Childless Marriage

Kia7200

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Well, I don't have kids either and have been married for close to 20 years.

We don't have a medical problem but it's more like a personal choice.

My wife doesn't like kids even before we got married so I'm cool with that.

Kids are fun to play with but not easy to look after. Don't expect kids to take care of you in old age too.

My wife asked me then why have kids?

Like I say, it's a personal choice most of the time.
Maybe diff ppl have diff results

After I have my kid, my income increased cause I find ways to earn money and I'm also quite lucky.

Used to drive company vehicle, I nv thought I can afford a maid and car while saving more then what I spend every month.

My maid is very good n kind. She slept with my daughter so we have sufficient sleep every night, no diff then before

My daughter is very cute and healthy. From her I learnt a lot, I can see how how much my parents went through to raise me. We still travel to overseas together though now the expenses is x 4times so we just go malaysia n thailand before covid.

I find it more fun to go out as a family together. So much laughter n joy la
 

teambbq

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I have 2 kids. Sometimes I will wonder if my life wil be happier if I didn’t have them in the first place, my answer is: yes I would still be happy without kids, just a different kind of happiness, but still happy!

No kids means I can travel, grow my career, retire early, lesser worries.
Having kids... I worry about them all the time, every decision is made with them in mind. So tbh, not having kids is perfectly ok!
 

Princesspeach

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Would just like to say, unless you really love children , don’t have kids, even if you are financially well off.

I grew up with parent who expressed frequently regret having kids, telling everyone not to have kids, even the slightest irkful expressions still haunt me today and I am 29.

Not everyone are meant to be parents. Don’t let your child/children suffer if your mind/heart is not at the right place to begin with bc other responsibilities will follow and resentment will build.
 

bluerhino

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Ultimately depends whether you like kids in the first place. If you don't like kids then you feel everyday is a torture but if you like kids you will look forward to seeing them everyday. I have 2 kids and I look forward to waking up and picking them up from school everyday.
Kids can be very expensive but only if you allow them to be. My wife wants to send them to 101 enrichment classes and expensive childcare but I am more sui bian, can go cheap childcare and do outdoor activities no need enrichment. End up we compromise based on what we can afford.
If I didn't have kids i can probably save much more. Maybe cannot use finish when I die even. Then whats the point of having so much money?
 

retrovox

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Ultimately depends whether you like kids in the first place. If you don't like kids then you feel everyday is a torture but if you like kids you will look forward to seeing them everyday. I have 2 kids and I look forward to waking up and picking them up from school everyday.
Kids can be very expensive but only if you allow them to be. My wife wants to send them to 101 enrichment classes and expensive childcare but I am more sui bian, can go cheap childcare and do outdoor activities no need enrichment. End up we compromise based on what we can afford.
If I didn't have kids i can probably save much more. Maybe cannot use finish when I die even. Then whats the point of having so much money?
Actually when someone wants a child, it's a big insult to the spouse. It implies the other person is not capable of completing his/her life. So much so that this person needs to introduce another being into the family in order to make him/her feel complete. And when both parties want to have a child, then it means both are insulting each other. Both are not capable of making each other feel complete. It might be the case when a newly wed couple feels 100% blissful during the first few years of marriage. But as time passes by, the conditions for a blissful marriage start to wane. They start to feel bored. Husband or wife could only provide say, 80% happiness to the other person. The rest of the 20% happiness has to come from another person. So, the idea of having a child comes into their minds. Just like a covid booster jab, to rejuvenate the marriage again.

Having a child is suffering. Good things that associate with having a child will come to pass. Bad things will definitely come by. A person who gravitates toward having a child to fill that void in his/her mind will not be able to understand. Why? Indoctrination from ignoble association. To this person, the pain of not having a child far exceeds the pain of having to nurture and maintain the child. So he/she rather sucks it up and have a child and go through the pain and suffering that comes along with the package. It's a mater of choosing the path of the least resistance.

Most people do not want the truth. They only want constant assurance on what they believe in to be the truth.
 

bluerhino

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Actually when someone wants a child, it's a big insult to the spouse. It implies the other person is not capable of completing his/her life. So much so that this person needs to introduce another being into the family in order to make him/her feel complete. And when both parties want to have a child, then it means both are insulting each other. Both are not capable of making each other feel complete. It might be the case when a newly wed couple feels 100% blissful during the first few years of marriage. But as time passes by, the conditions for a blissful marriage start to wane. They start to feel bored. Husband or wife could only provide say, 80% happiness to the other person. The rest of the 20% happiness has to come from another person. So, the idea of having a child comes into their minds. Just like a covid booster jab, to rejuvenate the marriage again.

Having a child is suffering. Good things that associate with having a child will come to pass. Bad things will definitely come by. A person who gravitates toward having a child to fill that void in his/her mind will not be able to understand. Why? Indoctrination from ignoble association. To this person, the pain of not having a child far exceeds the pain of having to nurture and maintain the child. So he/she rather sucks it up and have a child and go through the pain and suffering that comes along with the package. It's a mater of choosing the path of the least resistance.

