A Failed Marraige

[cet87]

Your ex-wife is just using you like a money shaking tree.

 

[Nevereatrice]

 

[krstupid]

Power.. did not expect so much replies so fast..
Wife ownself choose one really LL.. im will to take responsibility but not to a point that i cant afford and despite leaving i still bore the same problem that causes me to leave

 

[Mecisteus]

Story kope from where ?

Or real story from own ?

 

[Laguna123]

This is CSB or serious thread, pls summarise.

 

[PikaManiac]

a bit hard. basically ex wife asking for more money for child maintenance to a point affect my current marraige and live. can ready in details will be much better as summarize may not be fair to the story.

Okie, I read finished, I help u summarise.

TS earn money not many, but marry hold digger wife that gambles. Kena bullied by wife and family until he go have affair, and divorce.

After divorce, still kena bullied give up hdb. Then ownself still stupid go find new relationship and remarried. Then still stupid stupid go start new Biz. Now no money maintain both sides.

 

[articland05]

Story kope from where ?

Or real story from own ?

19yo account. moi choose to believe is legit

 

[articland05]

Your ex-wife is just using you like a money shaking tree.

of course. divorce liao what is left is just money issue...no more kinship, love or such bullcrap.

money money money is the only real thing

 

[krstupid]

dun give in to ex wife
if she persisted go court then u gotta prepare for war...rem Woman Charter is not on ur side but if u and ur current wife has a kid then things might shift to ur favour even if go court. judge will always rule based on child greatest benefit

probably the outcome if child maintenance will increase but not what ur ex wife wanted

agreed.. that is probably the best. my wife afraid i will get hurt again but prepared to support all the way this time for war. this happens yearly and there is 12 more years to go.. she even tell me if i lose and need give she is prepare to pay more for household. Nothing more i can ask from her already. Best wife i had.

 

[qhong61]

Should not have remarry

 

[roborovsky]

Can write a book already

 

[articland05]

agreed.. that is probably the best. my wife afraid i will get hurt again but prepared to support all the way this time for war. this happens yearly and there is 12 more years to go.. she even tell me if i lose and need give she is prepare to pay more for household. Nothing more i can ask from her already. Best wife i had.

start collating evidence first...
ur ex gambling habits etc before declare war

need to stock up ammo

 

[wickedpuppy]

Pre Marriage


It was not all rosy and happy leading to the marriage. I am not a faithful boyfriend or anything of such prior to marriage. Due to it I am also not receiving the best treatment as a husband to be and was made to promise many things beyond my ability and expectation of a communal relationship. Such as made to promise that I will employ a helper as soon as we collect the HDB BTO. The HDB BTO selection are to be near her parents only. My parents will never come to my house to stay. The house will be use as a mahjong den for extra income as she will not want to work and the income is use as supplement to her parents as well. She also had a habit of gambling at casino which is groomed by her mother frequently visit casino in Genting. Sometimes she will take money from my safe after she lose all from her trip.

Due to many reasons, just before the marriage, I had actually withdrawn all my savings and ran away. But eventually she came and caught me back making promises to change just to go ahead with the marriage as it will make her and her family lose face if the wedding is called off.

After Marriage

Before Own House

We were married on 8th June 2013. We had stayed together at my mum house for a little while like a week or 2 before she complaint it is too small and made me move over to her parent’s house despite it being very far from my work place. I was earning a salary of $5,000 at the time.

After moving to her parent’s house, we are pressured often to produce a Child by her parents and often I was scolded by her dad especially after his nightly drinking. He needs to drink 4 bottles of beer every night. I was not ready and am still unsure about the marriage yet but we stayed frequently at MBS hotel where she had many points to exchange for rooms. Eventually we had a child and I did promise to be a good husband thereafter with the arrival of the child.

Subsequently we are called for the collection of keys for our BTO and ready to renovate. I had previously opened a design and renovation company in 2012 for her since she is in this industry and wanted her own company where she and her father are director of the company and I am not as I am working. They did not pay a single cent for the entire business and I did not get a single cent back from the business venture and was made to paid the fine for all the improperly handling of company accounts and documents over a period of 3 years where she uses the company money as her own. Thinking that we are able to do a simple renovation but she had a different idea of using the house as a showroom for business. I was also asked to take up a compress renovation loan from both Maybank and RHM bank under my name using the company self-quotation. When both loans dispense to the company, she will use part of it for the renovation and rest for money lending purposes run by her other family member. Despite me not agreeing to it, I will need to agree to the condition to provide all the expenses with her not working which will be more than what I can afford.

