Teenagers ….

[canteen0101]

my father used to call us addicts for using the PC a lot in our youth. After he retired in his 50s he himself became hooked onto watching YouTube on his iPad, even brings it into the toilet. He comments on it himself.. how hard it is to control, I dont think it’s a matter of age or maturity

yup same can be said for my mum lol. but havent reached the stage of brings iPad to toilet lah.

 

[vvsian]

How were they like when they were younger?

Personally i try to make sure they can talk to us about anything, enjoy going out with us, in hope that they will not become the typical kind of teenagers.

But I'm not sure how they will turn out also.

My boy was not addicted to gadgets till after 13 or 14. He loved to talk a lot, we would go out and do activities together. But one thing is that since he was very young he didn’t like to confide vulnerabilities so much, he liked to keep things to himself . I’m sure teenagehood is very hard and he’s suppressing a lot of emotions like males tend to do

 

[drkcynic]

My boy was not addicted to gadgets till after 13 or 14. He loved to talk a lot, we would go out and do activities together. But one thing is that since he was very young he didn’t like to confide vulnerabilities so much, he liked to keep things to himself . I’m sure teenagehood is very hard and he’s suppressing a lot of emotions like males tend to do

I think as parents we can only do our best. I make alot of time to try to talk to them, know their friends, know their interests, encourage them to try new things and also to embrace their failures etc.

I think that's the best we as parents can do. However or whatever they turn out in future, I can only say I have tried my best.

So, don't beat yourself over it. Some kids after they mature they will come around.

 

[vvsian]

yup same can be said for my mum lol. but havent reached the stage of brings iPad to toilet lah.

Maybe already happening you just didn’t see

 

[drkcynic]

Maybe already happening you just didn’t see

Old people, I just let them do whatever they want as long as it's not overly stupid. They want to watch tv or gadgets all day, go ahead.

 

[thisisnotme1212]

I’m talking about mine ..probably apply more to boys than girls
Ever since entered puberty, always one word answer, very little appreciation or joy for anything…hardly comes out of room… default mode is disinterest and disrespect.
Years of this can really wear one down. I am beginning to understand why Angmohs like their kids to move out after turning 18.
Does it ever get better?

whatsapp hims insteads?
ors slides hims a dm in ig?

 

[antonpoh]

I’m talking about mine ..probably apply more to boys than girls
Ever since entered puberty, always one word answer, very little appreciation or joy for anything…hardly comes out of room… default mode is disinterest and disrespect.
Years of this can really wear one down. I am beginning to understand why Angmohs like their kids to move out after turning 18.
Does it ever get better?

https://www.facebook.com/reel/701630131942094

 

[Akky85]

wont say super present but loved his childhood and we did lots of things together. He was the opposite of today.. very sunny happy boy always calling me to look at things and do things together… after puberty like different person

Teenagers priority is very different from when they are a child. When they are a child, all they know about their world and constants, is you and u partner.

Growing up, they start to realise the world is bigger and more ppl like teachers and friends fill in the constant spot then you due to school, so develop attachments. Depend on how it happen, teenage romances can be one of the most beautiful event to happen to them to date or it could scar them for life. Part of life's lessons. You won't be there during all the hand holding and smooching also right? So the bf/gf become the constants in their relationship.

You move along and you realise later on, as they mature to young adults, go to Uni go to work, the constant in their lives is always someone else other then you. They see other ppl more then you.

But dun be sad la, be happy they can hold their own in a cruel world and find whatever little happiness out there that still exist.

Eventually when they become parents themselves.... guess what? They will now learn the lessons you are learning right now.

 

[Shalomp]

I’m talking about mine ..probably apply more to boys than girls
Ever since entered puberty, always one word answer, very little appreciation or joy for anything…hardly comes out of room… default mode is disinterest and disrespect.
Years of this can really wear one down. I am beginning to understand why Angmohs like their kids to move out after turning 18.
Does it ever get better?

ts just be thankful your kid didnt turn out to be like this

 

[linzw00]

I think its passing phase provided if you manage this period correctly.

I recall during my sec 1 days, got this super nerdy boy with exactly nerdy hairdo with his dad on the 1st day. Was v polite and impressable chap. Fast forward to 1 yr later, he mixed with the wrong crowd, turned super beng and hair was long centre parting. Every words punctuated with !@#%# and got some beng ranking in sch. So he cont this way all the way till o level. Never really kepr in touch.

But a chance encounter in my late 30s with one of the sec friend and he invited me to his cny gathering. I went and the turned out was all the bengs back in sch days. *shivers* we didnt speak much but was those nod head as acknowledgment. Noticed that chap was there and he switched back to his nerdy hair as his dad. And he spoke more mild manner too. Heard he set up his own coy. Didnt ask what was it and that was the last time i came into contact with any of them.

