Serious Relationship issue

[CanIsayNo]

modern strong educated independent woman, likely to be rather disagreeable also.

the marriage was never meant to be a happy and successful one. like what some would say, it was just your turn.

if divorce, what happens to house and kids? she keeps the kids and house? and u will be "homeless"(hopefully she pays u your fair share) and have to pay maintenance?

 

[CanIsayNo]

in our society, marital values is sorely lacking, that's why so many divorces and failed marriages. lol

 

[ZETMAN]

Gonna be the wet blanket and naysayer in this entire episode.

There are somethings that both man and woman should understand from the start.

1. Don't overestimate yourself and believe that you have the ability to change the person after getting together or after marriage
2. Dont believe what they say, observe what they do. Even if they tell you that they will change after marriage or getting into the rs, it is just words that holds no volume. The promise to change can just as easily be lies
3. There is meaning to the saying " Leopard never change its spot". How the person is before getting together is how the person will be after getting together. Don't expect them to change unless there is a life changing event.
4. If there is a sudden change in life pattern or behavior, it usually means some other forces are at play here.

if she likes partying and pubbing before the rs/marriage. it is not going to change when she gets into rs/marriage. Changes comes from within, not from the partner. Unless she got sick of the partying vibe and pub scene, what you say is gonna falls on deaf ears.

 

[SpicyBird]

Read some of your posts. Agree. Also to TS, if cannot means cannot. Like a lot of bro said, women are emotional.

Im pending for divorce soon.

Married close to 3 yrs back, 1 yr in, she said she wants out 1 month after my dad was diagnosed with 6 months to live (from liver cancer)

1 month later my dad passed on.

In between i tried to be like 舔狗, cried, begged. Asked her to go counselling together. All the answer was no, too late.

She also went to a new company shortly we got married. But she used to drink, so initially im okay with it. But end up i help her to take care of her dog more. Do most of the hsework.

Main reason from her, the marriage is not what she envisioned. She thinks marriage should be happily ever after. She comes home i must be super excited, give her a hug/kiss. I tried to do them, she said im very fake. And from day 1 im not that kind of guy.

On the day my dad was diagnosed with 6 months to live, she still wants to bring her friends to the house. (We had arguements abt hosting too much, she extrovert i introvert) but i texted her saying, i know we had arguments on this, but today really cannot, i need space. U know what she replied? She replied Lol, you can just hide in the room.

After my dad passed on, still can say dont act like you are very sad, you are also not close to your dad.

Then randomly said, 其实我是要生孩子，只是不要跟你身 even though we agreed to separate alr.

Alot more nonsensical remarks from her, i just kept quiet most of the time.

I went to see a therapist on my own after my dad passed on, tbh, its good. Because like what this bro said, you will think very negatively or have dark thoughts.

Initially, i was trying to spy on her phone, but on hindsight, lame la, if she cheat, what can i do? She say she didnt cheat although in a very defensive tone.

Took me very long to get out of this, still not 100%. But need to actively train your brain not to ruminate.

This link might help abit, recommended by therapist, i bought the book in the end.

This kind of girl is really shameless piece of ****.

 

[fandango]

Read some of your posts. Agree. Also to TS, if cannot means cannot. Like a lot of bro said, women are emotional.

Im pending for divorce soon.

Married close to 3 yrs back, 1 yr in, she said she wants out 1 month after my dad was diagnosed with 6 months to live (from liver cancer)

1 month later my dad passed on.

In between i tried to be like 舔狗, cried, begged. Asked her to go counselling together. All the answer was no, too late.

She also went to a new company shortly we got married. But she used to drink, so initially im okay with it. But end up i help her to take care of her dog more. Do most of the hsework.

Main reason from her, the marriage is not what she envisioned. She thinks marriage should be happily ever after. She comes home i must be super excited, give her a hug/kiss. I tried to do them, she said im very fake. And from day 1 im not that kind of guy.

On the day my dad was diagnosed with 6 months to live, she still wants to bring her friends to the house. (We had arguements abt hosting too much, she extrovert i introvert) but i texted her saying, i know we had arguments on this, but today really cannot, i need space. U know what she replied? She replied Lol, you can just hide in the room.

After my dad passed on, still can say dont act like you are very sad, you are also not close to your dad.

Then randomly said, 其实我是要生孩子，只是不要跟你身 even though we agreed to separate alr.

Alot more nonsensical remarks from her, i just kept quiet most of the time.

I went to see a therapist on my own after my dad passed on, tbh, its good. Because like what this bro said, you will think very negatively or have dark thoughts.

Initially, i was trying to spy on her phone, but on hindsight, lame la, if she cheat, what can i do? She say she didnt cheat although in a very defensive tone.

Took me very long to get out of this, still not 100%. But need to actively train your brain not to ruminate.

This link might help abit, recommended by therapist, i bought the book in the end.

Why you marry her in the first place?

