At his mother's behest, he married a 26-year-old Chinese national within weeks of being introduced. He was 53 and never intended to get married

[jywy2005]

Should not have a kid at his age.

 

[mikhail_k]

不听老人言 快乐好多年

ever since i come out work i never listen to my elders ever. they out of touch dont know how long already

 

[Emperor_Hippo]

Wife from China left him over special-needs son, divorced retiree now gets by on CPF and subisidies​

Stephanie Yeo
The Straits Times
June 14, 2025

When Mr Ben Phua, 69, takes a bus with Zai Quan, 14, strangers sometimes compliment the boy's striking eyes and thick lashes.

"They say Zai Quan is so handsome and they ask, 'Is this your grandson?' I say, 'No, this is my son,'" he says.


The divorced retiree is the sole caregiver of his only child, who was born with an extra chromosome, resulting in multiple disabilities. While Zai Quan can walk, he is non-verbal and relies on his father for everyday activities.

Mr Phua never intended to get married, much less become a father. Looking for love was a luxury for the bachelor, who worked long hours as a building technician, among other roles. In his spare time, he upgraded himself through night classes at the former Vocational and Industrial Training Board.

At his mother's behest, he married a 26-year-old Chinese national in 2009 within weeks of being introduced to her. He was then 53.


The couple were blindsided when their baby was born with special needs in November 2010, he says. The doctor had not alerted them to any abnormalities.

The stress of raising Zai Quan created a rift in their marriage and his former wife left their marital home several times over the years. Their divorce was finalised in May 2020 and Mr Phua had sole custody of their then 10-year-old son.

He quit his job as a mechanical and engineering site supervisor in the construction industry to take care of his son in late 2019. Six months later, he had to undergo surgery for Stage 2 prostate cancer.

Unhappy with his domestic helper's quarrelsome ways, he let her go in 2021 and took over caring for Zai Quan full-time in their three-room flat in Ang Mo Kio.

Their daily routine is simple but stressful, Mr Phua says.

Zai Quan tends to wake up late if he has trouble sleeping, which is more often than not these days. So, Mr Phua feeds the boy a cup of Milo in between getting him ready to board the school bus to Minds Fernvale Gardens School in the late morning.

If his son manages to wake up early, he reheats for him the food he cooked the previous night.

While Zai Quan is in school, Mr Phua does household chores, including washing clothes his son may have soiled, and makes dinner.

The self-taught cook says his early meals "cannot make it", but now, he knows his way around seasonings and considers his fried chicken and pork "quite tasty, very nice". He mashes his son's food by hand as he has no blender.

Once Zai Quan returns home in the late afternoon, it is time for him to eat and shower before being tucked into bed between 10pm and midnight.

Mr Phua says his movements have been slower since his hernia operation in 2023, making daily tasks a challenge.

During a particularly trying period two years ago, he had to postpone his operation as his son fell sick with flu and had to be hospitalised for two weeks.

Later, he scrambled to find a place for Zai Quan to stay while he himself was admitted for his surgery, and was relieved when Assisi Hospice accepted the boy for about 90 days, especially since he had post-operation complications.

On some days, he admits, he just runs out of steam. "I fall asleep when I'm eating," he says. When he wakes up with a start, he rushes to bathe his son before his bedtime.

He relies on his Central Provident Fund retirement account savings to get by, as well as help from government initiatives such as ComCare, a social safety net for lower-income families, and social service agency Singapore Cancer Society, plus subsidies from various organisations.

The team from cancer non-profit 365 Cancer Prevention Society, which used to dispense financial assistance to Mr Phua, currently supports him and his son with home visits, as well as texts and phone calls.

Father and son enjoy the occasional day out, thanks to activities organised by the cancer society and Club Rainbow, a charity that supports children with chronic illnesses. Mr Phua also looks forward to receiving vegetables and dry groceries every month from the residents' committee.

He says "it is not easy" to take care of a child with special needs, listing the never-ending inconveniences he has to bear, from cleaning faeces off clothing to keeping his temper in check when his son refuses to obey.

But when he is reading from a poster of fruits to Zai Quan for the photo shoot, he reveals a different side.

