At 31, moving out of my family home saved my mental health

[fandango]

Lucky my adult kids zidong type.

I cook but they wash up dishes and mop the floor on weekdays. Weekends they cook and I wash dishes and mop.

Each does own laundry (I will iron for them if I am in the mood else they settle themselves). My son started washing own clothes since enter NS.

Each one cleans own room (we don't go to each other's room unless absolutely necessary). Never jjyy about the other party's room.

They pay for all expenses in the house (that I have a sub card to buy grocery for home).

Whole family very cordial / respectful. I don't bother them at all and vice versa (respecting them a bit like 'tenants' with exchanges happen mainly during meal times together).

*My house limited drying clothes space. So we have a schedule of which day who can wash / dry clothes.

That why i say must work both ways mah. Knn the chewren complain stay with parents mental stress because parents nag at them. They should reflect on themselves why parents nag mah. Themselves buay zi dong. Of course parents nag lar. Already adults, some more 30 plus years old.

 

[mummynew]

2. Of course I clear them lar. In army also teach you to do area cleaning what. The common bathroom is also considered my house mah. If I have guest coming over and they need to use toilet, they see the common bathroom dirty like hell, can meh?

My son is the only one who uses the common toilet. I don't go in at all. But he will make sure his toilet is sparkling clean if he knows there are guests coming.

*my son told me he was the Toilet-In-Charge when in the army (is there really such a 'duty?). I see he washes toilet cleaner than me!

 

[PaprikaSG]

家家有本難念的經

Growing up, my family lived in a cramped two-room HDB flat, shared between my two brothers, my father, and me. The living conditions were far from ideal — constant clashes of personalities and an ongoing battle for privacy.

So no mommy?

4 men in a 2 room HDB flat, pcc also difficult.

Spent too much time in toilet + pew pew smells, whole family will know u pcc

Moving out is the right way to go.

 

[PaprikaSG]

My son is the only one who uses the common toilet. I don't go in at all. But he will make sure his toilet is sparkling clean if he knows there are guests coming.

*my son told me he was the Toilet-In-Charge when in the army (is there really such a 'duty?). I see he washes toilet cleaner than me!

So he spends a lot of time in toilet? cleaning or pcc? Wash clean until can't smell sperms?

 

[jywy2005]

A lot of people got married to escape from their toxic respective families and later regretted the decision. And the made a windfall after selling the flat.

 

[Jjxjjjyy]

dont flame wa ginnas nowadays cant use old method

 

[MoeLanYong]

I'm sure your boy loves you. (*sarcasm*)

I hope you have your retirement funds in check and not have to rely on any of your children. Or you might find out how much they are willing to chip in in the future, given how you've treated them.

Yeah... let's hope in future the reverse won't happen with u crawling to ur kid asking for shelter or help...

Not saying u r wrong but great u taught ur kid a lesson if indeed he was in the wrong to begin with...

Er... my kids are NEVER my retirement plan in the first place. It never started off that way and I have enough for my own retirement.

For me, I raise champions. Or I dun raise them at all.

养不教，父之过
教不严，师之惰

The above is standard chinese wisdom. I dont see whats wrong. When you become a parent, then you will understand. Btw my boy respects me more now. Funny right?

 

[mummynew]

That why i say must work both ways mah. Knn the chewren complain stay with parents mental stress because parents nag at them. They should reflect on themselves why parents nag mah. Themselves buay zi dong. Of course parents nag lar. Already adults, some more 30 plus years old.

I believe those mental stress more referring to very unreasonable parents (my sis is one that if I were her child, I would have shifted out at 18 yo or even earlier. At 18, I may not be financially independent yet but I have many friends' parents whom I believe will take me in for a few years).

Most parents and kids are reasonable but there will be some with reasonable parents + unreasonable kids or unreasonable parents + reasonable kids.

 

[Linguist]

A lot of people got married to escape from their toxic respective families and later regretted the decision. And the made a windfall after selling the flat.

Windfall after selling the flat but divorce or not divorced?

I believe those mental stress more referring to very unreasonable parents (my sis is one that if I were her child, I would have shifted out at 18 yo or even earlier. At 18, I may not be financially independent yet but I have many friends' parents whom I believe will take me in for a few years).

Most parents and kids are reasonable but there will be some with reasonable parents + unreasonable kids or unreasonable parents + reasonable kids.

Why would ur friend parents take u in?
They pedo?

Btw my boy respects me more now. Funny right?

Because he's still staying with u?

