How to persuade son's fiance family to stop discouraging her from attending health-predictive genetic test before ROM?

[Philipkee]

I'm a strong supporter of both couples taking genetic test for health prediction. This can avoid passing traits to children. We did the tests - my waifu and I. Not retail type tests like 23Me or Ancestry, but validated ones from hospitals. With annual health screening, the family can monitor and manage health issues. We are willing to bear the fees, several thousands for comprehensive suite for 2.

My son and his fiancé are in agreement. We shown them many medical journals, articles, website references. Hit and run is risky. Handling DS, or ADHD kids or children with congenital issues is expensive and time consuming.

But her family is objecting like there is no tomorrow. Reasons such as prying into privacy, discouraging marriage, look down on them, cursing them, take it or leave it, etc etc all came out. Her parents are both in early 50s. I would have thought they are fairly informed and educated.

Can anyone suggest how we should approach her family? She is adult and can make her own decision. However as the only child, the family thing becomes sticky.

We sat down a few times, emailed articles, and even tried to arrange meetings between them and physicians and geneticists, but they avoided.

Bringing up kids is expensive. A medically defective child is a nightmare. Unlike my generation where we hit and run, they both have a good opportunity to find out first.

Sigh.

I ever did such a test before and a doctor told me actually it’s not really useful

Oh, of cos please do the standard tests like tumour markers or such just to make sure u r not having cancer just asymptomatic and obviously STD if u all are sexually active before

But genetic tests might not be foolproof against all genetic effect cos so u even know what u wanna test for in the first place? Usually u will get a list of things u wanna test for instead of a checkbox under “every genetic test known to man”.

Would it be better if it turns out the child gets a rare genetic condition that was not tested for cos it’s so rare?

TLDR- genetic tests are not useful unless u have a specific thing u wanna test for and are prepared to still have a child with a rare generic condition that somehow was not tested

 

[li9ht5peed]

The idea is to attend various tests, records, and make an informed decision. Decision-making in a flow diagramatic style. Not hit by surprises.

unfortunately you will be surprised that molecular genetics has evolution built in. there's always a small chance that dna replication goes haywire such that a wrong nucleotide is paired to the template dna, and dna mismatch repair mechanisms failed to correct the error. most of the time, such mutations are harmless. so if there's an in frame mutation that results in a silent mutation due to codon degeneracy, and if the dna sequence does not code for small non-coding rnas, then you are safe. however if this condition is false, then a disease phenotype may manifest

in other words, no amount of genetic testing can prevent surprises. you must be ready for an abortion if something goes wrong

 

[mickey88]

i totally believe in having babies with good genes, but the approach must be sensitive. i screen all inlaw parents, grandparents & siblings visually. ask or observe their health, fitness, academics, diet. generally i find partners who have zero hospitalisation records. it's your best guarantee of good health. good looking but sick is bky. parents sick also bky

don't use genetic testing to insult your inlaws though. if they felt offended, don't do it. your intention may be good, but their feelings are more important

Good gene does not mean good character..still need parents to guide. It is not a must to do it so why need to make it like it a must and make everyone unhappy.

 

[qhong61]

Ts u are lucky ur son able to find a gf and wife.
Many here are bbfa.

 

[hctawsgs]

I din know impotent man can have children?

 

[CCCustom]

The idea is to attend various tests, records, and make an informed decision. Decision-making in a flow diagramatic style. Not hit by surprises.

You still haven’t say …

• If found to have issues means call off wedding?
• Wait end up your own son is the 1 found to have issues, means what?
• Don’t say must test 1st then can be boyfriend-girlfriend, it’s understood that is not practical … but why never at the very least say must test 1st then can get engaged … instead wait until engaged prepare to ROM already then say must test?

 

[li9ht5peed]

Good gene does not mean good character..still need parents to guide. It is not a must to do it so why need to make it like it a must and make everyone unhappy.

people with good characters are generally very troublesome, jjyy all the time due to dissatisfaction with things and have many mutually inconsistent moral principles

 

[Sauron]

Is this a test to see if we even read the thread title?