A big smile replaces his frown as he hugs his son. His voice softens. Zai Quan sits in rapt attention when his father talks to him, smiling and grunting. This means that he is happy, Mr Phua says.

If only he had the time to read to his son every day, he laments. There is just too much to do at home.

With the boy turning 15 in November and Mr Phua almost in his seventh decade, the issue of who will take care of his son weighs heavily on his mind. The second of four siblings, Mr Phua worries that Zai Quan will end up in a nursing home, where he will have no intellectual stimulation.

Turning to his son, he says: "Papa's last wish is to find a good home for you."

https://www.stomp.sg/singapore-seen...eds-son-divorced-cancer-survivor-gets-cpf-and

How many mudders had screwed up their childrens' lives simply because of archaic views in marriage?

poor old chap would be much better alone than to give into his mother's "behests".

 

[Emperor_Hippo]

Last chance to past down family name mah. Some still have traditional mindset

And if 50 years old want to have children, you will find 50 year old woman meh?

Pass on family name more important than personal Quality of Life.

yah. Its this kind of completely f*cked up thinking that ruins peoples' lives.

 

[Emperor_Hippo]

i understand filial piety is an Asian thang but merrying @ 53 at the behest of your parent when your heart and mind was never innit is a bit err....

愚孝.

nuff said.

and a lot of ppl here were like "care, respect and filial towards parents REGARDLESS OF THE COST" because parents gave u life.

yah, a loser of man who used his entire savings and go pump a WL full tank and make her pregnant also will give life mah and turn the WL into a mother and he automatically become the father. So the kid muz be filial towards his parents regardless how f*cked up his parents are?

 

[WhiteHunter]

what is going to happen to the kid when he pass away?

 

[cpuer]

可憐的孩子，狠心的的女人

 

[The Legionnaire]

He is as good as fxxked..really dumb!

 

[The Legionnaire]

Wondering if sperm defects go up with age?

Obviously..

 

[Joseph12]

How many mudders had screwed up their childrens' lives simply because of archaic views in marriage?

poor old chap would be much better alone than to give into his mother's "behests".

Ah
That's true

But wonder will.he admit to his few remaining friends that

 

[Joseph12]

i understand filial piety is an Asian thang but merrying @ 53 at the behest of your parent when your heart and mind was never innit is a bit err....

A bit what?
The right thing to do?

 

[The Legionnaire]

filial to his mother? more like pushing the blame to her for his plight. he is old enough to know what is call responsibility

getting a kid at age 55 without any financial means he is someone who makes poor decisions.

i dont believe all maids will be bad to his kid.

he makes a poor decision and end up his kid suffers.

Smart conclusions..

 

[Sumimasen]

How many mudders had screwed up their childrens' lives simply because of archaic views in marriage?

poor old chap would be much better alone than to give into his mother's "behests".

Not fair to everything blame his laobu, he ownself keen to the marriage also. At 53, capable to make own decision.

 

[iluvchickenwing]

Ninja, Phillip, Meyer pls sponsor the poor dad who has no blender at home! if you can sponsor pressure cooker too, that would be awesome!

 

[henghengonedragon]

And people here complaining about the single, dink and etc....

 

[testerjp]

Alot of people don't know that old men sperms have higher chance of problems like autism.

They tot that the issues only lie with the women.

 

[yesman2978]

愚孝.

nuff said.

and a lot of ppl here were like "care, respect and filial towards parents REGARDLESS OF THE COST" because parents gave u life.

yah, a loser of man who used his entire savings and go pump a WL full tank and make her pregnant also will give life mah and turn the WL into a mother and he automatically become the father. So the kid muz be filial towards his parents regardless how f*cked up his parents are?

You think the WL will keep the child?

Mai kumgong lah

 

[yesman2978]

those with traditional mindset should live in past
go some village with no running water and electricity

Those with non traditional mindsets, they will cease to exist in a few decades, with nobody to remember them, no traces of their existence

 

[dragonsei]

Sadly, many people are unrealistic. If you advise them, they think you have bad intention.

 

[Itsthatguy]

He is as good as fxxked..really dumb!

Maybe his mother kept on niam niam niam him and threaten suicide if he don't marry?