CPF nomination question

[qhong61]

Find another man to help feed the 3 kids? Ownself do will do die ownself like you say 2 jobs leh very tiring sure look haggard then how to attract the next man? Unless your friend see broke red orange going to be nun? Monies already controlled tightly at the dead hubby side family now work 2 jobs still must give allowance not sure how many more years she need to slog. Your friend how old and kids how old? If primary school wow long way to go. If secondary school then after finish study ask them go work. Want to study higher ownself earn monies or get monies from their grandmother side

Her hubby passed away when kids taking O level.

 

[sohguanh]

Her hubby got cancer. Need to take care of him for few yrs.
Want to get another to take care again?

It is a game plan she need to decide. If suey kena new man also cancer versus man help to feed the 3 kids? Maybe kena second time cancer hubby but got monies go to your friend after he died no rugi what.

Alternatively would be remain as now work 2 jobs give allowance. Hope she don't fall sick due to working 2 jobs then see the dead hubby mum side got give monies treat your friend medical or not

 

[sohguanh]

Her hubby passed away when kids taking O level.

Then ok ask the kids go and work after graduate. If want to study higher ask from grandmother monies.

 

[fr33d0m]

Cos someone mentioned the money go to support the kids. Which is not true.

Are the kids the only ones requiring support?

The mum needs, too.

if mum and daughter-in-law have good relationship, raising the kids with the dead's money from the mum should not be a big issue.

After all, still own grand-children.

 

[sohguanh]

Are the kids the only ones requiring support?

The mum needs, too.

if mum and daughter-in-law have good relationship, raising the kids with the dead's money from the mum should not be a big issue.

After all, still own grand-children.

If you read more wife still need to give allowance to mum and is working 2 jobs. If mum got dead monies why still want to take allowance? Is it she scared dead son wife go outside find another man so try to limit her finance ?

 

[Bam25th]

Ok point form. If still cannot then ok

1. Hubby die. Hubby family ask hubby wife faster go find another man to help feed their grandson and granddaughter
2. Wife find that stupid guy to take over the feeding. That stupid guy is someone very close to me got blood relation kind
3. Wife marry stupid guy bringing along that deceased hubby son and daughter come Spore live
4. The Msian son study Spore using foreigner rate as dun wanna do NS
5. Msian son now graduate try look for job in Spore hard to find but no worry as got that stupid guy feed

Hmmm I find your story very easy to understand, and the logic and sequence of events very easy to follow.

So weird that there are ppl who can’t understand.

Anyway, why your sibling (I presume) so kumgong? If it’s me, I will cut off the 2 kids from the wife’s previous marriage lor. Or at least, not provide them with much support.

At least the wife is smart, Malaysian and yet managed to find new SG husband despite having 2 kids. Must be pretty…. Haha

 

[henrylbh]

Without knowing the background, I view the husband as not a man. Married with 3 kids still nominated mother as beneficiary of his CPF and insurance and let wife to care for him with cancer and then to fan for herself and the 3 kids when he is gone. If I were the wife, the marriage was a sad affair with a husband like no husband. Surely, the kids will not respect the father's decision when seeing their mum taking two jobs to keep the children and no life of her own. With cancer, the husband still had time to make plan to care for his wife and children as well as his mother, if the latter still depends on him financially.

 

[Bam25th]

Without knowing the background, I view the husband as not a man. Married with 3 kids still nominated mother as beneficiary of his CPF and insurance and let wife to care for him with cancer and then to fan for herself and the 3 kids when he is gone. If I were the wife, the marriage was a sad affair with a husband like no husband. Surely, the kids will not respect the father's decision when seeing their mum taking two jobs to keep the children and no life of her own. With cancer, the husband still had time to make plan to care for his wife and children as well as his mother, if the latter still depends on him financially.

Actually it depends.

For example, I will worry a lot to leave my inheritance to my wife. She’s not very independent and know nothing about financial stuff. Don’t even know how to pay bills etc.

