I dislike this young man that my daughter seems to fancy (at last night's Xmas party)

[mickey88]

Think if ur daughter die die wan with him..u also LLST

 

[jeffrey745]

Don't be too protective of her, let her enjoy the process be it good or bad.. it's in your life when you will fall in love, with who.. however caution her over unnecessary moves from guys

Agreed, let her experience life, live the life that she wants... Life is what one makes it to be... Any mistakes let her learn and pick up from there...

 

[Smarty22]

From what you described your daughter’s suitor -there seems to be incompatibility in terms of his education level and social status. But if the guy has good upbringing, thoughtful, compassionate, filial and kind-hearted and driven, his good character can more than make up for the above.
But if he is a glib talker, pretentious show-off and a shallow person I would be wary of him.

 

[spinning_quirK]

Don't be too protective of her, let her enjoy the process be it good or bad..

Yes life also includes trauma counselling, spiritual deliverance, long periods of recovery and "lost years" due to foolish major decisions. Then in the end find true religion and live happily ever after.

 

[mummynew]

TS, since you seem 'quite rich', you may explore with engaging a psychologist to know more about your inner self, as in why you are feeling 'exasperated' over this 'not-so-big' issue. It will benefit you for life if you can find the 'inner reasons' via the psychologist (coz most time the issue lies more with Self than Others).

 

[aarontansp]

Before we go off to JP for Xmas and Oshogatsu, my daughter held a mini party at home last evening.

There was this young guy that my daughter seemed happy to chat, joke. I had observed she was always smiling at his humour.

I found out a few things:

1) He rented a car and volunteered to "ferry" a couple of friends to our place. Granted we are in a not so accessible area, he could have shared a Grab ride. I think he is showing off.

2) He darted around our place as if familiar with the setting. It is his first visit. He settled himself, without consideration of himself being merely a visitor, a guest. Acted as if he is the host. No big no small. I have no clue for how long he has met my daughter.

3) At 4 years older than my daughter (21), he completed his NS, Poly, and did a few businesses, as he claimed (or odd jobs as I sensed). I was not a good student, but his 18 points for O level amazed me. He told me he is a startup entrepreneur/marketing consultant. He talks a lot of topics, but shallow in discourse.

4) The family and social gaps are too wide. I grew up in a rental flat. My parents worked hard, upgraded themselves, progressed through the years. My parents were frugal, no gambling, drinking, smoking. This young man has stayed in the same housing estate, same flat since young. I wondered why the lack of upward social and financial mobility. Was there any attempts at hard work, goal-getting, or enjoyed life in the moment? Does he not have a mentor? Role model?

5) He is a damn good, sweet talker. The type that will give way to my daughter momentarily, make her happy, cheerful. Couldn't he employ his EQ for making $$$$, instead of in social conversation?

My hunch tells me this guy is not gonna to achieve much, and there will be no good outcome for my daughter. There is no compatibility. A 3rd rated poly and odd jober versus an Oxford alumnus.

I'm writing this to let out air and to see if any experienced fathers have good advice.

My wife and I will chat with her in JP. I will not leave her alone, with this chap.

I have read too many Edmwer posts and also heard from classmates about non-working husbands, lying flat at home, leeching on the wife. Such a menace, pest.

Uncle you should be grateful I fancy yr dotter..

 

[fire]

Are you talking about Jo Teo?

That's a fore-runner

 

[JohannSu1864]

My son since young was not a 'normal' child - very active and adventurous.

Throughout his growing up years, I had this impulse to stop him from engaging in 'dangerous' acts but almost always I managed to calm myself down with more logical analysis of his needs (vs mine).

He started backpacking around Asia since about 17 yo, making many friends whealong the way. He loves 'dangerous' type of extreme sports. Here holds many 'certs' in all these sports/activities. Nature appeals to him.

He changed me a lot to be a better (calmer) person in a way not to be 'worry sick / naggy' coz of the minute x% probability of 'disasters' that were 'imaginary' in my mind. I am very appreciative/thankful of him in that sense.


