(100% serious moral question, no jokes and sarcasm pls) - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

[thetortiserunner]

no one reveal everything on first date de lah
esp something this personal
when you two go on more date and is pretty comfortable with each other, then open up to her.
she will prolly think wtf is wrong with you telling her that on the first date, must be xiao lang, better siam far far
if she is the one, this wun bother her
if not then too bad, better luck next time
............. or join us, we have cai png

But if I do it later she will accuse me of : if I am hiding something so major like that from her, what else am I hiding? Lose lose situation

 

[Evcats]

Cancer is very common…. Unfortunately

I’m not the generation of finding dates online which probably more shallow/instant. otherwise nothing wrong developing friendship / relationship from existing social circles. I guess most partners want to look forward to some future. So it’s important to be looking forward with plans and not letting sickness be an obstacle unless it has become a phyisca reality.

 

[qhong61]

Hi everyone,this is a question that has been bugging and unsettling me for quite some time now.

I am 27, male, straight and a former recent cancer survivor. is it morally wrong/ " chek arkh" / "hei1 xin1 as a cancer survivor to entertain the thought of dating let alone dating itself?

My perception is that dating is and should be a blissful union of 2 members , to enjoy each others company, or in other words , cliche and Tumblr-like as it may sound , to live, laugh and love together (as one)

However from my POV ; (in the context of online dating) it has been pretty bad. I am average looking at best on a good day.

I do get occasional matches from time to time and have had rare success (read not being ignored ) of sliding into DMs of girls who put their Instagram tag on their tinder.

My principal is that with something like my cancer, I can hide it initially for a while since it's not immediately physically evident ; but sooner or later down the road , especially if things progress to a more serious stage in a relationship, it will reveal itself - hence Ive decided to reveal or talk about it as soon as possible, rather sooner now than later, otherwise I wouldn't be able to live with myself and losing sleep hiding a secret like that.

Owing to that , I've tried different approaches, mentioning it on my bio, telling them when we match and after messaging for a while.

However none of them have had any positive outcomes so far. Each and everyone of them has unmatched or rejected me in some form or another when learning about my condition.

Even the few and far between angmoh girls (almost even went out with 1,but got cancelled on last minute when I mentioned my cancer) whom I thought ,coming from a more open and liberal culture , would be accepting, have done so too.

So back to the main question - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

++PS those of you who are in a relationship , especially in a long term on or even better yet, married, I would be highly thankful and appreciate it if you can show your girlfriends or wifes this post and ask what she thinks

Be honest to you them.

 

[coyote]

One is never really "cured" of cancer. I have a non visible physical disability

What is a non visible physical disability? Don't mind me being more direct since you seemed to be open... Are you fertile and no erectile dysfunction?

 

[forests_gump]

Legally in S'pore, even a HIV (so call low transmitting count) doesn't need to disclose to their partners

But then, I am not so Jek-Ark than some law minister that stays at ridout

 

[thetortiserunner]

you dun need to explicitly say so on the first date
you can casually mention it after a few dates
for the ladies to accept or not is up to them, not something you can control anyway
unless you hide the fact which is not really a good thing to do when both of you are in a serious relationship.
just keep dating
.................... until you see open and join us bbfa ...........

Share your fav caipng place?

 

[Vegitto]

Cancer survivor, meaning you had gone through the treatment and its currently gone?

I think should be ok, I got a friend last time, he battled nose cancer and got it eradicated. Got himself a nice gf(we were in the same interest group) and married later, now they have 2 kids together.


I think if you take good care of yourself and really minimise the chances of having relapse, I think its alright to get into a r/s, but don't hide and just be upfront and honest that you had cancer before.

 

[5adisticD3vil]

But if I do it later she will accuse me of : if I am hiding something so major like that from her, what else am I hiding? Lose lose situation

lol pls, i bet she got more things to hide than you
no one is 100% truthful on the first date or first few dates
everyone lie or hide something bout themselves on their first date or so
nothing wrong with hiding, its self protection anyway

when she accuse you, tell her that you dun know her that well to share something this personal.
but now after the 3-4 dates you been together, you are comfortable to share this with her.
ask her to share with you her cup size
something that major also share with her le, she dun even want to share something minor?
no heart lah

 

[thetortiserunner]

Since you are a cancer survivor, it's not wrong if you don't reveal this upfront at the start. When you become closer to someone you like, you can share more personal matters. For example, when you first meet someone for dating, if they immediately shared very personal information, you might only see them through that lens. I believe personal matters can be shared when you've established a connection and before making the relationship official. Building rapport and feeling comfortable with each other is more important initially

I've been questioned before why I am hiding it like it's some crime

 

[qhong61]

Legally in S'pore, even a HIV (so call low transmitting count) doesn't need to disclose to their partners

But then, I am not so Jek-Ark than some law minister that stays at ridout

Hiv and aids need to declare

 

[XcoVar]

Hope you can find a soulmate one day. Jiayou!

 

[qhong61]

Cancer is very common…. Unfortunately

I’m not the generation of finding dates online which probably more shallow/instant. otherwise nothing wrong developing friendship / relationship from existing social circles. I guess most partners want to look forward to some future. So it’s important to be looking forward with plans and not letting sickness be an obstacle unless it has become a phyisca reality.

But need to be honest

 

[laksa2003]

tell is can tell, but u need to add on how much insurance u got and your assets also
it might become a plus point instead of minus

 

[qhong61]

Any female responses or opinions from girlfriends or wifes so far?

Be honest

 

[khratit]

Wanna go GL anot

1st one on me

 

[Evcats]

But need to be honest

It’s probably like telling partner your family background, income, etc when crosses certain stage. No need to go around volunteering this info…
Of course unless it has certain obvious physical signs which probably will be asked earlier.

 

[BohemianSG]

It's a catch 22, say or don't say also lose
Am into Tri/duathalon recently

You already won, remember?

 

[thetortiserunner]

What is a non visible physical disability? Don't mind me being more direct since you seemed to be open... Are you fertile and no erectile dysfunction?

I can still PCC it's to do with oral

 

[coyote]

I can still PCC it's to do with oral

 

[EXIDBeast]

Say upfront so as to not waste each other's time