Parenthood thread

[dry_county]

feelings ok one, just rant + sit with it for a few days. just dont allow feelings to make decisions for u

Thanks zeh zeh. That’s what edmw is for. I can’t rant on my FB or anywhere else….

 

[Spike]

Sunday I will cook dinner, so I don’t mind the tuition teacher around. When the tuition teacher comes on Friday, it disrupt my schedule cos I don’t usually cook on Friday. Hard to explain bro.

She's a semi adult now.. things will change. A few more years from now, she will likely spend more time with friends, and less time at home. It's inevitable.

This tuition thingy is honestly a minor inconvenience if you were to ask me.

 

[dry_county]

Haven't slept at night or had sex? 2 different things.

Haven’t slept at night. I don’t like to sleep alone when I have a wife.

 

[dry_county]

Dude.. how much time you spend talking to her daily since she can talk..

Bring her to see doctor when she is sick?

Or teach her? play with her?

I tried my best to engage her. But it’s superficial conversation….

 

[dry_county]

your kid already very big laio if u swap position with her, everything people tell u u do dont care your feeling, you will also rebel.

you dont make effort to talk at the same level to understand her keep using overlord position and use your own perspective only no wonder kid buey song.



im not saying everything give them on a platter when they ask, i say you need to talk to as if they are young adults laio. Give and take is required for any relationship and goes both ways.



when they young before 10 yo u can fierce and overwrite their life, but after many people dont know how to transit to let them run their own lives mode.

Thanks kor kor for your advice. I don’t think I’m very strict with them. Soli that I can’t provide the whole picture.

 

[Spike]

I tried my best to engage her. But it’s superficial conversation….

Why leh? Frankly, I had no interest in stuff like Roblox, game trading, friends' issue etc. I just sat down listened and asked a few intelligent questions every now and then.

 

[dry_county]

Don’t rant here. You rant to your kids and wife so that they can understand you better. If you hope your dotter to appreciate you more, then say it. Or maybe you can say it to her when she done something for you. Then make a pact with her, next time she also need to say thank you if you help her. Communication is important. To her, she thinks you don’t need that word of affirmation so you need to tell her. As for your wifey sleeping with your son could be for a reason. Find out from her.

Thanks kor kor for your advice. I did what you advised long time ago. The kids don’t understand what I’m saying. Creating more misunderstanding. I will wait till they are older to properly explain to them. In the meantime, treat them with love.

 

[Jude Raphael]

She said she wants to have a free day on Sunday. But she needs to think about her parents’ preference isn’t it?

As a parent, I’d say, give in to her ba. But, as a guy, I’d think, “ why is this girl not even attempting to understand and put the dad’s interest before her’s for once?”

It’s tough, I understand. Regardless of the outcome, someone will be upset.

 

[Calis_Yoda]

Just had a heated discussion with my wife:
Elder daughter 14 isn’t appreciative of anything that we do. Totally self entitled.
Younger son 10 stick to my wife. I haven’t slept at night with my wife for the past decade.

why should I have kids in the first place. Sorry for ranting and see if there’s any advice.

I just asked my dotter to change her tuition timing from Friday to Sunday cos I come home early on Friday and I don’t like someone else at home at that time. And she got upset.

1st thing to do is to have a discussion with your wife on both your parenting style(s). Both of you have to mutually agree on the same parenting style or the one(s) which are most suitable/compatible to each of your kid's personality or situation.

2nd thing is to reflect on what both you and your wife have done for the past 10-14 years to develop these behaviours you observed in your kids. They observe, learn, adapt and develop their behaviours from your parenting styles and actions from the time they're babies, on top of their innate personalities.

3rd thing is to spend time and effort in communicating with them, listening and understanding more about them, including their thoughts, emotions, why they act/behave in certain ways and their abilities.

4th thing to do after the 3rd, is to have a heart-to-heart talk with each of them and set reasonable boundaries. The objectives are to:
1. Let them know what they can do / are acceptable and what aren't.
2. Have/encourage them to:
i) explore, discover their abilities
ii) learn & develop new abilities
and
iii) learn to be responsible for their own actions and decisions
The boundaries can be modified and gradually change / let go accordingly as they grow. This also means you and your wife as parents will have to learn to gradually let go and let them take responsibilities for themselves.

5th thing is don't impose your thoughts, morals, way of life etc on them. Don't compel them to follow. This is also known or termed as "Helicopter Parenting", which is micro-managing your kids in parenting context. This will backfire most of the time. Sometimes they may follow quietly, but they can feel upset and/or angry.