*parent-child relationships require a lot of 磨合 and most time, parents need to take the lead when the child is still growing. In a way, the children are actually our 'teachers'.

As a mother, what you can do is wish them the best, send them lots of blessings no matter where they are.

 

[orpisia]

Your daughter go Oxford ah

 

[Lance321]

Looking down on him and assuming the worst based on your own small box of biases on home, type of work, and you don't seem all that well off either. From what you post, she is at least happy being around him. That's all that matters. If not happy, ask her to get a Caucasian husband. In all seriousness, let her make the decision on who she wants to be with. She is all grown up and should take responsibility for her own actions even if you think she might not be in a good relationship. If their relationship fails, she will learn from it and make better decisions in the future. She is still young and have room to improve.

 

[Mystyque]

5) He is a damn good, sweet talker. The type that will give way to my daughter momentarily, make her happy, cheerful. Couldn't he employ his EQ for making $$$$, instead of in social conversation?

What makes you think he's not in the process of using his EQ to make $$$?

 

[Calis_Yoda]

My son since young was not a 'normal' child - very active and adventurous.

Throughout his growing up years, I had this impulse to stop him from engaging in 'dangerous' acts but almost always I managed to calm myself down with more logical analysis of his needs (vs mine).

He started backpacking around Asia since about 17 yo, making many friends along the way. He loves 'dangerous' type of extreme sports. He holds many 'certs' in all these sports/activities. Nature appeals to him.

He changed me a lot to be a better (calmer) person in a way not to be 'worry sick / naggy' coz of the minute x% probability of 'disasters' that were 'imaginary' in my mind. I am very appreciative/thankful of him in that sense.


*parent-child relationships require a lot of 磨合 and most time, parents need to take the lead when the child is still growing. In a way, the children are actually our 'teachers'.

You're a great mum!

As you've shared in your video, you have given him space to explore, fail, discover, learn and develop his own individual unique identity.

A toddler can never achieve growth to a stage where he can run on his own from lying on his back without putting in effort, failing, having the persistence and resilience. Parents will know it takes lots of falling when their toddlers start learning to walk.



Parents have to learn to let go and shift to the role of a facilitator, mentor, guide rather than a 1-way teacher or instructor who says "Do what I tell you to. No questions to be asked!"

 

[BleuBunni]

Most girls will only accept guys they deem at least the same league or level as them. It’s their instinct.
If this chap is way below your daughter I doubt she will fancy him for a relationship.

 

[trd_charlie]

TS, since you seem 'quite rich', you may explore with engaging a psychologist to know more about your inner self, as in why you are feeling 'exasperated' over this 'not-so-big' issue. It will benefit you for life if you can find the 'inner reasons' via the psychologist (coz most time the issue lies more with Self than Others).

People only visit a therapist if they have self-awareness and recognize their behaviors require further insight. Does TS strikes you as a person like that?

 

[Linguist]

Before we go off to JP for Xmas and Oshogatsu, my daughter held a mini party at home last evening.

There was this young guy that my daughter seemed happy to chat, joke. I had observed she was always smiling at his humour.

I found out a few things:

1) He rented a car and volunteered to "ferry" a couple of friends to our place. Granted we are in a not so accessible area, he could have shared a Grab ride. I think he is showing off.

2) He darted around our place as if familiar with the setting. It is his first visit. He settled himself, without consideration of himself being merely a visitor, a guest. Acted as if he is the host. No big no small. I have no clue for how long he has met my daughter.

3) At 4 years older than my daughter (21), he completed his NS, Poly, and did a few businesses, as he claimed (or odd jobs as I sensed). I was not a good student, but his 18 points for O level amazed me. He told me he is a startup entrepreneur/marketing consultant. He talks a lot of topics, but shallow in discourse.

4) The family and social gaps are too wide. I grew up in a rental flat. My parents worked hard, upgraded themselves, progressed through the years. My parents were frugal, no gambling, drinking, smoking. This young man has stayed in the same housing estate, same flat since young. I wondered why the lack of upward social and financial mobility. Was there any attempts at hard work, goal-getting, or enjoyed life in the moment? Does he not have a mentor? Role model?

