Am I actually a char siew

[arsenalfc85]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz

he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.

should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?

so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

 

[Laguna123]

If you allow him to eat then got choke how? You will start another thread asking again?

 

[nonameless]

If you think his days are numbered , let him enjoy lor. U didn't use his money to spend on yours want not char siew liao.

 

[PiKa]

you are not char siew.
you are doing it for his goods (based on your thinking)
whats good to you may not be good to him (based on his thinking)
unless you are a medically trained professional, it is best to follow the doctor's instructions.
if you dont follow and something happens, do you have the heart to carry on living or will you feel remorseful forever?

 

[EdenHazard]

Honestly at this stage the quality of life not there liao... i feel no point try to prolong

 

[Lchlch]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz

he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.

should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?

so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

i wish your father speedy recovery.

 

[buttbERry]

not easy to take care of old folks

 

[cyke69sg]

i wish your father speedy recovery.

His father has advanced dementia. He's not going to get better.

 

[Can Or Not]

Not the first post… TS must be feeling frustrated now… suffering is life…

 

[sAVaGEmP5]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz

he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.

should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?

so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

Cut loss, switch off the machine n move on

 

[Medicated Oil]

If you are one, you should abandon him long time ago.
Just do what it is necessary to keep him alive.
You should know what happened next if your old man is not well taken care of.

 

[cyke69sg]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz

he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.

should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?

so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

Bro. I think so far you have been making the decision to follow the medical professional recommendations.

Deep down you know it's the logical sensible decision to go with.

But emotionally you see your father suffer. And that makes you conflicted. Plus you bear the brunt of his unhappiness and anger.

Very tough on you.

I have written to you before to try to get some respite care so you have some time for yourself. You may also want to have some counseling. Chatting with AI on how you think and feel is a good start just to get a reasonable perspective on what you are going through.

I would suggest that in your current frame of mind that you stick to the logical sensible choices. Have conviction in what you have been doing so far.

Unless your father's condition deteriorates more significantly where he has additional medical problems that contribute further suffering eg infected bed sores, sepsis, recurrent urinary tract infections, fractures/trauma, end stage dementia with anorexia etc then you can review to see if there should be less emphasis on measures to prolong his life rather than to give him best comfort and quality of life in his remaining time.

 

[Teyemittisi]

Let your dad decide. It’s sad when freedom and choice is taken away from them when they are old. There should be no regrets in life

 

[Roid Rage]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz

he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.

should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?

so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

“叉烧不肥哪里好吃”

 

[Greygrey]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz

he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.

should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?

so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

Naaaahhh ...... At most a 烧肉............
Firm but moist inside

 

[cyke69sg]

Let your dad decide. It’s sad when freedom and choice is taken away from them when they are old. There should be no regrets in life

But his dad has dementia and is incapable of making decisions.
So TS is tasked with making the decisions for him.

It's difficult because if TS just lets his dad do whatever he wants it could be deemed negligence of care also.

 

[Lchlch]

His father has advanced dementia. He's not going to get better.

actually should force him to get up and walk around the park, etc etc..
and keep on asking simple question like your name, my name, which floor you live, simple one.

 

[nonameless]

Have dementia, I suggest/advice the enjoy route. Let your doctor know your decision also.

 

[PiKa]

But his dad has dementia and is incapable of making decisions.
So TS is tasked with making the decisions for him.

It's difficult because if TS just lets his dad do whatever he wants it could be deemed negligence of care also.

on a side note, is the LPA done already for TS?

 

[Encouragesome1]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz

he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.

should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?

so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

Ts sorry to say this now but best thing is when people aren’t in so much pain and medication and treatment they ought to have chosen what sort of care & post sick treatment they’d like versus no thanks to.

I haven’t chatted with my pa bit I know my mom and I are the sort of people if we sick we don’t want all these tubes n stuff on ourselves. So if you had known what he’d prefer it’s easier than having to think should I or should I not let him.

for me if prolonged care and tubes sticking on me: I don’t want. I hope I have not many people around me and the one or two family members who come by I make sure they know I don’t want to be treated. I just want some pain killers or stuff to let me stay there and hope to die say within 1-2 days