Actually what's the benchmark? And what's the point?

[IAmChiobu12M]

funny huai girl like to tink they deserve this deserve that, be self sufficient ish the way

Used to kena brainwashed by Disney cartoons and all the toxic teaching of girl need guys.

These few years and especially last year onwards I start to firmly everyone should be self sufficient especially girls. But of course I still wish to have shortcuts in life.

 

[Crooni]

 

[IAmChiobu12M]

BTO, green hat, infinite piak, single mother, HIV, entanglement, all these are just things that may or may not happen to you.

Some ppl meet the right person the first time, some after maybe 20. There is no 'point' to look for in having a relationship or marriage. You want, go ahead, dun want, can still have a very happy FA life.

Even when you meet the right person, doesn't mean everything will automatically fall in place swee swee for you. There will be problems, there will be challenges. The right person will stay to work it out together, the wrong person will leave. Leave liao how? Won't die also what. Just move on lo.

Bottomline is you won't know what will happen, whether you will be happy or not. Just thinking about the possibilities is just a thought experiment.. when the thought ends, chiu are back in EDMW.

If you feel you deserve something, go out and get it. If you want to meet ppl, you have to put yourself where there are people. Sometimes a change of environment helps, whether it is a new job or a new country.

No wisdom from me here, but you seem like you are bogged down by some things in your life. Hope I have said something of use to you, and that things get better for you.

Thank you. Actually the biggest obstacle in my life (which I hate to admit) is myself. The courage to do it differently. Knowing it in my head and heart but actions always otherwise. Brain, I'm fkxing logical. Heart, swing from sentiment to apathetic. Actions, lagi worse, not doing anything or not doing the right thing.

 

[coolhead]

Finally someone agrees to my values. A lot girls like to act one say no la I with him for love kns for money just admit. And most guys also fkx up one kind. Say don't like gold diggers but always find high maintenance chiobu. Then girls like me who openly admit we are practical and want rich man say we don't know how to pretend or gold digger. Life is hard man. Some guys complain why rs n marry 2 diff person. Yet when meet someone openly say want a more transactional rs run far far.

Both partners will try to find people within their league and values. Values is self explanatory and really arbitrary for each person.

League wise, if the girl earns more than guy, then it creates an imbalance where girl doesn't need guy other than for love which can fade overtime into companionship. Naturally guy need to prove his capability to earn more than girl.

For me, I'll like to have kids, hence I'll need to love a partner. Following along this train of thought, I'll need to find a partner that ticks all my check boxes. What can other half offer into rs, similarly for myself so that it makes more sense being a couple than alone? All these before I can invest emotionally into loving her.

 

[Encouragesome1]

Been seeing a lot thread about relationships or girls wanting too much etc.

Some ppl really want too much too exaggerated

So I'm curious what's the benchmark? And what's the point of having a relationship or even marriage or even family.

I feel if you are attractive find someone similar … while ppl say opposites attract, we mostly can get by with ppl who r slightly different while somehow similar to us.. like have some overlaps.

to ah mah’s generation having a rs / family is for companionship happiness n sad
and good side effect is sharing of lives’ expertise, burdens and risks.

Society also gives legitimacy of a married couple as adults to house own before 35
and reward them with better roles n outcomes in careers vs single. Self validation. Chinese also sees being married as a legitimacy / recognition as grown up. If one neh marry, means alws a kid in e household, whatever u say, ur elders will say “u still young n immature u don’t understand de la”

Girls keep saying girl power and we deserve better, hence we should have high standards and daringly demand but if men are not buying it is pointless. It takes 2 person to agree to come together.

Yea a human can say we how likeable how attractive how cute, if nobody else or only our parent thinks so then that is boh pakeh one.

Example If one can hold a decent job maybe 3-5 y or more it means they can mostly do a decent work. Likewise if one can sustain a loving relationship for x years it sort of prove that they aren’t too difficult to get along with.

Similarly, a lot single bbfa always say they wish to have a girl even hiew them. Yet there are another camp keep say rs is burden, single is best.

And honestly at this stage and even as a female, I also think rs are quite pointless. Even if the best piak, strongest passion, thickest love will also eventually withers.

In e end it’s just family n commitment and love is what keeps the commitment willing and endless

And having said that, I'm sure many, (at least in sg context), people are not even happy in a rs but why they stay on? Caz bto lor. We are in an environment where housing keep pricing us out so to catch up, many decided to play the bto game by getting someone, if not single need wait 35yo.
And doesn't mean ballot will get too. While resale is so expensive. Let alone private properties.

But even those who successfully attached or married end up also have other problems.

All rs as with anyth else got human got problems. It’s how two or more ppl use their best efforts n resolution to resolve before things grow out of hand. The best nor worst relationships / & situations are not there overnight , it takes 999 days and events to make it bad or good. 一切事在人为

Guys scared wear green hats or WC, girls scared end up nothing and become single mother suffer.

Lai edmwers, give your wisdom on this endless loop.