If leave her with money, scare she kena scammed or wasteful. Worse is she don’t work and spend money carelessly. After few years, maybe before the kids grow up and start working, the money would be gone.

So, if parents still young and healthy, and financially prudent/savvy, I may consider leaving my inheritance to them with explicit instructions for the money to be used on the kids.

But of course, having to work 2 jobs is too extreme. So, need more details before I can come to a better conclusion. But, based on what I said previously, and with the presumptions I made regarding the wife, I can sort of understand why he left the inheritance with his mum. And it has nothing to do with being a mummy’s boy, but a lack of confidence with the wife’s ability to be independent and handle money.

 

[henrylbh]

Hmmm I find your story very easy to understand, and the logic and sequence of events very easy to follow.

So weird that there are ppl who can’t understand.

Anyway, why your sibling (I presume) so kumgong? If it’s me, I will cut off the 2 kids from the wife’s previous marriage lor. Or at least, not provide them with much support.

At least the wife is smart, Malaysian and yet managed to find new SG husband despite having 2 kids. Must be pretty…. Haha

Why kumgong? If a person is prepared to love and marry a woman with dependants, he must be willing to care for the children of the wife from the previous marriage. If not the man is not a man and the woman must be kumkong to fall in love and marry such man.

 

[Bam25th]

Why kumgong? If a person is prepared to love and marry a woman with dependants, he must be willing to care for the children of the wife from the previous marriage. If not the man is not a man and the woman must be kumkong to fall in love and marry such man.

Difference in values between me and you bah.

I, for one, wouldn’t continue paying for an adult son of my wife’s previous marriage. Not that I’m in that situation.

No right no wrong, just that I feel it’s kumgong. But that’s me and my values

 

[henrylbh]

Actually it depends.

For example, I will worry a lot to leave my inheritance to my wife. She’s not very independent and know nothing about financial stuff. Don’t even know how to pay bills etc.

If leave her with money, scare she kena scammed or wasteful. Worse is she don’t work and spend money carelessly. After few years, maybe before the kids grow up and start working, the money would be gone.

So, if parents still young and healthy, and financially prudent/savvy, I may consider leaving my inheritance to them with explicit instructions for the money to be used on the kids.

But of course, having to work 2 jobs is too extreme. So, need more details before I can come to a better conclusion. But, based on what I said previously, and with the presumptions I made regarding the wife, I can sort of understand why he left the inheritance with his mum. And it has nothing to do with being a mummy’s boy, but a lack of confidence with the wife’s ability to be independent and handle money.

The mother may not also be financially prudent/savvy and if she dies, her estate, without will, will go to all her own children. Unlikely the mother will make a will to return the CPF/insurance to the DIL and her grandchildren. The man had time to make plan while he was living with cancer. One way is to make a trust to control the distribution of assets over a period of time. He could even include children in his CPF/insurance nomination instead of solely to the mother.

 

[Bam25th]

The mother may not also be financially prudent/savvy and if she dies, her estate, without will, will go to all her own children. Unlikely the mother will make a will to return the CPF/insurance to the DIL and her grandchildren. The man had time to make plan while he was living with cancer. One way is to make a trust to control the distribution of assets over a period of time. He could even include children in his CPF/insurance nomination instead of solely to the mother.

As I’ve said, it depends on the amount of inheritance.
If it is $200k, then giving to the mother makes sense.

If give $200k to the wife, and the wife quit job to take care of 3 kids, then very soon, $200k is gone and the wife will have a hard time finding new job.

If give $200k to mum, mum can help take care of 3 kids. Every day cook and use the money buy groceries.

Wife only needs to work to earn money for utilities etc.

Again, without details, it’s hard to understand why the wife even need to work 2 jobs. Unless the mum only cooks and don’t pay for groceries.

If not, raising kids aren’t that expensive since the main bulk goes into food.

 

[henrylbh]

Difference in values between me and you bah.

I, for one, wouldn’t continue paying for an adult son of my wife’s previous marriage. Not that I’m in that situation.

