A Failed Marraige

[noname2016]

That's why I'll never look for woman who are very close to family.
I just bought a 3 room hdb myself this year, and fully used up all the rooms. I'll only marry if the other party does not want children and not a mothers/fathers girl.
If parents in law say want to come move in, I'll jolly well tell them to farrk off. I'll break up if they can't compromise.
My house my rules.
I'm not going to sacrifice my remaining lifetime over some 'family' duties.
Life is short. I don't need toxic family members. I don't need children of my own.

Err I think it really depends on whether they have toxic family members lah. Nothing wrong with a girl wanting to do family duties (like bring her parents to hospital for checkup, give allowance). Many sinkie girls I know quite filial, will be hard to find someone who can cut off her family entirely (unless really toxic situation ).

 

[Ethan_]

Erm, TLDR, but from the beginning reads like its a relationship doomed to fail right from the start. So many serious flaws and character issues. Red flag big big.

 

[articland05]

nah..why discuss abt TS past decisions?
whatever happen alrdy happened...what matters now is dealing with the ex wife demands

 

[1982-1994]

Summarize

上梁不正，下梁歪

The ex wife did not have a good upbringing due to her toxic parents who only care about themselves

TS ,you need to have a firm stand, present your feeling to your PIL and wife on spot ,raise your voice to show them you're not a pushover
History may repeat itself, how your first child may receive the bad upbringing from your ex wife and her parents

I think to stop the harassment from your ex wife, cut off ties officially with your son too ,like what your parents said, forget about your first child
You have a toxic wife but then again, you have yourself to blame IMO

 

[Lukiose]

Why this entire story reads like a clown fiesta
Multiple ppl who never had their **** together from the start come together to make 1 even bigger mess

 

[Coffeelix]

All private.. she say public cannt treat need private better coz recommended. i cant say anything coz i have no custody and anything i ask for lesser will be labelled as a father that dont care and not concern at all. very crappy treatment and awful words all the time and msg or call to quarrel and scold till i depress and give in again to avoid affecting my current family. i got receipt coz im asked to pay half sometimes when the amount is big.

From what I can see, your only way out of this **** is get custody of your son with the support of your present wife.

Else, you will forever at her mercy whimps etc and will eventually affect your present family n son.

Slowly collect evidence to prove she and her family isn’t fit to raise your son. The environment : gambling, smoking and strangers … hire PI to be their clients to collect evidence etc

Your son will be old enough to give evidence against his mom… you don’t ever try to coerce him on this… don’t talk to him or ask him about them…

Also, pay to have your son be tested by professional to prove he is indeed normal and she has made up all …

All this might help you to gain custody and put an end to your nightmare.

Else, you are done with!

 

[HomeMommy]

Not over generalizing but TS ex wife brought child to private specialist & TS already stated how much the specialist can earn from all this
Basically his 4000 a month isn't enough to pay for it

So you think a specialist at the border of right and wrong will say NAH .... mild ADHD. Don't waste your money
Or err on side of caution?

And I understand some things more common now than years ago but not sure you can ADHD it out of the child for life

i read that its not only adhd but also speech delay? Not too sure about adhd in general but i do know that for speech delay if there ish early intervention it will help the child greatly.

this is why i am asking him to go via public subsidised route but it will not be as effective. Unless he can dedicate the time to bring the child for sessions and learn from the therapist + also try to see if ex-wife allow him to meetup with child few times a week so that he can work on it. If he cant have access to child and ex-wife side not willing to dedicate the time then unless they can have daily therapy for the child then it will still work. If not, might not have much effect one and its like throwing $ down the drain.

 

[Look-into-me]

Why can’t you bring her to court and fight it out instesd of giving in to her unreasonable demands? There’s a reason why she is called the ex.

 

[fandango]

hahah.. im married again..
But im very very happy with my current family life... i even have another kid to complete my current family. Everything is perfect now and no matter how hard life is, im still happy and content as i had went thru the worst possible rs for me in the past.

