A Failed Marraige

[espenlind]

Wot DMG x99999

 

[Joseph12]

u mean each session or each therapy up to a thousand? If u can go via subsidised route then go public. Then add on some pte sessions? But disadvantage of public ish u cannot have as many sessions as u want. They have limited ones from what i know. For example, 12 sessions once a week then there will be a break of prob few mths before u can start again. Best case is one parent try to be there for the child, learn whatever the therapist ish teaching and work on it with the child on a daily basis. But if ur ex-wife refuse to grant u custody of the child and she dont wanna dedicate the time then it will be tough.

Hmmm somehow I tend to agree if child isn't exactly suffering from ADHD

 

[fandango]

Is this story for real?

 

[krstupid]

TS, i have done alittle bit different from you and i am very contented with my current lifestyle

what little different you done can let me know? im looking for all kind of solution and option while waiting for my lawyer as well.

 

[pohw0008]

I hope ts can better handle situation and not get his life into deep problems.

 

[darkelf]

That's why I'll never look for woman who are very close to family.
I just bought a 3 room hdb myself this year, and fully used up all the rooms. I'll only marry if the other party does not want children and not a mothers/fathers girl.
If parents in law say want to come move in, I'll jolly well tell them to farrk off. I'll break up if they can't compromise.
My house my rules.
I'm not going to sacrifice my remaining lifetime over some 'family' duties.
Life is short. I don't need toxic family members. I don't need children of my own.

 

[HomeMommy]

Hmmm somehow I tend to agree if child isn't exactly suffering from ADHD

if PD’s certify and suspect child is suffering from adhd then its best to have intervention asap. Early intervention makes a difference one.

 

[pohw0008]

Encourage your wife to give up custody for the child since he got adhd let you take care so that it will not be a burden to her.. she can happily go gambling with her parents without worrying about the child..

 

[Tony.Manero]

Can summarise?

Stick with left and right hand

 

[fandango]

That's why I'll never look for woman who are very close to family.
I just bought a 3 room hdb myself this year, and fully used up all the rooms. I'll only marry if the other party does not want children and not a mothers/fathers girl.
If parents in law say want to come move in, I'll jolly well tell them to farrk off. I'll break up as well.
My house my rules.
I'm not going to sacrifice my remaining lifetime over some 'family' duties.
Life is short. I don't need toxic family members. I don't need children of my own.

You still single right?

 

[krstupid]

TS and ex-waifu had always been in a toxic relationship since the beginning, i wonder why you guys still went ahead with the marriage making the toxic situation even more complicated with kids, HDB, etc.....

Stupid and for face value as everything booked.. i knew it wont last and had ran away 2 weeks before the wedding in fact.. but was chased back to SG for the wedding end up.

 

[Sainterly]

TS:
TBH i feel sad for you that have such encounter in your life. a gambler wife is really a red flag to start with. just like a drug addict.
But since it has already past that stage. then no point looking back.

Your affair with another girl. i would say. most people will do the same when they have such emotion issue with such a shitty wife. i fully support you on this. because it happen to me. and a lots others.

I read everything and in short i believe with such old account and married in 2010++. your age should be roughly 40 or more. sorry if i guess wrongly.
And since you already have such a good woman with u right now(Current wife) and i believe you are a good man.

Please bring your current family. and go elsewhere to start fresh. even malaysia, thai, viet will do.
It time to start thinking for your ownself. it time to let go of the past.

 

[weiwuxian]

Stupid and for face value as everything booked.. i knew it wont last and had ran away 2 weeks before the wedding in fact.. but was chased back to SG for the wedding end up.

I'm sure on hindsight, coming back for the wedding was definitely the WORST decision ever...
And coming back just because of face value is definitely the worst reason ever as well....

 

[noname2016]

Too long story. I read the first part and already thinking like this still dare to marry.. can only say your wife you choose

 

[krstupid]

You still single right?

hahah.. im married again..
But im very very happy with my current family life... i even have another kid to complete my current family. Everything is perfect now and no matter how hard life is, im still happy and content as i had went thru the worst possible rs for me in the past.

 

[Ec7171]

what little different you done can let me know? im looking for all kind of solution and option while waiting for my lawyer as well.

Since she think it is a need and probably consult a specialist, then I think it is wise for u to consult a specialist.

The key difference is whether mild ADHD can be outgrown and what is the suitable way of treating it. You probably want to find out on this rather than you feel/think. A childhood can has huge impact on his adult life.

Lastly I understand why u keep thinking about it. But u shld take care of urself first. Improve urself first so that u can take care of others and hopefully earn more money to spend on ur children.

 

[EDMW-Hates-Me]

TS, why did you marry her despite all the red flags?

Is your son diagnosed by a public hospital? Follow professional advice, but no need private healthcare, use public services.

Is your ex wife still opening a gambling den? Tell this to the judge if she dares to make it a court case.

