(100% serious moral question, no jokes and sarcasm pls) - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

[thetortiserunner]

What is a "former recent cancer survivor"? You are either a recent cancer survivor or a former cancer survivor (i.e. had a relapse *touch wood*)

I do not think it is wrong to be dating.

However, you may want to keep the sharing of the cancer experience to a later date (pun intended). While the journey may have been life-defining, it should not be front and centre in how you see yourself with regards to introducing yourself to possible dates.

Wishing you all the best in everything!

Former, recent cancer survivor. Should have been dead but didn't die. In a few more months it will be 5 years since

 

[PaprikaSG]

TS recovered and healthy right?

Then you should enjoy your life and do what you like to do.

You do not need any approval from anyone.

 

[Dopod007]

Hi everyone,this is a question that has been bugging and unsettling me for quite some time now.

I am 27, male, straight and a former recent cancer survivor. is it morally wrong/ " chek arkh" / "hei1 xin1 as a cancer survivor to entertain the thought of dating let alone dating itself?

My perception is that dating is and should be a blissful union of 2 members , to enjoy each others company, or in other words , cliche and Tumblr-like as it may sound , to live, laugh and love together (as one)

However from my POV ; (in the context of online dating) it has been pretty bad. I am average looking at best on a good day.

I do get occasional matches from time to time and have had rare success (read not being ignored ) of sliding into DMs of girls who put their Instagram tag on their tinder.

My principal is that with something like my cancer, I can hide it initially for a while since it's not immediately physically evident ; but sooner or later down the road , especially if things progress to a more serious stage in a relationship, it will reveal itself - hence Ive decided to reveal or talk about it as soon as possible, rather sooner now than later, otherwise I wouldn't be able to live with myself and losing sleep hiding a secret like that.

Owing to that , I've tried different approaches, mentioning it on my bio, telling them when we match and after messaging for a while.

However none of them have had any positive outcomes so far. Each and everyone of them has unmatched or rejected me in some form or another when learning about my condition.

Even the few and far between angmoh girls (almost even went out with 1,but got cancelled on last minute when I mentioned my cancer) whom I thought ,coming from a more open and liberal culture , would be accepting, have done so too.

So back to the main question - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

++PS those of you who are in a relationship , especially in a long term on or even better yet, married, I would be highly thankful and appreciate it if you can show your girlfriends or wifes this post and ask what she thinks

Find a female cancer survival lor, like that matching, sure work one...

 

[Nevereatrice]

Hi everyone,this is a question that has been bugging and unsettling me for quite some time now.

I am 27, male, straight and a former recent cancer survivor. is it morally wrong/ " chek arkh" / "hei1 xin1 as a cancer survivor to entertain the thought of dating let alone dating itself?

My perception is that dating is and should be a blissful union of 2 members , to enjoy each others company, or in other words , cliche and Tumblr-like as it may sound , to live, laugh and love together (as one)

However from my POV ; (in the context of online dating) it has been pretty bad. I am average looking at best on a good day.

I do get occasional matches from time to time and have had rare success (read not being ignored ) of sliding into DMs of girls who put their Instagram tag on their tinder.

My principal is that with something like my cancer, I can hide it initially for a while since it's not immediately physically evident ; but sooner or later down the road , especially if things progress to a more serious stage in a relationship, it will reveal itself - hence Ive decided to reveal or talk about it as soon as possible, rather sooner now than later, otherwise I wouldn't be able to live with myself and losing sleep hiding a secret like that.

Owing to that , I've tried different approaches, mentioning it on my bio, telling them when we match and after messaging for a while.

However none of them have had any positive outcomes so far. Each and everyone of them has unmatched or rejected me in some form or another when learning about my condition.

Even the few and far between angmoh girls (almost even went out with 1,but got cancelled on last minute when I mentioned my cancer) whom I thought ,coming from a more open and liberal culture , would be accepting, have done so too.

So back to the main question - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

++PS those of you who are in a relationship , especially in a long term on or even better yet, married, I would be highly thankful and appreciate it if you can show your girlfriends or wifes this post and ask what she thinks

no. willing parties why wrong

 

[NextDoorAuntie]

You're a survivor! I tink dat there is nothing wrong with you wanting to date, and it's good that you are upfront about your past condition.

No offence, but when given a choice between someone with no history of cancer and someone with potential chance of recurring cancer (which I believe all cancer survivors have this risk), then most girls will choose the former.

It does not seem to me that online dating / matchmaking is a good way for you to find someone because before they get to know you better, based on your history, they may already determine that they should meet with someone else instead. You might want to join interest groups and meet people through there. At least people will get to interact with you and know you better in spite of knowing your history. Then if there is fate, you may meet someone special.

 

[Spike]

Give people a chance to fall in love with you first before sharing details.

When there are so many candidates available out there, it is natural for people to avoid potentially problematic ones without giving due consideration to other compensating factors.