Why you reply to my post for @darkelf

Are you clones?

 

[Joseph12]

i read that its not only adhd but also speech delay? Not too sure about adhd in general but i do know that for speech delay if there ish early intervention it will help the child greatly.

this is why i am asking him to go via public subsidised route but it will not be as effective. Unless he can dedicate the time to bring the child for sessions and learn from the therapist + also try to see if ex-wife allow him to meetup with child few times a week so that he can work on it. If he cant have access to child and ex-wife side not willing to dedicate the time then unless they can have daily therapy for the child then it will still work. If not, might not have much effect one and its like throwing $ down the drain.

I agree that Public route is sllllloooooow

But really as parent what choice do you have?
Unless you can read books and self teach yourself on speech therapy and teach your child

If not, pay through your nose for Rolls-Royce treatment from.private specialists

 

[krstupid]

There is no more speech delay as its was before 3 yrs old he cant speak and specialise diagnoses as speech delay and need speech therapy.
The specialist also diagnosed the adhd as mild nor severe.

 

[fire]

You are good, able to do so much with a monthly salary of just 4-5k

 

[Joseph12]

Why can’t you bring her to court and fight it out instesd of giving in to her unreasonable demands? There’s a reason why she is called the ex.

I think they will be fighting in court
Of course various reasons its better to sort out amongst themselves

 

[HomeMommy]

I agree that Public route is sllllloooooow

But really as parent what choice do you have?
Unless you can read books and self teach yourself on speech therapy and teach your child

If not, pay through your nose for Rolls-Royce treatment from.private specialists

u r not exactly right on this. If one can dedicate enough time to the child on a daily basis, attend the therapy session with the child n learn from it plus get recommendations from therapist on where to readup more info to help the child then one will not need go pay thru ur nose for pte therapist. But this will require a lot of time n dedication from one parent (whomever ish willing or able to do it).

 

[pohw0008]

nah..why discuss abt TS past decisions?
whatever happen alrdy happened...what matters now is dealing with the ex wife demands

Actually the wife family so toxic how come cannot fight for custody in the first place.. gambler family etc not good for the child growth...not a good environment etc.. why ts needs to pay for everything.. what businesses etc etc etc.. all sound not logical to me..

 

[fishsan]

Actually the wife family so toxic how come cannot fight for custody in the first place.. gambler family etc not good for the child growth...not a good environment etc.. why ts needs to pay for everything.. what businesses etc etc etc.. all sound not logical to me..

Because TS just agreed to everything, even against the advice of his own lawyer. His own lawyer told him he was paying too much but he went ahead and agreed anyway. Now he's complaining that the ex-wife made him pay too much. TS own family and own lawyer already gave him good advice which he refused to listen to. This sort of person is hopeless. Want to help also cannot help.

 

[desmorado]

From what I can see, your only way out of this **** is get custody of your son with the support of your present wife.

Else, you will forever at her mercy whimps etc and will eventually affect your present family n son.

Slowly collect evidence to prove she and her family isn’t fit to raise your son. The environment : gambling, smoking and strangers … hire PI to be their clients to collect evidence etc

Your son will be old enough to give evidence against his mom… you don’t ever try to coerce him on this… don’t talk to him or ask him about them…

Also, pay to have your son be tested by professional to prove he is indeed normal and she has made up all …

All this might help you to gain custody and put an end to your nightmare.

Else, you are done with!

TS, this reply is the best suggestion i feel. Your son is the only person who can get you out of this predicament

 

[tazzycorner]

this is a good read for guys who get pressured into making decisions when u already knew things won't work out

 

[krstupid]

You are good, able to do so much with a monthly salary of just 4-5k

Strict budgeting and thats why i cant give any extra also.
3200 take home
- 700 maintenance
- 400 utilities, internet, hp, subscription
- 300 smoke
- 500 small one childcare
- 300 small one expenses
- 350 season parking home and office (other car expenses by company)
- 500 food and expenses
- balance saving and others