At 31, moving out of my family home saved my mental health

[qhong61]

At >35 (some probably even >40), the person mental health is not saved because every BTO balloting failed as HDB did not build enough for all the singles demand...

Even more stressed as housing get more and more expensive each year...

Tengah under sub.
U didn't apply?

 

[mummynew]

Personal space is vital for mental well-being.

Some parents don't have this concept of lacking personal space harms mental well-being.

My sis is a super mum. Used to wake up at 5 am and do chores till 11 pm kind for her family. All her kids turned out very 'successful' in life (everyone also min $10K/month salary before age 30).

But her kids all left home to stay on own coz of her 'over involvement' in their lives when they were staying together with her.

This sis is not toxic per se but she is a 'clean and health freak' that every thing must be clean. She would clean up her kids' room daily. Disallowed ice, any alcohol / hawker food in her house. Cannot drink tap water. She washed / ironed clothes for her kids with 50% hand-washed (all socks and underwears handwashed). etc etc. Literally 做牛做马 kind.

Seems loving and caring but her kids found her too stifling and all shifted out asap, leaving behind my broken-hearted sis who still doesn't know what went wrong (that she keeps invading into kids' privacy by cleaning their rooms that can drive people crazy esp if one is in bad mood).

* the kids will visit her weekly and give her generous monthly allowance. These are definitely good kids who aired their 'grievances' to me. Just 'generation gap'.

 

[1 Ghz]

Some parents don't have this concept of lacking personal space harms mental well-being.

My sis is a super mum. Used to wake up at 5 am and do chores till 11 pm kind for her family. All her kids turned out very 'successful' in life (everyone also min $10K/month salary before age 30).

But her kids all left home to stay on own coz of her 'over involvement' in their lives when they were staying together with her.

This sis is not toxic but she is a 'clean and health freak' that every thing must be clean. She would clean up her kids' room daily. Disallowed ice, any alcohol / hawker food in her house. Cannot drink tap water. She washed / ironed clothes for her kids with 50% hand-washed (all socks and underwears handwashed). etc etc. Literally 做牛做马 kind.

Seems loving and caring but her kids found her too stifling and all shifted out asap, leaving behind my broken-hearted sis who still doesn't know what went wrong (that she keeps invading into kids' privacy by cleaning their rooms that can drive people crazy esp if one is in bad mood).

* the kids will visit her weekly and give her generous monthly allowance. These are definitely good kids who aired their 'grievances' to me. Just 'generation gap'.

To a certain extent, children will always be kids to their parents , but your sis has not learnt to let go and trust her children. It's a problem of helicopter parenting.

 

[kensk76]

Some parents don't have this concept of lacking personal space harms mental well-being.

My sis is a super mum. Used to wake up at 5 am and do chores till 11 pm kind for her family. All her kids turned out very 'successful' in life (everyone also min $10K/month salary before age 30).

But her kids all left home to stay on own coz of her 'over involvement' in their lives when they were staying together with her.

This sis is not toxic per se but she is a 'clean and health freak' that every thing must be clean. She would clean up her kids' room daily. Disallowed ice, any alcohol / hawker food in her house. Cannot drink tap water. She washed / ironed clothes for her kids with 50% hand-washed (all socks and underwears handwashed). etc etc. Literally 做牛做马 kind.

Seems loving and caring but her kids found her too stifling and all shifted out asap, leaving behind my broken-hearted sis who still doesn't know what went wrong (that she keeps invading into kids' privacy by cleaning their rooms that can drive people crazy esp if one is in bad mood).

* the kids will visit her weekly and give her generous monthly allowance. These are definitely good kids who aired their 'grievances' to me. Just 'generation gap'.

sounds like OCD...

 

[mummynew]

sounds like OCD...

the main problem with people having OCD is that many refuse to accept they having OCD (thereby refuse to see psychiatrists).

 

[kensk76]

the main problem with people having OCD is that many refuse to accept they having OCD (thereby refuse to see psychiatrists).

yeah, it is on grey line though. The people with OCD syndromes I know ( not diagnosed cos they never admit it) are mostly either single or married with no kids.

 

[Lemonpeach]

Singapore kids should leave home at 18 and learn to be independent and resilient.

 

[krikering]

Some parents don't have this concept of lacking personal space harms mental well-being.

My sis is a super mum. Used to wake up at 5 am and do chores till 11 pm kind for her family. All her kids turned out very 'successful' in life (everyone also min $10K/month salary before age 30).

But her kids all left home to stay on own coz of her 'over involvement' in their lives when they were staying together with her.

This sis is not toxic per se but she is a 'clean and health freak' that every thing must be clean. She would clean up her kids' room daily. Disallowed ice, any alcohol / hawker food in her house. Cannot drink tap water. She washed / ironed clothes for her kids with 50% hand-washed (all socks and underwears handwashed). etc etc. Literally 做牛做马 kind.

Seems loving and caring but her kids found her too stifling and all shifted out asap, leaving behind my broken-hearted sis who still doesn't know what went wrong (that she keeps invading into kids' privacy by cleaning their rooms that can drive people crazy esp if one is in bad mood).

* the kids will visit her weekly and give her generous monthly allowance. These are definitely good kids who aired their 'grievances' to me. Just 'generation gap'.

To a certain extent, children will always be kids to their parents , but your sis has not learnt to let go and trust her children. It's a problem of helicopter parenting.

Sometimes if different views and ways of doing things, just split houses ba. Is not really want, but sometimes you are forced to.

Everyone has his/her own ways of doing things, if cannot compromise also no choice.

Honestly after compromising at work to accommodate your bosses/clients/colleagues, etc. come back home just want to rest. If still bothered by all these stuff, really is a torture.

 

[coyote]

Singapore kids should leave home at 18 and learn to be independent and resilient.

Judging from the entitled responses from this thread like member asked every Singaporeans 21 years of age to be given a BTO flat ... I have to agree with you we need to kick those children out of parents home after 18 and let them learn to stand on their own... Really ridiculous...to have such entitled citizens...and Singapore really can't count on them. Just import FT to probe up Singapore economy.

 

[lampano]

Singapore kids should leave home at 18 and learn to be independent and resilient.

18 they will leave de, to the army.
but very sadly most after army still like mummys boy

 

[mummynew]

Judging from the response from this thread where members ask every Singaporeans 21 years of age to be given a BTO flat ... I have to agree with you we need to kick those children out of parents home and let them learn to stand on their own... Really ridiculous...to have such entitled citizens...and can't count on them.

I would not write this off yet as it maybe feasible with some tweaks such as these 'special' BTOs (likely about 500 sq ft size) can only be sold at the price that the person bought, meaning not-for-profit aka 'Asset Enhancement' purposes.

It's always good to hear and ponder, instead of writing it off straight away.

 

[1 Ghz]

Singapore kids should leave home at 18 and learn to be independent and resilient.

Abolish Maintenance of Parents Act too.

Multigenerational homes have been the norm for a very long time. I wouldn't import a foreign culture into the country without accounting for the norms and benefits of the existing local culture.

 

[mummynew]

Singapore kids should leave home at 18 and learn to be independent and resilient.

More difficult in singapore when academic achievement (tertiary education) often is PRIZED by many parents.

 

[Linguist]

Tengah under sub.
U didn't apply?

No. It's Tengah leh