(100% serious moral question, no jokes and sarcasm pls) - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

[Reborn]

One is never really "cured" of cancer. I have a non visible physical disability

have u been in remission for 5 years?

 

[singed]

It's ok to date.
Please dont think of having offspring n pass that canver gene down.
Just let it end at your generation

 

[PaulLevesque]

Be honest lor.

 

[tExtra]

We are all imperfect. Haf cancer dun make you are lesser a human. Just be upfront with whoever you are dating. If they hiam you, means not fated loh. Just keep trying.

 

[English Teacher]

Should be upfront. Weed out some prospects.

But keep expectations low. Singaporean girls want a perfect guy or they rather be on the shelf

 

[Evcats]

How old are U btw If you don't mind sharing

Getting CPF soon after certain age priorities change

 

[Kaylin]

rather find out early who can accept u for who ur (which is not many unfortunately) than later on then u find out they're just in for the gd times. u need to do the filtering early on, and bypass the fear of being alone. choosing yrself is always always a gd idea

 

[KnyghtRyder]

Hi everyone,this is a question that has been bugging and unsettling me for quite some time now.

I am 27, male, straight and a former recent cancer survivor. is it morally wrong/ " chek arkh" / "hei1 xin1 as a cancer survivor to entertain the thought of dating let alone dating itself?

My perception is that dating is and should be a blissful union of 2 members , to enjoy each others company, or in other words , cliche and Tumblr-like as it may sound , to live, laugh and love together (as one)

However from my POV ; (in the context of online dating) it has been pretty bad. I am average looking at best on a good day.

I do get occasional matches from time to time and have had rare success (read not being ignored ) of sliding into DMs of girls who put their Instagram tag on their tinder.

My principal is that with something like my cancer, I can hide it initially for a while since it's not immediately physically evident ; but sooner or later down the road , especially if things progress to a more serious stage in a relationship, it will reveal itself - hence Ive decided to reveal or talk about it as soon as possible, rather sooner now than later, otherwise I wouldn't be able to live with myself and losing sleep hiding a secret like that.

Owing to that , I've tried different approaches, mentioning it on my bio, telling them when we match and after messaging for a while.

However none of them have had any positive outcomes so far. Each and everyone of them has unmatched or rejected me in some form or another when learning about my condition.

Even the few and far between angmoh girls (almost even went out with 1,but got cancelled on last minute when I mentioned my cancer) whom I thought ,coming from a more open and liberal culture , would be accepting, have done so too.

So back to the main question - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

++PS those of you who are in a relationship , especially in a long term on or even better yet, married, I would be highly thankful and appreciate it if you can show your girlfriends or wifes this post and ask what she thinks

Life doesn't end just because of cancer (I am assuming your currently in remission).. so you should still live life as per normal.

 

[thetortiserunner]

It's ok to date.
Please dont think of having offspring n pass that canver gene down.
Just let it end at your generation

Good thing is I know i definitely do not want kids, I rather spend the time and money on myself

 

[thetortiserunner]

Life doesn't end just because of cancer (I am assuming your currently in remission).. so you should still live life as per normal.

Sometimes I wish I never survived

 

[thetortiserunner]

Getting CPF soon after certain age priorities change

WAHHH unker liao

 

[ZhouXingXing]

nope not wrong, just be honest and be upfront sharing your situation with the person.. lastly, respect the person decision too..

 

[Evcats]

Also don’t need to force/focus on dating… so many singles nowadays due to various reasons. Breakups are also too common these days. Nothing wrong being single in fact is trending as unfortunately more are skeptical in long term relationships.

 

[Otokiru]

relationship is long-term leh...
dont make your problem other ppl problem...
imagine if u relapse, then yr partner need bare the costs, debts and loss in the future...

 

[qhong61]

It’s probably like telling partner your family background, income, etc when crosses certain stage. No need to go around volunteering this info…
Of course unless it has certain obvious physical signs which probably will be asked earlier.

If u plan to marry

 

[thetortiserunner]

relationship is long-term leh...
dont make your problem other ppl problem...
imagine if u relapse, then yr partner need bare the costs, debts and loss in the future...

No joke,I even tell my parents if I relapse I will deny treatment/ sign and jump off the roof and unalive myself

 

[MarkerForProjector]

So back to the main question - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

i think what u did is right.
Be upfront. if she continues with the conversations, good, u found an understanding friend. work towards the next base.

if she unmatch, too bad for her and no loss to u

it is worse if after dating for a while and investing your emotions into the R/S, she finds out about your medical history and calls it off.

 

[identity_1991]

you’re a survivor. so there’s no stigma here. unless you tell me you only have 3 months to live, then I would suggest don’t put the other party through all that.

 

[thetortiserunner]

i think what u did is right.
Be upfront. if she continues with the conversations, good, u found an understanding friend. work towards the next base.

if she unmatch, too bad for her and no loss to u

it is worse if after dating for a while and investing your emotions into the R/S, she finds out about your medical history and calls it off.

Also true

 

[Evcats]

No joke,I even tell my parents if I relapse I will deny treatment/ sign and jump off the roof and unalive myself

I had a heart attack few years back and now on life long medication. But I felt happier than before - when u start to find new meaning and priorities for your life. Nobody can confidently say he will wake up tomorrow