 

[Laneige]

Wa
But I don’t think is chek ark if u put it up
So if ppl r fine then ok
If not then mybfd
Liked u said or when u asked such qn means u also worried
So might as well find but also notify first

 

[deathan9el]

admire your courage on this even tho' u are fully aware of your condition

first thing first, even if u wanna commit into one, be upfront about it from the start to the person u are meeting

from then on, u see how it goes

* ps
didn't read the whole chunk of this thread, but will the cancer be recurring again or already made a full recovery, if that even make any sense

 

[qhong61]

Give people a chance to fall in love with you first before sharing details.

When there are so many candidates available out there, it is natural for people to avoid potentially problematic ones without giving due consideration to other compensating factors.

Don't do that

 

[eflash]

Kids for sure not, but marriage as an ultimate goal? Yes.

Yes I am 27. Non smoker, very occasional drinker on special occasions only. 0 family history of anything. I am the first one. In fact I am above average for activity for my age. Ive been into cycling and a bit of running almost like it's a second job for almost a decade.

To give you an idea, 15- 20h of cycling per week and at about 1h of running a day is very common for me. Before that an array of sports,from swimming, badminton, basketball etc. it is extremely rare that I am not exercising at any moment of my free time.

Even the senior consultant attending to my case then said that in his 20 years as one,he has encountered less then a dozen of my age,so it is super rare indeed .

Never had a gf before

Hmm why not try to use sports to advertise for yourself... Join sports group, expand the social circle from there... Then can get to know women who share similar interests

 

[dqwong]

hope this video will help anyone here:

 

[yusoffb01]

Hi everyone,this is a question that has been bugging and unsettling me for quite some time now.

I am 27, male, straight and a former recent cancer survivor. is it morally wrong/ " chek arkh" / "hei1 xin1 as a cancer survivor to entertain the thought of dating let alone dating itself?

My perception is that dating is and should be a blissful union of 2 members , to enjoy each others company, or in other words , cliche and Tumblr-like as it may sound , to live, laugh and love together (as one)

However from my POV ; (in the context of online dating) it has been pretty bad. I am average looking at best on a good day.

I do get occasional matches from time to time and have had rare success (read not being ignored ) of sliding into DMs of girls who put their Instagram tag on their tinder.

My principal is that with something like my cancer, I can hide it initially for a while since it's not immediately physically evident ; but sooner or later down the road , especially if things progress to a more serious stage in a relationship, it will reveal itself - hence Ive decided to reveal or talk about it as soon as possible, rather sooner now than later, otherwise I wouldn't be able to live with myself and losing sleep hiding a secret like that.

Owing to that , I've tried different approaches, mentioning it on my bio, telling them when we match and after messaging for a while.

However none of them have had any positive outcomes so far. Each and everyone of them has unmatched or rejected me in some form or another when learning about my condition.

Even the few and far between angmoh girls (almost even went out with 1,but got cancelled on last minute when I mentioned my cancer) whom I thought ,coming from a more open and liberal culture , would be accepting, have done so too.

So back to the main question - is it wrong to (even think about dating) or date if I have had cancer

++PS those of you who are in a relationship , especially in a long term on or even better yet, married, I would be highly thankful and appreciate it if you can show your girlfriends or wifes this post and ask what she thinks

even without your cancer, as average looking guy with no car you wont have any success

 

[buttbERry]

ts just go with the flow

 

[yokine3a]

Apologies,I am a jiak kentang sinkie. What do I mean?

I mean let it to fate. You can't control the outcome, just do your best to make more friends.

 

[nEoN]

If angmoh that are supposedly more open and liberal also hiam then I guess I am done for

ermm.. if you for angmoh then you need to have at least the DK part of AMDK lah.

 

[mansae]

What cancer do you have? What stage was it discovered and what's the prognosis? Tbh you were treated at an early stage, and given a good prognosis for low chance of relapse, I think don't have to worry too much

 

[focus1974]

before even going into relationship, you need to declare you got cancer.

Don't waste people's time. If they from get-go dont want, there's no point continuin.
if you hide until marriage or dont even want to say at all, then to me, it's morally wrong, but not legally wrong. Coz if you loved someone enough to marry her, you would be upfront about your condition so she/he will not suffer in future(should ur cancer relapsed) because of your selfishness.

你这才叫爱。

 

[administrator88]

If look like jackson wang even got 10 cancer also no issue getting girlfriend

 

[thetortiserunner]

ermm.. if you for angmoh then you need to have at least the DK part of AMDK lah.

Why are you talking about DK? should I call you MISTAH? Y R U GEH?

 

[thetortiserunner]

What cancer do you have? What stage was it discovered and what's the prognosis? Tbh you were treated at an early stage, and given a good prognosis for low chance of relapse, I think don't have to worry too much

Stage 1 but upgraded to 3 due to going into the lymph nodes. It's to do with oral area. In a few months it will be 5 years