I'm sharing a few YT videos in this post and the next (6 videos), which I hope will be of help to you.

 

[shidenx]

Thanks kor kor for your advice. I don’t think I’m very strict with them. Soli that I can’t provide the whole picture.

Not saying u sala or v strict, im saying talk at the same level, understand and negotiate with your kid.



communicate . if u dont understand their stance or reasons first, how to relate? dont relate, how to compromise/ come to middle ground?


Is this also worth a mega fight and emotional energy? People reject idea also doesnt mean dont respect you. This have to come to terms.


If kiddo wants alone time, why not?

 

[dry_county]

Dude.. how much time you spend talking to her daily since she can talk..

Bring her to see doctor when she is sick?

Or teach her? play with her?

I used to spend a lot of time with her when she’s young….but due to work commitment and we hired a helper, I spent less time with her…

 

[dry_county]

Why leh? Frankly, I had no interest in stuff like Roblox, game trading, friends' issue etc. I just sat down listened and asked a few intelligent questions every now and then.

Thanks bro. During rare chance she will tell me about her latest happenings….

 

[Calis_Yoda]

Continued from post #69

 

[Jude Raphael]

Thanks kor kor. My dotter is abnormal. She’s very close to my wife and she intentionally not close to me.
Fml….

At the end of the day, a mummy and a daddy fulfil different aspects and needs of the child/children, I feel.

I’m sure that your daughter loves her dad who cooks for the family.

 

[dry_county]

As a parent, I’d say, give in to her ba. But, as a guy, I’d think, “ why does this girl not even attempting to understand and put the dad’s interest before her’s for once?”

It’s tough, I understand. Regardless of the outcome, someone will be upset.

Thanks kor kor. I will still love her super much nonetheless. That’s why I’m ranting in edmw instead of in real life…

 

[Spike]

I used to spend a lot of time with her when she’s young….but due to work commitment and we hired a helper, I spent less time with her…

Let's say ur wife spends 3 hours with them daily, and you spend 1 hour with them. Naturally, they will be closer to the person they spend more time with..

It's the same thing like my children tend to call me for assistance way more than my wife because she doesn't pick up phone calls promptly.

 

[fandango]

I suspect you daughter have boyfriend liao!

 

[dry_county]

1st thing to do is to have a discussion with your wife on both your parenting style(s). Both of you have to mutually agree on the same parenting style or the one(s) which are most suitable/compatible to each of your kid's personality or situation.

2nd thing is to reflect on what both you and your wife have done for the past 10-14 years to develop these behaviours you observed in your kids. They observe, learn, adapt and develop their behaviours from your parebting styles and actions, on top of their innate personalities.

3rd thing is to spend time and effort in understanding more about them, including their thoughts, emotions, why they act/behave in certain ways and their abilities.

4th thing to do after the 3rd, is to have a heart-to-heart talk with each of them and set reasonable boundaries. The objectives are to:
1. Let them know what can do be done/acceptable and what aren't.
2. Have/encourage them to:
i) explore, discover their abilities
ii) learn & develop new abilities
and
iii) learn to be responsible for what their own actions and decisions
The boundaries can be modified and gradually change accordingly as they grow. This also means you and your wife as parents will have to learn to gradually let go and let them take responsibilities for themselves.

5th thing is don't impose your thoughts, morals, way of life etc on them. Don't compel them to follow. This is also known or termed as "Helicopter Parenting", which is micro-managing your kids in parenting context. This will backfire most of the time. Sometimes they may follow quietly, but they can feel upset and/or angry.

I'm sharing a few YT videos in this post and the next (6 videos), which I hope will be of help to you.

Thanks kor kor for writing. I appreciate it.

 

[Spike]

Thanks kor kor. I will still love her super much nonetheless. That’s why I’m ranting in edmw instead of in real life…

If I were you, I would just speak my mind. Then again, my daughter wouldn't dare to argue with me when I'm pissed off. Your situation is probably different.

 

[dry_county]

Not saying u sala or v strict, im saying talk at the same level, understand and negotiate with your kid.



communicate . if u dont understand their stance or reasons first, how to relate? dont relate, how to compromise/ come to middle ground?


Is this also worth a mega fight and emotional energy? People reject idea also doesnt mean dont respect you. This have to come to terms.


If kiddo wants alone time, why not?

Thanks kor kor….i think i gave in too much. As you said, maybe we should negotiate….