5) He is a damn good, sweet talker. The type that will give way to my daughter momentarily, make her happy, cheerful. Couldn't he employ his EQ for making $$$$, instead of in social conversation?

My hunch tells me this guy is not gonna to achieve much, and there will be no good outcome for my daughter. There is no compatibility. A 3rd rated poly and odd jober versus an Oxford alumnus.

I'm writing this to let out air and to see if any experienced fathers have good advice.

My wife and I will chat with her in JP. I will not leave her alone, with this chap.

I have read too many Edmwer posts and also heard from classmates about non-working husbands, lying flat at home, leeching on the wife. Such a menace, pest.

Are u Oxford alumnus liao?
Did ur parents take charge of ur life the way u trying to take charge of ur daughter's life?

If she's happy. Why are you stopping her?

 

[Emperor_Hippo]

I let the mum talk to her first. I can't chat with women on non-work stuff comfortably.

If u can't chat with woman on non-work stuff comfortably, ur relationship with ur dotter is no longer the warm and guiding father and mentor but a cold distant parent liao.

 

[TimsTom]

TS be careful. Dont later become like Huang Wen Yong role in this drama

 

[Spike]

Uncle you should be grateful I fancy yr dotter..

I see why Uncle blacklisted you.

 

[Nevereatrice]

It's natural that parents want the best for their children. But your daughter is just starting out to date and finding her way in life. Just hold back. Some years ago when my daughter was dating, she let on that the guy she was seeing had a intellectually disabled sibling. I wanted to say so many things but held back. Even now, I try not to say anything and just wish for her to be happy. Life is short and for girls, potential dating life is also short. Do you want your daughter to still be dating at 35?

Rather cry in conti landed house then cry in low ses pigeon hole, have more to cry in life journey ahead. Girls 21 are peak but naive father has responsibility to guide. Many lusty toads want eat swan meat in sg. Cannot let that happen

 

[ahgua1]

Before we go off to JP for Xmas and Oshogatsu, my daughter held a mini party at home last evening.

There was this young guy that my daughter seemed happy to chat, joke. I had observed she was always smiling at his humour.

I found out a few things:

1) He rented a car and volunteered to "ferry" a couple of friends to our place. Granted we are in a not so accessible area, he could have shared a Grab ride. I think he is showing off.

2) He darted around our place as if familiar with the setting. It is his first visit. He settled himself, without consideration of himself being merely a visitor, a guest. Acted as if he is the host. No big no small. I have no clue for how long he has met my daughter.

3) At 4 years older than my daughter (21), he completed his NS, Poly, and did a few businesses, as he claimed (or odd jobs as I sensed). I was not a good student, but his 18 points for O level amazed me. He told me he is a startup entrepreneur/marketing consultant. He talks a lot of topics, but shallow in discourse.

4) The family and social gaps are too wide. I grew up in a rental flat. My parents worked hard, upgraded themselves, progressed through the years. My parents were frugal, no gambling, drinking, smoking. This young man has stayed in the same housing estate, same flat since young. I wondered why the lack of upward social and financial mobility. Was there any attempts at hard work, goal-getting, or enjoyed life in the moment? Does he not have a mentor? Role model?

5) He is a damn good, sweet talker. The type that will give way to my daughter momentarily, make her happy, cheerful. Couldn't he employ his EQ for making $$$$, instead of in social conversation?

My hunch tells me this guy is not gonna to achieve much, and there will be no good outcome for my daughter. There is no compatibility. A 3rd rated poly and odd jober versus an Oxford alumnus.

I'm writing this to let out air and to see if any experienced fathers have good advice.

My wife and I will chat with her in JP. I will not leave her alone, with this chap.

I have read too many Edmwer posts and also heard from classmates about non-working husbands, lying flat at home, leeching on the wife. Such a menace, pest.

Aiya. What to do. Accept it or go sleep