 

[cpuer]

key concerns is the kids coming out from them right? then do the test before their pregnancies. Not before ROM lah, its planting the seed of future discord and disharmorny. dont go this way.

 

[enimen]

If the results come out bad for your son's fiance (like high chance cancer), what's gonna happen?

U gonna tell your son to dump her?
If yes, that's why the fiance's parents are so anal about it

 

[Teyemittisi]

Just let it be natural. Why must spend money when the odds are not high.? If start the ball rolling, every other thing will be considered like extract store stem cord cells and many others to follow

 

[Lemonpeach]

unfortunately you will be surprised that molecular genetics has evolution built in. there's always a small chance that dna replication goes haywire such that a wrong nucleotide is paired to the template dna, and dna mismatch repair mechanisms failed to correct the error. most of the time, such mutations are harmless. so if there's an in frame mutation that results in a silent mutation due to codon degeneracy, and if the dna sequence does not code for small non-coding rnas, then you are safe. however if this condition is false, then a disease phenotype may manifest

in other words, no amount of genetic testing can prevent surprises. you must be ready for an abortion if something goes wrong

Accepted. Having more discovery and information better than fewer.

Health is a lifetime monitoring and management.

We don't like to grope in the dark, and sob and cry when an issue occur.

Hate it when we hear folks who decried their bad luck for stage 3 cancer and blaming heaven for it. Do what we can !

 

[Comage]

Like I said might as well do it before dating.
Waste so much time to ROM stage then ltr find out genes not good.

YP these days are so promiscuous - change partners like change clothes. One year can change double-digit number of partners...

Each test take a week or two to complete - where got so much time?

 

[Lemonpeach]

If the results come out bad for your son's fiance (like high chance cancer), what's gonna happen?

U gonna tell your son to dump her?
If yes, that's why the fiance's parents are so anal about it

Their choices.

The objective is Informed Decision-Making, and not taken by surprises.

 

[CCCustom]

Is this a test to see if we even read the thread title?

If so only 2 people passed And I’m 1 of them

 

[qhong61]

Accepted. Having more discovery and information better than fewer.

Health is a lifetime monitoring and management.

We don't like to grope in the dark, and sob and cry when an issue occur.

Hate it when we hear folks who decried their bad luck for stage 3 cancer and blaming heaven for it. Do what we can !

U haven't answer my question.
How long been dating?

 

[begintoend]

1st thing is, ts getting married or the son?

There is nothing to gain or lose doing the test. Why does it seem like it is an unconditional prerequisite for the marriage?

 

[enimen]

Their choices.

The objective is Informed Decision-Making, and not taken by surprises.

And with this knowledge, u have planted seeds of doubt into your son's heart and also anxiety and worry into his fiance .

What could have been a happy marriage now they become aware of a guillotine hanging over her head...

Marriage (worry) or break (heartbreak + worry), both are gonna be hell for her

 

[fs_lim]

I'm a strong supporter of both couples taking genetic test for health prediction. This can avoid passing traits to children. We did the tests - my waifu and I. Not retail type tests like 23Me or Ancestry, but validated ones from hospitals. With annual health screening, the family can monitor and manage health issues. We are willing to bear the fees, several thousands for comprehensive suite for 2.

My son and his fiancé are in agreement. We shown them many medical journals, articles, website references. Hit and run is risky. Handling DS, or ADHD kids or children with congenital issues is expensive and time consuming.

But her family is objecting like there is no tomorrow. Reasons such as prying into privacy, discouraging marriage, look down on them, cursing them, take it or leave it, etc etc all came out. Her parents are both in early 50s. I would have thought they are fairly informed and educated.

Can anyone suggest how we should approach her family? She is adult and can make her own decision. However as the only child, the family thing becomes sticky.

We sat down a few times, emailed articles, and even tried to arrange meetings between them and physicians and geneticists, but they avoided.

Bringing up kids is expensive. A medically defective child is a nightmare. Unlike my generation where we hit and run, they both have a good opportunity to find out first.

Sigh.

Easy. Just disagree to the marriage.

 

[yesman2978]

Can you go for screening also?

If you kena screened for high chance of testicular and kkj cancer, will you and your son go for preemptive kkj and testicle removal surgery?