Serious Relationship issue

[fortunecat]

I have been married to my wife for six years, and we have kids. Recently, we had a quarrel, and she suggested a separation. Her stance on this seems very firm. According to her, the argument stemmed from what she sees as me being overly controlling—for example, not allowing her to go out with friends to pubs late at night. She finds my behaviour unreasonable and controlling.

This isn’t the first time we’ve had a quarrel, and usually, we manage to resolve our differences by the next day. However, this time, she has been ignoring me for about two weeks and has been sleeping in another room. She also goes out until late at night, saying she has work. All of this started after she joined a new company.

I do not wish to divorce her, as I still love her. However, I don’t know how to resolve the issue now. Should I try to convince her to come back to me, or should I give her the space to live the lifestyle she wants?

Probably she never got over it each time you all quarreled, you just thought she did. All the accumulation finally erupted this time

 

[Lifetime warranty]

When a women do that.. it best to let go..

 

[menthol28]

how can I dont overthink?

I think you should take some time off to calm down, it will be good for you and your wife. You need to really think and look further and ask yourself some questions.
1. if she has an affair or if she has change of heart, will you be able to forgive her?
2. if no affair and the concern is really you controlling her too much, are you willing to change?
3. Are you able to accept with any of the 2 scenarios above and try to salvage your marriage?
4. Letting her and yourself have some breathing space, dun be too impatient and keep asking for an answer might be good for you and her.
5. Dun use the children to 道德绑架 her into staying in the marriage, it's a turn off for women.

 

[benzene]

TS based on your reply on you are devasted and how can i dont overthink.
I think you are losing it.
You have to try very hard to give her the time and space.
You cannot keep thinking i need to do this i need to do that.

Right now you should not do anything even if you want to.

 

[SpicyBird]

Probably she never got over it each time you all quarreled, you just thought she did. All the accumulation finally erupted this time

Actually woman abit funny, they had this unrealistic number in their mind. Each time when you did something wrong or not up to their expectation, this number decreases and when it reaches 0, you're done. She give up and call it quit. The funny thing is when u did something good or treat her well, this number doesn't increment. So eventually it will reach 0 what, it's just a matter of time. How ironic.

 

[fortunecat]

Actually woman abit funny, they had this unrealistic number in their mind. Each time when you did something wrong or not up to their expectation, this number decreases and when it reaches 0, you're done. She give up and call it quit. The funny thing is when u did something good or treat her well, this number doesn't increment. So eventually it will reach 0 what, it's just a matter of time. How ironic.

You're just doing it wrong. One handbag can help you increase one point

 

[TiedInsurer]

is everytime u dont pay u go in squat... it's an court order... not 1 time thingy...

After a couple times of squatting, the woman's lawyer will recommend her to file for a garnishment of wages with the guy's employer. Unless the guy actually flees the country, or outright go jobless, he will not be able to avoid paying.

 

[harky]

I think you should take some time off to calm down, it will be good for you and your wife. You need to really think and look further and ask yourself some questions.
1. if she has an affair or if she has change of heart, will you be able to forgive her?
2. if no affair and the concern is really you controlling her too much, are you willing to change?
3. Are you able to accept with any of the 2 scenarios above and try to salvage your marriage?
4. Letting her and yourself have some breathing space, dun be too impatient and keep asking for an answer might be good for you and her.
5. Dun use the children to 道德绑架 her into staying in the marriage, it's a turn off for women.

Children not follow mom meh ?

 

[Goodshot]

Sounds like she has a new suitor

 

[harky]

Cos you are scared of losing and want to hold on tightly.
When you let go and dun give a damn any more, then you will be king.
There is nothing much you can do now.

He love her more than she love you

 

[menthol28]

Children not follow mom meh ?

Under WC children is follow mother but they also have the right to give up custody and responsibility to the husband.
Anyway what I meant is dun use the children to 道德绑架 force the wife in staying in the marriage

 

[Medicated Oil]

He love her more than she love you

Time to give his love to a cat or a dog.
He will not regret it.
Love goes in both directions.
When it is going one way, then it will become control.