Ah mah one cent worth not sure any help or mk u any wiser ya since u alr know most of what we know

 

[mgx-alander]

Waiting for the girl i like to gimme chance cos i have ready flat no need wait can move in in a few mths times after reno

 

[redname]

Been seeing a lot thread about relationships or girls wanting too much etc.

So I'm curious what's the benchmark? And what's the point of having a relationship or even marriage or even family.

Girls keep saying girl power and we deserve better, hence we should have high standards and daringly demand but if men are not buying it is pointless. It takes 2 person to agree to come together.

Similarly, a lot single bbfa always say they wish to have a girl even hiew them. Yet there are another camp keep say rs is burden, single is best.

And honestly at this stage and even as a female, I also think rs are quite pointless. Even if the best piak, strongest passion, thickest love will also eventually withers.

And having said that, I'm sure many, (at least in sg context), people are not even happy in a rs but why they stay on? Caz bto lor. We are in an environment where housing keep pricing us out so to catch up, many decided to play the bto game by getting someone, if not single need wait 35yo.
And doesn't mean ballot will get too. While resale is so expensive. Let alone private properties.

But even those who successfully attached or married end up also have other problems. Guys scared wear green hats or WC, girls scared end up nothing and become single mother suffer.

Lai edmwers, give your wisdom on this endless loop.

the benchmark is on how much of their ego being hurt

 

[foo9883]

come in for free likes

 

[IAmChiobu12M]

Waiting for the girl i like to gimme chance cos i have ready flat no need wait can move in in a few mths times after reno

Got chance?

 

[IAmChiobu12M]

the benchmark is on how much of their ego being hurt

Don't quite understand.

 

[justpcupdate]

lol... EDMW men always think with kkj. Can back search how many piak/divorce thread in hardwarezone has been created.

 

[Shutterbox]

While some whole life also don't even have chance piak once unless through paying. Jin kelian...

Piak is one of life's milestone

 

[Shutterbox]

lol... EDMW men always think with kkj. Can back search how many piak/divorce thread in hardwarezone has been created.

Humans have animal instinct
Edmwer are more animalistic than normal humans

 

[mgx-alander]

Got chance?

I ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i duno maybe bbfa

 

[Thoreldan]

no benchmark, this is not a mathematics or science or finance topic.
everyone is different.

it's not like water freeze at 0 degree and 1+1=2

 

[Jackal84]

All these can be summarised as immaturity or the mental age haven't caught up to the physical age.

The immaturity is the high standards. Not realistic with expectations of a partner. This is greatly skewed by Korean, French, Jap, PRC, American love dramas where the Billionaire guy in his private jet scoop you off the feet to Monaco to board his 50m Super Yacht.

Whether it's men or women in their younger age, they have a narrow bandwidth of expectations of their partners. Anything outside this bandwidth, either reject or break up.

Some marry for the sake of marrying even if the partner is a red flag. Not being honest to oneself whether he/she is a person you can live with for life. Eventually the problems you once used to look past or ignore starts accumulating and you realised in reality you cannot tolerate. Could've been avoided from the beginning.

As you aged, fact is the pool of suitable and available partners start to shrink drastically. The good ones if any has already been snapped up and what you're left with are the leftovers. This is not to say the leftovers are inherently flawed. Some don't have a chance to meet the right one. Some used to have high expectations but realised they can't get a partner and slowly relax the bandwidth of acceptance. Some busy cheonging their career at an early stage until they stablise and start looking for a partner.

Then there are some who are downright creeps, after first date sent a barrage of texts to the girl why you haven't reached home, my house further than yours and I have already reached home, I checked the traffic and it wasn't so bad so there's no excuse you couldn't text me when you reach home.

Go into a relationship or marriage with your eyes wide open. Exercise your own judgement. Be honest with yourself what you can or cannot accept. Nothing is guaranteed in life. One moment it's laughters next moment can be discussing alimony. If you're lucky, it's through thick and thin but if you're not then it's tears and pain.

What is happiness to you? Only you know. Nobody can answer that for you.

 

[coolhead]

Got chance?

Your age gap and his age gap not that far actually. Probably about 6 years. I think got chance

 

[trumperater]

Some people like moi have never experienced love or bgr before well into their 30s and beyond. The experience of any kind of bgr, including toxic ones is better than not experiencing any in your entire life. Last time is bo chap, now want also cannot find cos tio hiam by girls who mostly go for the top 20% of guys.

 

[IAmChiobu12M]

Your age gap and his age gap not that far actually. Probably about 6 years. I think got chance

I was referring to him and whichever girl he might be hoping for. Not me. As for me, I'm tired of being rejected or trying.

 

[Vinda99]

Thank you. Actually the biggest obstacle in my life (which I hate to admit) is myself. The courage to do it differently. Knowing it in my head and heart but actions always otherwise. Brain, I'm fkxing logical. Heart, swing from sentiment to apathetic. Actions, lagi worse, not doing anything or not doing the right thing.

Sometimes we desire change, but it is difficult to change ourselves. It is difficult for someone to come into your life to change you also, if you are not ready to accept.

The best kind of change, is meeting someone who actually inspires you to want to change for the better.

Wah that actually sounds kind of wise hor? Not bad right