in the room.

After my dad passed on, still can say dont act like you are very sad, you are also not close to your dad.

Then randomly said, 其实我是要生孩子，只是不要跟你身 even though we agreed to separate alr.

Alot more nonsensical remarks from her, i just kept quiet most of the time.

I went to see a therapist on my own after my dad passed on, tbh, its good. Because like what this bro said, you will think very negatively or have dark thoughts.

Initially, i was trying to spy on her phone, but on hindsight, lame la, if she cheat, what can i do? She say she didnt cheat although in a very defensive tone.

Took me very long to get out of this, still not 100%. But need to actively train your brain not to ruminate.

This link might help abit, recommended by therapist, i bought the book in the end.

Yeah sometimes women can be downright heartless, and they aren't even aware of it. I got a colleague. New mum. Kid 4 years old. She and her husband both from M'sia. She came and complain to me that her husband went back to M'sia to nurse his sister who was in the final stages and dying from cancer at home. She's been calling and badgering the husband to come back to Singapore every single day to help her take care of their baby, and told him things like "Your sister have other people to nurse her, why must be you?! You can go back to M'sia to attend her funeral when she dies. Come back now, i cannot tahan the baby liao!"

The husband no care her. In the end the sister died in two weeks, and he came back only after all the funeral rites etc was settled.

If this was my wife, i would be handing her divorce papers the moment i came home. But somehow this woman was complaining to me, expecting me to take her side as if she wasn't being an absolutely callous a**hole.

 

[fandango]

Yeah sometimes women can be downright heartless, and they aren't even aware of it. I got a colleague. New mum. Kid 4 years old. She and her husband both from M'sia. She came and complain to me that her husband went back to M'sia to nurse his sister who was in the final stages and dying from cancer at home. She's been calling and badgering the husband to come back to Singapore every single day to help her take care of their baby, and told him things like "Your sister have other people to nurse her, why must be you?! You can go back to M'sia to attend her funeral when she dies. Come back now, i cannot tahan the baby liao!"

The husband no care her. In the end the sister died in two weeks, and he came back only after all the funeral rites etc was settled.

If this was my wife, i would be handing her divorce papers the moment i came home. But somehow this woman was complaining to me, expecting me to take her side as if she wasn't being an absolutely callous a**hole.

She chio or not?

 

[harky]

Yeah sometimes women can be downright heartless, and they aren't even aware of it. I got a colleague. New mum. Kid 4 years old. She and her husband both from M'sia. She came and complain to me that her husband went back to M'sia to nurse his sister who was in the final stages and dying from cancer at home. She's been calling and badgering the husband to come back to Singapore every single day to help her take care of their baby, and told him things like "Your sister have other people to nurse her, why must be you?! You can go back to M'sia to attend her funeral when she dies. Come back now, i cannot tahan the baby liao!"

The husband no care her. In the end the sister died in two weeks, and he came back only after all the funeral rites etc was settled.

If this was my wife, i would be handing her divorce papers the moment i came home. But somehow this woman was complaining to me, expecting me to take her side as if she wasn't being an absolutely callous a**hole.

u got scold ur colleague?? u got tell her if u r my wife i will divorce u

 

[saltydog]

Yeah sometimes women can be downright heartless, and they aren't even aware of it. I got a colleague. New mum. Kid 4 years old. She and her husband both from M'sia. She came and complain to me that her husband went back to M'sia to nurse his sister who was in the final stages and dying from cancer at home. She's been calling and badgering the husband to come back to Singapore every single day to help her take care of their baby, and told him things like "Your sister have other people to nurse her, why must be you?! You can go back to M'sia to attend her funeral when she dies. Come back now, i cannot tahan the baby liao!"

The husband no care her. In the end the sister died in two weeks, and he came back only after all the funeral rites etc was settled.

If this was my wife, i would be handing her divorce papers the moment i came home. But somehow this woman was complaining to me, expecting me to take her side as if she wasn't being an absolutely callous a**hole.

wow… i would do the same too. juz shows what kind of a person she is… defo wouldnt want that kind of person ard me

 

[0nePunchm@n]

Well, to be fair, it takes 2 hands to clap. A woman cannot do much on her own WITHOUT a man. What will we say about those men then? Some adjectives for these men would be welcomed too.

yes rotten cheap ball-less man that aiming at married woman should be thrown to deepest hell!
taking advantage of the situation. hope all these men hv rotten dIck!