Serious Relationship issue

[mickey88]

funny how bbfas who never held a girl's hand can give bgr advices till so many pages

Jack of all trades but master of none

 

[mickey88]

If you still love her, then you have to eat the humble pie. Give her some space and time for herself. Don’t overlook the fact that she also needs to have her own life, her bunch of kakis and her own chill time for TLC. If after you gave her what she wants and still ask for separation, then you also need to respect her decision. Be a gentleman and let her go. If both can separate amicably, there is still chance to remain as friends or even keep in touch for the interest of your children. If can’t and as a result become die hard enemies, your children will receive double the heartache of a family breakup.

Wat d pt of keeping her when her heart no longer w u.. I also agreed w my chai stinkie bu after 10 yr together

 

[NeonX]

congrats on your new beret. How sure are you the kids are yours?

 

[NeonX]

best is marrying a buibui charsiew face wife! you can sleep soundly like a baby every night...
cos no man will ever target or dream to taste her @ the office/clubbing.. sad truth..

horny man will target anything.

 

[Taloona]

Yeah sometimes women can be downright heartless, and they aren't even aware of it. I got a colleague. New mum. Kid 4 years old. She and her husband both from M'sia. She came and complain to me that her husband went back to M'sia to nurse his sister who was in the final stages and dying from cancer at home. She's been calling and badgering the husband to come back to Singapore every single day to help her take care of their baby, and told him things like "Your sister have other people to nurse her, why must be you?! You can go back to M'sia to attend her funeral when she dies. Come back now, i cannot tahan the baby liao!"

The husband no care her. In the end the sister died in two weeks, and he came back only after all the funeral rites etc was settled.

If this was my wife, i would be handing her divorce papers the moment i came home. But somehow this woman was complaining to me, expecting me to take her side as if she wasn't being an absolutely callous a**hole.

Also have the same experience. I am a woman. My sister in law, A, only cares about her own family. Her family can visit her but not her husband's family.

Another sister in law, B, can criticise her own sister in law (her brother's wife) for not treating their mother well (that is, B mother) when she, B, had never lived with her own mother-in-law.

Women can be very selfish at times. But of course there are exceptions.

 

[Jeremy1]

If she doesn't like kids then why in the first place have them ?

Divorce with kids is not the right thing to do but if there's no love between them, I think divorce is the right thing to do.

 

[Taloona]

I have been married to my wife for six years, and we have kids. Recently, we had a quarrel, and she suggested a separation. Her stance on this seems very firm. According to her, the argument stemmed from what she sees as me being overly controlling—for example, not allowing her to go out with friends to pubs late at night. She finds my behaviour unreasonable and controlling.

This isn’t the first time we’ve had a quarrel, and usually, we manage to resolve our differences by the next day. However, this time, she has been ignoring me for about two weeks and has been sleeping in another room. She also goes out until late at night, saying she has work. All of this started after she joined a new company.

I do not wish to divorce her, as I still love her. However, I don’t know how to resolve the issue now. Should I try to convince her to come back to me, or should I give her the space to live the lifestyle she wants?

1) Choose a time, away from the kids, to have a good talk. What is your reason for not wanting her to go to pubs? What is her reason for rejecting your reasons?
2) See a marriage counsellor if #1 fails.

Communication is one of the many factors for a marriage breakdown. If there is a 3rd party involved, there is usually an unmet need and this is not communicated to the other spouse.

Marriage is hard work. I have been married for more than 30 years.

 

[fandango]

Where is TS?

 

[Encouragesome1]

Yeah sometimes women can be downright heartless, and they aren't even aware of it. I got a colleague. New mum. Kid 4 years old. She and her husband both from M'sia. She came and complain to me that her husband went back to M'sia to nurse his sister who was in the final stages and dying from cancer at home. She's been calling and badgering the husband to come back to Singapore every single day to help her take care of their baby, and told him things like "Your sister have other people to nurse her, why must be you?! You can go back to M'sia to attend her funeral when she dies. Come back now, i cannot tahan the baby liao!"