No right no wrong, just that I feel it’s kumgong. But that’s me and my values

Then the woman must be kumgong to marry you, if her chidlren are still schooling and dependants. If children are adults and working, they should be happy if the mother want still want another companion for her own happiness and old age.

 

[Bam25th]

Then the woman must be kumgong to marry you, if her chidlren are still schooling and dependants. If children are adults and working, they should be happy if the mother want still want another companion for her own happiness and old age.

I’m talking specifically about his example and how the new husband still provides for the adult son.

Of course if kids are still young, then should help provide to lessen the load of the wife.

But of course, difference in values between me and you. Also, I naively believe in love between couples, and not in wife marrying for the sake of having someone to take care of previous husband’s kids.

 

[henrylbh]

As I’ve said, it depends on the amount of inheritance.
If it is $200k, then giving to the mother makes sense.

If give $200k to the wife, and the wife quit job to take care of 3 kids, then very soon, $200k is gone and the wife will have a hard time finding new job.

If give $200k to mum, mum can help take care of 3 kids. Every day cook and use the money buy groceries.

Wife only needs to work to earn money for utilities etc.

Again, without details, it’s hard to understand why the wife even need to work 2 jobs. Unless the mum only cooks and don’t pay for groceries.

If not, raising kids aren’t that expensive since the main bulk goes into food.

The way you say, all should go to the wife. If all gone in no time, then she takes on a job or two like what she is doing now.

 

[Bam25th]

The way you say, all should go to the wife. If all gone in no time, then she takes on a job or two like what she is doing now.

It’s much harder to quit job to take care of kids, and then when money gone, to find job.

And by then, no money already, who is going to pay for the groceries? Now, the mother can still pay for groceries with the inheritance.

Essentially, the mother is taking over the role of the dead husband in providing food for the kids.

 

[henrylbh]

I’m talking specifically about his example and how the new husband still provides for the adult son.

Of course if kids are still young, then should help provide to lessen the load of the wife.

But of course, difference in values between me and you. Also, I naively believe in love between couples, and not in wife marrying for the sake of having someone to take care of previous husband’s kids.

Must be kumgong to marry a woman whose idea is get someone to look after her kids without true love. If there is true love between the couple, the man must treat the children as his own or both must be kumgong.

 

[henrylbh]

It’s much harder to quit job to take care of kids, and then when money gone, to find job.

And by then, no money already, who is going to pay for the groceries? Now, the mother can still pay for groceries with the inheritance.

Essentially, the mother is taking over the role of the dead husband in providing food for the kids.

She must be dumb to quit her job, if she is working regardless of inheritance, unless the amount is enough to last till the kids are independent.

 

[Bam25th]

Must be kumgong to marry a woman whose idea is get someone to look after her kids without true love.

It’s always very complicated to be in love with a woman with kids from past marriage, be it dead or divorced.

The expectations of the hubby towards the kids must be aligned.

Some women are ok with the new hubby not providing for the kids cause they are independent enough to provide for the kids themselves, and just want the new hubby’s love for themselves.

Some women want to marry precisely to find men to provide and care for their kids.

As a naive person who believe in true love, I respect the first type and steer clear of the second type. Cause for the second type, I’m sceptical that the lady marry cause of love for the guy, or marry because of love for the kids. If it’s marry for love for the kids, then how can you grow old with her? Decades later, when the kids grow up and move out, the only 2 ppl left are the old couple, who did not really marry out of love for each other…..

 

[Bam25th]

She must be dumb to quit her job, if she is working regardless of inheritance, unless the amount is enough to last till the kids are independent.

Haha i really think my wife will quit her job and take care of our kids if I’m gone, despite only having $200k inheritance from my cpf…..

In fact, after reading about this, I’m half incline to change my nominations to my mum too…..

Then my mum can use the money and be the food provider to my kids.
And my wife can continue her current work to earn money to pay for utilities and other stuff.

But then again, I just remembered I got ~$1m in term insurance. So, with that, maybe my wife can really quit her job and just care for the kids.