 

[wongminmin]

this kind of thing still need to think meh.

even she having affair, also none of ur business.
dun love mean dun love liao..... why need to force to be tgt.
a simple "性格不合" , just end the marriage


my frd ex-husband is like that.... overcontrol then use violence.....
she didn't cheat outside.... but her ex-husband always think she is cheating outside.
this kind of guy is the worst.


u see people ask chiu why u dun allow her go pubs, also dun dare to answer.
Marriage already broken when u dun trust ur the other half.

btw dun use kids to 道德绑架.

 

[jerichoo]

how old r u guys?

 

[harky]

When women wants to call it quits it's usually a buildup of frustrations over a period of time. And likely you being "unreasonable and controlling" is only part of the equation. There should be other contributing factors as well. As these statements are only from your account, it's hard to get the full picture w/o hearing both sides of the story.

Since the dumping (sorry for the lack of a better word) is fresh, you are thinking emotionally right now. You should take some time alone and think really hard if this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, before you think of asking her back. If the source of what's causing the two of you issues is not resolved, it will always come back to the same catalyst in the future.

Whatever your decision, don't beg, don't try to convince. Women aren't logical creatures. They are ruled by emotions. Speak openly of your intentions, give her some time to process, and respect her decision. You may have lost her affection, but don't lose her respect as well.

Hai.. This explaining all same same that found online..

 

[zzzzzzz]

I have been married to my wife for six years, and we have kids. Recently, we had a quarrel, and she suggested a separation. Her stance on this seems very firm. According to her, the argument stemmed from what she sees as me being overly controlling—for example, not allowing her to go out with friends to pubs late at night. She finds my behaviour unreasonable and controlling.

This isn’t the first time we’ve had a quarrel, and usually, we manage to resolve our differences by the next day. However, this time, she has been ignoring me for about two weeks and has been sleeping in another room. She also goes out until late at night, saying she has work. All of this started after she joined a new company.

I do not wish to divorce her, as I still love her. However, I don’t know how to resolve the issue now. Should I try to convince her to come back to me, or should I give her the space to live the lifestyle she wants?

why marry a girl who loves to party in the first place when you are not the party guy type?

 

[zzzzzzz]

Impermanence is not a bug but a feature of life. Relationships starts, relationship ends, be it by separation, or by death via old age. In one way or another, all relationships will end some day.


https://suttacentral.net/sn22.45/en...e&notes=asterisk&highlight=false&script=latin

At Sāvatthī.

“Mendicants, form is impermanent. What’s impermanent is suffering. What’s suffering is not-self. And what’s not-self should be truly seen with right understanding like this: ‘This is not mine, I am not this, this is not my self.’ Seeing truly with right understanding like this, the mind becomes dispassionate and freed from defilements by not grasping.

Feeling is impermanent …

Perception …

Choices …

Consciousness is impermanent. What’s impermanent is suffering. What’s suffering is not-self. And what’s not-self should be truly seen with right understanding like this: ‘This is not mine, I am not this, this is not my self.’ Seeing truly with right understanding like this, the mind becomes dispassionate and freed from defilements by not grasping.

If a mendicant’s mind is dispassionate towards the form element, the feeling element, the perception element, the choices element, and the consciousness element, it’s freed from defilements by not grasping.

Being free, it’s stable. Being stable, it’s content. Being content, they’re not anxious. Not being anxious, they personally become extinguished.

They understand: ‘Rebirth is ended, the spiritual journey has been completed, what had to be done has been done, there is nothing further for this place.’”

 

[harky]

Be honest, how controlling are you all these years? Are you a control freak? Can you list some other examples when you disallow her to do this and that?

Dont think it is just one time event when you forbid her to go out at night then she suggests separation.

And also, during all these years, how often you 2 quarrel? Need more info on how you 2 interact and live together. Many couples before marriage break up because one party (man and woman also have) ish overly controlling. I also kena before overly controlling ex gf.

Haha.. I like ppl control me la.
Tell me what to do for her better..
Like that no need to think...

 

[SpicyBird]

You're just doing it wrong. One handbag can help you increase one point

Handbag also no increase point bro. She thinks that u treat her good and buy for her is her entitlement.

 

[cosmothecat]

Serious answer, I repeat, serious answer:

Single is the best.