The husband no care her. In the end the sister died in two weeks, and he came back only after all the funeral rites etc was settled.

If this was my wife, i would be handing her divorce papers the moment i came home. But somehow this woman was complaining to me, expecting me to take her side as if she wasn't being an absolutely callous a**hole.

While I feel she v heartless , I must chip in to say , some of the brotherly sisterly relationships aren’t strong here versus people from olden days.

For my pa if someone scold his brother or sister or mk their interests punctured, he will do 101% to mk sure he help the sibling get back their deserving share , whether is it school bully , parents punishment or teacher wrong judgement or fighting with neighbours or rules n regulations enforcement with authorities/dept.

For other ppl eg to us, we think why u mk such big fuss when A or B refused to say help your brother etc. if my bro I try to go with him n help , ultimately it’s his thg he has to be responsible, not I get agitated or I take over ownership.

For him as a post war kid / kampung human he thinks it 101% as if his sibling daiji is his own. But when come to my mom’s sibling need some help eg aunt needs go hospital she need my mom to go her house for 2-5 days tumpang two son with my mom , my Pa thinks this is 100% against rules bkyi. Cos she married to him she is like water splashed fr her original family. If I project this to my parents relationship they break long time ago lor. He hv double standards for everything.

 

[harky]

so the fact that she invested on the person she love instead of on herself, is that magnanimity or stupidity?

i feel that it's like she showed hand. which, in a way, can be a good thing, but that will only work if she met someone who also showed hand. this way, she won't feel the "lack", and as a result, she wouldn't be demanding anything.

all in all, i feel that all these can be attributed to the match or mismatch in the intensity of love each person give out.

some people gave their all, and when they can't feel the same from the opposite partner, such cranky-ness surface.

while most people don't give their all, hence, they don't need their partner to fulfil their needs. so whatever the partner does, they are okay with it.

i think is not give it all..

everyone show love not same.. but if that person expect the same i think nt easy to find la

 

[Carnage]

If you suspect infidelity, you should gather evidence first.

 

[SumatranRatMonkey]

Is your wife the smart, sharp, blur or easily stress? Throw tantrums? .

For a start, If you want her, work on your control, cut it back drastically to win her favour back. Be around her and listen if her friends, colleagues or parents are bad mouthing you. They play a big role too.

Without any information or intelligence, any strategy could be wrong. Could try something familiar to both of you like how you dated her.

 

[Icychemist]

if u lost yrself & invested so much that u sexpect the same kind of reciprocity, u hv already lost. in fact doing this makes u become 被动 which is like a passive passenger, rather than in control. this actually makes u become the lower/more powerless one already. then slowly, thats when the disrespect, hot & cold will come to play coz after some testing, the other person know that no matter how badly he treats her, she will nv leave. i wish dont hv to use this kind of power dynamic to describe a relationship but this is unfortunately a sad truth. the person who needs less ALWAYS wins. ur very right abt the "show hand" part, its called 暴露需求感 and u shd never ever do this.

i think its safe to say that not many men will be emotional & "crazy" like women. they're more logical & will hardly give up their career, money, bros, gaming, leisure, fitness or whatever for a woman, whereas a woman will be more likely to do that. so the part abt where u said if that person also show hand then it will be ok. but how many men will actually show hand like the woman? not many.

i think ultimately the most impt thing is always to ask yrself what is it that person needs. ppl shd stop loving others their own way, esp when its not something that person needs.

i'm actually a guy, and im actually like what you said.
but unfortunately, i also realised that girls don't like such guys. lol. they like manly guy.

but anyway, agree with you on the last paragraph as well.
therefore, a relationship will only work when it's a team, with good team mates. team mates that take care of each other, and not solo barbie. team mates that are good collaborator, know its own part and play its own part. then come together and celebrate success together. don't halfway through go find another team mate.

