Pre Marriage
It was not all rosy and happy leading to the marriage. I am not a faithful boyfriend or anything of such prior to marriage. Due to it I am also not receiving the best treatment as a husband to be and was made to promise many things beyond my ability and expectation of a communal relationship. Such as made to promise that I will employ a helper as soon as we collect the HDB BTO. The HDB BTO selection are to be near her parents only. My parents will never come to my house to stay. The house will be use as a mahjong den for extra income as she will not want to work and the income is use as supplement to her parents as well. She also had a habit of gambling at casino which is groomed by her mother frequently visit casino in Genting. Sometimes she will take money from my safe after she lose all from her trip.
Due to many reasons, just before the marriage, I had actually withdrawn all my savings and ran away. But eventually she came and caught me back making promises to change just to go ahead with the marriage as it will make her and her family lose face if the wedding is called off.
After Marriage
Before Own House
We were married on 8th June 2013. We had stayed together at my mum house for a little while like a week or 2 before she complaint it is too small and made me move over to her parent’s house despite it being very far from my work place. I was earning a salary of $5,000 at the time.
After moving to her parent’s house, we are pressured often to produce a Child by her parents and often I was scolded by her dad especially after his nightly drinking. He needs to drink 4 bottles of beer every night. I was not ready and am still unsure about the marriage yet but we stayed frequently at MBS hotel where she had many points to exchange for rooms. Eventually we had a child and I did promise to be a good husband thereafter with the arrival of the child.
Subsequently we are called for the collection of keys for our BTO and ready to renovate. I had previously opened a design and renovation company in 2012 for her since she is in this industry and wanted her own company where she and her father are director of the company and I am not as I am working. They did not pay a single cent for the entire business and I did not get a single cent back from the business venture and was made to paid the fine for all the improperly handling of company accounts and documents over a period of 3 years where she uses the company money as her own. Thinking that we are able to do a simple renovation but she had a different idea of using the house as a showroom for business. I was also asked to take up a compress renovation loan from both Maybank and RHM bank under my name using the company self-quotation. When both loans dispense to the company, she will use part of it for the renovation and rest for money lending purposes run by her other family member. Despite me not agreeing to it, I will need to agree to the condition to provide all the expenses with her not working which will be more than what I can afford.
Moving in
As soon we moved into the new house, starting from the 2nd day, the room which is the helper rooms and future baby room is ready for the mahjong kaki to play. After finish my day work, I am to help out with the waiting service for the drinks and snack for the people playing mahjong. The helper arrived about 1 week later to help with the waiting service and to take care of the impending baby.
After the arrival of the baby on 21 April 2014, I am delighted and forgot about everything which became status quo and the household expenses increases as well and there were more mahjong day and night with smoking in the rooms and throughout the house allowed, I am again not happy with the situation. Her parents had also moved in with us under the name to help take care of the baby and the mahjong kaki as they are all her friends and relatives.
I was working a day job but am made to take care of the baby at night when he cried at night and diaper changing and night feeding on most night. O’s mother is then sleeping in the same room and same bed with us. 3 weeks after the baby is born, while driving home from work I had a car accident due to falling asleep while driving just before reaching home. It happens just before a schedule for baby photo shoot session which involves her parents are part of the photoshoots as well.
When the baby is 5 months old, we had a trip to Genting where they all for the gambling activities. I am left to take care of the baby with the helper and was told to sleep on the same bed with the baby being in the middle to prevent from falling off. It is something which I can’t get over but I can’t do anything about it as I had previously made a scene in casino before marriage even to a point of begging her to stop gambling and was blamed by her entire family for spoiling their mood and causing them to lose money.
Subsequently I had changed job which requires me to work day and night sometimes. I would spend my time not working with T and would like to shower him and play with him but was pushed away saying I did not know what to do. I did not have the chance to groom how I want my child to be. When I express my unhappiness, I will be told off to look after him full time and stop working while finding my own ways to provide for the family if I want how my child grows up according to what I expect if not then leave it to other and make others live easier. When I wanted to play with my child at night, I remember clearly that O’’s father will shout at T asking him to stop playing with me or he will beat him and I just walk away.
We had a holiday with just us and the helper without her parents around and it was a happy time. That is the only one time. After her parents moved in with us, my weekend is always waking up to the sound of mahjong and am not allowed to sleep late even I work late as need to wake up to help with the house. I am not allowed to watch TV in the living room as the mahjong kaki will complaint, I am disturbing their game. Sexual intercourse is also non-existence as there are never alone time and the bedroom door can’t never be lock since the mother will need access to the cashbox for money changing service for the mahjong kaki.
Even though it is my house, I have no position and no say to anything. When my family and mum visit me at my house, they will not feel welcomed and often seeing I don’t have enough to eat when I finish work and get home. After the first year, they had told me about it and stop visiting me and their grandchild. I am like an additional servant that is at home to bring water and do all sort of things after the helper sleep for both O and her mum. I am told that I have to be filial to her parents as she is the only daughter and even, I don’t look after my parents there will be other siblings to look after.