Most people do not want the truth. They only want constant assurance on what they believe in to be the truth.
A bit extreme and I don't know whether or not you are married. I would argue that people who are are fulfilled in their lives are the more likely ones to have children since you do not have the anxiety and stress of an unfulfilling life. You can say that society applies pressure on us to have children though it probably means you have not experienced the urge to have babies yourself. I don't think it's a feeling that can be easily described and I have seen couples breakdown when they are not able to conceive no matter how hard they try.
 

retrovox

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A bit extreme and I don't know whether or not you are married. I would argue that people who are are fulfilled in their lives are the more likely ones to have children since you do not have the anxiety and stress of an unfulfilling life. You can say that society applies pressure on us to have children though it probably means you have not experienced the urge to have babies yourself. I don't think it's a feeling that can be easily described and I have seen couples breakdown when they are not able to conceive no matter how hard they try.
People want to have children because they have the view that children are: to their liking; pleasurable; fruitful to associate with. Once the 3 conditions are affirmed by the mind, the person will come to a conclusion that children are worthy of having and experiencing. In fact you can apply the same principle to anything you find pleasing and agreeable. For instance, find something in your house that are: NOT to your liking; NOT pleasurable; NOT fruitful to associate with. Chances are there is no such thing in your house.. If there is such a thing in your house, then something is really wrong. You would not even make the purchase in the first place. Since you have kids, I am very sure there will be times you want some 'me-time' to relax. But what a minute. Since children are pleasurable, it doesn't make sense to have 'me-time', does it? The more you spend time to associate with your children the happier you will feel. At least from anecdotal evidence, that doesn't seem the case that children are pleasurable. If children are absolutely pleasurable, then why some mums chose to abort their babies? But how to explain the joy that is felt when parents conceived their children? The joy that is experienced by the parents are actually a byproduct of a process. A process whereby one attaches himself to pleasing and agreeable things (in this case a child), vexation kicks in, and then the person relieves himself from this vexation by acquiring a child thereby experiencing this euphoric moment compounded by the the surge in happy hormones. This pleasure that is just an artefact of our defiled consciousness. The child does not have an intrinsic quality called pleasure to offer anyone, let alone the parents. If there is, then all people in this world will want to snatch your children when your children are within their peripheral vision. Again, we do not see this happening.

To add on one more thing. Baby shower is actually not meant for the baby. It's meant for the couple to celebrate their success in relieving themselves from the vexation of wanting to have a child.
 
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mccmmm

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With all the stupid GST modern taxation not a bear any young is brilliant ideas.
 

retrovox

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Well-heeled couple will not feel the financial burden of bringing up their offsprings. But they will still experience suffering without them knowing.
 

retrovox

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I see some forummers said, "People give birth to me. I give birth to people". On the surface it seems like a noble cause to keep the human race going. I'd like to substitute the words 'give birth' with the word 'pawn'. So, it reads, "People pawn me. I pawn people." People want children to benefit who ultimately? To make who happy ultimately? Ownself of course! People who say otherwise are lying through their teeth. Ultimately, we all love ourselves. People can even pawn another human being into this world just to satisfy their own agenda. Modern day parenting means throwing a survival kit to their child and expect the child to make them happy. In other words, this means papa mama have already given you the resources on how to survive in this cruel world. You die your own problem. Your job is to live up to our expectations and make us happy. Subsequently, the child grows up being indoctrinated by their parents to think and act in the same manner. He will also aspire to have his own children. It all sounds so familiar, "People pawn me. I pawn people."

A friend's mum passed away when my friend was in her youth. Every Mother's Day, it often brings a tear to her eyes because it reminds her of her loving mum. Later in life, this friend got married and gave birth to two sons. She knew that losing a mother makes her sad. But did that change her view of not wanting children of her own? Clearly no. Didn't she know that one day when she dies, it will also make her sons sad? Oh maybe she forgets that she is going to die one day! So, who cares, right? As long as she has children to cater to make her happy , screw it!

Question to those people who are still sitting on the fence, do you rather be slapped with the truth, or be kissed with a lie?
 
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SkyNinja

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No need send-off la, just make arrangements beforehand to cremate and scatter ashes.
But those arrangements made in advanced, could be derailed by your enemies or fake friends. Is still safer to have blood-related children to settle the funeral.
 

turnaround

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But those arrangements made in advanced, could be derailed by your enemies or fake friends. Is still safer to have blood-related children to settle the funeral.

you have a lot of enemies and fake friends that want to derail your funeral?

you in some mediacorp drama is it?
 

page||

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How come?
Some want to have but can’t.
some don’t want to have but have.
some forced to have but wasn’t their purpose.

I feel 2 is enough. Carbon footprint is on my mind..

Some earlier posts mention “suffering”…

like wow.. ok.. all mothers did suffer to bring their kids to this world etc etc…

so love our mothers/ spouses/ wives.
The end
 

Melody77

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Now u 39. 10 yrs later 50. U hoseh liao lor. Can relax slightly. Better than fa walk here walk there aimlessly? ??? Is fact I stating
My kids all grown up liao i super ENG till i dont know how to spend my time leh… why u all think having kids like end if world sia please la just dint be kiasu mum let them grow up happily la… of coz when they are babies u need to spend time ah bo u also need to spend time with friends or gf or bf leh just time management then money management la most important is life management !!! If u think having a child so troublesome then maybe better dont be human ba i feel worst we need to work like a dog to earn money just to survive leh
 
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