Personally, i wasnt really close to my folks during my teens, always hang out with my friend, close my room door, etc. Only when i grad and returned back from overseas i noticed how aged they were and automatically closer and conscienously talk to them, etc.

 

[vvsian]

In addition to what all you kind souls have shared, there is also the hormonal angle. How can he not be a different person with all the changes in hormones? So I should give up hope of him becoming more like the boy of the past, just maybe mature into a better nicer person as time goes by. Life anyway is about dealing with loss as we age.

 

[spinning_quirK]

wont say super present but loved his childhood and we did lots of things together. He was the opposite of today.. very sunny happy boy always calling me to look at things and do things together… after puberty like different person

Then maybe try to reach back into your teenage memories to connect with him. Speak his language, not force him to speak yours unless he's crossing moral boundaries.
Chances are that you were worse to your own parents (his grandparents) than he is to you now.

In addition to what all you kind souls have shared, there is also the hormonal angle. How can he not be a different person with all the changes in hormones? So I should give up hope of him becoming more like the boy of the past, just maybe mature into a better nicer person as time goes by. Life anyway is about dealing with loss as we age.

All living things grow and change, how can they not? Help him be the best he can be at whatever stage he finds himself in, not forever try to fit him into his 10 year old persona / "good son" benchmark.

 

[spinning_quirK]

Teenagers are all like that one. At first, I too was not used to it. They suddenly changed. Morphed into someone I dun know.

Then I attended an event. Teenagers camp. About 100 parents. The speaker said when your teenage child answers you with 1 word or gives the look of disgust, it is normal.

All 100 parents nodded their heads. That's when I know my kid is normal too, to do such things.

I'm surprised that none of the parents were emotionally ready for this. Is this the Asian or the generational thing in which parents treat their children as best friends and handy emotional crutches instead of as children and finding healthy social circles alongside one's family nucleus?

 

[moonraiser]

My kids know how not to speak to my wifey because my disgust/ disappointment in their attitude will always be reflected in tangible things like allowances.

Personally as my kids are older I am adopting a more "friend friend" approach as opposed to a disciplinarian role when they were younger. But I will always draw a hard line in the sand for certain issues. They know me well enough to not test me.

I think my approach works pretty well as my kids are rather close to me. I encourage them to share with me, and I never laugh at their vulnerability despite how I feel about them.

I try to understand what they are going through and give them sufficient freedom. For example when my ah girl has boyfriend I encourage her to bring the boy home instead of loitering outside.

My kids also know that if they misplaced my trust and do something stupid enough, I have no problem making their life miserable. I also made it known to them that between my wife and them, I will always choose my wife. So they dont want to be stupid enough to get into such a situation where both my wife n them gets into bad situation

 

[vvsian]

I'm surprised that none of the parents were emotionally ready for this. Is this the Asian or the generational thing in which parents treat their children as best friends and handy emotional crutches instead of as children and finding healthy social circles alongside one's family nucleus?

Intellectually knowing it and actually experiencing it is different la. The bond and love is so strong then when it just changed abruptly, it’s a hard loss to take. I already heard from many older folks that teenagers won’t want mummy anymore but it stills feel painful

 

[spinning_quirK]

Parents should have their own circle of friends too.

Many people throw away their friends to "invest" in family, no time for anything else other than work and raising kids.
Some cultures and sub-cultures, like some Christians in their churches, continue to build friendships among like-minded parents, like say those who want to raise their kids up to be good, or homeschool them. Prepare each other for the eventualities and rude shocks of every life stage in a family. Then emotionally they are not tied to their kids to the point of feeling like a part of them dies when the rebellious phase kicks in.

 

[linzw00]

In addition to what all you kind souls have shared, there is also the hormonal angle. How can he not be a different person with all the changes in hormones? So I should give up hope of him becoming more like the boy of the past, just maybe mature into a better nicer person as time goes by. Life anyway is about dealing with loss as we age.

I think another way of viewing the 'loss' is you might miss the baby child like cuteness, but also you will get to witness new development. When he enters army, 'learn to be man', enter uni or work force, learn to be dependable and responsible, share burden with you or with family. Made informed joint decision, marriage, being parent themselves and grandchildren for you, etc. All these are ideally.

Think the next poss change you see and difficulty in accepting is when he gets a gf. Whole priority and attention really shift. When that happens, i think the workaround is be as welcoming to the gf as much as poss and involve her for family actitivity. This way you get to observe and know her more and you get to hv yr son's company too. Granted that they need their own personal time and space too.

 

[spinning_quirK]

Those who love kids should consider being a childcare helper or teacher. Always surrounded by kids.

 

[TA200]

Teenagers nowadays think old people are irrelevant….

Need to ask them to go out and survive themselves, maybe will come back more appreciative

too comfortable