Moving in

As soon we moved into the new house, starting from the 2nd day, the room which is the helper rooms and future baby room is ready for the mahjong kaki to play. After finish my day work, I am to help out with the waiting service for the drinks and snack for the people playing mahjong. The helper arrived about 1 week later to help with the waiting service and to take care of the impending baby.

After the arrival of the baby on 21 April 2014, I am delighted and forgot about everything which became status quo and the household expenses increases as well and there were more mahjong day and night with smoking in the rooms and throughout the house allowed, I am again not happy with the situation. Her parents had also moved in with us under the name to help take care of the baby and the mahjong kaki as they are all her friends and relatives.

I was working a day job but am made to take care of the baby at night when he cried at night and diaper changing and night feeding on most night. O’s mother is then sleeping in the same room and same bed with us. 3 weeks after the baby is born, while driving home from work I had a car accident due to falling asleep while driving just before reaching home. It happens just before a schedule for baby photo shoot session which involves her parents are part of the photoshoots as well.

When the baby is 5 months old, we had a trip to Genting where they all for the gambling activities. I am left to take care of the baby with the helper and was told to sleep on the same bed with the baby being in the middle to prevent from falling off. It is something which I can’t get over but I can’t do anything about it as I had previously made a scene in casino before marriage even to a point of begging her to stop gambling and was blamed by her entire family for spoiling their mood and causing them to lose money.

Subsequently I had changed job which requires me to work day and night sometimes. I would spend my time not working with T and would like to shower him and play with him but was pushed away saying I did not know what to do. I did not have the chance to groom how I want my child to be. When I express my unhappiness, I will be told off to look after him full time and stop working while finding my own ways to provide for the family if I want how my child grows up according to what I expect if not then leave it to other and make others live easier. When I wanted to play with my child at night, I remember clearly that O’’s father will shout at T asking him to stop playing with me or he will beat him and I just walk away.

We had a holiday with just us and the helper without her parents around and it was a happy time. That is the only one time. After her parents moved in with us, my weekend is always waking up to the sound of mahjong and am not allowed to sleep late even I work late as need to wake up to help with the house. I am not allowed to watch TV in the living room as the mahjong kaki will complaint, I am disturbing their game. Sexual intercourse is also non-existence as there are never alone time and the bedroom door can’t never be lock since the mother will need access to the cashbox for money changing service for the mahjong kaki.

Even though it is my house, I have no position and no say to anything. When my family and mum visit me at my house, they will not feel welcomed and often seeing I don’t have enough to eat when I finish work and get home. After the first year, they had told me about it and stop visiting me and their grandchild. I am like an additional servant that is at home to bring water and do all sort of things after the helper sleep for both O and her mum. I am told that I have to be filial to her parents as she is the only daughter and even, I don’t look after my parents there will be other siblings to look after.

"She also had a habit of gambling at casino which is groomed by her mother frequently visit casino in Genting."

doesn't this rings any alarms before ROM ? Let me highlight the scariest part of the whole story..

"BY HER MOTHER" ...

its almost like buying authentic Picasso painting from Aliexpress ...

 

[zueinder]

a bit hard. basically ex wife asking for more money for child maintenance to a point affect my current marraige and live. can ready in details will be much better as summarize may not be fair to the story.

What does the law say? Singapore lawful country one lei, cannot private settle then let the law decide lor.

 

[articland05]

Should not have remarry

all marriages is a gamble...

if swee swee is happily ever after
not swee like TS then is a lifetime of pain

 

[chickenpiez007]

WOT.....it not a failed marriage....but a failed man who don't stand up for himself just for the sake of a cat.....

 

[articland05]

agreed.. that is probably the best. my wife afraid i will get hurt again but prepared to support all the way this time for war. this happens yearly and there is 12 more years to go.. she even tell me if i lose and need give she is prepare to pay more for household. Nothing more i can ask from her already. Best wife i had.

so what is ur ex wife character?
do u foresee she will go all the way to get what she wanted? does she give up easily type?