 

[SpicyBird]

Actually I'm curious how would other coworkers feel if like this new girl just joined the company and we all know is that she is married after that she gets really close to one of the guys in new company and later divorce her husband and get together with this guy? Encourage her to divorce or feel disgusted by her act or both of them? Honestly if this happens in my office, I will keep remind the guy don't anyhow especially she is married. Need to respect her husband and don't send the wrong signal. Even if you really like her let them break up liao then u chase. Not chase and make them break up. That's not a moral thing to do and not something to be proud of in front of your own family and relatives when they learnt about it.

 

[ZETMAN]

Actually I'm curious how would other coworkers feel if like this new girl just joined the company and we all know is that she is married after that she gets really close to one of the guys in new company and later divorce her husband and get together with this guy? Encourage her to divorce or feel disgusted by her act or both of them? Honestly if this happens in my office, I will keep remind the guy don't anyhow especially she is married. Need to respect her husband and don't send the wrong signal. Even if you really like her let them break up liao then u chase. Not chase and make them break up. That's not a moral thing to do and not something to be proud of when everybody sees it.

morality is one thing that is not really common nowadays. Singapore is not like tw where they have laws and the partner can sue the adulterer for damages. While it takes 2 to clap, if u wan to blame the adulterer, why not blame the one whom strayed? after all, the straying partner is the one with a commitment and decided to violate the trust to the rs.

 

[kyokoto]

Pity the chewren due to two selfish adults. 当婚姻是儿戏。

Yup... poor kids and the innocent party. 1diots want to play, just go and play and change partner, dont make people settle down then play and break their hearts and the children's hearts. It affects their upbringing and self esteem. Bloody dogs...

And the guy who go after the married woman, hope he gets chopped by the husband.

 

[ZETMAN]

I will not date char bor that chiong party n pubbing

well, some will claim that they wanna change and hence wants to start dating with the intent to settle down.

 

[fandango]

Actually I'm curious how would other coworkers feel if like this new girl just joined the company and we all know is that she is married after that she gets really close to one of the guys in new company and later divorce her husband and get together with this guy? Encourage her to divorce or feel disgusted by her act or both of them? Honestly if this happens in my office, I will keep remind the guy don't anyhow especially she is married. Need to respect her husband and don't send the wrong signal. Even if you really like her let them break up liao then u chase. Not chase and make them break up. That's not a moral thing to do and not something to be proud of in front of your own family and relatives when they learnt about it.

No, I will think the girl already struggling issues with her marriage.

 

[mickey88]

No, we end it, the MOP was not even 30% yet.
1.5y into the house she cheat alr.

Probably lose a lot of money but if got prooof of her adultery then better provide..dun even give her a single cent n shame her lor

 

[mickey88]

well, some will claim that they wanna change and hence wants to start dating with the intent to settle down.

Do u wan to take a risk..I got ex colleague always off work go n find his wife..now his wife from pubbing..local bu somemore

 

[ZETMAN]

Do u wan to take a risk..I got ex colleague always off work go n find his wife..now his wife from pubbing..local bu somemore

well, i wont.

I had an ex gf that has questionable ethics. not say a full party type, but when we get together I told her that I am dating to settle and she echo the same sentiments and one of the agreement is that if things are not well, we can go our separate ways but not cheating. She yes yes yes, then ended up cheating. so I am well justified by scolding her *******.

Moving onwards, I met my current wife and she is a home slug like me. I even encourage her to at least try going to pub or club to have the exposure / experience to wipe it out of her system but till date, she has no interest in that. So we eventually get together as we share some similar values in life.

 

[Ethan_]

Seems like many know one will know. Not saying it is so, but there seems a good chance of temptation outside. Especially perhaps when come with sudden erratic changes in behaviour.

Usually people after married and have kids the focus tend will be more on the family front one. Won't really think of chionging outside much anymore. Unless, immature, or the family front is not so smooth going, stress need to let off steam outside. Or its some company or work engagement then maybe go out drink abit with others.

Might want to consider sit down and have a heart to hard talk before making any serious decision. Make clear what is what, set the record straight, find out the truth before really deciding on anything.

Don't be in the blur and become a victim of circumstances or own imagination. The other party could be having some issues with the new changes or family. Need to show that one is willing to work it out together. Not let the other party tank it alone. Family afterall.

 

[SpicyBird]

No, I will think the girl already struggling issues with her marriage.

hahah this is worst, if the girl came into new company with struggling issues with her marriage. It seems to me like that new guy just 捅her husband多几刀

 

[llx384]

Sigh, feel sad for the kids.

 

[fandango]

hahah this is worst, if the girl came into new company with struggling issues with her marriage. It seems to me like that new guy just 捅her husband多几刀

Back in the 70s already have song about "yes it's sad to belong to some else, when the right one comes along"

 

[camholicx]

I just send her flowers to her office with an apology card. She replied thank you and pls give me space and time. She still ignore me, sleep separate room.

 

[Lin_Lao_Bei]