 

[SpicyBird]

if u lost yrself & invested so much that u sexpect the same kind of reciprocity, u hv already lost. in fact doing this makes u become 被动 which is like a passive passenger, rather than in control. this actually makes u become the lower/more powerless one already. then slowly, thats when the disrespect, hot & cold will come to play coz after some testing, the other person know that no matter how badly he treats her, she will nv leave. i wish dont hv to use this kind of power dynamic to describe a relationship but this is unfortunately a sad truth. the person who needs less ALWAYS wins. ur very right abt the "show hand" part, its called 暴露需求感 and u shd never ever do this.

i think its safe to say that not many men will be emotional & "crazy" like women. they're more logical & will hardly give up their career, money, bros, gaming, leisure, fitness or whatever for a woman, whereas a woman will be more likely to do that. so the part abt where u said if that person also show hand then it will be ok. but how many men will actually show hand like the woman? not many.

i think ultimately the most impt thing is always to ask yrself what is it that person needs. ppl shd stop loving others their own way, esp when its not something that person needs.

dont you feel very tiring to maintain such relationship? like u can't even show that you are comfortable and always has to pretend like i can live without you. Should a relationship be like this? I thought a soul partner is one and only one that u can show your weakness to and seek comfort.

 

[Kaylin]

dont you feel very tiring to maintain such relationship? like u can't even show that you are comfortable and always has to pretend like i can live without you. Should a relationship be like this? I thought a soul partner is one and only one that u can show your weakness to and seek comfort.

when you're 100% focused on yrself u wont feel that way. u know why women like bad boys? coz they're not 100% focused on the woman. he can say very nice things & do the opposite. does he feel tiring?

 

[Kaylin]

i'm actually a guy, and im actually like what you said.
but unfortunately, i also realised that girls don't like such guys. lol. they like manly guy.

but anyway, agree with you on the last paragraph as well.
therefore, a relationship will only work when it's a team, with good team mates. team mates that take care of each other, and not solo barbie. team mates that are good collaborator, know its own part and play its own part. then come together and celebrate success together. don't halfway through go find another team mate.

yes and team mates are logical. they bring to the table & help each other grow. returning a text within 5 mins doesnt sound like logical nor growth unless they both are as blind, unaware & give in to fear. but when u do fear based actions, u will nv get gd results

and yes i like what u said abt teammates being collaborators, know its own part & play its own part. this itself is high value. ppl are attracted to high value ppl, thats how the law of attraction works.

 

[SpicyBird]

when you're 100% focused on yrself u wont feel that way. u know why women like bad boys? coz they're not 100% focused on the woman. he can say very nice things & do the opposite. does he feel tiring?

is that a healthy and lasting relationship? if your goal is just to get the girl instead of maintaining then it's okay.

 

[Kaylin]

is that a healthy and lasting relationship? if your goal is just to get the girl instead of maintaining then it's okay.

u need to trace bk to the root where men were hunters & pursuers, plus the knowledge of human nature & psychology. its ingrained into our DNA. we only value what we cannot hv, and things that are given freely u will not treasure. if i buy u a car vs u need to take up 2 part time jobs, scrimp & save in order to buy it, no prizes for guessing which one u will value more. so what high lvl ppl are doing is just going with human nature rather than against. its not playing games. theres no games & manipulation when yr intention is to focus 100% on yrself rather than chase & beg for attention. all my replies were responses to one of the post earlier talking abt the girl's demands & controlling behavior on needing to hv her texts replied within 5 mins.

 

[SpicyBird]

u need to trace bk to the root where men were hunters & pursuers, plus the knowledge of human nature & psychology. its ingrained into our DNA. we only value what we cannot hv, and things that are given freely u will not treasure. if i buy u a car vs u need to take up 2 part time jobs, scrimp & save in order to buy it, no prizes for guessing which one u will value more. so what high lvl ppl are doing is just going with human nature rather than against. its not playing games. theres no games & manipulation when yr intention is to focus 100% on yrself rather than chase & beg for attention. all my replies were responses to one of the post earlier talking abt the girl's demands & controlling behavior on needing to hv her texts replied within 5 mins.

it's kinda the same like being with someone that she dont trust. then what's the point?

 

[Kaylin]

it's kinda the same like being with someone that she dont trust. then what's the point?

pretty sure its her own issue. she doesnt trust herself so she projects this outwards towards others.