 

[nyvrem]

tldr - beta sinkie kenna kc, tio pwn by wc, never learn lesson, decide to go at it again, now instead of handling 1 kid, he got 2 kids to handle from 2 different marraiges.

get ready to live in poverty for life liao

 

[Joseph12]

Current Situation


When business starts to pick up after covid, we start receiving a salary of $1000 per month then $2000 to the current $4000 per month. During all these times, O would bring T to different doctors to certify his condition and bring him to different treatment which cause a lot which she said she can’t afford and asked me to split the bill yet they still went to different holiday every year such as Japan, Korea and now Finland in 2023. They are also renovating their current house and T is also old enough to tell me O bought a new Rolexes as well. I did not question her about anything as it had nothing to do with me as long as I paid my child maintenance and do my part.

Every now and then T will be staying at my house when they are going on cruise for gambling. They will also bring T along to cruise with the maid looking after him. I don’t mind this at all but my wife is not very happy with such arrangement not because of T staying over but because he is being treated like a ball and push over when they want to go gambling. Every now and then O will bring T to see some specialist and consultant to validate his ADHD issue and need all kind of therapy and courses. When he is with me and my family and friends all does not see any issue with him at all and feels its just part of growing up. Main problem is playing a lot, non-attentive sometimes and only will only do things that interest him. I don’t see what is the problem at all. He had to be on medication now to be attentive and calm himself from psychology. When he is with me there is totally no problem and i see him normal completely

When business picks up, we had our son in Aug 2021. The commitment increases again and we work even harder to provide and live better since. O had never stop asking for more money and I had informed her I have another child to feed she just mentioned that is my problem and I have an elder son which is sick and need treatment and need money. Simply demanded more money or she will message nasty things and called to disturb the peace at home which my wife is very unhappy about it and kept asking me when will it stop. It had been 8 years and after we are married for 5 years it still feels like I have to answer to another woman.

My current salary is $4000 per month with director bonuses depending on the profitability of the business. I have a housing debt which my CPF contribution from my salary is not enough to cover and debt from car loan. There are other expenses in my family and for the younger son as well which I have commitment to. Frankly speaking, my salary is not enough but am relying on the bonuses to cover the expenses through savings and my wife do share a huge part of the burden as well. It is unfair for me to provide extra maintenance under such situation and my wife had to take on an even larger portion for our family expenses.

O had written to me requesting for additional child maintenance stating that starting from next year Jan 2024 I will need to pay her additional $300 for T’s private after school care due to his condition. I really hate the way of treating him as a special needs kid. If I do not agree to her request, she will get court order for me to split all bills with her in accordance to court direction. I am sure she had sought consultant for sending me such message as it is beyond her level of command for English. I had not agreed the way she spent during our marriage and I had decided to walk away from the marriage but yet now I am made to pay even more for things I had never agreed on how my child are to be brought up.

I am not looking to reduce the child maintenance in this case but I am not willing to pay the extra amount to be fair to my current wife and child. We are not living frugally and saving all for O to take it away from us like this. It is not fair that her overspending habits which causes me to walk away from the marriage and she is using the same method to try to destroy my current marriage. It is becoming an issue for my family with her constant threat and demands. Will the court be giving her anything she demand and expect me to split the bill half no matter what she expects from T as she had full custody of him and my job is to pay and provide at the expense on my life and wife and other children? I would not say she is treating T no good but it is beyond one’s ability and means which is also the reason I decided on the divorce cause I couldn’t take it anymore.

Any single Dad out there having such issues? Im writing to vent my anger as it is very difficult to keep thinking of it alone. Im just thinking if i dont give the money maybe my son can be treated normally and grow up naturally. I dont dare to live normally like bringing my family to holiday frequent spend to make my family better all because if O found out, she will think i have money and demand more from me and my wife had to suffer with me and not able to go frequent holiday which she enjoyed before our marraige. i really hate myself for changing her life even though she does not complaint and willing to go thru thick and thin with me.

Thanks in advance

You realise why she wrote to you for more money right?
It's to adduce in court

 

[krstupid]

start collating evidence first...
ur ex gambling habits etc before declare war

need to stock up ammo

Its goin got be a painful process for sure. lets see how it goes after. i understand the point that court ruling may not be that bad given that we have a child of our own now and rule in the best interest of the child. My wife reminded me as well that i need to be fair to the small one and not just keep giving everything to the big one. This is what woke me and decide to take action this time