So he spends a lot of time in toilet? cleaning or pcc? Wash clean until can't smell sperms?

How do sperms smell?

 

[nakata97]

At >35 (some probably even >40), the person mental health is not saved because every BTO balloting failed as HDB did not build enough for all the singles demand...

Even more stressed as housing get more and more expensive each year...

cannot rent a room meh? Mental health not worth the $800?

 

[darkelf]

You're welcome.

If ever my child calls me toxic or accuse me of causing him/her mental stress, I will kick him/her out of my house in 0.835 seconds.

Not because I am angry or want retaliation. But because I would have failed him as a father by not checking him. He will find life miserable in future.

And I have done it before. My 16 y.o boy spent one night in the staircase. From 9pm. Sitting throughout. Didnt lie at all. He was kicked out and refused entry.

24 hours later, cured. Humbled. Very thankful for a bed to sleep and a toilet to shower. I offered to extend treatment for 2 or 3 days. He politely declined.

养不教，父之过
教不严，师之惰

Your child can also kick you out of their lives once they got their own place. No more visits from them, not even CNY.

Typical scums. Want to have babies but treat as if they owned them.

Hope your child disown you better when he grows up.

 

[mummynew]

Why would ur friend parents take u in?
They pedo?

Be more positive about humanity bah.

I have many good friends and their parents sort of see me from small time and taking me like one of their own. Even till now, I still visit those who are still alive.

*my own house I welcome friends of my kids (during their teenage years) to stay over if they got serious conflicts at home and no place to run. My house used to be a 避难所 for troubled kids. Now these kids all big oredi and will visit me during CNY.

 

[Lance321]

Yeah... let's hope in future the reverse won't happen with u crawling to ur kid asking for shelter or help...

Not saying u r wrong but great u taught ur kid a lesson if indeed he was in the wrong to begin with...

All the while singles from 35 can ballot for bto... they are considering lowering the age now... probably cuz of the backlash about not enough flats for the demands and the waiting time is so long for the flats to be built by then the single already 45 or perished due to existing conditions...?

Single parent family?

He is probably the type that would fall on his head and roll on his faeces due to cognitive decline. Let's see if his son remembers to help him up or even call ambulance.

 

[MoeLanYong]

Your child can also kick you out of their lives once they got their own place. No more visits from them, not even CNY.

He can. It's fine. I got 4 kids. But I raised them to be wise and reasonable. So I know they won't. Because they know I did it for their good. I don't let such unnecessary fears keep me from doing what's right, for them.

 

[Linguist]

Be more positive about humanity bah.

I have many good friends and their parents sort of see me from small time and taking me like one of their own. Even till now, I still visit those who are still alive.

*my own house I welcome friends of my kids (during their teenage years) to stay over if they got serious conflicts at home and no place to run. My house used to be a 避难所 for troubled kids. Now these kids all big oredi and will visit me during CNY.

Visit u during CNY to get red packet what... unless they give u red packet...

Positive about humanity?
When public housing truly becomes affordable without huge loan first?

 

[Hello_Kitty]

when i was a kid, my parents nagging me
when in office, boss nagging
when i married, wife nagging
when i old, nurse in nursing home nagging me
so, there goes my mental health from all these stressful nagging

 

[buttbERry]

not easy sia like that

 

[mummynew]

Visit u during CNY to get red packet what... unless they give u red packet...

Positive about humanity?
When public housing truly becomes affordable without huge loan first?

30+ years old still can purposely pay me a visit I really appreciate their gesture.

Humanity and public housing 'woes' are separate matters.

My era people mostly were poorer but a lot more 人情味. New era people more competitive and stressful, and thereby more 'selfish' coz have not enough to care and share = more difficult to have 'real' friendships etc.

*I believe the 35 years old minimum age for single BTO will come down soon coz with more singles around (irreversible trend), it is the only logical thing for the government to do. My kids also waiting for 35 yo (in a few years time).

 

[MoeLanYong]

Typical scums. Want to have babies but treat as if they owned them.

I dont. Hence I let them leave the house anytime.

What's wrong?

 

[1 Ghz]

He moved out because he didn't have a good relationship with his family, and his parent's home was way too small for four adults. If he had rented an apartment with roommates, he might very well have faced similar tensions regarding chores and cleanliness, but he wouldn't be asked where he was going late at night and what time he would be back.

Anyway, living with parents is common in places where there's a housing crisis, like SG (which is just one crowded city) and increasingly quite a few European countries.