 

[Joseph12]

if PD’s certify and suspect child is suffering from adhd then its best to have intervention asap. Early intervention makes a difference one.

Not over generalizing but TS ex wife brought child to private specialist & TS already stated how much the specialist can earn from all this
Basically his 4000 a month isn't enough to pay for it

So you think a specialist at the border of right and wrong will say NAH .... mild ADHD. Don't waste your money
Or err on side of caution?

And I understand some things more common now than years ago but not sure you can ADHD it out of the child for life

 

[fishsan]

People make you do this, people make you do that.... people made you get married, made you pay for flat, made you set up company, made you let in-laws stay in the house, made you pay for holiday, etc

You're a grown adult, not a child. People couldn't have made you do things unless you agreed to let them do it.

At the start you should have just said "NO". Saying "No" is free. All these were your self-inflicted problems.

 

[Spike]

Current Situation


When business starts to pick up after covid, we start receiving a salary of $1000 per month then $2000 to the current $4000 per month. During all these times, O would bring T to different doctors to certify his condition and bring him to different treatment which cause a lot which she said she can’t afford and asked me to split the bill yet they still went to different holiday every year such as Japan, Korea and now Finland in 2023. They are also renovating their current house and T is also old enough to tell me O bought a new Rolexes as well. I did not question her about anything as it had nothing to do with me as long as I paid my child maintenance and do my part.

Every now and then T will be staying at my house when they are going on cruise for gambling. They will also bring T along to cruise with the maid looking after him. I don’t mind this at all but my wife is not very happy with such arrangement not because of T staying over but because he is being treated like a ball and push over when they want to go gambling. Every now and then O will bring T to see some specialist and consultant to validate his ADHD issue and need all kind of therapy and courses. When he is with me and my family and friends all does not see any issue with him at all and feels its just part of growing up. Main problem is playing a lot, non-attentive sometimes and only will only do things that interest him. I don’t see what is the problem at all. He had to be on medication now to be attentive and calm himself from psychology. When he is with me there is totally no problem and i see him normal completely

When business picks up, we had our son in Aug 2021. The commitment increases again and we work even harder to provide and live better since. O had never stop asking for more money and I had informed her I have another child to feed she just mentioned that is my problem and I have an elder son which is sick and need treatment and need money. Simply demanded more money or she will message nasty things and called to disturb the peace at home which my wife is very unhappy about it and kept asking me when will it stop. It had been 8 years and after we are married for 5 years it still feels like I have to answer to another woman.

My current salary is $4000 per month with director bonuses depending on the profitability of the business. I have a housing debt which my CPF contribution from my salary is not enough to cover and debt from car loan. There are other expenses in my family and for the younger son as well which I have commitment to. Frankly speaking, my salary is not enough but am relying on the bonuses to cover the expenses through savings and my wife do share a huge part of the burden as well. It is unfair for me to provide extra maintenance under such situation and my wife had to take on an even larger portion for our family expenses.

O had written to me requesting for additional child maintenance stating that starting from next year Jan 2024 I will need to pay her additional $300 for T’s private after school care due to his condition. I really hate the way of treating him as a special needs kid. If I do not agree to her request, she will get court order for me to split all bills with her in accordance to court direction. I am sure she had sought consultant for sending me such message as it is beyond her level of command for English. I had not agreed the way she spent during our marriage and I had decided to walk away from the marriage but yet now I am made to pay even more for things I had never agreed on how my child are to be brought up.

I am not looking to reduce the child maintenance in this case but I am not willing to pay the extra amount to be fair to my current wife and child. We are not living frugally and saving all for O to take it away from us like this. It is not fair that her overspending habits which causes me to walk away from the marriage and she is using the same method to try to destroy my current marriage. It is becoming an issue for my family with her constant threat and demands. Will the court be giving her anything she demand and expect me to split the bill half no matter what she expects from T as she had full custody of him and my job is to pay and provide at the expense on my life and wife and other children? I would not say she is treating T no good but it is beyond one’s ability and means which is also the reason I decided on the divorce cause I couldn’t take it anymore.

Any single Dad out there having such issues? Im writing to vent my anger as it is very difficult to keep thinking of it alone. Im just thinking if i dont give the money maybe my son can be treated normally and grow up naturally. I dont dare to live normally like bringing my family to holiday frequent spend to make my family better all because if O found out, she will think i have money and demand more from me and my wife had to suffer with me and not able to go frequent holiday which she enjoyed before our marraige. i really hate myself for changing her life even though she does not complaint and willing to go thru thick and thin with me.

Thanks in advance

To answer ur question regarding support for ur ADHD son, he definitely requires some level of support.. I speak from personal experience.

As for the rest, this woman will not change. So you need to change ur approach.

I suggest u can try to fight for the custody of ur son. If u win custody, the rest is up to u to manage, including whether to continue his treatments, and any problem that comes with the child. After which, no need to care about the woman anymore.